What Donald Trump’s Tweets Reveal About His Mental Health

What Donald Trump’s Tweets Reveal About His Mental Health



45's need to attack and criticize anyone who threatens his persona of perfection is horrifying. He even attacks leaders who are dealing with traumatic events. Google “criticism and attacks Trump”, and you will see his insatiable need to take down others. Google “Trump and narcissism” and you'll see why he feels this need.

This is the time to act with integrity in your life. Treat people with kindness and respect. Be the person people can count on and seek comfort from. We can see bad behavior and rail against, but we also must create the world we want through our behaviors.

Article:


Excerpted with permission from “All I Ever Wanted to Know about Donald Trump I Learned From His Tweets” by John Gartner, PhD, and Rachel Montgomery. Copyright 2017, Skyhorse Publishing, Inc. Available for purchase on Amazon, Barnes & Noble and IndieBound.

One of the most notable things about the 34,000 tweets that Rachel Montgomery culled through for this new book is their sheer quantity. It’s like looking at your phone in the morning, the night after a brief dinner date, and finding thirty-seven nasty texts from your date. The quantity alone warns that this person may not be mentally stable, and then the gratuitous nastiness confirms it. Donald Trump’s manic dark energy drives him to vaunt himself and denigrate his fellow human beings relentlessly: all day, all night, every day, and every night.
To make sense of his aberrant behavior, you need to understand, specifically, what is psychologically wrong with Donald Trump. His diagnosis is the Rosetta Stone to cracking the Trump Twitter code, revealing its underlying structure, and unfortunately, how much ­danger all the rest of us are in as a result. He is a malignant narcissist who is also on the bipolar spectrum. From a psychiatric perspective, the prognosis could not be more dire—for us.
Much has been written about Trump having Narcissistic Personality Disorder. For example, Trump embodies the diagnostic criteria of believing himself to be “uniquely superior,” (“Only I can fix it”) to a degree that would be comical if it weren’t so frightening. He appears to literally believe that he knows more about everything than everybody, despite his lack of experience, study, intellectual curiosity, or even normal attention span. An amusing video montage made its way through social media, where through the miracle of editing, in the course of three minutes Trump brags about being the world’s greatest expert in twenty different subject areas, literally using the exact same sentence—just fill in the blank. “No one knows more about (fill in the blank) than me,” he repeats over and over, while it becomes more absurd, as his imagined portfolio of expertise expands with each improbable bombastic claim. When candidate Trump was asked from whom he sought foreign policy advice, he responded, “I’m speaking with myself, number one, because I have a very good brain.” Just how good a brain he has is up for debate, but the narcissistic fantasy that any brain is so good it doesn’t need a brain trust bigger than me, myself, and I, is scary and crazy. “I know more about ISIS than the generals, believe me,” he boasts. Trump has more ways to say, “I am the best” than anybody. Believe me.
Much has been written about Trump having Narcissistic Personality Disorder. For example, Trump embodies the diagnostic criteria of believing himself to be “uniquely superior,” (“Only I can fix it”) to a degree that would be comical if it weren’t so frightening. He appears to literally believe that he knows more about everything than everybody, despite his lack of experience, study, intellectual curiosity, or even normal attention span. An amusing video montage made its way through social media, where through the miracle of editing, in the course of three minutes Trump brags about being the world’s greatest expert in twenty different subject areas, literally using the exact same sentence—just fill in the blank. “No one knows more about (fill in the blank) than me,” he repeats over and over, while it becomes more absurd, as his imagined portfolio of expertise expands with each improbable bombastic claim. When candidate Trump was asked from whom he sought foreign policy advice, he responded, “I’m speaking with myself, number one, because I have a very good brain.” Just how good a brain he has is up for debate, but the narcissistic fantasy that any brain is so good it doesn’t need a brain trust bigger than me, myself, and I, is scary and crazy. “I know more about ISIS than the generals, believe me,” he boasts. Trump has more ways to say, “I am the best” than anybody. Believe me.
But as critics have pointed out, merely saying a leader is narcissistic is hardly disqualifying. Most are. But malignant narcissism is to garden variety Narcissistic Personality Disorder what a malignant tumor is to a benign one. Both are bad, but only one will kill you.
