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ALTERNATIVES to the HANDSHAKE for GERM-FREE GREETINGS by Patti Wood Body Language Expert



HANDSHAKE ALTERNATIVES 
For Face to Face and Online Interactions
For you and for your company
(suitable to send out to your team)
By Patti Wood, Body Language Expert, Speaker and Coach

 I wanted to give you and perhaps your company handshake alternatives that can feel comfortable for you and your team. I want to make sure you feel prepared so you don’t fear to greet others and you don’t have that awkward moment when you and the other person won't know what to do and someone feels bad and your time together is impacted. Those milliseconds can make a big difference. Because the greeting ritual has physiological benefits, I also encourage you to create a nonverbal greeting and goodbye ritual when you interact online via Skype or some other format. I want to have ways to acknowledge how special each human being on this little blue planet is and what a sacred thing we do when we interact heart to heart and talk with each other.

First know that without an acceptable form of touch, we will be losing an invaluable bonding mechanism that helps us feel safe and lets us bring down the “stranger barrier” and connect.  I share this with you because I want to emphasize that greeting rituals allow not just to create a positive first impression and connect and reduce conflict. If you don’t shake hands or have an alternative ritual, there is a cost.  I have done three years of academic research on handshakes and greeting rituals and let me share, you need to do some sort of ritual even online.

Start the Greeting Earlier. If you are face to face start at about 8 to 6 feet out. If you are shaking hands you typically smile when you are four feet apart and again as you get close. If you start the greeting earlier, you can create contact in time to signal that you want to create a different ritual and NOT SHAKE HANDS.  What you want to do is slow down the greeting, so you have the time to change the greeting graciously.

Wave- hold up your open pam and wave. An open palm signals directly to the primitive brain that you come in peace and friendship. It was said to have originated with American Indians to signal to others that you held no weapon and come in peace. I highly recommend you use this in your video and live stream interactions like Facebook live, Zoom and Webex. To make that seem more natural move your upper body forward slightly as you wave. Practice it a bit before you go online. And I recommend that you use it as an online goodbye as well. 

Salute and Wave combo. Place your hand palm down near your forehead. As you make eye contact with the person and before you get too close, keep your hand at head level, flash your palm outward to show you come in friendship. You can do this from anywhere from 8 to 3 feet out. Military members raise their right hand so that their fingers touch their forehead in a salute. Typically, we salute someone to publicly show or state our admiration for them. You may not know that it meant to also convey the message of good health and goodwill to the recipient.  The word itself, Salutem, in Latin, means health, safety, greeting, and survival.
 The LEAN IN - with your arms at your sides with a slight bow lean in  -This shows that first of all are NOT offering your hand but also that you come in peace and still allows you to acknowledge the person as special, that you honor them and that the and the interaction as special.
The NAMASTE – Originally a Hindu greeting and used in the 2000s by celebrities who didn’t want to shake hands with fans in red carpet greeting. The Namaste is a slight bow and hands pressed together, palms touching and fingers pointing upwards, thumbs close to the chest. In Hinda, you actually say the word NAMASTE but you don’t have to but its a beautiful greeting and the actual ritual its called “Añjali Mudrā;”  In Hinduism, it means "I bow to the divine in you".

THE PEACE SIGN or Victory V  -  I wanted to offer another option that signals a greeting that could catch on as we battel whatever this cold/flu/virus gives us and come out in peace and victory. This thought of creating this for our season of germs started with my friend Carl who is a biker. He is smart, cool and he greets fellow bikers on the road with a peace sign. Yes, the peace sign! Who knew the hippy, bead wearing right hand up, palm facing out with two fingers spread in a slight “V” greeting?   Remember, we like people who are like us. The various versions of the peace symbol given by bikers show other bikers they have something in common. Bikers will slightly raise their fingers off the handlebars in the peace “V” to greet fellow drivers, especially those riding similar bike brands, type of bike or helmet.
  During World War II, Victor de Laveleye, a Belgian refugee, suggested during a BBC broadcast that his countrymen use the letter V as a rallying sign. The “V” is the first letter of victoire (victory) in French and vrijheid (freedom) in Dutch. Soon you could see “V” in graffiti all over Belgium and then all of Nazi-occupied Europe and given as a hand sign. It was a message that said to the occupier that “he is surrounded, encircled by an immense crowd of citizens that don’t want this occupation.  British Prime Minister Winston Churchill popularized the V symbol as victory.  1958, the artist Gerald Holton began using the graphic representation of the “V” in an opposite way from the World War II usage, casting it as a symbol for peace to create the peace symbol.         
It is a greeting that shows others your own beliefs and desires and asking in return, "Are you part of my tribe? Will you interact with me in harmony?”
I suggest that if you are meeting face to face or online with business associates, friends or family that you talk about how you would like to great. Perhaps pick a team or family or friendship tribal greeting ritual like the fist bump was created to show we are in this together.

