BTS' Jimin & RM's Body Language Reveals Why They Complement Each Other So Perfectly


It's no secret the members of BTS are the best of friends. If you've seen any kind of BTS content in your life, you would quickly see RM, Jin, Suga, J-Hope, Jimin, V, and Jungkook are so close they're more like brothers than just plain ol' friends — and maybe that's because, for the past six years, the guys have done everything together. They've seen each other at their highs and lows, and their love for each other runs deep. All of the guys have a special connection with each other, but today, I'm here to talk to you about Jimin and RM. It's already obvious from BTS' Jimin and RM's body language that they're super close, but I thought it would be interesting to ask body language experts Patti Wood and Traci Brown to dig a little deeper into what Jimin and RM's body language may reveal about their unique connection.
For this little experiment, Wood and Brown looked at a handful of pictures of Jimin and RM from the past year.
See their insights here



Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

What Your Sunglasses Say About You DISC personality

What Your Sunglasses Say About Your
DISC personality
By Patti Wood MA, CSP, Body Language Expert and Professional Speaker
The Amiable or Get Along. This personality type is most likely to wear modest sunglasses. They don’t mind being a little trendy but only have the trend has been around a very long time. (Yes, in other words, is so in it is almost out of style and everybody has a pair. They want to wear sunglasses that everybody is wearing once everybody has them.
This type of person wants to be your friend. They respond to heavy use of the word "you" and the promise of an ongoing relationship. They like warmhearted friendly conversations and a relaxed pace. Ask about their weekend and their kids before you ask for work from them. In fact, you should build relationship credits with them every week so when you really need them you have relationship credits to draw on when you are in dire straights. Also, know a warm Hello and a sincere thank you are as necessary as food and water to the Amiable. Amiable think carefully before taking any action and they don’t like change so you really need to talk them through any new projects or changes in old routines to get them to buy in and follow through otherwise they will keep doing it the old way or what they may consider the way that has “always worked before.” They need to feel a sense of security before moving forward. The best way to get work from an amiable is to become their friend.  Make your body language warm, smile, and your voice soft and relaxed.
The Expressive or Get Appreciated. Their goals include accentuating their personality. They will wear the old is new again bug eyeglasses that the biggest celebrities are wearing.  They want to express themselves. And be big, bold and outrageous.  They are the most likely to choose sunglasses with brightly colored frames, are unusual with rhinestones and glitter and other assorted bling. They are also the most likely to have multiple pairs of sunglasses, a veritable sunglass wardrobe so they can dress for their mood and the occasion.
This type of person wants to be challenged they enjoy learning about new, exciting things. So if you present them with a new project they may jump on it just because it is new.  But because they love new stuff they are easily bored and may not follow through on work that requires details or lots of small print forms and multiple steps. If you need that kind of detail work from them, you may have to check back with them or provide some sort of social interaction or a pat on the back feedback when they do. For example, when they turn in their monthly timesheets or travel vouchers on Fridays let them know that they will get to sit and have coffee with you. Or instead of emailing in work have them present it at the weekly meeting! Or whenever they email those kinds of detailed projects to you, you send them a cartoon or funny photo or a personal email. They burn hot and cold, so keep your face to face or over the phone delivery lively. They like bold statements, new directions, initiatives, bright ideas and enjoy a good sense of humor.  Expressive types like to lead and influence others so if you give them tasks where they can get other people on board you will have a highly motivated worker.  And if they are hip to your project they will be your rah cheerleader and supporter. They liked to be noticed and appreciated that is like food and water for them and feeds them deeply.

So now you know how to present your ideas projects and tasks to others. You can get more accomplished with a lot less stress. Make your body language energetic and open and your voice upbeat and fast-paced.

