Talk to strangers- party body language article is below

My mother always told me to “Talk to strangers." OK, I know what you are thinking. She didn't say,"Go out and play in the highway." What she really meant was, "Talk to strangers as if they are your friends." I remember growing up my mom and I would go into Walgreen’s soda fountain for a BLT after a day of shopping. My mom would sit down with a big smile, and the waitress would walk up and my mom would turn to her and lean in close as if she had known that waitress all her life and start talking. But most of all she would start listening. She would look that waitress in the eye, nod her head and keep saying say "uh-huh," and by the end of the meal she would leave the place knowing the waitress’s name and the names of her children. She did this everywhere she went and she still does it. She flirts with the world. And you know, everybody loves it. This one piece of advice has guided my life. Talking to strangers led me to be a body language expert and professional speaker. I think we are all connected and that makes being in the world warm and welcoming.

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Ten Tips for Introductions

May I introduce? The proper etiquette, rules, tips and guidelines for making introductions.

Using the proper introductions help to establish rapport when meeting people. Yes they are not always easy, but they are important. And knowing how to introduce people to one another can make you not only more comfortable in business and social setting it can make other people feel more comfortable and make you look more confident! Here are ten tips for making introductions.

The most important thing is to introduce people to each other. If you don’t know someone’s name. Or you forget whose name comes first it is alright. Don’t avoid them or just stand there hoping they will introduce them selves.

If you forget a name simply say, “Please forgive me I have forgotten your full name.” If that seems awkward to you simple say. “Hello, I would like you to meet my wife Sara and hopefully they follow through with their name. It is still less awkward than standing their you’re your unnamed wife. That shows a lack of respect for both parties. Always introduce!

In very formal setting you would say, “I would like to present to you....” Otherwise it is fine to say, “I would like to introduce you to...” or less formally, Mrs.Garmen, Mrs. Tolbight,”
When your introducing someone at a party or say out at a restaurant at the mall or a bar you could also say. Mrs. Jones, you know Mrs. Robinson, don’t you?” Or Sarah have you met Molly. Or Julie do you know my Mother?

In business at formal business events Introduce individuals to each other using both first and last names. If you are in a casual social setting or party it is fine to use first names. "Jim, Id like you to meet my neighbor, Sarah." Or, very casually, "Sarah, Jim.", "Jim, Sarah".

Whose name do you say first? Though even Miss Manner and Emily Post disagree on whose name comes first I believe you should honor the highest person by saying their name first. So think authority defines whose name is said first. Say the name of the most important person first and then the name of the person being introduced.

Introduce people in the following order:
· Younger to older, “Mrs. Hopkins I would like you to meet my little sister Mary Jones.”
· non-official to official,”Mr. President I would like you to present to you Mr. John Brown.”
· junior executive to senior executive, ”Mr. Iacocca I would like you to present you to our new junior executive Mr. Sam Horn”
· Colleague to customer, “Mrs. Hawthorne (The customer) I would like to introduce you to my college Mr. Mike Frank.”
· 2 year employee to ten year employee. Sam Coke I would like you to meet John Hordin.
· Trump rules. A customer visiting an office trumps the CEO. Mr. Camp I would like you to meet our CEO Mr. Mike Smith. There are also choices to make. Let’s say that you are introducing people to a speaker at an event and not everyone knows the name of the speaker. You could either say. MS Patti Wood I like you to meet my college Mr. Mike Stewart. Mr. Stewart (or just plane Mike) I would like you to meet our speaker today Patti Wood or you could say the lower status person’s name first Frank Smith I would like to introduce your to our speaker Dr. James Nelson. Dr Nelson this is Frank Smith he has been at the Atlanta Training office of UKS for two years. He works with Jennie Waddington. It is OK if you mess up the order. No small children were harmed, just keep going.

If you're in a formal business setting, say a convention, introduce someone who has a title’s doctor, for example’ include the title as well as the first and last names in the introduction. Use proper titles. Don't introduce your parents as 'Mom' or 'Dad' unless that is how they would like to be addressed. You can say, “I would like you to meet my mother Ms. Jones.

If the person you are introducing has a specific relationship to you, make the relationship clear by adding a phrase such as 'my boss,' 'my wife' or 'my uncle.' In the case of unmarried couples who are living together, 'companion' and 'partner' are good choices.

Use your spouse's first and last name if he or she has a different last name than you. Include the phrase 'my wife' or 'my husband.' Mr. Jones I would like you to meet my husband Eric Mann.
Introduce an individual to the group first, then the group to the individual. For example: 'Dr. Noble, I'd like you to meet my friends Hassan Jubar, Kim Nordeck and Michael Smith. Everyone, this is Dr. Mark Noble.'

