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Showing posts with label Touch. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Touch. Show all posts

What Does Your Couples Pose Say About You?


Patti shares her insights on "What Does Your Couples Pose Say About You?" for Elite Daily.

It’s super common for couples to hold hands in photos. Wood, who has been studying handholding and other forms of touch for well over 20 years, says it can reveal a lot about the power dynamic in a relationship, as well as demonstrate a certain kind of tenderness. She also says the placement of the hands can indicate which person is in control — or wants to be.
“There’s just a wealth of information in a handhold,” she says. “Typically, it reveals something about connection and control. If a couple chooses to hold hands, at least one member of the couple wants to be seen as a unit. Look for certain qualities of interconnectedness between the hands, and whose hand is on top and whose is on the bottom.”


Another popular pose is for one partner to place their hand on the other’s chest or stomach. Wood explains that this may be just a practical way for the shorter partner to stay physically connected and express affection. But she notes that it can also sometimes be a way of saying “they’re mine” because the hand forms a barrier between the partner and other people. In order to distinguish between the two possibilities, Wood often looks for subtleties in the hand. For example, a relaxed, loosely cupped hand on the chest is less likely to suggest possessiveness than a hand that’s pressed down tightly for more control.
But what about the hand on the lower back? Experts agree that can mean multiple things as well.
“It can be very chivalrous or it can have a negative connotation depending on the context of the situation,” says Traci Brown.
Wood concurs, noting that it can show one partner’s desire to help and guide the other.
“The thing to look at is — how easy is it for the person to get out of their position? That tells you a lot about the power balance.”
Wood points out that it’s a lot easier to step backwards and forward with a hand on your lower back than it is with a hand on your upper back, which may indicate a message of ownership or control.



Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

A Body Language Expert Explains Why Meghan Markle Is Always Touching Prince Harry

My original doctoral dissertation topic was touch. I loved consulting on this Media story!

No matter who Time magazine decides to put on the next cover, in my book, Meghan Markle, the new Duchess of Sussex, is the unequivocal person of the year. The American actress who stole the heart of a British prince, and ours in the process, has become a beloved presence at royal functions, breathing new life into a stale monarchy. People all over the world are obsessed with the duchess' every move, but they are especially enamored with Markle and Prince Harry's genuine love for each other.
"The reason why we are fascinated by them is because they are so likable, and their love is so real," Patti Wood, a body language expert and author of Snap: Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language, and Charisma tells Refinery29. Wood studied a number of photos of Markle with her new husband and family and emphasized the couple’s habit of congruent touching, which means “They each go to do the exact same touch to each other, and that leads to high marital satisfaction," she says, adding, "That’s an incredibly good sign for them."
According to Wood, Markle’s connections with Harry can be categorized into two different types of contact: She offers Harry a comforting and reassuring touch on the hand or the arm when she senses his anxiety. Or she reaches out to get comforted by him in large crowds. “She does it in both directions — she’s not just a taker, and she’s not just a giver,” Wood explains, making special note of Harry’s reciprocation of the same type of contact.
Even though Markle was an actress and used to the public eye, the heightened level of scrutiny she's now being subjected to is a whole new world. "I don’t think the world even knows the sound of all the cameras that she hears...and the shouts. It’s terrifying," Wood says. The fact that Markle is able to find a comforting presence in her partner is a testament to the health of her relationship with Harry.
What about the critics who turn their noses up at the hand holding and public displays of affection? Is Markle acting needy, as naysayers have claimed? Wood shrugs them all off. "Needy would be her reaching, with a look of longing, and him not reciprocating." Markle is just reaching out with affection, and "she looks absolutely satisfied." So that's that.
Ahead, Wood analyzes how Markle's body language has changed throughout her years in the public eye, tracing the evolution of the American who became royalty and her relationships.
With Ex-Husband Trevor Engelson at the Anti-Defamation League Awards Dinner in October, 2011

Markle was married to Trevor Engelson from 2011 to 2013, and the photos of them together tell a different story than her photos with Harry. "Comparatively, her [shoulders are] down rather than up, and her smile is restrained," Wood explains. She made special note of Markle's stance with Engelson: "There’s tension in her body, and she’s slightly pulling away, even turned away." Where she's constantly looking at Harry with a gaze of affection, that warmth was missing from photos with her ex-husband.