“The quintessence of evil,” was how Erich Fromm described malignant narcissism, a term he introduced in 1964. Fromm, a refugee from Nazi Germany, developed the diagnosis to explain Adolf Hitler. While Fromm is most well-known as one of the founders of Humanistic Psychology—the basic premise of which is, ironically, that man’s basic nature is good—the Holocaust survivor had a lifelong obsession with the psychology of evil. Malignant narcissism was, according to Fromm, “the most severe pathology. The root of the most vicious destructiveness and inhumanity.” Erich Fromm saw evil up close and applied his genius to boil it down to its psychological essence. A malignant narcissist is a human monster. He may not be as bad as Hitler, but according to Fromm he is cut from the same cloth: “The Egyptian Pharaohs, the Roman Caesars, the Borgias, Hitler, Stalin, Trujillo—they all show certain similar features.”
My former teacher Otto Kernberg is the modern figure most associated with the study of malignant narcissism. He defined the syndrome as having four components: 1) Narcissistic Personality Disorder, 2) antisocial behavior, 3) paranoid traits, and 4) sadism. Kernberg told the New York Times that malignantly narcissistic leaders like Hitler or Stalin are “able to take control because their inordinate narcissism is expressed in grandiosity, a confidence in themselves and the assurance that they know what the world needs.’’5 At the same time, “they express their aggression in cruel and sadistic behavior against their enemies: whoever does not submit to them or love them.’’
As G. H. Pollock wrote, “the malignant narcissist is pathologically grandiose, lacking in conscience and behavioral regulation with characteristic demonstrations of joyful cruelty and sadism.”
When you combine these four ingredients—narcissism, antisocial traits, paranoia, and sadism—you have a leader who feels omnipotent, omniscient, and entitled to total power, who rages at being persecuted by imaginary enemies, which includes anyone who disagrees with him, as well as vulnerable minority groups who represent no threat whatsoever. All who are not part of the in-group or those who do not kiss his ring must be destroyed. And destroying them in the most humiliating and painful way will be an exquisite pleasure. Once you understand the logic of malignant narcissism, all of Trump’s tweets make perfect sense.
Paranoia
In the same week, the New York Times and the Washington Post both ran front-page stories about Trump as a conspiracy theorist. Before the election, Rightwing Watch accumulated a list of fifty-eight conspiracies proclaimed by Trump. And of course, the list has grown since then. Many are truly bizarre. For example, not only is Barack Obama a Muslim born in Kenya, but according to Trump, Obama had a Hawaiian government bureaucrat murdered to cover up the truth about his birth certificate:
How amazing, the State Health Director who verified copies of Obama’s “birth certificate” died in plane crash today. All others lived
Dec 12, 2013 04:32:44 PM
Antonin Scalia was murdered: “They say they found a pillow on his face, (which is a pretty unusual place to find a pillow.)”
Report Ad
Later, fake news websites sponsored by the Russians laid this “murder” at Hillary Clinton’s feet. Fellow candidate Ted Cruz’s father even aided the Kennedy assassination—the mother of all conspiracy theories. “What was he doing with Lee Harvey Oswald shortly before the death? Before the shooting? It’s horrible.”
Yet, the world was shocked when Trump accused Barack Obama by tweet of illegally wiretapping Trump Tower. Why were we surprised when this tweeting about conspiracy theories has been going on for years, as the author’s research shows?
Antisocial Personality Disorder
Trump also meets criteria for Antisocial Personality Disorder. Antisocials lie, exploit, and violate the rights of others, and have neither remorse nor empathy for those they harm.
Politifact estimated 76 percent of Trump’s statements were false or mostly false, and Politico estimated Trump told a lie every three minutes and fifteen seconds. So in his tweets, Trump freely and frequently lies. He doubles, triples, quadruples, and quintuples down on transparently disprovable falsehoods.
We have ample evidence of Trump’s pervasive pattern of exploiting and violating the rights of others. According to New York Attorney General Eric Schneiderman, Trump University was a “straight up fraud…a fraud from beginning to end.” Dozens of lawsuits attest to his pattern and practice of not paying his contractors. Finally, there is Trump’s pattern of serial sexual assault, which he bragged about on tape, even before a dozen women came forward, who he then called liars.
Trump is allergic to apology and appears to feel no remorse of any kind. It is as if being Trump means never having to say you’re sorry. When Frank Luntz asked Trump if he had ever asked God for forgiveness, Trump said “I’m not sure I have…I don’t think so.” His unrepentance notwithstanding, he also boasted that he loves God and his church.
Report Ad
Sadism