Because we also need a ritual to show we are done and grateful for the interaction will return in peace again I suggest you end with one of these rituals or your own special parting as well. I also suggest you think of how you might want to change your signature line to adjust to what's going on. I have been using Take Care as my online signature for many years in my business and personal life because I want people to know I send them care and want them to go carefully, perhaps you may think of a new way to sign off your emails and texts as well.
 and Whatever way you choose to greet I want to remember to think of the sacredness of each person. We are in this together spinning on our little blue planet.  



Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.














Older Version
ALTERNATIVES to the HANDSHAKE for GERM-FREE GREETINGS
For you and for your team
(Suitable to discuss and send out to your team.)
By Patti Wood, Body Language Expert, Speaker and Coach


With concerns about germs, you and your team may want to have an alternative way to greet others rather than shaking hands. If you’ve been in my body language and first impressions program, you know that a handshake is equal to three hours of face-to-face interaction. That ritual is wired in for many of us, so you want to make sure in those critical milliseconds where you're changing the ritual that you have a new plan and don’t have that awkward moment in which someone feels bad and your time together is impacted negatively. 
Your greeting is a way to acknowledge how special each human being on this little blue planet is and what a sacred thing we do when we interact heart-to-heart to talk with each other.

Options that avoid palm to palm hand contact.
Greetings provide an invaluable bonding mechanism that helps us feel safe and lets us bring down the “stranger barrier,” create the first impression, connect and reduce conflict. In my research on handshakes and greeting rituals, I have learned how important it is to do some sort of ritual, including ones that you can do several feet away. 

Start the Greeting Earlier, at about 8 to 6 feet out.
When preparing to shake hands, you typically make extended eye contact, smile, and put out your hand when you are four feet apart. For the new ritual, start greeting early and look and smile at six to eight feet. You then create a signal you will not shake hands.  You need to plan and act ahead of the four feet, before the other person puts their hand out and change the natural progression graciously so you can still build that rapport and not just freeze in place. 

Now let’s start with least contact options and then move to other low contact options.


Slight bow - You simply place your arms at your sides, lean towards then give a slight mini bow -This shows you are NOT offering your hand but, you come in peace. It still allows you to acknowledge the person as special, that you honor them and your interaction to follow. You can also cross make this more heart-centered by actually placing your hand crossed over your heart as you bow. 

Salute and Wave combo. This one you can do even 10 feet out or closer.  Place your hand palm down near your forehead. As you make eye contact with the person and before you get too close, keep your hand at head level, flash your palm outward to show you come in friendship. You can do this from anywhere from 8 to 3 feet out. Military members raise their right hand so that their fingers touch their forehead in a salute. Typically, we salute someone to publicly show or state our admiration for them. You may not know that it also means to convey a message of good health and goodwill to the recipient.  The word itself, Salutem, in Latin means health, safety, greeting and survival.

The NAMESTÉ - The namaste is a slight bow with hands pressed together, palms touching and fingers pointing upwards, thumbs close to the chest. Originally a Hindu greeting and used in the 2000’s by celebrities who didn’t want to shake hands with fans in red carpet greeting. Tn Hindi you say the word namaste. You don’t have to but it’s a beautiful greeting. The actual ritual is called “Añjali Mudrā;” In Hindi, it means "I bow to the divine in you".

