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Your Life Has an Impact and Listening for the Pain

I love my neighborhood. We have a neighborhood Facebook page and for a long time one of our neighbors, Lisa, was the monitor and really the "mom" of our page. Responding to questions like, “I need an honest plumber.” “Hey, does anybody know who owns the white corvette that is currently speeding down Superior Ave?” She made sure that we didn’t fall into negative political discourse, that humor was encouraged in posts and good deeds acknowledged. In addition, Lisa also helped create our neighborhood’s little “mailbox library” of donated books, getting our neighbors to build and paint them artistically and managing the books availability. She spruced up our main road bridge and helped guide our neighborhood watch and went to all our neighborhood events. I never talked to her on the phone, and I only met her once face to face, we connected on the page a handful of times but I felt she was an incredible neighbor, the one that kept us sane, happy and connected. Every life has an impact. Sadly, a few weeks ago she passed away at 52. The neighborhood poured out its support, setting up a go fund me page so we could dedicate a bench and bridge in our park to her and to have a ceremony in the park to honor her. I was so touched that she was so loved with messages on the Facebook page from by well over a 1,000 people in our hood. Her everyday actions, her constant support affected us all so positively. Thank the people in your life that like Lisa make a difference. Thank them today. This is an incredible positive part of Lisa’s story. She made a significant difference to so many lives.

Days later we got even sadder news, posted by her family who felt Lisa would want others to know. Lisa committed suicide. We were dumbstruck. We learned that she had horrible fatigue and her health plan doctors couldn’t diagnose its source. We had no idea she was sick. So there is a sad health care story, the internet is not enough story to this but, and there is another story that calls out, the unheard pain story. She offered support for all of us. She helped guide us to all the resources for our problems, and I know I feel that I was not there for her. I am ashamed I was not a better neighbor. This has haunted me. I think about her family, her mom and sister and I think about all of us here in the neighborhood that will miss her.

Now on our Facebook page, there are details of counselors and support groups. The book club that had been closed to new members has opened up so all are welcome. There is a meditation group starting, we supported a neighbor who lost her job. But, there are still voices out there. Voices that are calling and need to be heard. It’s something to think about.  I hate feeling powerless. Some of you know I have recently started writing and recording songs. It is a very healing art. It brings me such bliss! So I wrote a song in Lisa’s memory. The lyrics are not about Lisa her family or about her pain. It’s a gentle reminder to listen. I am listening.

Here are the lyrics to the song.
Ache Down the Line
By Patti Wood
Momma calls its three am, she’s fallen out of bed again,

Nothings broken her bones are fine, but I can hear her loneliness ache down the line.
I pack a bag get on the road, driving through the morning cold.
In her chair when I call again, I can hear her need and fear ache down the line.

God it’s hard, to make do, trying our best struggling through, 

We want someone to hear our crying, hear our loneness ache down the line.

Call my sister when it gets light. Fill her in on Mommas fright.

Baby’s cry’s intertwine and I can hear their distress ache down the line. 
Husband’s left for some blonde, Savings lost, to his bail bond. 
Power bill won’t get paid in time, I can hear her pain ache down the line.

Get to Mommas make her tea, wrap some ice round her bruised knee.

Turn on TV to unwind, ease our loneliness that aches down the line.
We look at old photographs, call back sis try to make her laugh.
Momma asleep call that friend of mine, let my loneliness ache down the line.

God it’s hard, to make do, trying our best struggling through, 

We want someone to hear our crying, hear our loneness ache down the line

Driving home to talk radio, people stories ‘bout love that goes.

He up and left, she drank too much wine and I can hear their loneliness ache down the line.
Voices rise throughout the night, hoping to be recognized.
But in the dark we are resigned to let our loneliness ache down the line.

In the dark we are resigned Crying, hear us crying

In the dark we are resigned Crying, hear us Crying
In the dark we are resigned Crying, hear us crying

In the dark we are resigned Crying, hear us crying

In the dark we are resigned Crying, hear us crying
In the dark we are resigned Crying, hear us crying

Hear us crying.


Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Macron's and Trumps bizarre handshake battle


Here is the body language read I did of Macron's and Trumps bizarre handshake battle for Mic.com

https://mic.com/articles/182205/a-body-language-expert-analyzes-trumps-unbearably-long-handshake-with-emmanuel-macron#.yBtTVLaHn



Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Trump Handshake with French Prime Minister Macron's Wife, Body Language Read by expert Patti Wood

Trump Handshake with French Prime Minister Macron's Wife, Body Language Read by expert Patti Wood

http://dreamersintheround.com/workshop-registration/

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Body Language read for The Independent of President Donald Trump’s most recent handshake with Brigitte Macron (the French Prime Ministers wife) in this video

President Donald Trump’s most recent handshake with Brigitte Macron (the French Prime Ministers wife) in this video

Here are my rough notes. The link to the story will go up later. You may want to get my book Snap Making the Most of First Impressions Body Language and Charisma and reference the chapter on handshakes!


If you look at both videos of his handshake with her in the link you see it more clearly. Interesting that at the G20 summit and since then he has often been the initiator of handshake, where before he made others go to him, to maintain his power as in the ritual of leaders that says I powerful ,”You must come to me.” He actually takes a large step with one foot towards her then takes another as he stretches our his arm to her. Again this is different he is initiating and goes to her, releasing some of his power. But, then notice that when she steps forward to give him the traditional french cheek kisses how he grabbed her tightly on the upper arms, so tightly she is freezes for a moment in stress her feet together and her shoulders flex back in a fear response. She recovers and gives tilts her head to talk to him as a way of supplication to his power, but she tries to hold his hands to hold him slightly away from her he not only doesn’t step back so they are at a more comfortable social distance, (outside of 14 inch intimate space) by extending his arms, he keeps his elbows bend holds on to her hands awkwardly gripping them to extend the greeting, which is a bid for power and control over her. He then continues the awkward grip of her handshaking hand and jerks bizarrely upward several times, not letting go as if he is reprimanding a small child to obey him. Its very unusual. See how she steps back quickly to retreat from this control. I have conducted research on handshakes, both survey and observational research for many years and have not seen this rough grab and tug upward in an adult to adult greeting. As she tries to turn away and get away he continues holding on with his controlling grab and jerk up still holding her right hand and takes his other hands with a pat on her back that pulls her back and controls her from both sides to control her further and bring her close again and extend the greeting. By noting the timing of this pat, its placement and his facial expression and her response of her tensing and pulling away that it is intended and received as control movement. You might say, “Oh he was just giving her a friendly pat, that is an endearing warm or comforting pat, but clearly that was not the intent or the interpretation.












Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Trump Wins Handshake With Putin, I was misquoted Entirely.

Link to video:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MwQIEbrEk9Y

Here is the article. I actually said something quite different! I said, he lost power by putting out his hand first. I said they started with an equal handshake with palm to palm both thumbs up position. That Trump used his left arm to touch under Putin's arm in a show of support and it was only when Trump tapped Putin's arms three times that Putin responded by giving him a symbolic shooting motion. Wild how different the story turned out. 
Here is the link to the story in the Daily Mail. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4675644/Trump-wins-handshake-Putin.html
Here is the cut and pasted version of the story. 
President Donald Trump came out on top in his first handshake with Russian President Vladimir Putin during their much anticipated meeting on Friday ahead of the G20 summit.
The pair exchanged pleasantries and what appeared to be a friendly handshake that was captured on video shot during the leaders' 'retreat' in Hamburg.
But to the expert's eye there was a power struggle going on between them, body language expert Patti Wood told DailyMail.com.
The American president makes the first move to assert his power forcing the Russian president to 'shoot back' with his finger. 
In the video, which was first posted to Facebook, Trump initiated full palm-to-palm contact with both thumbs up to 'communicate equity' and show that 'they are equal in power and status', according to Wood. 
Putin stands straight up without stepping forward as he allows Trump to come to him. Wood said Putin maintains power that way.
Both leaders smile and the 'smiles linger showing friendliness', Wood said. But the most interesting part about the handshake was Trump's use of his left hand.
'It can mean a lot of different things,' Wood said, adding that it could even mean: 'I’m in control of you.'
Trump’s left hand is seen underneath Putin's arm, which shows he is being 'supportive' while maintaining 'a bit of control'.