Because he is a sadist, the malignant narcissist will take a bully’s glee in persecuting, terrorizing, and even exterminating his “enemies” and scapegoats. When a protester was escorted out of a Trump rally, Trump famously said “I’d like to punch him in the face,” in a tone that suggested it would genuinely bring him great pleasure. He relished the thought of throwing another protester out in the cold without his coat. “I love the old days. You know what they used to do to guys like that when they were in a place like this? They’d be carried out on a stretcher, folks.” Narcissists often hurt others in the pursuit of their selfish interests. A noteworthy difference between the normal Narcissistic Personality Disorder and the malignant narcissist is sadism, or the gratuitous enjoyment of the pain of others. A narcissist will purposely hurt other people in pursuit of their own desires, but may regret and, in some circumstances, show remorse for doing so, while a malignant narcissist will damage others and enjoy doing so, showing little compassion or shame for the damage they cause. People with simple Narcissistic Personality Disorder often feel shame when being forced to confront the reality that they have hurt other people in pursuit of their selfish or self-centered goals. For malignant narcissists it’s a bonus. It’s part of the fun.
Trump loves to “punch down” people that he views as weaker than himself by demeaning and humiliating them. Not only are sizable portions of Trump’s 34,000 tweets dedicated to cyber-bullying, but sometimes, he will send the same nasty tweet six times across a day’s news cycle day to maximize his victim’s humiliation.
Report Ad
Trump lives in a paranoid zero sum world divided into two types of people: Winners and Losers. Strong and Weak. Victors and Vanquished. Bullies and Victims. Predator and Prey. The guys who get to grab the pussies and those that get their pussies grabbed. All that matters is coming out on top.
Winning Takes Care of Everything
As the author points out in her illuminating chapter “They Are Laughing at Us!” the worst thing Trump can say is they are winning. They are taking advantage. They are laughing at us. We should strike back at those bastards. Turn the tables, make them pay, and laugh in their faces.
Lets fight like hell and stop this great and disgusting injustice! The world is laughing at us.
Nov 6, 2012 8:30 PM
The United States better address China’s exchange rate before they steal our country and it is too late! China is laughing at us.
Feb 25, 2013 6:54 PM
“The Chinese laugh at how weak and pathetic our government is in combating intellectual property theft.” (cont) http://tl.gd/g70qiu
Mar 1, 2012 12:28 PM
Like the myth that the Inuit have one hundred words for snow, Trump has one hundred phrases to express his contempt (and that’s not a myth). The quantity and tone of these insults say more about the insulter than about the people he is publicly verbally abusing. Here is a sample of some of the phrases used throughout his tweets: low life!, overrated, 3rd rate, lightweight incompetent clown, major sleaze and buffoon, total dud!, mental basket case, true garbage.
Trump’s put-downs break into two basic categories: bad and weak. Losers are weak, and haters are bad. Indeed, haters and losers are his shorthand for anyone not on the Trump train:
Happy Thanksgiving to all--even the haters and losers!
Nov 27, 2013 2:22 PM
Happy Veterans Day to ALL, in particular to the haters and losers who have no idea how lucky they are!!!
Nov 11, 2013 7:59 AM
To EVERYONE, including all haters and losers, HAPPY NEW YEAR. Work hard, be smart and always remember, WINNING TAKES CARE OF EVERYTHING!
Dec 31, 2014 4:15 PM
The narcissist in him imagines he is superior to everyone in every way, so he must constantly assert he is more powerful in every respect. During the campaign he effectively diminished his Republican rivals as weak, making him the winner of the primate alpha male competition in a simple contest of fitness, size, and strength.
Leightweight chocker Marco Rubio looks like a little boy on stage. Not presidential material!
Deleted after 1 hour at 11:17 AM on Feb 26
Low energy candidate @‌‌JebBush has wasted $80 million on his failed presidential campaign. Millions spent on me. He should go home and relax!
Jan 21, 2016 6:32 AM
He loves to call his critics stupid—essentially accusing them of mental weakness. As in:
Highly untalented Wash Post blogger, Jennifer Rubin, a real dummy, never writes fairly about me. Why does Wash Post have low IQ people?
Dec 1, 2015 12:46 PM
Report Ad
How many ways can Trump call someone stupid? Let us count the ways: dumb as a rock, truly dumb as a rock, dummy dope, total dope!, very, very dumb!, dumbest of them all, lowest IQ on television, a spoiled brat without a properly functioning brain, gets dumber each & every year--& started from a very low base.
Sorry losers and haters, but my I.Q. is one of the highest -and you all know it! Please don’t feel so stupid or insecure,it’s not your fault
May 8, 2013 9:37 PM
If his critic is a woman, he will always find a weakness in her appearance:
There are many editorial writers that are good, some great, & some bad. But the least talented of all is frumpy Gail Collins of NYTimes.
Mar 17, 2014 2:03 PM
Frumpy and very dumb Gail Collins, an editorial writer at The New York Times, is so lucky to even have a job. Check her out - incompetent!
Mar 15, 2014 4:31 PM
Huffington Post is just upset that I said its purchase by AOL has been a disaster and that Arianna Huffington is ugly both inside and out!
Apr 20, 2014 4:57 PM
At his rallies, he said about one of the women who accused him of sexual assault, “Believe me, she would not be my first choice, that I can tell you,” implying she wasn’t attractive enough to assault.15 When asked about his rival Carly Fiorina, he said: “Look at that face! Would anyone vote for that? Can you imagine that, the face of our next president?!”


Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Donald Trump's Malignant Narcissism is Toxic: Psychologist

Donald Trump's Malignant Narcissism is Toxic: Psychologist


"Maniacs display something called ‘flight of ideas.’ It's a formal thought disorder in which ideas tumble forth through a disordered chain of associations. One-word sparks another, which sparks another." 

I've analyzed 45’s body language, paralanguage and rhetoric in his speeches for the media.  I always study the transcripts. I also have “read” his tweets. They are crazy making. He thinks he's making sense but, he's not. He just goes on and on, ranting and not making sense, enjoying his own pontifications. It is amazing to me that people can read anything he has said and not know there is something seriously wrong with him. Just study any of his speeches. You won't be able to finish reading! He needs someone to tell him to take care of Puerto Rico and make a decent decision on health care! Where are the good guys and gals in our government! Who will stand up to him?



Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

The Effects of Propinquity (Physical or Psychological Proximity Between People)


This article says collaborating with Ivanka Trump would mean normalizing the "hate and bigotry" she believes the Trump administration represents, Saujani wrote.

She is correct. When you associate and or do business with someone who is amoral you contaminate yourself. You, by association, sanction his abhorrent behavior. You say, "He is normal." She is right. Separate yourself from people who don’t match your level of integrity. There is a nonverbal behavior that we study, the effects of propinquity (“nearness.") It refers to the physical or psychological proximity between people. Propinquity can mean physical proximity, a kinship between people, or a similarity in nature between things ("like-attracts-like".)
In business and in life we can be with people who have different beliefs, but when someone’s actions are abhorrent choose to step away.

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Gibberish is the White House's New Normal

Gibberish is the White House’s New Normal


45's speech patterns tell us what is wrong with him. 27 psychiatrists stand up and contribute their diagnosis. They say he is a sociopath and malignant narcissist. Read their insights below:

Take heart and find the people in your life that are good. Yes, there are motivated by selfishness in the world. But, there are people with integrity, acting with compassion all around you. Choose to be responsible and know your actions effect everyone you encounter. In your daily life choose integrity and kindness. Do your best to make those around you feel anchored and safe. 