Meghan & Harry at Their Engagement Photocall at Kensington Palace in November, 2017 

Wood puts a heavy emphasis on a couple looking into each other's eyes, establishing a sign of great liking and attraction. "They’re finding each other’s gaze and looking at each other at the same time and the same moment," she explains. "They do it to the exclusion of those outside the photo. They’re looking at each other not because they want to be photographed looking at each other, but because they’re having a moment. They’re alone in this bubble, just the two of them."
Harry, Meghan, Kate, & William at the Royal Foundation Forum in February, 2018

The duchess' contact with Harry's arm would normally be an admonishing touch; she is turning downwards and clinging slightly. "Harry might have said something embarrassing or funny, and [Markle] might have felt it was slightly inappropriate. But that is not her standard pose," explains Wood.

While Kate Middleton and Prince William are further apart, it's more due to their personalities and position. Royalty is typically given a larger space bubble due to status.

"[Markle and Prince Harry] are different people than Kate and William. They’re much more extroverted, they’re gregarious, they’re influencers. Kate and Will are affectionate with each other, just not to the same degree," Wood says, making a special note of Middleton's public displays of affection towards her children.
The Duchess of Sussex with Queen Elizabeth during her first engagement with the Queen June, 2018

The internet went into a tizzy when adorable pictures from Markle's first solo royal event with Queen Elizabeth flooded Twitter. The images of a genuinely joyful, delighted, and giggly Queen were the surest sign yet that Markle had been truly accepted into the family. "The Queen is turning her head towards Meghan and orienting slightly towards her. She rarely does that," says Wood, adding that Markle seemed a little bit anxious and nervous, hence her raised and guarded arm. "She’s having a moment with Meghan, [and] if you’ve read the Queen, you know that’s rare."
The Duchess of Sussex with the Duchess of Cornwall at the Royal Ascot in June, 2018

Of all the relationships with her new in-laws, none have had the level of true affection that we've seen between Markle, Prince Charles, and Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall. "Meghan is doing that open-palm gesture. It’s called a symbolic reach. She’s reaching as if she wants to touch, and Camilla is doing a similar kind of reach," Wood explains, adding that Camilla is not as open and expressive with other people as she is with Markle. "The facial expression is in the moment, and the heads are slightly bent towards each other. That’s a relationship that’s going to be okay, it’s not fraught with tension."
The Duke and Duchess of Sussex at the Royal Ascot in June, 2018

"I love that he’s doing that formal royal hands behind the back thing, usually when men do that they stand ramrod straight," says Wood. Prince Harry holds his hands behind his back but Wood said it's clear that he just wants to be touching Markle. "Both of them are trying to be restrained and formal, but they just can’t help themselves. He can’t help looking at her, and she can’t help but love his gaze."
The Duke & Duchess of Sussex at the Royal Ascot in June, 2018

This photo of Markle and Harry is Wood's favorite of the bunch because of the level of intimacy it shows between the newlyweds: "There’s a part of him that is very intent with shaking hands with somebody. He’s leaning forward, he’s got eye contact with this person, his intent is going to his next formal interaction. But he’s got his arm behind him touching her. It tells me that she is ever present for him, that he doesn’t turn on and off. There's a continuity of touch, I love that. That to me says healthy relationship."

Much attention has been paid to Markle's mother during the wedding ceremony, but in the frenzied days leading up to the Royal Wedding, Markle made a brief public appearance with Doria Ragland as the latter arrived to meet the Queen for the first time. Wood said this blink-and-you'll-miss-it video said a lot about Markle's doting relationship with her mother: "I loved that she didn’t feel the need to protect her, go behind or in front. They were mostly walking side-by-side. What the arm around her mom’s back said is 'You’re the most important person to me.' The timing, as well as the kind of loving, supportive around the back touch told me that she feels very comfortable with her mother, loves her mother, and doesn’t feel less powerful or more graced than her. There was a lot of kindness and tenderness here."