Give them something to talk about once you have introduced them, preferably something they have in common. For example:” Sara this is Paul.","Paul, Sara is the biggest Baseball fan I have ever met" Now you have them a conversation starter. If you need to go, once they get a bit of a conversation going you can excuse yourself politely

Stand up. The rule used to be that only men were supposed to stand when being introduced to a woman. Now, gender no longer plays a role in most business introductions in the U.S. and European communities. In business situations, one should always stand up when being introduced to someone else.If you are traveling to another country, whether it be for business or pleasure, or if you are meeting someone whose culture is unfamiliar, always check to see what the specific manners are for that country or culture. If you are in a casual setting or in a group setting you won’t get beat up if you don’t stand, but you should stand. You don’t get to shake hands if you don’t. The exception to the rule. If you are eating you don’t have to stand or shake hands.

If your introduced to someone respond. You don’t have to say, “Nice to meet you.” It is the polite response, but you may not be sure yet if it will be nice. You don’t have to say, “It is a pleasure to meet you unless it is a pleasure.You do have to say something. You should repeat the person's name back; In a formal setting saying "Hi" or " Hello" is not enough. Instead, say, “Hello” "Do you prefer being called David or should I call you Dave?"

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Self confidence.

A Men’s Health Magazine readership study showed that confidence ranked ahead of assertiveness, patience, communication skills and ambition as one of the characteristics. guys felt would earn more respect. Interestingly, confidence also ranked second on the skills guys felt they needed to work on the most. And I thought Men's Health readers where all buff and confident studs.
I use to teach a four week self esteem class. One semester I noticed that the people in my public speaking classes often had those same self esteem issues, and at the end of my three day public speaking class their confidence had grown tremendously. They had climbed their personal Mount Everest and having achieved the summit, they knew day to day interactions would never be as scary. Even today, the emails I receive after my public speaking class attest to the power of speaking success to help build confidence in all social areas. I feel one thing that can help your confidence is knowing what to do nonverbally. The part of your brain that controls your body langauage also holds your emotions. Making your body confidenct can make the rest of you confidenent. So use your body language to reduce your aniexty.

Body Language Lady Weight loss tips

I was skinny most of my life then I started gaining wieght. Finally I figured out how to stay skinny.  I went from a size six  ( yes that is still small but big for me to a size 0 in few months.) That was almost 30 pounds in weight loss. People ask me how I lost the weight. My lament that skinny is new pretty. (I have a post.) I was actually shocked at how many strangers responded to me so differently when I lost the weight. Goodness, even my friends kept saying how much better I looked and they loved me! I have kept most of the weight off. (If you want to know the particulars I am now between a size two and size four depending on the designer.)

The photo on the right with me in the red sweater was taken three years ago the one on the left was taken recently. Yep, I don't think I look that different. People still ask me how I lost the pounds and keep the weight off. It is not easy. After much peer pressure I promised some friends at a party last Friday night that I would blog my diet tips. I don't think it is anything new. But they wanted it in print. Though, I feel so silly saying what I do "out loud."
I am a professional speaker and a body language expert I have known for years that your appearance is important. However, I assumed with each year of age everyone gained weight. So I just put on the pounds. I have been traveling to give speeches and workshops on body language for many years so I spend a good bit of time on the road. I want to say again, I have to work really hard to keep the weight I lost off.

Here are my tips to keep weight off.
The first and most important thing is I walk every single day.
1. If I am home in Atlanta I walk with my dog Bo. We are lucky to live near a park and long walking trail.
I hate to exercise Bo and I meet so many people and dogs on the trail that I see it as a friendly visit rather than a sweatathon. We love to form our Pet Parent dog first impressions with each other. Bo, of course, is a great reader of people body language. If there is a treadmill in a hotel I get on it with the days paper. I look for stories to tie to the content of my speeches, but truly the reading distracts me from the fact that I am sweating. Pure exercise is so boring to me. I love to be "in the moment" but if that moment involves a noisy treadmill I want a distraction.
2. One thing I do seems highly unusual to other people. When I get to airport I put on my walking shoes take the handle of my wheeled briefcase and get in about 30 minutes walking up and down the concourses. People sitting in their seats at the gates stare at me, security has stopped me, but by the time I get on my flight I am refreshed and I have managed to avoid the airport junk food.
3. When I am home I walk every day for 45 minutes and while I am walking I enjoy the woods and my dogs wagging tale. To keep me going at the end of the walk I catch up on my calls to friends and family. They all tease me that I am always panting and breathless when I talk to them.
4. My rule in my home office is too keeping moving while I am on the phone with personal calls. I put on my headset and walk up and down the stairs, but away laundry, unload the dishwasher, or simply walk from room to room. I am mindful and present with my phone partner and let my body move with the beat our talking.
5. Nights are my difficult time; At home I will take a walk at night if I feel hungry. In hotels I read. You can’t eat and read a book. And watching TV seems to make me hungry.
6. When I am out of town I have trail mix to keep from ordering dessert from room service.
At home I have the usual cut up vegetable to crunch on, but my savior is plain Greek yogurt with a spoonful of peanut butter or walnuts or berries.
That's it. 

