What Your Sunglasses Say About You DISC personality

What Your Sunglasses Say About Your
DISC personality
By Patti Wood MA, CSP, Body Language Expert and Professional Speaker
The Amiable or Get Along. This personality type is most likely to wear modest sunglasses. They don’t mind being a little trendy but only have the trend has been around a very long time. (Yes, in other words, is so in it is almost out of style and everybody has a pair. They want to wear sunglasses that everybody is wearing once everybody has them.
This type of person wants to be your friend. They respond to heavy use of the word "you" and the promise of an ongoing relationship. They like warmhearted friendly conversations and a relaxed pace. Ask about their weekend and their kids before you ask for work from them. In fact, you should build relationship credits with them every week so when you really need them you have relationship credits to draw on when you are in dire straights. Also, know a warm Hello and a sincere thank you are as necessary as food and water to the Amiable. Amiable think carefully before taking any action and they don’t like change so you really need to talk them through any new projects or changes in old routines to get them to buy in and follow through otherwise they will keep doing it the old way or what they may consider the way that has “always worked before.” They need to feel a sense of security before moving forward. The best way to get work from an amiable is to become their friend.  Make your body language warm, smile, and your voice soft and relaxed.
The Expressive or Get Appreciated. Their goals include accentuating their personality. They will wear the old is new again bug eyeglasses that the biggest celebrities are wearing.  They want to express themselves. And be big, bold and outrageous.  They are the most likely to choose sunglasses with brightly colored frames, are unusual with rhinestones and glitter and other assorted bling. They are also the most likely to have multiple pairs of sunglasses, a veritable sunglass wardrobe so they can dress for their mood and the occasion.
This type of person wants to be challenged they enjoy learning about new, exciting things. So if you present them with a new project they may jump on it just because it is new.  But because they love new stuff they are easily bored and may not follow through on work that requires details or lots of small print forms and multiple steps. If you need that kind of detail work from them, you may have to check back with them or provide some sort of social interaction or a pat on the back feedback when they do. For example, when they turn in their monthly timesheets or travel vouchers on Fridays let them know that they will get to sit and have coffee with you. Or instead of emailing in work have them present it at the weekly meeting! Or whenever they email those kinds of detailed projects to you, you send them a cartoon or funny photo or a personal email. They burn hot and cold, so keep your face to face or over the phone delivery lively. They like bold statements, new directions, initiatives, bright ideas and enjoy a good sense of humor.  Expressive types like to lead and influence others so if you give them tasks where they can get other people on board you will have a highly motivated worker.  And if they are hip to your project they will be your rah cheerleader and supporter. They liked to be noticed and appreciated that is like food and water for them and feeds them deeply.

So now you know how to present your ideas projects and tasks to others. You can get more accomplished with a lot less stress. Make your body language energetic and open and your voice upbeat and fast-paced.

The Analytical or get it right. This type is smart careful and accurate. They want their sunglasses to work correctly and not be noticeable or wild. They are the most likely personality type to wear Changeable glasses that darken automatically into sunglasses when worn out into the sun. They love the practical sunglass clips that clip onto regular glasses and if they spend the money on sunglasses that are prescription they are the most likely to get Bi-focal - These sunglasses are meant to provide prescription magnifying assistance for those requiring a little extra help while reading. Since this type of person is the one that reads the fine print and the instructions, they want to make sure to have the correct prescription. They are practical about their sunglass purchase and will keep them for a long time. They have trouble making decisions about purchasing their sunglasses because they have so many details to consider. They welcome documentation, lengthy testimonial and statistical evidence that prove that the ones they are buying have the highest UVA and protection. They will have a case for their sunglasses.
When you are talking to a Get it right, you can explain until you are blue in the face, and they will ask for more. They have great insights and opinions and don’t always get a chance to express them out loud so ask for them before you tell them, “Do it this way.” and you will get more buy-in. Whether you give them a task face to face or through email they will email you back with problems mistakes and why it won’t work. Be prepared and if possible make sure you deal with their criticisms face to face or your project will drag out and weigh down with back and forth conversations and emails with what not analytical would consider minutia. Even when you think the “deal is done” they will want to come back with one more fix.  Analyzers are cautious because they want to make sure it is done the right way and produces the perfect result. They typically think if you just give them more time or let them do it their way they can make it perfect. To avoid delays you may even give a deadline for criticism and say, “Get back to by this date with problems and after that no matter what we will go forward. To make sure they are receptive, don’t interrupt them, they like their solitude and prefer to know you will be coming to talk to them rather than having you just drop by. Make your body language appropriate and reserved and your voice slow and low volumed and allow long silent pauses for them to think before they speak.
The Bottom-liner or Get it Done. This personality will spend the most money on a single pair of couture sunglasses. They prefer a top name like Gucci and they love to have the designer name on the glasses. If they have more than one very nice pair of sunglasses, the other pair or pairs will be needed for and special activity. They will have mirrored or aviators for snow skiing. High impact for sports and a Bike helmet with special UVR protection for motorcycling or racing. They will always purchase the top luxury brand. They may skimp on other things but not on something that others will see them in every day. If there is Mercedes of eyeglass wear the Get it Done will have them. They rationalize that if you buy the best you will have them for years.