The Analytical or get it right. This type is smart careful and accurate. They want their sunglasses to work correctly and not be noticeable or wild. They are the most likely personality type to wear Changeable glasses that darken automatically into sunglasses when worn out into the sun. They love the practical sunglass clips that clip onto regular glasses and if they spend the money on sunglasses that are prescription they are the most likely to get Bi-focal - These sunglasses are meant to provide prescription magnifying assistance for those requiring a little extra help while reading. Since this type of person is the one that reads the fine print and the instructions, they want to make sure to have the correct prescription. They are practical about their sunglass purchase and will keep them for a long time. They have trouble making decisions about purchasing their sunglasses because they have so many details to consider. They welcome documentation, lengthy testimonial and statistical evidence that prove that the ones they are buying have the highest UVA and protection. They will have a case for their sunglasses.
When you are talking to a Get it right, you can explain until you are blue in the face, and they will ask for more. They have great insights and opinions and don’t always get a chance to express them out loud so ask for them before you tell them, “Do it this way.” and you will get more buy-in. Whether you give them a task face to face or through email they will email you back with problems mistakes and why it won’t work. Be prepared and if possible make sure you deal with their criticisms face to face or your project will drag out and weigh down with back and forth conversations and emails with what not analytical would consider minutia. Even when you think the “deal is done” they will want to come back with one more fix.  Analyzers are cautious because they want to make sure it is done the right way and produces the perfect result. They typically think if you just give them more time or let them do it their way they can make it perfect. To avoid delays you may even give a deadline for criticism and say, “Get back to by this date with problems and after that no matter what we will go forward. To make sure they are receptive, don’t interrupt them, they like their solitude and prefer to know you will be coming to talk to them rather than having you just drop by. Make your body language appropriate and reserved and your voice slow and low volumed and allow long silent pauses for them to think before they speak.
The Bottom-liner or Get it Done. This personality will spend the most money on a single pair of couture sunglasses. They prefer a top name like Gucci and they love to have the designer name on the glasses. If they have more than one very nice pair of sunglasses, the other pair or pairs will be needed for and special activity. They will have mirrored or aviators for snow skiing. High impact for sports and a Bike helmet with special UVR protection for motorcycling or racing. They will always purchase the top luxury brand. They may skimp on other things but not on something that others will see them in every day. If there is Mercedes of eyeglass wear the Get it Done will have them. They rationalize that if you buy the best you will have them for years.

They will also want it. This type of person values brevity and makes quick decisions. They want you to tell them short and sweet what you do and what you want them to do. They like summaries and they want to be told their task.  Forget the boring details, and for goodness sake don’t repeat yourself. Make your email requests to them in bullet points. They can juggle multiple tasks but like the feeling of getting a task done. You may want to break long term detailed projects down into mini-projects for them. They like to get things done and then move on. So don’t be wishy-washy and give them something to do then change your mind about it. They fear a lack of control so they need to know they are in charge of their part of the project. They gain energy from being in charge and meeting challenges and forceful and commanding so know what you want to say it and stick to it. Make your body language confident and your eye contact direct and your voice strong and fast-paced.



Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

The Story of Roy and Learning To Love and Be Loved


The Story of Roy and Learning To Love and Be Loved

I wish I could have a reunion with my best friend Roy Moyer. He died years ago, at the age of 29. We met at freshman orientation at Florida State University in Tallahassee. I looked across the room and saw this tall, handsome Nordic blonde guy smiling and I said to myself: ‘There is my life’s best friend.” We became like brother and sister, closer even, we were twin souls. 

For years, we did everything together. We giggled and laughed and danced through our college years. We were housemates along with our friend Lisa our senior year; we fixed hundreds of awesome dinners together; we shopped and traveled together, and we shared our innermost feelings and experiences. In fact, sharing something with Roy was often the best part of a new event in my life and hearing something wonderful that Roy experienced made me as happy as it made him.

Roy was warm and funny, goofy and silly in a Dudley Doo Right kind of way. He was kind and loving and generous and had a deep full laugh that was contagious. We accepted each other down to the core. Someone loving you that much made you feel loved absolutely. Roy taught me that people showed their love in different ways even saying “Patti  when I fix your broken necklace, I am showing I love you.” “When I reach something from a high shelf for you I am showing that I love you and I know when you have my favorite big BLT fixed for me at lunch you are loving me and when you let me sing off-key through a long car ride you’re showing that you love me.”
We were tender and affectionate with one another. Like, a brother and sister. I was not attracted to him, which worked well as he was gay. Instead, we completed each other. We had both come from abusive households. He had big scars on his back from where his father had beaten him with a belt, my scars were less visible. Our friendship healed many of those scars. 