President Donald Trump maintained his control during his first handshake with Russian President Vladimir Putin during their much anticipated meeting on Friday ahead of the G20 summit. Body language expert Patti Wood said Trump initiated full palm-to-palm contact with both thumbs up to 'communicate equity' and show that 'they are equal in power and status'

Both leaders smile and the 'smiles linger showing friendliness', Wood said. According to Wood, the most interesting part about the handshake was Trump's use of his left hand. 'It can mean a lot of different things,' Wood said, adding that it could even mean: 'I’m in control of you'

Trump’s left hand is seen underneath Putin's arm, which shows he is being 'more supportive' while maintaining 'a bit of control' as he gently pats Putin's arm

In what appears to be a response to Trump using his left hand, Putin ‘playfully’ and ‘symbolically’ shoots Trump with his finger as if he knows what the US president is doing

On Friday, as the leaders kicked off their meeting, Trump said 'It's an honor to be with you', while Putin told the US leader: 'I'm delighted to meet you.'
During their sit-down meeting, Trump greeted Putin in a very 'unusual' way, much different from his other meetings with world leaders in which it seemed more as a 'formality', Wood told DailyMail.com, adding that Trump appeared happy to meet Putin.
During the sit down handshake, Trump took his upper body and leaned into Putin to shake hands. Wood says this is unusual as Trump typically ‘stays pretty close to an upright position’, allowing others to lean into him.
Trump also offered his palm upward, which is also not something the president does on the regular, according to Wood, who said Trump usually lets the other individual initiate a handshake.
‘His hands are centered more towards Putin. Trump usually holds his hands toward himself to show that he has the power and it’s all about him,’ Wood added.
But that wasn’t the case on Friday.
Trump’s body language with Putin showed just the opposite: It’s not all about Trump. According to Wood, the entire handshake was about the power differential. 
The upward palm shake showed that Trump is 'willing to be supportive', when oftentimes Trump 'likes to be in charge' as the alpha male. 
Putin on the other hand 'doesn't move very much' aside from when he slightly leaned forward as they were sitting down.   

Trump greeted Putin in a very 'unusual' way during their sit down handshake, Wood said. Trump offered his palm upward (pictured), which is not something the US president does, according to Wood, who added that Trump lets the other individual initiate a handshake


The upward palm shake (pictured) showed that Trump is 'willing to be supportive', when oftentimes Trump 'likes to be in charge' as the alpha male. Putin on the other hand 'takes his left arm and rests it on the chair with his elbow out,' Wood said. Putin's 'left arm is a shield over his heart', which shows that he is still guarded rather than fully open with Trump, Wood added


During their seated meeting, Trump continues with his manspread in his usual alpha male position with his hands in a steeple pointed downward. This position is distinctive to Trump as a guard position that also shows his power
'He takes his left arm and rests it on the chair with his elbow out,' Wood said, adding that it shows his 'left arm is a shield over his heart'.
Wood, who is the author of SNAP: Making the Most of First Impressions Body Languages and Charisma, said this means, despite the pleasantries, the Russian president is still 'guarded rather than fully open' with Trump.
Putin's stillness also shows that he 'wants to maintain the power' as Trump takes a more 'passive position'.
Overall, Putin seemed 'at ease aside from the guarded elbow' Wood said. 
During their seated meeting, Trump continues with his manspread in his usual alpha male position with his hands in a steeple pointed downward. This position is distinctive to Trump as a guard position that also shows his power. 
Putin also did the manspread, showing Trump that he's an alpha as well, but Putin rested his arms on the chair arms, which made him look slightly larger tha Trump, Wood said.  
According to Wood, this showed 'a little more power'.
But most of all Wood noted the slight smile on Trump's face and his eye contact with Putin.
'That showed more than anything that he was happy and in the moment,' Wood said. 'A lot of times when he shakes hands it’s a formality.
“And he doesn’t always make full eye contact and when he does, he doesn’t usually smile.”



