Some Humor for the Holidays

Funny Christmas Card Quotes

Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.  - Larry Wilde

Decorate your homes with lots of mistletoe... this won't really help the environment... But more kissing has got to be good for world peace. -   Arlo Guthrie

Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven. -  W. C. Fields

Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit. -  Anonymous

“Dear Lord, I've been asked, nay commanded, to thank Thee for the Christmas turkey before us... a turkey which was no doubt a lively, intelligent bird... a social being... capable of actual affection... nuzzling its young with almost human- like compassion. Anyway, it's dead and we're gonna eat it. Please give our respects to its family... " -  Berke Breathed

Let me see if I've got this Santa business straight. You say he wears a beard, has no discernible source of income and flies to cities all over the world under cover of darkness? You sure this guy isn't laundering illegal drug money?  - Tom Armstrong

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year.  - Victor Borge

You know you're getting old, when Santa starts looking younger.  -  Robert Paul

Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old traditions such as trying to find a parking space at the mall. We traditionally do this in my family by driving around the parking lot until we see a shopper emerge from the mall, then we follow her, in very much the same spirit as the Three Wise Men, who 2,000 years ago followed a star, week after week, until it led them to a parking space. -  Dave Barry

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin. -  Jay Leno

Out upon merry Christmas! What's Christmas time to you but a time for paying bills without money; a time for finding yourself a year older, but not an hour richer...? If I could work my will," said Scrooge indignantly, "every idiot who goes about with 'Merry Christmas' upon his lips should be boiled with his own pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart. He should!  - Charles Dickens, in A Christmas Carol

The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.  - Joan Rivers

Christmas is a race to see which gives out first - your money or your feet.  - Anonymous

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at

How to make your body language work for you during an interview

Patti was interviewed by Miriam Salpeter of US News on, "How to make your body language work for you during an interview." Check the link below!

You’ve been practicing what to say at an interview, but have you considered what signals your body language is sending? (The Merrabian research I think you wanted to quote here Is not actually valid. Perhaps better to say it has 4.3 times the impact than words alone) Research suggests ____ percent of communication isn’t transmitted via our words, but is broadcast through our actions and attitude.

Patti Wood, author of SNAP: Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language, and Charisma, suggests the following tips from the book to help you wow your interviewer:

Palm-to-Palm Contact Is Key. Wood explains, “My research is the US and Canada suggests that palm contact is more important than how firm your grip is…If someone shakes hands with you and gives you just her fingers and not her full palm, at a subconscious level you may think, ‘What is she hiding? What is she keeping from me?” Evaluate the all-important handshake and worry less about if you have a firm enough grip and more about extending your entire hand and palm when you greet someone.

How to Sit. Don’t make yourself smaller in stature. Appear brave by keeping your body open. Wood notes, “Keep your arms open and away from your body, legs uncrossed, and shoulders   back.”  Take note of how you sit. Wood explains, Research says that women perch, sitting on the edge of the seat, curved forward, while men tend to slouch, relying more on the backrest. Perching the entire time makes you look less powerful. Vary your position, use lots of space, and occasionally place your arms on the armrest to look confident.” When you position yourself effectively, you’ll appear confident, vital, and energetic.

 Show Your Hands. Showing your hands helps you appear open, honest and approachable, so Wood notes,Don’t hide your hands under the table or in your pockets or tuck them away. Keep your hands open and in view on the table or the arms of the chair.” She explains, “Gesture normally. Your hands show your emotional state. When you close your hand, the amount of tightness and the way the fingers curve show how you feel about the topic. In an interview, you want to be open, not closed.”

Match and Mirror. Research shows that people hire people who are like them. Use body language to help convince your interviewer that you are a good fit. Wood suggests youmatch and mirror your interviewer enough briefly at the very beginning of the interview to make him comfortable with you. For example, lean slightly in the direction he is leaning, for instance, or match his smile with one of your own.”

Get Grounded. When the going get tough, the tough get grounded. Wood explains,When people are nervous, they tend to either move a lot or freeze. To overcome the toughest interview questions, put both feet firmly on the ground. This makes it easier to use both hemispheres of the brain— the rational and the creative-emotional. Or, if you feel yourself freeze, move your feet in some way.”

End Well. While first impressions are important, people will also remember the last thing you do or say. Wood suggests, “The last impression, the recencey effect is critical and can improve a bad first impression” As the conversation winds down, make sure your belongings are on the left side of your body so you can easily shake with your right hand. You may shake hands more than once — when you get up, at the door, and after talking for a bit longer while parting.” Even if the interview didn’t go as well as you might have liked, keep focused and poised until the end and you may be able to improve the impression you leave.

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at