And oh how we matched. We laughed at how often would dress in a similar way — same dark blue jeans, same leather jacket. Both of us even had red shoes, mine pumps, and his oxfords. We would sit in a similar way next to each other on the couch. When we got on the phone, we talked in a similar tone and rhythm. When we were sitting across the table from each other eating, we would both pick up and put down our knives at the same time. Our sameness made us feel comfortable around one
another. Being with each other was like being home. Years later I would have a housemate Pat who wrote her Master’s thesis novel loosely based her life during our year's housemates. Her professors said that my closeness and matching with Roy did not make sense. So in her novel, she made Roy and I twins!

After college, he moved to Atlanta and became a social worker. I went to Auburn University to pursue a master’s degree, and then returned to Tallahassee to begin a Ph.D. program.  Roy and I were as close as ever. We talked for hours on our weekly phone calls and visited each other every few months.I lived in a small town where I couldn’t go shopping without running into someone I knew.  Roy and I were so close that when my friends in Tallahassee who hadn’t even met Roy knew he was my “Twin Soul” so when they would see me they would always ask, “How are you?” “How is Roy?” 

Years passed. I had a four-bedroom house with a big fenced-in yard, a steady boyfriend, a group of friends that were like a second family, wonderful housemates and a great dog. I took martial arts classes, and. I’d eat grape nuts for breakfast and joked with my housemate Pat about our crazy dream from the night before. I’d start my day singing in the shower and then get in my car singing along with the songs on my radio on my way to work.

I had my own consulting company and taught communication at Florida State; my class in nonverbal communication had 150 students enrolled each semester. I was living a happily-ever-after existence and Roy was always a part of me and I was always a part of him.

When we were both 29 Roy and I went to visit Roy and we went walking in Atlanta’s Piedmont Park. His big 6’2 frame towered above my petite five feet two inches. It was a beautiful spring day and as we circled the lake and I was blissfully breathing the fragrant flowered air so happy to be Roy. As we rounded a curve, Roy stopped, brushed back his blonde hair, turned toward me and said, “Patti, I’m dying.” 

I heard a loud gut-wrenching scream crying “No!” echo across the lake. It took me a moment to realize the scream was mine.

At that moment, everything in my life began to change. I knew with certainty I had to move to Atlanta to be with Roy. I didn’t ask him if he wanted me to come, I just decided. People thought I was crazy. But it was really selfish – I just had to be with him.

Within a few days, my boyfriend had broken up with me - he was afraid of being infected from my innocent friendship with Roy - and I began getting rid of my belongings. I sold almost everything in the house down to the bare walls. I took the cash and left my house, my friends, and my speaking business.  I took a job as at temp receptionist in Atlanta to make ends meet, exchanging a $1,000-a-program speaking life for a $7.50-an-hour wage. Instead of being treated with respect and admiration, I was treated like a servant.

I took a small apartment and fitfully slept on a borrowed mattress on the floor of my closet. I was alone in a city filled with strangers.  I would visit Roy every day he was in the hospital and sit on the edge of his bed, holding his hand. And though Roy and I would laugh as we always did, our jokes were about the glove-wearing hospital staff that tried to avoid touching him, his new free hospital gown wardrobe with built-in” ties in back” air-conditioning and about his new easy diet plan, we called “Wendy’s drive-through” a drip from a stand above his bed when he could no longer eat.  

Over the year I watched him decline, he went from a being a strapping six-foot 2-inch man to an emaciated 90-pounds that I could carry in my arms. I would return home each night, take a shower and weep uncontrollably. My sleep was filled with concentration camp filled nightmares. I saw Roy lose his ability to first walk, then to eat, then to remember, to speak and finally his ability to breathe.

Roy died in July before his 30th birthday. I could not believe that the world would keep spinning without that sweet “Roy boy.” I could not believe that I didn’t die too. I was so surprised that I could actually go on breathing without him. His family insisted I have his ashes. He told me before he died, he wanted me to have his ashes so someday he could come to my wedding.  

I envision a reunion with him. It would start out with just for the two of us. We would walk around his beloved Piedmont Park in Atlanta. As we walked, we’d catch up on each other’s news. We’d laugh about him never getting older than 29 and the fact that I am much older but still a tiny blonde.

We would cry over having missed so many dinners and trips with each other. I’d tell him about the speaking practice I rebuilt after he died. I’d express regret that I haven’t yet married, so don’t yet have a son I can name Roy. I’d tell him how sorry I am that his sickness prevented him from marrying the man he loved, who later also died of AIDS. 

Then we’d go for dinner at one of his favorite restaurants. He loved great food, and we would share a dessert. We’d meet up with friends afterward and go dancing together until the wee hours.