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Why No One Spoke Up About Weinstein's Abuse

Wonder why no one spoke up about Weinstein during his years of abuse? For many years I spoke on sexual harassment and the groups response to it. (In fact, the groups response to abuse, affairs and romantic relationships was my first research paper in my doctoral program) People around the abuser may know about the abuse to the victim or victims and let it continue. Think about the people around Bill Cosby. There are many reasons they may need to believe the abuser is innocent, as believing the truth. That the abuser has abused and is in fact evil creates too much cognitive dissonance. They would have to admit they know and are working with someone evil. Many prefer to keep the mask on the monster and continue their lives as they are. They may not feel comfortable tattling and or it is easier to look the other way, blame the victims and or as in this story, they are being fed by the abuser. Sexual Predators like to spread the goodies out to their "Apaths"or "Enablers" In this case the very success of the journalist’s livelihood depended on being friendly with the abuser.
Here is a good story on this.



 Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

The Human Stain – Why the Harvey Weinstein Story is Worse Than You Think

The Human Stain – Why the Harvey Weinstein Story is Worse Than You Think

When abuse occurs it’s hard for even good people to speak out. In this case, there was a culture of complicity at Weinstein’s places of business, with numerous people throughout the companies fully aware of his behavior but either abetting it or looking the other way. Some employees said that “they were enlisted in subterfuge to make the victims feel safe."
Link to Article


Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

How Do You Get Out and Meet People to Date after 40?

I worked on a piece today for a magazine that asked me, ask an expert on first impressions, and networking, several questions about getting into the dating world after 40.  Here are my very rough notes that I sent them.

How do they approach coming back to dating after a long break? One step in entering into the mingling, and dating world is to think about it as an adventure, a fantastic trip to a new land! That can raise your energy and excitement and flip it from a “Job” to what it can be and that is fun! When you plan a trip, you think about where you most want to go, then kind of “scenery” and “activities” and new people you want to see and experience. Make a plan set weekly and monthly goals and activities. Post your activities on your phone and ideally to make it real a wall calendar in your home. I suggest to clients they put little yellow sticker circles on activity days on their calendar and make sure they plan on a least one a week.
Number one, talk to strangers. Start conversations with interesting, safe people wherever you go. From your bank teller to the guy or gal behind you in line at the grocery store. It makes your life happier and as my mom always says, “Go out, You might meet somebody.” She met my dad at a dance she hadn’t wanted to go to because she was tired form a long day at work but her sister said, “Go, you might meet somebody.” She met my dad on a Wednesday and married him a WEEK later.