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

14 Signs You Have Great Charisma

Patti shared her insights on Charisma with Marissa of Reader's Digest....Read her insights below:
14 Signs You Have Great Charisma
Do you have a magnetic personality? Find out here.
BY:  Marissa Laliberte
You’re a fantastic listener
You might think people get charisma from their way with words, but a lot actually has to do with what they do when they’re not in the spotlight, says Patti Wood, body language expert and author of Snap: Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language, and Charisma. “When you really look at charismatic people, it’s often how they make the other person feel that identifies them as charismatic, which I think is one of the magical secrets about it,” she says. If you act interested in others, they’ll have a better impression of you, which is why charismatic people also happen to be great listeners. Holding eye contact, leaning in, ignoring your phone, and using these other habits of great listeners make the talker feel like the only person in the room,.

 You ask follow-up questions
Active listeners aren’t just waiting to pass the time until they can talk again—they really care about understanding what the other person has to say, says Ron Riggio, PhD, professor of leadership and organizational psychology at Claremont McKenna College and author of The Charisma Quotient: What It Is, How to Get It, How to Use It. “Listening is not just ‘did I hear the sounds going through my ears?’ but ‘can I decode it?’” says Dr. Riggio. “Your talking should be to draw out more information from the other person or for clarity.” Asking questions to make sure you’re understanding correctly will help you understand the other person better and build your own charisma. Avoid making these mistakes of bad listeners.

  You make your voice heard
“Charismatic people are good listeners but also interrupt more to get heard,” says Wood. “But you have to be likable when you do it.” Only interrupt if you have a particularly powerful idea to contribute, and keep it positive—people won’t resent the interruption if you’re complimenting them or boosting spirits. Also, make sure you speak loudly enough to make an impact. Reserved people might have to raise their voices to what feels like yelling to reach a level that seems normal to others. Avoid falling into these annoying speaking habits.
You're willing to show emotion
People with magnetic personalities won’t keep on a poker face when they’re expressing themselves. “Whatever the emotion is, it’s right there on their face and matches the word messaging,” says Wood. They use a big grin when they’re happy, and use angry gestures when they’re frustrated. People like knowing your true colors, so revealing how you feel will help you connect better. Don't miss these other habits of naturally charming people.

You can keep your reactions contained
On the other hand, knowing how to filter your emotions to fit the situation shows charisma. “It’s being authentic as opposed to being transparent, which is everything I believe or feel comes out immediately,” says Dr. Riggio. “Authenticity is regulating that to a certain extent.” No matter how much you’re fuming, for instance, you can contain your anger without making a big scene. Read this to improve your emotional intelligence.

You show empathy without saying a word
Not only do charismatic people show emotion when they’re talking, but they also wear their hearts on their sleeves when they’re listening. Specifically, those emotions are in line with the feelings the other person is expressing. “A charismatic person will not have a big, dumb smile on their face when someone is telling something horrible,” says Dr. Riggio. “Your face shows sadness and sympathy and you may not have to say anything.” The other person will walk away feeling like the two of you really connected. Find out if you have exceptional empathy.

You look cheerful, even when you aren’t smiling
Everyone has a resting face—you know, the one when you’re staring blankly without showing much emotion—but some look happier than others. If yours looks friendly and welcoming, you’ll seem warmer and more approachable. But if you look like you have a grimace, even when you’re perfectly happy, people could be put off, says Wood. Take a look in the mirror. If your resting face looks unhappy, making a conscious effort to change it could give you big results. “When you make small changes to your facial expressions, the way you sit, or the way you stand, it creates a whole cascade of chemicals within your system so you change how you feel,” says Wood. You might find your friendly face creates a cheerful attitude. Try these other little tricks to feel happier all year.

You use big, upward hand gestures
“Up” body language, like holding your head high, turning up the corners of your mouth, and lifting your arms for hand gestures, makes you seem like a happier, lighter person. “You can be a conductor and your body becomes the baton and is bringing the conversation of your group upward,” says Wood. “It makes people feel euphoric and above the norm.” Not only will you look more fun to others, but you’ll also start to feel it for yourself. Those movements create endorphin-like chemicals that improve your mood, says Wood. You can also build trust with these body language tricks.

You hold eye contact without looking creepy
Laser-focused eye contact shows you’re listening hard, which will show you care about what others have to say. But turning it into a stare-down can make the listener feel intimidated or uncomfortable. “It’s intense and just borderline of staring,” says Wood, “but what charismatic people do is they put in not just the power aspect of eye contact but the likability of smiling and nodding.” Don't miss these awkward habits that actually build trust.