And I’d thank him for being the best friend in the world to me, for making my life so much richer through the gift of his unconditional love, truly teaching me what is to love and be loved.

--Patti Wood, Atlanta, GA, motivational speaker, and consultant on nonverbal communication and body language. 





Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

What Research Shows That The DISC System Is Valid? DISC Personality Test


What Research Shows That The DISC System Is Valid? 

Many university’s behavioral sciences and psychology departments have conducted research into the validity of the four type Model of Human Behavior. In 1921, Carl Jung published Psychological Types in Germany, identifying and describing four “types.” William Moulton Marston earned his doctorate from Harvard in 1921, and was professor at both Harvard and Columbia Universities. In 1928, he published The Emotions of Normal People, advancing his DISC theory. In the 1950’s, Walter Clark developed an assessment tool based on Marston’s work, the “Activity Vector Analysis.” Today, more than 50 companies use the Marston DISC Theory as the basis for examining patterns of behavior. Experts in psychometrics evaluate the validity of the assessment tool, comparing it (among others) to: Wechsler Adult Intelligence Scale, Myers Briggs Type Indicator, Cattell 16 Personality Factor Questionnaire, Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory (MMPI), Strong Interest Inventory, and the Performax Personal Profile. Marston styled assessment tools have been administered to over 30,000,000 people worldwide and they enjoy respect in the business and education communities. More than 81% of the participant’s colleagues see it as a very accurate picture of his or her habitual behavior patterns. Among those who are primarily “D” in their style, accuracy is rated at 91%; for “I” types, it is 94%. Primarily “S” type individuals perceive an 85% accuracy, while for “C” types, it is 82%. This gives us an 88.49% perceived accuracy, with a standard deviation of 6.43%. In other words, the report generated by this process is perceived as highly accurate, in most situations, by most participants.


Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Hugging the Porcupine - Why We Hold Onto a Bad or Even an Abusive Relationship, Client, Employee, or Process.

Hugging A Porcupine
By Patti Wood
I watched my friend make a dinner tray to take up to his girlfriend who was under the weather. He carefully placed the dinner he made on the best dishes, folded a linen napkin, put a little flower he picked from the garden into a cup onto it and smile as took the tray upstairs. Moments later I could hear his girlfriend scream at him about all the things he had done wrong making the dinner and putting it on the tray. He came downstairs upset and beaten down. I had watched him being abused by his girlfriend for years. He had used every communication strategy to stop it. But she wasn’t going to change. He wouldn’t leave her. He said he had invested too many years in the relationship. He said he stayed, not because he still loved her, but because the investment he had made. He couldn’t let the relationship go and give himself the chance for future happiness, because he didn’t want to think of the years he invested as a waste. And for him the thought of starting a new life was daunting.
My friend was hugging a porcupine. Holding onto something that hurt him over and over again because of “sunk costs.”
In economics, a sunk cost is anything that has been paid and cannot be recovered. The problem is when a person or businesses investment has been a loss, and their own aversion to loss compels them to make further bad decisions related to the investment, such as putting more time or money towards it based on a fear of loss. In our personal lives, we may hold on to mates, friends, or even groups that are toxic or simply causing us pain.
In business, we may hold onto a client, vendor, employee, software program, or a process because of what we spent on it, and or how much we have invested in it or to avoid the pain of having to change or start something new. We may be able to see someone in an abusive relationship and ask, “Why do they stay?? But when the porcupine is ours, we may not let see as clearly and let go.
I had a coaching client who got what he thought was a great client who offered him more money than he had ever gotten from one client. He had hired new employees, to serve this Client X, purchased new insurance and more to serve client X. But client X was awful, demanding he fire people, creating insurance risks and more. Client X was a porcupine. In my coaching, I work with clients that have porcupines and help them gently let go of a bad employee or a misery-inducing client, heal themselves and their businesses from the pokes and start again with a healthier choice than a barbed porcupine!  
Many porcupine huggers are overly optimistic. They think that the next experience they have with porcupine person or process will be positive and somehow correct the previous, negative experience. Unfortunately, this rarely happens, and instead, the pain is merely prolonged.
Do you have any Porcupines in your life? Is there someone or something that is causing you pain that you need to let go?

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

How to Gain Power and Confidence, Body Language Tips to Look and Feel Confident.