But according to Wood, Putin's manspread showed Trump that he's an alpha as well. Putin rested his arms on the chair, which made him look slightly larger than Trump, Wood said and this showed 'a little more power'

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Body language experts see reserve, deference, power plays in Trump-Putin meeting


Link to article:  https://www.bostonglobe.com/lifestyle/2017/07/07/body-language-experts-see-reserve-deference-power-plays-trump-putin-meeting/F4gQENMoghwUDICyidyWfL/story.html

For body-language experts, Friday was sort of like Christmas.
After months of buildup, after investigations into Russian election meddling, after considerable analysis, two of the world’s most powerful men — President Trump and President Vladimir Putin of Russia — finally met face to face at the G-20 summit.

Almost immediately, those who study such things say, the two began a nonverbal power negotiation.
Opinions on the interaction varied among body-language experts, but on one thing they agreed: For Trump, a man who has been routinely lampooned for the aggressive manner in which he shakes hands, Friday’s performance was quite out of the ordinary.
“Completely different,” says Tonya Reiman, author of the book “The Power of Body Language.” “Every single handshake I’ve watched — and I’ve watched them all — he’s the one who wants to be the dominant force; [he] literally makes you lose your footing.”
On Friday, America’s 45th president didn’t appear particularly aggressive at all. He seemed to keep a greater-than-normal distance when he shook hands with Putin. The violent pulling of his handshake-partner’s hand for which he’s become known was nowhere to be found. At one point during the handshake, he reached out and held the Russian president’s right arm.
In other words, it was all highly un-Trumpian.
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“Most of the time, he’s got this warm welcome, he smiles, he comes right up to [people], he’s in their space,” says Lillian Glass, a Los Angeles-based communication and body-language expert. This time, she says, “You see Trump is very guarded. He doesn’t put all smiles out, and he doesn’t lean in to Putin — he leans away.”
To Glass, the reason is simple. “From what was swirling around, he doesn’t want to give Americans the wrong impression, and he doesn’t want to give the world the wrong impression,” she said. “He doesn’t want to appear chummy.”
According to Patti Wood, author of “Snap: Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language, and Charisma,” Trump appeared to show deference during the initial shake.
“I want you to notice Putin is standing up straight [in] his body position, and Trump is the one that walks toward him,” Wood said. “Trump is the one who initiates the handshake, and Trump is leaning his whole body — not quite in bow, but leaning forward as a bid to bow.”
For those who analyze such things, meanwhile, a few other key moments offered insights into the curious dynamic between the two men.
There was the initial height difference, for one thing — immediately apparent and probably surprising to some who envision both men as larger-than-life figures.
“There’s such a height disparity,” Glass said. “We think of Putin, because we never see him next to anybody, as being 7 feet tall. Big and tall and powerful. And then we see him next to Trump, and he’s a little guy.”
Then there was the point at which Trump reached over with his left hand to lightly pat Putin’s right arm during the handshake.
“The patting, notice it’s underneath and supportive, and symbolically says ‘I support you,’ Wood said, though she later allowed that the left hand being used in a handshake is typically [meant to signal] power and control over the other person.
Finally, there was Putin’s last-minute gesture, when he used his free hand to point an extended finger at Trump.
“The timing is interesting — that is, when Putin goes forward, and he points at the same time,” Wood says. “That is Putin’s bid to power because his hand is a symbolic weapon, so he’s doing a little shoot, a little bang.”
“It’s an authoritative move,” Reiman agreed. “You point at someone to demonstrate your authority, the power.”
The nonverbal jousting figures to continue, in some form, through the end of the conference Saturday. On Friday afternoon, a closed-door meeting between the two leaders stretched to more than two hours — four times its originally scheduled length.
Given the nature of the two men involved, and the contentious issues on their agendas, it’s no great leap to assume that both will be attempting to assert their dominance — in ways both verbal and nonverbal — throughout their time together.
But so far, Reiman says, Trump’s nonverbal efforts have failed to establish him as the alpha of the pair.
“We might notice that he’ll try over the next couple hours,” she said Friday afternoon. “But at this point, he’s not been able to win that battle.”

Dugan Arnett can be reached at dugan.arnett@globe.com.