Ask yourself what you like to do, or if you have been a homebody for a while what you use to like to do. Do you enjoy movies? Find a meeting up group and go to movies or go onto your neighborhood Facebook page, (Try Nextdoor.com) and say, “Hey I am going to see “MOVIE” name at 4:00 on Sunday, who wants to join me.
If you like music search for small venues ( Search for “Listening Rooms” those are venues, where people don’t get on their cell phones are get rowdy they listen to the music and can talk before and after acts) where you can meet people and go. You can take a book, but sit at the bar and leave a empty seat next to you and if someone seems nice, guy or gal talk to them. Practice your meeting new people and small talk skills.
Its cliché, but find a class at your local college, in the continuing education department. I taught a course we called “Meeting of the Minds at Emory continuing Ed for 14 years. It was a six week class where the group met at different coffee houses. A lot of people me, fell in love and got married taking that class.)
Again cliché, but volunteer. Google something you might like to do and then comma volunteer. You can usher at plays and concerts, you can read at the local hospital, you can sort food at the local food bank, you can register people at a Saturday Marathon.
Look online for Meetup groups, They have them for EVERY interest, from photography and hiking to wine tasting and science lectures. Just go, go early so you can be the greater and have a task to do to make other people feel welcome.
Absolutely ask you friends for their help. Years ago I asked to guy friends if they knew anybody and they said, “Are you kidding we are gay, we don’t know anyone for you.” Weeks later they called, they were having dinner with my one friends uncle, who was single and describing what he wanted in a women and it fit me to a tee and we set up a date. Keep saying what you are looking for. Your friends and family may forget you are looking. Remind them!!!
Eat out at restaurants you feel comfortable in that the kind of people you feel good around go to. Sit at the bar where you can make new friends. If that seems overwhelming, go sit at the bar and order take out and get a drink,(soda’s work if you don’t’ drink) so you sit there for a few minutes, then build up to sitting there for a full meal and talking to strangers around you.
I recommend that you NOT go to online dating sites That is a rather scary world for the over 40 newbie single person.. Even if you are an introvert and it seems so simple. Delay the urge. Get your sea legs and the connection of other single friends first to be grounded and supported. Getting out into the world with other SINGLE people who are experiencing some of the same feelings is helpful and healing even if you don’t immediately meet someone you want to date. You may test it later, but Delay it. If and when you do go into that world, know it’s very easy to create a persona or façade online. choose carefully, get on the phone as quickly with them as possible to hear how they really are and not merely anyone’s well-crafted tales. Ask yourself if you feel safe and comfortable with them on the phone. Are you any warning bells going off. Ask them for photos of them with friends and or family. Look at those photos carefully to see how they are with other people.

I know your reading this.





Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

7 Signals That You Should Stay Together As a Couple

7 Signals That You Should Stay Together As a Couple



1.      You still sleep close together and touching in some way. One of the most important differences involved touching, with 94% of couples who spent the night in contact with one another were happy with their relationship, compared to just 68% of those that didn't touch.” with 86% of those who slept less than an inch apart from their partner being happy with their relationship, compared to only 66% of those who slept more than 30 inches apart.

2.      You still make each other laugh.

3.      You still go to them to kiss or in some way welcome them when they come home and or you kiss or embrace when you say goodbye.

4.      You still want to listen when they are sharing a bad day or rough time.


5.      You still want to fix them a snack or bring them tea or coffee, or want to do small actions of nurturing and kindness.

6.      You lean your head on their shoulder or he still kisses you on top of your head or that other special spot.

7.      You still go to bed at the same time and talk.




Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Three Things You Can Do To Make You Happier

Three Things You Can Do To Make You Happier

1. Write Morning Papers - A morning ritual that I teach my clients is to clear your mind of clutter. When you first wake up in the morning, take ideally fifteen minutes to write down anything that is muddying up your head. Write three pages in an easy no pressure stream of consciousness. Write down any thoughts or feelings that are clogging your brain. This is not refined perfect creative writing. Its musings, lists, to dos, dreams, worries, and sometime just junk. Dump thoughts out on the page the way you dump out the trash. Now your mind is clear and you can accomplish much more in your day. There may be times when you are too busy, but I know that when I am stressed or need to be especially creative I go back to morning pages. I have written three books while doing morning pages.  Screen Writer and Entrepreneur Julia Cameron calls the pages, morning pages and describes the benefits in her book, “The Artists Way.” I am a professional speaker, body language expert, executive life coach and author. I speak around the country to groups of small businesses owners.