The broader your stance typically the more powerful you feel or want to feel. There’s physics to it the more space you take up the less of a pushover you are as well as a message of the power you send to others. A standard stance for women is feet four to six inches apart. So, you can slightly widen your stance, even an inch would help you feel more grounded and powerful. Again you don’t need to make it a lot bigger to have an effect on you. Even the choice to widen your stance shifts your emotions and gives you a feeling of control over the situation.

So note, our feet communicate exactly what we think and feel more honestly than another part of our bodies. (Morris, 1985, 244) Generally, people are focused on controlling their facial expressions and torsos and upper body while communicating, the feet are vital to us responding to danger and stress we need them to freeze, flee, fight, fall.  By broadening your stance you look like you stronger but don’t widen so much that the other person or people think you have gone into full fight mode.


When you monitoring your self check out your own feet how you feel about your self the topic or situation and the other person or people you are with. 

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Chris' Body Language With Katie Compared To Jen On ‘Bachelor In Paradise’


Chris' Body Language With Katie Compared To Jen On ‘Bachelor In Paradise


Link here for the full story with the photos. My reads without the photos are below the link. 

https://bodylanguagelady.blogspot.com/2019/08/chris-body-language-with-katie-compared.html

https://www.elitedaily.com/p/chris-body-language-with-katie-compared-to-jen-on-bachelor-in-paradise-shows-hes-torn-18695052


For reference, Chris is definitely (probably) here for the right reasons. Chris previously appeared on The Bachelorette in 2012, then on Season 3 of Bachelor Pad before heading to Bachelor In Paradise for Seasons 1 and 2. Clearly he's had a wild ride and no luck, and he seems to want to finally settle down and meet someone special this time around.
But is that someone special Katie, or could it be Jen? Honestly, Chris seems pretty confused himself, so I reached out to body language expert Patti Wood to see if there was a clear frontrunner based on Chris' body language with each woman. Here's what she had to say.

1. With Katie, Chris

For anyone who knows Katie, it's obvious that she can be a real goofball. This moment between Katie and Chris is a prime example. "His arms are folded close with lots of tension, see the muscles tighten and see how his head and neck are arched forward," Wood says of this moment. "He is not comfortable or trusting this to work."
It might have just been a little scary for Chris to let Katie pop his back, but according to his body language, he wasn't all that into it.
As Katie and Chris talked on the beach (before Jen even arrived) they seemed to be enjoying each other's company. "I like how they are sitting together and laughing," Wood says, "but note how she has her arm closest to him up and blocking him, and her right arm out in a 'make myself bigger' pose. Also notice that he has his knee up high, blocking, and his arm closest to her, [also] blocking and making himself bigger."
As much as they're laughing, Wood says that their body language shows they're both still a little apprehensive. "The most interesting tell is his hand wrapped around his thigh," she adds. "That shows he is protecting himself sexually from her while being aware of her, sexually." Interesting. Seems like Old Man Chris is super into Katie, but perhaps a little worried about getting his heart broken.
While Jen and Chris' date wasn't all sunshine and roses, it wasn't anyone's fault. The two took a catamaran trip on the water and Chris ended up vomiting from seasickness. This isn't to say that their romance is doomed, but it wasn't a great start, and it seems like their body language echoes that.
"See how her feet are? Toes pointing toward and touching each other in a bit of self-consciousness and embarrassment?" Wood notes. She goes on to say that her particular pose is "sexual embarrassment, as we also see her knees fairly close together and her elbow out and arm resting over protectively." This was Jen and Chris' first date. She doesn't know him all that well, so it makes sense she would be a little guarded.
"Also note another set of guarding positions as you go up the body," Wood continues. "Her right arm over her chest and thumb up, hand curled near her mouth to suppress how she is really feeling." The boat date wasn't perfect, so perhaps Jen was just feeling a little anxious.
When Chris and Jen got off the boat, their date got ten times better. The two got to talk and bond, but Wood says that Chris' body language is super complicated in this moment. "He is very conflicted here," she says. "See his toes pointing toward one foot and the other down and away, his arm up around the back of the sofa to symbolically move to hold her."
Jen, on the other hand, was a bit more relaxed. "She is more intimate here," Wood says. "Feet up for woman is often pre-kiss." However, Wood also notes that if she was truly into Chris, her pelvis would be exposed in another "pre-kiss" move. Here, she seems to be "protecting, with her right elbow over her pelvis."