They will also want it. This type of person values brevity and makes quick decisions. They want you to tell them short and sweet what you do and what you want them to do. They like summaries and they want to be told their task.  Forget the boring details, and for goodness sake don’t repeat yourself. Make your email requests to them in bullet points. They can juggle multiple tasks but like the feeling of getting a task done. You may want to break long term detailed projects down into mini-projects for them. They like to get things done and then move on. So don’t be wishy-washy and give them something to do then change your mind about it. They fear a lack of control so they need to know they are in charge of their part of the project. They gain energy from being in charge and meeting challenges and forceful and commanding so know what you want to say it and stick to it. Make your body language confident and your eye contact direct and your voice strong and fast-paced.

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.

The Story of Roy and Learning To Love and Be Loved

The Story of Roy and Learning To Love and Be Loved

I wish I could have a reunion with my best friend Roy Moyer. He died years ago, at the age of 29. We met at freshman orientation at Florida State University in Tallahassee. I looked across the room and saw this tall, handsome Nordic blonde guy smiling and I said to myself: ‘There is my life’s best friend.” We became like brother and sister, closer even, we were twin souls. 

For years, we did everything together. We giggled and laughed and danced through our college years. We were housemates along with our friend Lisa our senior year; we fixed hundreds of awesome dinners together; we shopped and traveled together, and we shared our innermost feelings and experiences. In fact, sharing something with Roy was often the best part of a new event in my life and hearing something wonderful that Roy experienced made me as happy as it made him.

Roy was warm and funny, goofy and silly in a Dudley Doo Right kind of way. He was kind and loving and generous and had a deep full laugh that was contagious. We accepted each other down to the core. Someone loving you that much made you feel loved absolutely. Roy taught me that people showed their love in different ways even saying “Patti  when I fix your broken necklace, I am showing I love you.” “When I reach something from a high shelf for you I am showing that I love you and I know when you have my favorite big BLT fixed for me at lunch you are loving me and when you let me sing off-key through a long car ride you’re showing that you love me.”
We were tender and affectionate with one another. Like, a brother and sister. I was not attracted to him, which worked well as he was gay. Instead, we completed each other. We had both come from abusive households. He had big scars on his back from where his father had beaten him with a belt, my scars were less visible. Our friendship healed many of those scars. 

And oh how we matched. We laughed at how often would dress in a similar way — same dark blue jeans, same leather jacket. Both of us even had red shoes, mine pumps, and his oxfords. We would sit in a similar way next to each other on the couch. When we got on the phone, we talked in a similar tone and rhythm. When we were sitting across the table from each other eating, we would both pick up and put down our knives at the same time. Our sameness made us feel comfortable around one
another. Being with each other was like being home. Years later I would have a housemate Pat who wrote her Master’s thesis novel loosely based her life during our year's housemates. Her professors said that my closeness and matching with Roy did not make sense. So in her novel, she made Roy and I twins!

After college, he moved to Atlanta and became a social worker. I went to Auburn University to pursue a master’s degree, and then returned to Tallahassee to begin a Ph.D. program.  Roy and I were as close as ever. We talked for hours on our weekly phone calls and visited each other every few months.I lived in a small town where I couldn’t go shopping without running into someone I knew.  Roy and I were so close that when my friends in Tallahassee who hadn’t even met Roy knew he was my “Twin Soul” so when they would see me they would always ask, “How are you?” “How is Roy?” 