2. Breathe Deeply - Breathing deeply can make you feel happier. When you get upset or nervous or just plain stressed out notice your breathing. Right now look at your watch, your cell phone or clock and begin to count the number of times you breathe in and out in one minute. You may notice that even at rest your nervous breathing is faster than the "average" rate of 12 to 14 times a minute (a rate which is already faster than it needs to be). In fact, many of us, without knowing it, habitually "hyperventilate"- that is, we take quick, shallow breaths from the top of our chest. This kind of breathing sharply reduces the level of carbon dioxide in our blood.
This reduced level of carbon dioxide causes the arteries, including the carotid artery going to the brain, to constrict, thus reducing the flow of blood throughout the body. When this occurs, no matter how much oxygen you may breathe into your lungs, your brain and body will experience a shortage of oxygen. The lack of oxygen switches on the sympathetic nervous system - our "freeze, fight or flight reflex." That reflex enabled our ancestors to freeze so they wouldn't be seen or flee from a saber tooth tiger but now it is just making you tense, anxious, and irritable. When you take quick shallow breaths you reduce your ability to think clearly. During an important meeting, date or job interview it may keep you from answering questions quickly and succinctly, and you can be at the mercy of obsessive thoughts and images. You may start thinking, “Oh my gosh, I am going to mess up." "Oh my gosh, I am a failure." "I bet he thinks I am stupid."
We may even stop breathing as we get to the end of each obsessive thought. Some researchers believe that hyperventilation can actually magnify our psychological problems and conflicts, and that chronic hyperventilation is intimately bound up with our anxieties, apprehensions, and fears. One key to feeling youthful is being clear headed, energized and confident. So breathe deeply, from low down in your belly. You can practice breathing more slowly using your diaphragm, belly, rib cage, and lower back in the breathing process. I have been reading and practicing tantric breathing to be more awake to how I breathe and really get inside my body and increase my power. It is amazing how strong and powerful I feel when I take deep belly breaths making a lot of noise as the air fills me up and let out that breath fully and completely in deep releasing sighs. Of course you’re not going to be doing deep, tantric breathing in a job interview, but it could help calm you and clear your energy the night before or in the car before you go into an important meeting. Try it right now. Take four deep belly breaths in on a count of four holding for a count of two and making lots of noise as you sigh deeply out all your breath. Now say. I feel wonderful.

3. Give safe nonthreatening touch to others, so you can receive the benefits of touch by giving to others.

“How about a hug?” - Ask for hugs and give them freely. There are many forms of affection — cuddling, a pat on the shoulder, etc. Find out what kind of affectionate touch the people in your life want and give it to them. At Florida State, though I did not have a doctorate, I was called Dr. Hugs by my students. My nonverbal communication class had more than100 students, so everywhere I went I got a hug. I loved it.

“Thank you” - Touch can be a reward. A gentle touch on the forearm or hand at work or a hug or kiss at home can let people know you appreciate them. Think of all the little things people do for you and reward them with a touch. I was “the napkin girl” when I was very small and after I went around the table folding and putting the napkins at each place setting, I got a hug. As I grew older and set the full table, I still got a verbal thank you, but the hug was absent. Continue touching to say thank you. Heidi Feldman, chief of the Division of General Academic Pediatrics at Children’s Hospital in Pittsburgh says, “A child is much more likely to try to please a parent who acknowledges his contribution and thoughtful, helping behavior.”

“Tell me more” - I did research in grad school on touching to increase self-disclosure. Sure enough, when you touch someone even briefly in a non-threatening, non-sexual way, they will self-disclose more. This was helpful for me to know and take action as a therapist, but just think how powerful it is to use in your personal relationships. We tend to skate on the surface of our relationships instead on becoming emotionally intimate. Create the intimacy of pillow talk without sex by giving healthy touch to encourage people to share more. There are places and times where “Tell me more” touch works very easily. While cooking or eating dinner with loved ones, you can purposefully touch as you hand each other food, plates and utensils, When riding in a car or golf cart, you are close enough to touch in a non-threatening manner, even if it is something as innocent as passing a drink or handkerchief. In sales or other meeting settings, you can touch when passing out handouts, brochures or samples.

“Let me comfort you” - Sometimes we move away from loved ones who are highly emotional, crying or upset when moving in closer and touching can help them feel better.
There is an exception to this. Therapists are sometimes encouraged not to touch too soon so their patients can stay upset long enough to share all their pain. When my best friend Roy was dying, one of the worst things to deal with was the lack of comforting touch I could get from others. I moved to Atlanta away from my other friends and family and the one person who normally hugged me and gave me the most comfort was Roy. And he needed me to be strong for him. If you know someone who is going through grief and loss give them comforting touch. So often, we get caught up in taboos and avoid the natural inclination to touch. People will step back or arch away if they are uncomfortable with the prospect of your touch, so take the step to try it, knowing you can move out of it if you need to.