Bad Breath and body language. How and why people respond the way they do.

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You’re at your holiday office party standing near the punch bowl, your boss leans towards you to say hello then crinkles his nose and steps back abruptly ending the conversation. What did you do? You’re dressed in your best clothes, heck you took a shower and put on your cologne and you’re smiling even though you have heard Santa baby played four times tonight. You might think you’re doing everything right that you’re oh so sweet but if your breath is sour it will send a primal message for others to retreat that overrides anything we say. We are often unaware of are own nonverbal communication. If you have Bad breath it may be invisible to you but, its effect isn’t. It can make people lean away, step back, freeze or hold their body stiffly, bring the corners of their mouth down or simply not want to be with you. And they may not only back off that one time. Here is scarier information. Since our sense of smell is our strongest link to memory people may remember you not as that clever guy who talked about movie or but as the guy with the bad breath
In other countries doctors smell the breath of their patients to for signs of their ailment. At a primal level bad breath, communicates that you are “sick.” And people respond by withdrawing.
My brother in law is an Endodontist. That is the doctor that does root canals. He taught his children to floss well with the admonition that it not only would save their teeth from decay, but that it would also be help prevent bad breath.
It’s funny, but I always floss when I get ready for date. Why wear lipstick to make your lips kissable if someone is not going to want to get close enough to kiss you? There are long lists of things to do to prevent bad breath from eating lots of fruits and veggies to brushing the backside of your teeth and the top of your tongue. There are lots of remedies if you think you have bad breath, from eating parsley to gargling. Make sure if you have bad breath that it is not a sign of illness. I’ve been the National spokes person for the Natural Dentist a line of dental care products and done enormous research on smiling and the effect of dental health and how people respond to others. Don’t forget the silent message of good breath.
If you use this information in any document, video or audio production please attribute the content to Patti Wood, MA, CSP

Harvey Milk, Sean Penn, body language

If your just reading my blog for the first time please know that you can find entry's here on just about every aspect of body language. If you sign up for my newsletter on my website. you will get my monthly articles and news of my TV appearance's as well.
Last night my friends, Ellen, Judith and I went to see the new Sean Penn movie about Harvey Milk. It was so well done and so moving that the audience clapped at the end. It was a difficult movie to watch at times. I love movies and movies that make us socially conscious are so rare. This movie might not align with your feelings about the rights of gays, but I challenge you even if you choose not to see the movie to at least examine Harvey rights human rights work. Since this is a body language blog I could also recommend the movie for the extraordinary Oscar worthy performance of Sean Penn. Again the movie may be difficult to watch, but it can move you to think.
Personally, this movie caused me to reflect on my friend Roy and how much his life changed when he was fully “out.” How much joy and freedom he felt at being all Roy all the time. He was so happy being fully himself. People like Harvey Milk made that freedom possible, loving Roy so much I am so grateful for that. I am crying as I write this, because the movie made me feel for all those people living in secret. How horrible to live a half life, how hard to hide a part of yourself whenever you are in public. Those of us that don’t have to do that have no idea how hard that must be for gay people. To have to “act” and be aware of you body language and what you say at work, at a store, at a restaurant.
I remember back in the eighties being in Piedmont Park with a group of friends, all gay men. I was walking with my friend John. At that time he had been with his partner 6 years. (John is still with him over 20 years later as a matter of fact.) John noticed a straight couple holding hands and he whispered to me sadly, “I would love to be able to walk in this park holding hands with my love.” I have a photo from that day. It’s me and a group of some of the guys standing in a fountain with our arms around each other smiling. We made a joke of the movie, ‘Three Coins in a fountain” and called the photo “a blonde and five queers in a fountain.” Except for John, all the men in the photo died of AIDS, including my best friend Roy.
Roy was 29 when he died.

The movie also made me recall what happened with the ignorance and prejudice against gays in the fight against AIDs. There were so many needless delays in the fight against the disease. How horrific that foolish belief that it was only affecting Gay people, how insane notion that it was a punishment for them, that they deserved it. It allowed people to ignore it. It gave them permission to think it wouldn’t effect them so they didn’t have to take action. We forget we are all equal that we are all connected to each other. We must remember we are on a very small planet.
There is scene in the movie where someone tells Milk. “I know what you are against, but what are you for?” So I ask you, my dear readers “What are you for?”
As the movie ended I wept for the loss of Harvey Milk. I wondered if Harvey Milk, who was so passionate about Gay rights, so passionate about human rights had lived would he have helped the US government take action, to give money to fight AIDS more quickly? Most people don’t know that the government original plan was to corral all the people with AIDs into camps. Yes, camps. Perhaps they felt that they could get away with it because no one would stop the government from taking gay people out their homes and hospitals to isolate them.
The movie reminds us that one person can make a difference. It made me see that loss of one person who can make a difference and does not have the opportunity to keep working is tragic. Watch the movie and let me know what you thought of it.
And while you’re at it watch the old black and white classic, “It’s a Wonderful Life.” It reminds all of us that we make a difference through are actions every day. If you watch that movie make sure you notice the body language in the telephone scene with Jimmy Stewart and Donna Reed. It is one of my favorite movie scenes of all time.