You’re good at reading emotions
Adjusting reactions to fit the situation is a skill of charismatic people. But they wouldn’t know how to adapt if they weren’t good at reading between the lines when others are talking. They don’t just look at facial cues, which are the first thing people will try to control when hiding their emotions. “A really good charismatic person is going to look beyond what’s being presented in the face,” says Dr. Riggio. “Look for subtle cues and inconsistencies.” For instance, you might notice that a smile looks forced, or that excessive fidgeting makes a person seem anxious.

You have drawn-out hellos and goodbyes
Spending a long time greeting someone or saying farewell will show you’re genuinely excited to see that person and aren’t just rushing through formalities. “Spend that time and really connect and want to hear about them,” says Wood. “When you make someone feel special, you seem special.” Sprinkle in these magic phrases that make anyone trust you.



You aren’t cliquey
Introducing yourself to people from different generations, backgrounds, and cultures will help you seem charismatic, no matter who you’re with. “The more you get out and interact with people, the more you understand the diversity of people,” says Dr. Riggio. “Not everyone reacts the same way.” You’ll be able to adapt better to different situations without losing any authenticity. Try these mental shifts to improve your sensitivity.


You don’t always keep your hands to yourself
A brief touch—the “safe zone” is from the fingertips to the elbows—when telling someone you enjoyed meeting them or loved their presentation could make you more memorable, says Wood. “It shows warmth and likability and makes the other person feel singled out and special,” she says. Just make sure you follow the etiquette of your office. If any touching is frowned upon, you’ll want to keep your hands to yourself.


You give great visualizations
People will remember what you said better if you leave them with a clearer picture. “I can say ‘this car had this sort of black shininess to it’ or I could say ‘it had a black sheen like a raven’s feathers,’” says Dr. Riggio. “Now I’ve given you a little more to visualize. You’re seeing the raven’s feathers.” Charismatic people seem like more engaging speakers by sprinkling in examples and imagery. These magic phrases will help you nail public speaking.




Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Responding to Inapropiate Touch, Your fitness/yoga instructor likes to get a little too handsy /touchy-feely. How to handle it without risking to lose your membership or make uncomfortable other attendees?

  • Responding to Inapropiate Touch, Your fitness/yoga instructor likes to get a little too handsy /touchy-feely. How to handle it without risking to lose your membership or make uncomfortable other attendees?

 The Chicago Tribune asked for my insights as a body language expert. Here’s the link, ladies! It was a treat working with you and I added the links to your websites in your bio as well!
Below that are my more detailed comments. 

There is vast scientific knowledge and data from researchers around the world that proves that positive touch makes us better communicators, better friends, and better people. Human Touch is vital to our physical and emotional development and to our overall sense of health and well-being. But, touch that we don’t want, touch that makes us uncomfortable even it its well-intentioned is another thing all together. How do we say, “Stop!” to something others may see as such a warm and wonderful thing? By saying simply what’s true for you and requesting what you would like and ideally getting agreement that the toucher understands. “I notice that you are a very touchy huggy person” “I am not that way, I am uncomfortable with that, you know everyone is different. So could you please honor my need for space?” (Making eye contact and getting nonverbal and or verbal agreement.” Then if you wish say. “I appreciate it.” I suggest a question and a response from the person to act a promise/contract. This is a soft request. Use a clear even strong tone. Not accusatory but not soft and pleading.  If someone has been inappropriate or creepy I would suggest a stronger message and that you do this in the presence of others who know what has happened and have your back. Years of research on touch and giving workshops on sexual harassment have taught me that many people don’t know that their touch bothers others people, they just don’t get it. And when it is made clear they stop. Oddly, the true bully harassers often stop too if there told and or if they are given clear consequences.. Women, who research shows understand nonverbal communication more effetely than men think that their nonverbal message of discomfort should be enough. Sometimes, they may think a tight smile or an awkward laugh or freezing in place or pulling away from touch is enough, But, not everybody can read the signals clearly.  Women sometimes, want to much to being nice. They don’t want anyone to be uncomfortable, even the very person that doesn’t seem to be seeing their discomfort the person who is not sensitive to their feelings. So you need to bring the message from the complex emotional nonverbal world to clear logical neocortex words and say it out loud and clear. “Stop!”
(By the way you gym membership is not as important as your personal safety and comfort and if you saying what you want and need to feel safe bothers other people, they are not the people you should be around.”






Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Responding to Inapropiate Touch, Your fitness/yoga instructor likes to get a little too handsy /touchy-feely. How to handle it without risking to lose your membership or make uncomfortable other attendees?

  • Responding to Inapropiate Touch, Your fitness/yoga instructor likes to get a little too handsy /touchy-feely. How to handle it without risking to lose your membership or make uncomfortable other attendees?

 The Chicago Tribune asked for my insights as a body language expert. Here’s the link, ladies! It was a treat working with you and I added the links to your websites in your bio as well!
Below that are my more detailed comments. 

There is vast scientific knowledge and data from researchers around the world that proves that positive touch makes us better communicators, better friends, and better people. Human Touch is vital to our physical and emotional development and to our overall sense of health and well-being. But, touch that we don’t want, touch that makes us uncomfortable even it its well-intentioned is another thing all together. How do we say, “Stop!” to something others may see as such a warm and wonderful thing? By saying simply what’s true for you and requesting what you would like and ideally getting agreement that the toucher understands. “I notice that you are a very touchy huggy person” “I am not that way, I am uncomfortable with that, you know everyone is different. So could you please honor my need for space?” (Making eye contact and getting nonverbal and or verbal agreement.” Then if you wish say. “I appreciate it.” I suggest a question and a response from the person to act a promise/contract. This is a soft request. Use a clear even strong tone. Not accusatory but not soft and pleading.  If someone has been inappropriate or creepy I would suggest a stronger message and that you do this in the presence of others who know what has happened and have your back. Years of research on touch and giving workshops on sexual harassment have taught me that many people don’t know that their touch bothers others people, they just don’t get it. And when it is made clear they stop. Oddly, the true bully harassers often stop too if there told and or if they are given clear consequences.. Women, who research shows understand nonverbal communication more effetely than men think that their nonverbal message of discomfort should be enough. Sometimes, they may think a tight smile or an awkward laugh or freezing in place or pulling away from touch is enough, But, not everybody can read the signals clearly.  Women sometimes, want to much to being nice. They don’t want anyone to be uncomfortable, even the very person that doesn’t seem to be seeing their discomfort the person who is not sensitive to their feelings. So you need to bring the message from the complex emotional nonverbal world to clear logical neocortex words and say it out loud and clear. “Stop!”
(By the way you gym membership is not as important as your personal safety and comfort and if you saying what you want and need to feel safe bothers other people, they are not the people you should be around.”






Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Cry it out. Letting baby “Cry it Out” causes stress that kills brain cell.


Cry it out. Letting baby “Cry it Out” causes stress that kills brain cell.


This is a fascinating article. It is related to other posts I have done on the importance of loving care and touch for babies and the effects of stress on the brain.

I know. A dramatic headline. Made you look. But it's not fiction. It turns out that the "Cry It Out" method of baby sleep training, where you ignore that your kid is screaming, crying and turning 40 shades of purple so that she can break herself out of the habit of being spoiled and cuddled to sleep, does more harm -- way more -- than good.

In her recent piece for Psychology Today, Darcia Narvaez, an associate professor of psychology at Notre Dame, writes that when babies are stressed, their bodies release cortisol into their systems -- a toxic hormone that kills brain cells. Considering their brains are only 25 percent developed when they're born full-term and grow rapidly in their first year, killing off baby brain cells is a huge no bueno. Narvaez notes that studies out of Harvard, Yale, Baylor and other prestigious institutions show that said killing off of baby brain cells can lead to the higher probability of ADHD, poor academic performance and anti-social tendencies, and that human babies are hardwired for hands-on comfort and care.

"Babies are built to expect the equivalent of an 'external womb' after birth... being held constantly, breastfed on demand, needs met quickly," Narvaez writes. "These practices are known to facilitate good brain and body development. When babies display discomfort, it signals that a need is not getting met, a need of their rapidly growing systems."