“You can do it” - Use touch as a motivator. Touch as you give a work assignment, as you put your child on their first two-wheeler and as you send your sweetie off to his or her first marathon. Touch makes us feel empowered and is a great encourager. Increased self-esteem received through touch can help others follow through a challenging task. I spent a lot of my teenage years working on plays. I remember clearly how we would all hug each other before each play started and would give little back rubs to actors about to go on stage for a difficult part of their performance. The touch fed us and made us strong. Think of all the touch given in a sporting event. It’s not surprising the encouraging touch given to athletes is similar across cultures. We know that a pat on the back moves a person forward.

“Please” - Use touch to ask for help as well. It won’t surprise you to know that pairing touch with a request makes it much more likely the person will do what you ask. Just a brief touch on the forearm, lasting less than a fortieth of a second, can increase your persuasive powers.


“I love you” - It should be very clear to you now we need physical contact to feel acceptance and belonging. We all want to be loved.

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

What Does Prince Harry and Meghan Markle's Body Language Say?

What Does Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s Body Language Say?
An Expert Weighs In on Their First Appearance Together



Yesterday, Prince Harry and Meghan Markle made their first joint appearance together. Yes, an event so groundbreaking, so invigorating, so miraculous that it must be put it in italics! (No, we aren’t obsessing over two strangers just to briefly distract ourselves from imminent nuclear obliteration or superstorm destruction or some freaky combination of both. Why do you ask?)
At the same time, it was almost too much of a good thing. Mere days ago there were only a few of photos of them together—and those were all grainy, out of focus, or taken from a distance. Now there are pages on pages of high-quality ones, and gasp, they capture so many different emotions! There’s laughing. There’s pondering. There’s gazing at each other and off into the distance. There’s hand holding. There’s hand-folding. There’s whispering. And while it was easy to dissect the small amount of pictures before, now it’s nearly impossible for even the most dedicated of Meghan-Harry over-analyzers.

It’s a job for an expert: a body language expert, that is.
Vogue asked Patti Wood, the “Babe Ruth of body-language experts”, to decode Harry and Meghan’s facial expressions, positioning, posture, and hand-holding from their big debut. Are they in love? Or is the pressure of the public eye taking its toll? Wood weighs in, below.


Photo: Getty Images
“This is a connection moment—we are going to laugh together in the same moment. We are having this experience of joy and fun together. It’s a purely happy moment. Big, big grin, showing upper teeth, which men typically only do when they are super happy and joyful and laughing. It’s really great.”


Photo: Getty Images
“It’s a pre-touch. We see that smile again—she’s just gleeful with that smile! He’s smiling too. Even if they aren’t looking in the same direction, it’s a cool moment. See how his legs are spread out? He does that all the time when he’s confident and relaxed. He goes into the ‘alpha male’—legs spread out. That’s just guy behavior. It means he’s really relaxed, open, connected with the experience.”


Photo: Getty Images
“There’s a lot of shared intimacy there. He kind of kisses her head, she’s smiling, his left hand holding her, and then they are holding hands with the other hands. I just love double touches! This is a spontaneous double touch hold! It’s really, really good—with royalty, there’s not a lot of double touching. Maybe you’ll see it on a red carpet, but you won't necessarily see it spontaneously. It’s a great sign. He’s not pulling her, he’s just holding her. This is very, very nice and relaxed.”


Photo: Getty Images
“He’s on the bottom, holding her hand up. He wants to be connected, but he wants to take care of her. I love that! He is leading her—but I don’t like when men lead and hold downward. That’s like a child—you have your hands on top and you are pulling them. In this case you are cupping and holding, and that is much more care-taking.”


Photo: Getty Images
“I love it. She’s comfortable leaning forward. It’s a comfortable moment.”
Wood’s final prognosis: Meghan and Harry are in love—and, incredibly, incredibly happy together. “They are used to sharing intimate conversations and intimate moments. They are having fun together, and a lot of the little touches and facial expressions—this is not the first time. This is something that they do together. They have fun times together.”



Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.