Only Chris can know what's in his heart, but it's clear he has a tough decision coming his way. Even Wood suggests that Chris' body language proves he doesn't yet know which woman makes him the happiest. I guess we'll have to wait and see who he gives his rose too when Bachelor In Paradise continues at 8 p.m. on Monday, Aug. 26, on ABC.

A Body Language Expert Breaks Down *That* Photo of Melania Trump and Justin Trudeau

A Body Language Expert Breaks Down *That* Photo of Melania Trump and Justin Trudeau



https://www.instyle.com/news/melania-trump-justin-trudeau-body-language

https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/body-language-expert-breaks-down-150000400.html


Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Body Language Clues About Miley Cyrus & Liam Hemsworth’s Breakup We Should’ve Seen Coming







It's been a sad week for fans of Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth after the couple announced their separation on August 10. News broke that the pair, who tied the knot in December 2018, decided to take some time apart, but neither party elaborated on just what went wrong. And although we can't know for sure unless either one of them speaks on it, there may be body language clues about Miley Cyrus Liam Hemsworth’s breakup that could have foreshadowed what was coming.
According to E! News, a representative for Cyrus confirmed the sad news over the weekend. "Liam and Miley have agreed to separate at this time," the statement from the representative said. "Ever-evolving, changing as partners and individuals, they have decided this is what's best while they both focus on themselves and careers. They still remain dedicated parents to all of the animals they share while lovingly taking this time apart. Please respect their process and privacy."
Even though it's impossible to pinpoint the exact reason why Cyrus and Hemsworth are taking time apart, there's a lot we might be able to tell by looking at their body language. Body language can reveal tons about a couple's dynamic, from the way their feet are positioned to where they place their hands. I asked two experts to take a look at the physical dynamic between Cyrus and Hemsworth before their split, and based on what they had to say, the breakup was almost inevitable.

Elite Daily Full Article
Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

The Body Language of Listening

THE BODY LANGUAGE OF LISTENING

Remember to Be Gentler
by Patti Wood, MA, Professional Speaker  www.pattiwood.net

You’re sitting in the office with your client or customer as they talk about what they want or perhaps sharing the problems they are having with a product or service. You want them to know that you’re listening. You know it’s important to show concern, but you’re a little tired, or they’re going on and on or maybe they’re saying some negative things and you’re feeling a little defensive. What can you do to help focus and show that you are listening? What body language cues show that you are listening? Just like your sixth-grade teacher told you: be polite –be a gentleman or gentlewoman. 

Or you might be wondering if the person you are with is into you.  How can you tell?  What body language cues show he/she is into you?

Below are some body language cues that will help you in your business and personal relationships:

Give Facial Feedback
It is so easy to zone out as a listener, but when you do you can give a blank, open-mouthed look that resembles the face of a kid after five hours of cartoons. You’re not winning friends and influencing people. Drool is not very appealing. You must work your abs to have toned stomach muscles, and you must work your face to have toned empathetic skills. Let your facial expressions show your emotional response to the message. If they are concerned, show understanding by furrowing your brow. If they are unhappy, frown and lower your eyes. If they are mad, close and flatten out your lip like a sealed envelope. Briefly matching their facial expressions not only shows your customers that you are listening, it creates the same chemicals in your brain that body language shifts are creating in theirs and you will feel what they are feeling and understand them more effectively.

Eye Contact
A listener should give more eye contact than the speaker. Research suggests that if you want to have good rapport you should maintain eye-contact 60 to 70 percent of the time that someone is speaking to you. Females have been shown to be better at this than men and actually, need more eye contact from listeners in order to feel comfortable in the conversation. Even research on small children shows that little boys told to converse on a topic sat side by side and talked to each other staring off into space and little girls moved their chairs to face each other and watched each other with full attention for their entire conversation. This may be because dominance is communicated by either staring or a lack of eye contact. You need to make good eye contact. Research shows that a normal business gaze focuses on the eyes and the upper forehead and in a social gaze, the listener’s gaze drops down to include the nose and the mouth.

Eye contact is a good indicator of how interested someone is in you. For one thing, straight on eye contact makes people attractive. So, it follows that if your date is holding your gaze, they are both showing that they are interested in you as well as presenting their most attractive self.  That eye contact tends to be straight at you to show high attraction and to be highly attractive to you.