THE PEACE SIGN or Victory V - I wanted to offer another option for you that signals a greeting that could catch on as we battle whatever this cold/flu/virus gives us and come out in peace and victory. The idea for this started with my friend Carl who is a biker. He is smart and cool, and he greets fellow bikers on the road with a peace sign. Yes, the peace sign! The hippy greeting: right hand up, palm facing out with two fingers spread in a slight “V” greeting. The various versions of the peace symbol given by bikers shows other bikers they have something in common. Bikers will slightly raise their fingers off the handlebars in the peace “V” to greet fellow bikers.  

During World War II, A Belgian, suggested during a BBC broadcast that his countrymen use the letter V as a rallying sign. The “V” is the first letter of victoire (victory) in French and vrijheid (freedom) in Dutch. British Prime Minister Winston Churchill popularized the sign as victory. If you show the peace symbol it shows others your own beliefs and desires and asking in return, "Are you part of my tribe? Will you interact with me in harmony?”


The Graceful Dodge
If you see the potential handshake that goes to shake hands you can merely stop in place and smile and offer one of the options below this but if they continue to try to shake hands.  
Break eye contact
1.     Step forward on your left foot. (Your right foot is your “handshaking foot” – the foot that normally moves first for a handshake so with the change you are sending a signal to the approaching person’s limbic brain that you are changing the ritual.) This is a new habit that you can start immediately for the germ season and you can include left foot forward on all the options.
2.     Present only the left side of your body, which effectively closes off your body windows and again stops the handshake.
Pre Corona Virus you would touch then on their left forearm but we need to avoid that contact for now. 

Whatever way you choose to greet, I want you to remember to think of the sacredness of each person. We are in this together spinning on our little blue planet. 

For now, I would not recommend any contact even to clothing but, here are the ones those with contact. 

THE ELBOW TAP- With this greeting you still get contact. And it's fun. 

THE DAP or Fist Bump - This is a touch option so you may need to hold off on it but, I just love what it means! The “dap” – two fists bumped together, knuckle to knuckle, originated in the battlefields of the Vietnam War. My friend John was a marine in the Vietnam War We created the Fist Bump so that if the other guy knew the “secret greeting ritual,” it helped them identify friend from foe.  A fist says, “I have power and I am willing and able to fight.” Each fist moving toward the other symbolizes a sense of determination and power. When n two or more people high raised arm bumps its a symbol of unity, a feeling of “we will win this together “



This content is modified from my book SNAP Making the Most of First Impressions Body Language and Charisma. 


(If you decide to go ahead with shaking hands, you have an after option. Shake hands and discreetly slip away to wash your hands or have Purell in your pocket or purse. Infectious viruses clinging to a tissue can last for about 15 minutes, but viruses on the hands between their PH and the porous nature tend to fade quickly. Most will be only a minimal threat 30 seconds to ten minutes. We think of hands as being the germiest thing, but according to research, hard surfaces, like metal and your phone are much worse. We check our phones 58 times a day and touch our phone as we interact with it a whopping 2,600 times a day.)


https://www.journalofaccountancy.com/newsletters/2018/apr/how-often-use-phone-every-day.html?fbclid=IwAR156zpG0I7CkpvP0aC3JBQv1katgkltEpnk_sZWrjQ2RqPaItpJ7hpnDZo






Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Ghosting- Methods to Deal with Getting No Response by Patti Wood Body Language Expert


