How Do You Recover From Abusing Someone? How Do You Give a Real Apology?

I speak on conflict management, bullying and sexual harassment and part of that work emphasizes healing work and proper apologies. When the abuser admits they did harm and asks what they can do. .
The article below is powerful in showing the hurt that is caused to the abuse victim when the abuser gives a false apology. It is also interesting in showing how a tribe (the church members) can accept bad behavior in a tribes leader (one of their ministers.) The tribal members think they are being good christians to forgive him, but they overlooked the fact that it was a false apology.

Abusers can continue to abuse they can deny they abused, forget or distort the full truth of their abuses or they can choose to heal learn and grow! It would have to be a very safe healing place.
"To have him listen to me was almost the most important thing for me. And it was part of him being accountable and taking responsibility. It was so satisfying ... to have the person who hurt you sit there and listen to you and not blame you for it and admit to what they did, and to remember some of the abuse. Even though Steve didn't remember a lot of it in our first conversations, he started to remember."
Restorative justice!

Interesting that this happened. Then people outside the church, not in the tribe reacted that he had not acted properly and he eventually did step down.

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at