Years passed. I had a four-bedroom house with a big fenced-in yard, a steady boyfriend, a group of friends that were like a second family, wonderful housemates and a great dog. I took martial arts classes, and. I’d eat grape nuts for breakfast and joked with my housemate Pat about our crazy dream from the night before. I’d start my day singing in the shower and then get in my car singing along with the songs on my radio on my way to work.

I had my own consulting company and taught communication at Florida State; my class in nonverbal communication had 150 students enrolled each semester. I was living a happily-ever-after existence and Roy was always a part of me and I was always a part of him.

When we were both 29 Roy and I went to visit Roy and we went walking in Atlanta’s Piedmont Park. His big 6’2 frame towered above my petite five feet two inches. It was a beautiful spring day and as we circled the lake and I was blissfully breathing the fragrant flowered air so happy to be Roy. As we rounded a curve, Roy stopped, brushed back his blonde hair, turned toward me and said, “Patti, I’m dying.” 

I heard a loud gut-wrenching scream crying “No!” echo across the lake. It took me a moment to realize the scream was mine.

At that moment, everything in my life began to change. I knew with certainty I had to move to Atlanta to be with Roy. I didn’t ask him if he wanted me to come, I just decided. People thought I was crazy. But it was really selfish – I just had to be with him.

Within a few days, my boyfriend had broken up with me - he was afraid of being infected from my innocent friendship with Roy - and I began getting rid of my belongings. I sold almost everything in the house down to the bare walls. I took the cash and left my house, my friends, and my speaking business.  I took a job as at temp receptionist in Atlanta to make ends meet, exchanging a $1,000-a-program speaking life for a $7.50-an-hour wage. Instead of being treated with respect and admiration, I was treated like a servant.

I took a small apartment and fitfully slept on a borrowed mattress on the floor of my closet. I was alone in a city filled with strangers.  I would visit Roy every day he was in the hospital and sit on the edge of his bed, holding his hand. And though Roy and I would laugh as we always did, our jokes were about the glove-wearing hospital staff that tried to avoid touching him, his new free hospital gown wardrobe with built-in” ties in back” air-conditioning and about his new easy diet plan, we called “Wendy’s drive-through” a drip from a stand above his bed when he could no longer eat.  

Over the year I watched him decline, he went from a being a strapping six-foot 2-inch man to an emaciated 90-pounds that I could carry in my arms. I would return home each night, take a shower and weep uncontrollably. My sleep was filled with concentration camp filled nightmares. I saw Roy lose his ability to first walk, then to eat, then to remember, to speak and finally his ability to breathe.

Roy died in July before his 30th birthday. I could not believe that the world would keep spinning without that sweet “Roy boy.” I could not believe that I didn’t die too. I was so surprised that I could actually go on breathing without him. His family insisted I have his ashes. He told me before he died, he wanted me to have his ashes so someday he could come to my wedding.  

I envision a reunion with him. It would start out with just for the two of us. We would walk around his beloved Piedmont Park in Atlanta. As we walked, we’d catch up on each other’s news. We’d laugh about him never getting older than 29 and the fact that I am much older but still a tiny blonde.

We would cry over having missed so many dinners and trips with each other. I’d tell him about the speaking practice I rebuilt after he died. I’d express regret that I haven’t yet married, so don’t yet have a son I can name Roy. I’d tell him how sorry I am that his sickness prevented him from marrying the man he loved, who later also died of AIDS. 

Then we’d go for dinner at one of his favorite restaurants. He loved great food, and we would share a dessert. We’d meet up with friends afterward and go dancing together until the wee hours.

And I’d thank him for being the best friend in the world to me, for making my life so much richer through the gift of his unconditional love, truly teaching me what is to love and be loved.

--Patti Wood, Atlanta, GA, motivational speaker, and consultant on nonverbal communication and body language. 

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.

What Research Shows That The DISC System Is Valid? DISC Personality Test

What Research Shows That The DISC System Is Valid? 