12 body language tricks for great first impressions for women working internationally.

I was asked today by a journalist for my for 10 body language “tricks” for good first impressions for business woman for an issue of Harper’s Bazaar Dubai. This has been one of my favorite research areas for many years and certainly one of my audience's favorites so here are my top 12.
  1. Make palm to palm contact. The single most important part of the international business handshake is making palm to palm contact.
  2. The palm of the hand shows you’re willing to be honest and that you come to business meeting “unarmed”
  3. Start early. Men are not always sure whether to shake hands and how to shake hands or greet women, especially in a mixed culture setting so let your body language show what you want. At fifteen feet flash up your eyebrows to show you see them.
  4. Then smile to show you’re friendly. The smile is the single most important nonverbal cue to show friendliness. It is actually able to be recognized from 300 feet away and a true wide smile is one of the few cues that have the same meaning in all cultures.
  5. Put out your hand at 6 to four feet away from the person you want to greet so they know you want to shake hands. If you prefer not to approach with your hands at your side and your left side slightly in front of you as you meet.
  6. People can form a first impression in less than a fortieth of a second and may be deciding what they think about you before you begin to speak so if you know you are about to greet someone important make sure you posture is “up” make sure your head is up and above your shoulders. If you are seated rise to greet others so that your are on an equal plane. (Unless you are eating. You shouldn't’t go up to shake hands with someone who is eating, nor should you have to shake hands when someone approaches you when you are eating. )
    Make sure your posture is “open” that is, and your arms are not held or folded in front of your heart. That communicates that you may be afraid or lack confidence.
    Animate your voice. Make sure it has the appropriate energy to show you are pleased and happy to meet someone.
    Men prefer to talk face to face standing and side to side or catty corner sitting. Choose to stand or sit to make a man comfortable and he is more likely to have a favorable impression of you.
    Remove your bracelets from your right hand if you choose to shake hands in a business setting as they send a first impression, “I am a woman” rather than, “I am a smart impressive person.”
    A first impression is formed very quickly, but there is also a "recency effect". People remember the LAST thing you say or do. It is especially critical in an initial interaction. Make sure you end the conversation with appropriate eye contact. Think about the other person, make a real connection with them, smile softly and make sure that if you leave with a closing statement such as, “It was a pleasure meeting you.” That your voice is expressive and sincere. Think and feel the statement as your say it rather that say it automatically.
    We often are thinking of ourselves, how we look, in an initial interaction. The big secret is to focus on the other person. Make it your job and your pleasure to make them feel comfortable and you will definitely make a great first impression!

    Written by Patti Wood MA, CSP.

Watch Bush's body language as he misquotes during his speeches

Watch Bush's body language as he makes various mistakes in several presidential speeches. In the first two he tries to search for the right phrase by moving his hands. This is actually and effective tool for retrieving files in your brain. But unfortunately it doesn't work for him so he smiles his little boy smile. In many of the other clips he doesn't even seem to notice his mistake! Watch talented new anchors. If they make a mistake they quickly say a transition word such as, "rather" then correct themselves and keep going without a pause. Funny. If I had been hired as his speech/media coach I would have taught him that bridging technique in a our first coaching session. Enjoy and laugh out loud!

Bush body language when he makes speaking errors

Thursday Body Language Expert Blog. Voices

Last night I watched a special on Alistair Cook. You might know him as the man who hosted introduced Masterpiece Theater for 22 years. He also had a weekly broadcast called, "Letter From America" for over 58 years. He would sit at his window overlooking Central Park and write about America. As I watched the show I realized in many ways he was one of the first pod casters/bloggers. He observed what was happening in the world and talked about it each week. People would send him letters. Some of them addressed simply Alistair Cook in the apartment that overlooks Central Park, New York. He had a blog following.
He and his wife were great friends with Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall and Bacall remarked in the special about Alistair's unique voice. I have blogged a lot about voices. His was quite remarkable. Raised in Blackpool he latter went to one of the colleges at Cambridge and developed what we call in the states and ivy league voice. Sophisticated and some what haughty he sounded like he knew everything about everything and was excited to share it with you. A fascinating man. Think about voices today. Does your voice sound knowledgeable? Does it sound sophisticated? Does it sound warm?