You are working with someone and sending messages back and forth. Suddenly there is a drastic drop in messages or worse, no messages. You have now been sucked into the “black hole.”  You're staring at your computer screen or device guessing at the reasons for the change; you reread the last few messages searching for clues, like Sherlock Homes but without the hat, pipe, and your trusted sidekick Watson.  Does the silence mean anger, indifference, stubborn withdrawal, passive-aggressive punishment? Inside the agony of this ambiguity, the black hole, we project our own expectations, emotions, and anxieties.  People can “ghost” assignments- simply ignoring deadlines. Potential business partners can “ghost” each other to avoid having a difficult conversation, or even sending the brief, dreaded and altogether unpleasant and mysterious, “We have decided to go another way.”
Here is how to unravel the mystery!
Changes in the pacing of an e-mail, and texting, are nonverbal communications that typically reflect one or more of these issues.
1.)  What they think about you.    2.) How they feel about the topic/task/product you were discussing with them.   3.) What’s going on in your division or company.  4.) What’s going on in their lives.
Here is the biggest secret revealed that will be helpful for the rest of your life. It’s usually about them. The research supports the fact that most nonverbal communication reflects what is going on with the sender!  So always, ALWAYS go there first when you are trying to figure out what the heck is going on. If there is an absence of communication, your first thought should be, “I’m wondering what’s going on with them?” With this in mind, let’s go through several ways to deal with professional ghosting.
 Methods to Deal with Professional Ghosting
Three requests and no responses in most professional circumstances is “ghosting” If it is a normal professional situation and you are not a salesperson where seven contacts into the black hole abyss may be the norm, here are steps you can take:
1)
First notch up your request if it has nothing to do with you, your work project, team, company or job. If they have not responded in three normal “asks” via text or email, assume it’s them and something is wrong in their life or circumstances or workload. Try recognizing that they may be dealing with something and can’t or don’t want to share. If they are a professional colleague and you are on a deadline and need them you could say:
Dear Alan,
I haven’t heard back, and we both know this project is on a deadline and I am concerned about you, please let me know you are ok.”
Or a really ramped up version for the cold and flu season:
Dear Alan,
I am so concerned as I have not heard back from you and I am worried something is wrong. If so, know I am sorry and hope all will be well soon. Whatever is preventing you from communicating I need to know if you can finish the project by this Friday or we need to call in someone else on the project. If I don’t hear from you by tomorrow morning at 10:00 I will see if we can bring in someone else.   
2)
Oddly, we don’t often choose the obvious action when we aren’t clear what’s going on and go talk to the person or pick up the phone! If the medium you are using is not working and there is a face-to-face or phone option escalates your commitment to get a response and go talk to them or pick up the phone. If you are stressed or angry, prepare what you are going to say and breathe and calm down.
Possible Call - “Hi Alan, I know you may be on overload and I haven’t heard back via email, so I wanted to talk to you. How are you? Be willing to hear how Alan is doing and be prepared to hear reasons why you didn’t hear back, listen patiently, if needed be empathetic. Then move on to the task. “Do you have an answer on whether you can get that project done by Friday?” “Great, I will go back and send you an email so we have that commitment down and I will expect it on Friday.” If Alan tries to delay again, decide how you will respond.  Will you request to hear by end of day? Will you drop by or call again and seek an answer end of the day? What wiggle room is right for the circumstances?
3)
The Go Around - Sometimes you must be resourceful to get the job done. That may mean you need to go around the Black Hole to a different part of the business universe to another person. But be very careful. You must be aware of corporate culture rules and norms. I believe it’s important to send an honest message out to inform the person that you are taking a different tack. 
“Hi. I know you may be busy. I have contacted you three times via email and left two messages and have not heard back. I am concerned and we need an immediate response and if you can’t complete the project by Friday, we won’t be able to fulfill the client’s request and we will lose the contract. So, I am going to give Sam a quick call to see if he knows what your schedule is or if he has an answer. “
4)
Give up the ghost - If you don’t hear back, on any medium, the last option is to let go of that project with that person.  It’s helpful at this point to examine what you did and what you might want to do differently going forward. That may be a change in how your contracts are worded. What statements you may say in phone calls to prevent ghosting in the future.
Sometimes having clear due dates and stating clearly what will happen if due dates aren’t met or what you will do if you don’t hear back and the process goes forward is helpful.
I have a client who works for a recruiting company that hires physicians. The process for sorting through resumes and interviewing is intense yet, even after they fly physicians to interviews from other states and countries doctors will be offered a job via email and phone message and "Ghost" the recruiting company. So now they discuss ghosting upfront, and they have a separate contract where the doctor is not reimbursed for travel if they ghost on the job offer. They can’t share the information about that candidate with those outside their firm, but they have added a “Ghoster” G code to the profile to their internal communication.

I can speak to and or train your group on Communication Tools for a Healthy, Nontoxic Workplace or give one-on-one coaching to help you be the best communicator. Call or email me today at 678-358-6160.




Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.