It's All in the Feet
If you really want to know how someone feels about you, Wood says to look down — all the way down — because feet don't lie. Feet pointed towards you is a clear sign that someone is into you. It’s a limbic brain response, where the feet point the heart follows.

Their Body Language is Open
There are windows all over your body. At your eyes at your neck, your heart, the palm of the hands your knees and the bottoms of your feet. They keep their windows open to you to show they feel safe and want to connect to you.

Nod Your Head
You do not have to have a bobble toy head, just occasionally nod your head to show you are listening and empathetic with the speaker’s message. A bonus of nodding your head is that it releases endorphin-like chemicals into your bloodstream to make you feel good and feel more affable about the speaker. Be aware that women nod their heads whether they agree with the speaker’s message or not. Men may think that you agree with them if you nod too much; so be careful not to give mere feedback “I’m Listening” nods if you disagree with what a man is saying.

Turn Off Technology
We have become so accustomed to answering the phone while looking at our computers, leaving our hands on the keyboards when someone comes into our offices to talk and leaving our cell phones and PDA’s on and attached to our waists at all times that we forget how rude all those things are. Signal your intent to really listen by turning away from your computer, letting phone calls go to voice mail, ignoring or turning off your cell phone or pager and saying out loud, “Let me turn this off while we talk.” It’s amazing what a difference it will make in the impression you will give to your customer--- because so few listeners take the time to be that polite

Lean Forward
Proximity, that is, being physically close, signals your desire to be emotionally or physiologically close. I don’t mean get in their face but, merely lean in toward the speaker. Research shows that in a seated conversation, a backward lean communicates that you are dominant. A forward lean shows interest.
In addition to keeping their body language open, the experts say to pay attention to the angle of their body. If your date tends to angle themselves toward you, that's a good sign. If someone is into you, they'll lean forward, their feet will point only to you and they may cross their legs towards you. This is especially true if the learning occurs when you are the one doing the talking since it shows real engagement and interest.

They Give You A True Smile
If someone is really attracted to you, the experts say their smile is a dead giveaway — that is, if it's a true smile. But what is a true smile? “A smile with both eyebrows raised extra high for a moment or a longer look than he or she gives anyone else. A true smile is one that also extends beyond the mouth and into the eyes. The easiest sign to look for is the smile with the mouth only, not with the eyes. True engagement is shown all with a smile in the eyes!”

Expose Your Heart
You do not need to unbutton your shirt and show your superman “S” to show you’re listening; just make sure that you turn towards the speaker. Orient the heart and ideally the upper portion of your body toward the speaker. People self-disclose more to listeners facing toward them. Even a quarter turn away signals a lack of interest to the speaker and makes the speaker shut down. It also says something about your response to the message. Research shows that when people feel under attack and/or defensive or have low self-esteem they protect their vulnerable heart area on their chest. Body language is a wonderfully symbolic language. To communicate you are an open, confident speaker and listener, you need to show your heart. 

There are gender differences. When men are sitting directly across a table or desk from one another, the desk or table almost acts as a castle wall and the direct heart-to-heart message changes to a challenge, creating a feeling of competition between men and making them share less than they do when they are seated side to side.

Remove Barriers
That means take away things that block the access or view of the speaker and you. The barrier used most often is the arms. Though we have over sixty different motivations for folding our arms, speakers see any arm fold as a barrier and a cue that you are not listening. In fact, of all the different body language postures, the arm fold is the most obvious indication of a lack of interest. You retain 30 percent less information from the speaker when you listen with your arms crossed. So, unfold your arms. In addition, move the phone, books or stacks of papers on the desk that sit between the front of your body and the speaker’s view. You can even show that you are blocking a speaker’s message by holding your beverage glass in front of your upper chest.

There is no greater gift to give to someone than your interest. Be GENTLER with your listening.

To learn more about using body language to increase your business success or contact Patti Wood at www.pattiwood.net.



Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Ariana Grande & Mikey Foster’s Body Language In The “Boyfriend” Music Video


This was an interesting body language read to do.

https://www.elitedaily.com/p/ariana-grande-mikey-fosters-body-language-in-the-boyfriend-music-video-is-sweet-18551190

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Body Language of Joe Biden and Kamla Harris in the Democratic Presidential Candidate Debate

Body Language of Joe Biden and Kamla Harris in the Democratic Presidential Candidate Debate

The three key exchanges that I analyzed for the media are here.  Note the power dynamics in the interactions and tell me what you think about their paralanguage that is his calm voice and her anger. I shared with the reporter the research on how women's voices are heard in the men's brains and how we interrupt anger differently when it is shown in a woman as opposed to a man and said that some people will look at the last two exchanges and say she sounds angry and shrill and criticize her and say he is more restrained and presidential and others are going to hear her voice and say she sounds appropriately angry and powerful. I will put up the research as well.
2. Exchange about health care: https://www.youtube.com/watch…
3. Exchange about the Hyde amendment:
https://twitter.com/CNN/status/1156766937705340929Body Language in the Biden Harris Debate


Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Design that Gives the Middle Seat Passenger a Few More Inches

This is interesting. This is a design that gives the middle seat passenger a few more inches in width but lowers the seat and pushes it behind the other two seats which would lower the passenger in that middle seat's power and status nonverbally. This is one of the many times I wish a designer of a product had consulted an expert in nonverbal communication or just called me as an expert at being short! Seriously, as a professional speaker who every single week I can give you my short girl Million Miler opinion. 


Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

How Can a Group Accept and Even Defend a Member in the Group with Despicable Behavior?

As many of you know as a body language expert I write and speak to my corporate clients about honesty, integrity, and credibility as well as deception, narcissism, and psychopathology. 

I have a chapter in my forthcoming book about how other people respond to “dark triad” behaviors like Malignant Narcissism and it struck me that most people don't understand how a group can they tolerate someone. they know has done great harm. How can it happen? In group narcissism, we see an unquestioning loyalty and admiration for the group and an intense fervor in the persecution of any person who questions the authority of the overarching ideals of the group. The group will do anything to ignore any bad behavior of their fellow narcissists, give him a pass and then another pass, normalize unhealthy behaviors bullying, abusive and dangerous behavior. They will defend one of their own kind, for fear of losing the group. They will even attack any innocent person or persons who threaten the group status quo. The group is their breath, their life, their sustenance, their "supply." In the presence of other narcissists, who reflect back “like” behaviors they don't see their dark selves. In the group, they are whole and belong. They may see damage in others, yet it only serves to make them feel superior. And in fact, their very acceptance of the dark damage in their fellow tribe members may make them think they are good people! They don’t consider the fact that in a healthy group dark damage behavior are called out as unacceptable. 

Fromm explains, “[an] individual narcissist, who is out on his own, comparing himself to normal people may see he lacks a moral core unless he is mentally very sick, he may have at least some doubts about his image. But, if he joins a group that has other narcissists, he has none, since his narcissism is shared by the majority” (ibid., p.204). They feed each other giving each other narcissistic supply. If they lose members, they will seek out new supply, some just like them, or "Empaths" (honest trusting people) the group can use and abuse. Narcissists love the "supply" being in a group gives them. "...it works as protection and amplification of their own narcissism.” One would expect the narcissist to be ‘above’ such social conformity, but this group represents a “stepping up.” of his pathology. It is also gratifying to the weak and untalented narcissist since he becomes a giant by belonging to the group."


"The group members are often mistaken for nice fellows, who are socially mature and respectful towards other people. Nothing could be further from the truth. It is a chimera. Such people are only providing for their own narcissism by way of reflection in the group. Scratch on the surface, and a nasty intolerance appears.” (They will gossip about and stab members in the back) 


Many psychologists tend to view the social group as an ideal for the individual to attain. What is true is that a healthy group filled with loving honest caring people is the ideal. But, as you know, marriage is an ideal as well and there are unhealthy abusive marriages, in which an abusive spouse may brag about his great marriage He gains social status from being in marriage that is not what it seems. In the same way there are group members, who brag about their group membership that are in toxic groups, pathological version of bonding called group narcissism. 


So if you have read this far, you may get a greater understanding of why some political party members may cling to their group memberships, some church or teams or clubs may do anything to protect the group even if it means or protecting a member known abusing women and known pedophiles.  So, what can you do?


Think of your tribe first. Are you speaking well of or badly about others behind their backs? Does your group allow constant complaining? Is their complaining without positive action that creates positive change? Is their anger mongering, shouting, shutting people down, bullying, gossiping, name calling, sexual discrimination, judging? Do members talk badly about others behind their back? What do you think is ok? What are you accepting?

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.