Many university’s behavioral sciences and psychology departments have conducted research into the validity of the four type Model of Human Behavior. In 1921, Carl Jung published Psychological Types in Germany, identifying and describing four “types.” William Moulton Marston earned his doctorate from Harvard in 1921, and was professor at both Harvard and Columbia Universities. In 1928, he published The Emotions of Normal People, advancing his DISC theory. In the 1950’s, Walter Clark developed an assessment tool based on Marston’s work, the “Activity Vector Analysis.” Today, more than 50 companies use the Marston DISC Theory as the basis for examining patterns of behavior. Experts in psychometrics evaluate the validity of the assessment tool, comparing it (among others) to: Wechsler Adult Intelligence Scale, Myers Briggs Type Indicator, Cattell 16 Personality Factor Questionnaire, Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory (MMPI), Strong Interest Inventory, and the Performax Personal Profile. Marston styled assessment tools have been administered to over 30,000,000 people worldwide and they enjoy respect in the business and education communities. More than 81% of the participant’s colleagues see it as a very accurate picture of his or her habitual behavior patterns. Among those who are primarily “D” in their style, accuracy is rated at 91%; for “I” types, it is 94%. Primarily “S” type individuals perceive an 85% accuracy, while for “C” types, it is 82%. This gives us an 88.49% perceived accuracy, with a standard deviation of 6.43%. In other words, the report generated by this process is perceived as highly accurate, in most situations, by most participants.

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.

Hugging the Porcupine - Why We Hold Onto a Bad or Even an Abusive Relationship, Client, Employee, or Process.

Hugging A Porcupine
By Patti Wood
I watched my friend make a dinner tray to take up to his girlfriend who was under the weather. He carefully placed the dinner he made on the best dishes, folded a linen napkin, put a little flower he picked from the garden into a cup onto it and smile as took the tray upstairs. Moments later I could hear his girlfriend scream at him about all the things he had done wrong making the dinner and putting it on the tray. He came downstairs upset and beaten down. I had watched him being abused by his girlfriend for years. He had used every communication strategy to stop it. But she wasn’t going to change. He wouldn’t leave her. He said he had invested too many years in the relationship. He said he stayed, not because he still loved her, but because the investment he had made. He couldn’t let the relationship go and give himself the chance for future happiness, because he didn’t want to think of the years he invested as a waste. And for him the thought of starting a new life was daunting.
My friend was hugging a porcupine. Holding onto something that hurt him over and over again because of “sunk costs.”
In economics, a sunk cost is anything that has been paid and cannot be recovered. The problem is when a person or businesses investment has been a loss, and their own aversion to loss compels them to make further bad decisions related to the investment, such as putting more time or money towards it based on a fear of loss. In our personal lives, we may hold on to mates, friends, or even groups that are toxic or simply causing us pain.
In business, we may hold onto a client, vendor, employee, software program, or a process because of what we spent on it, and or how much we have invested in it or to avoid the pain of having to change or start something new. We may be able to see someone in an abusive relationship and ask, “Why do they stay?? But when the porcupine is ours, we may not let see as clearly and let go.
I had a coaching client who got what he thought was a great client who offered him more money than he had ever gotten from one client. He had hired new employees, to serve this Client X, purchased new insurance and more to serve client X. But client X was awful, demanding he fire people, creating insurance risks and more. Client X was a porcupine. In my coaching, I work with clients that have porcupines and help them gently let go of a bad employee or a misery-inducing client, heal themselves and their businesses from the pokes and start again with a healthier choice than a barbed porcupine!  
Many porcupine huggers are overly optimistic. They think that the next experience they have with porcupine person or process will be positive and somehow correct the previous, negative experience. Unfortunately, this rarely happens, and instead, the pain is merely prolonged.
Do you have any Porcupines in your life? Is there someone or something that is causing you pain that you need to let go?

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.

How to Gain Power and Confidence, Body Language Tips to Look and Feel Confident.

The broader your stance typically the more powerful you feel or want to feel. There’s physics to it the more space you take up the less of a pushover you are as well as a message of the power you send to others. A standard stance for women is feet four to six inches apart. So, you can slightly widen your stance, even an inch would help you feel more grounded and powerful. Again you don’t need to make it a lot bigger to have an effect on you. Even the choice to widen your stance shifts your emotions and gives you a feeling of control over the situation.

So note, our feet communicate exactly what we think and feel more honestly than another part of our bodies. (Morris, 1985, 244) Generally, people are focused on controlling their facial expressions and torsos and upper body while communicating, the feet are vital to us responding to danger and stress we need them to freeze, flee, fight, fall.  By broadening your stance you look like you stronger but don’t widen so much that the other person or people think you have gone into full fight mode.

When you monitoring your self check out your own feet how you feel about your self the topic or situation and the other person or people you are with. 

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.