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

President Trump Met Vladimir Putin For the First Time. Here's What a Body Language Expert Saw

President Trump Met Vladimir Putin For the First Time. Here's What a Body Language Expert Saw

Link to actual article: http://time.com/4849232/g20-summit-donald-trump-vladimir-putin-body-language/
Jul 07, 2017
All eyes were on U.S. President Donald Trump and Russian President Vladimir Putin on 

Friday when they sat down for their first face-to-face meeting on the sidelines of the G20 Summit.
The meeting, which had been scheduled to last 30 minutes, stretched to more than two hours. Trump reportedly raised the issue of Russian interference in the 2016 U.S. election, though Putin denied any meddling on Moscow's part.
The two leaders' conversation included discussions on "Ukraine, Syria, some bilateral and other issues," according to the Associated Press. They also discussed "fighting terrorism and cybersecurity."
Trump and Putin gave brief public remarks before their meeting. "We look forward to a lot of very positive things happening for Russia, for the United States and for everybody concerned," Trump said. "And it's an honor to be with you."
"I'm delighted to be able to meet you personally, Mr. President," Putin said through an interpreter. "And I hope, as you have said, our meeting will yield positive results."
TIME spoke with Patti Wood, a body language expert, to read between the lines. Here are some key takeaways:
'He's the one that's initiating'
The first glimpse of Trump and Putin came before their official meeting, when they were seen shaking hands in a video shared by German Chancellor Angela Merkel's cabinet. Wood spotted something unusual in that footage.
"If you look at that handshake, Trump does something that is different than many other handshakes I've seen him do with other world leaders. He's the one that's initiating. His body — and whole body, actually — steps forward and leans forward as he goes to shake hands. And he offers his hand . . . more palm-up, more in supplication, which again is unusual. Usually he offers it palm down to be on top. And if you look at his demeanor, he seems to be happy."
By comparison, Wood said Trump's handshake with Merkel on Thursday showed the German leader making the first move.
“She offers her hand with the palm up in supplication to him and at the same time she has her head down and tilted to make eye contact with him to say, ‘Hey, we need to shake hands.’ That’s letting go of some of her power . . . h e’s just standing there, and she has to make the effort to shake hands with him. And then when he shakes hands with her, it’s very brief. He’s not really in-the-moment with her. It’s just 'O.K., this is a photo op.'"
'He’s supportive underneath Putin’s arm'
In the same video, Trump taps Putin's arm with his left hand during their handshake and later pats his back — a gesture that typically indicates support, Wood said.
"When you use your left hand in a handshake, typically it’s a power move, it’s a controlling move to say, ‘I surround you.’ But there are variances in that. There are slight nuances. And in this particular case, Trump puts his left hand up underneath, which is the supportive cue, up underneath Putin’s arm and taps it three times.
Now that’s going to sound odd, but three actually has a strong symbolic reference in nonverbal communication, and typically it means a true feeling or a true emotion. So you combine all those together: He’s supportive underneath Putin’s arm, he’s touching it three times in a gentle pat. It means, ‘I support you, I really support you.’
Now that is also interesting if you compare it to other handshakes where he takes that outside hand and he might grip above the elbow or grip all the way up on top of the arm or hit — have actual hitting motion — to strike the person to say, ‘I can hit you, right here. I can hit you symbolically in front of the world.’ So the tapping motion and the hitting motion are quite distinctly different.”
By comparison, Trump's handshakes with other world leaders — including his recent white-knuckle grip with French President Emmanuel Macron at the NATO Summit — have drawn attention for being awkward or aggressive.
'His slouch is a little bit more pronounced'
Trump's behavior during sit-down remarks with Putin before their private meeting resembled his stance in other settings, Wood said.
“Trump has a standard seating position in these scenarios, where he has his legs spread apart and he’s doing that particular steeple pose with his hands clasped and pointed between his legs," she said. "That’s all about manliness."
But she noticed some slight differences on Friday compared to Trump's previous interactions with leaders, including his post-election meeting with former President Barack Obama in the White House. For example, she said, Trump faced toward Putin during most of their exchange, and he again initiated their handshakes.
“Typically, Trump’s legs are slightly further apart. And that seems like a small thing, but it’s actually quite distinct because the legs’ breadth apart speaks to a feeling of power and manliness and alpha, so in this case, they’re not quite as far apart.
The other thing that’s interesting as you compare their demeanors is Trump usually does lean forward and he has shoulders slightly slouched. But in this case, I went back and compared this particular meeting with other meetings, and his slouch is a little bit more pronounced."


 Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.