Um, remember that scene from the True Hollywood Stories: Rick James episode on the Dave Chappelle Show -- the one where Rick James is grinding his feet into Eddie Murphy's couch? Yeah. *insert an image of Denene doing the Rick James foot stomp into the couch thing here* In your face, Nick Chiles! For the record, I argued and fussed and fought with my husband over "Feberizing" our Mari. The infant self-soothing technique, invented by Dr. Richard Ferber, requires parents to let their babies "cry it out" for a predetermined amount of time, in increasing intervals, before they comfort them -- and even then, comforting involves talking to and rubbing the babies; picking them up or cuddling them is forbidden.

Now, it's been 12 years since we tried this "cry it out" thing with Mari, but I promise you, I can still hear her screaming in her crib in the next room. My breasts would throb at her every whimper, and every second on the clock would feel like an eternity while I waited for my chance to go in and pat her on her stomach, rub her arm and cheek and tell her, "it's okay, baby--Daddy promises you won't die from crying."

But I was. It just didn't feel right to let my child scream and holler and thrash by her little self in the dark in her crib when I knew full well that a little rocking in her glider, maybe a song and a sweet nuzzle of her cheek would send her off to dreamland. Granted, some nights that meant multiple rocking/singing/nuzzle time, but, to me, it was a small price to pay for feeling like I was mothering my baby and helping her feel like her mommy was there. Always there.

Of course, plenty other parents think differently about it and that's their right. We all do what we think works for our kids, our families, our lives. Not gonna point fingers at y'all. But I will point them at the hubs. When I showed this Yahoo Shine story chronicling Narvaez's anti-cry-it-out research -- and an interview in which Ferber actually backs off his own method--to Nick, he shrugged his shoulders and said, "It ain't fun for the baby, but that shit worked. Everybody got some sleep. You going for two years with only three hours of sleep at night isn't healthy either."

I think he might have said those exact words to me the first time I left Mari in her crib. Still, as much as his reasoning made sense, it just didn't feel right to me -- her mother. And when Nick told Mari we did this to her when she was a baby, she was incredulous: "What? You use to let me cry? You didn't come get me? You just left me there by myself?!"

That was Daddy, baby!

Yeah. That Ferber training didn't last long in our house, and I don't remember even trying it with my Lila. (Which might explain why our daughters' nighttime routines were a little worthy-of-a-Broadway-production hectic for longer than they should have been. But whatevs.) My babies and I benefited greatly from our nightly bonding sessions and co-sleeping arrangements, and I'm glad I did it for as long as I did.

Now that we've got this babies need to cry it out business out of the way, I've got some ideas on what researchers need to look into next: I'm waiting for the study to show that beating your kid like she stole something in what is supposed to be a friendly game of Go Fish and Checkers causes brain melt. I'm looking at you, Nicholas Chiles. I'm looking at you.

This post originally appeared on MyBrownBaby.com.

 


Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

People Watching a Couple in their 70’s Love at Any Age

People Watching a Couple in their 70’s
 Love at Any Age

My former fiancé and I used to people watch together and we'd watch couples and family members and make up stories about them.

One day we saw a couple in their 70s and they were so gentle and tentative with each other. The gentleman helped her to the table. He took out her chair for her and helped her sit down. They seemed so sweet and caring of one another. As they ate, they couldn't keep their eyes off each other.  They would reach across the table to touch as they talked. It was quite beautiful to watch.
We wondered how a couple that had been together so many years could be so sweet to each other.  Then, we couldn't help ourselves,and had to go over and introduce ourselves to the couple. We found out that they were actually on a first date. They had known each other peripherally for years and we're finally going out.

It reminds me that you could have love and tenderness at any age and you should never give up searching and trying for love.

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

Time and Touch are Strong Nonverbal Communicators

Time and Touch are Strong Nonverbal Communicators

I visit my mother in her assisted living facility. One day I saw an entire family get out of the van and help their mother/grandmother get out of the van. They all needed to help and they all needed to touch her and they all wanted to talk to her and hug her one last time.  They weren't in a hurry, they didn't just stay in the car and watch her get out.  They didn't rush off like so many families do. It reminded me to slow down when I'm with my mother to take care and linger in our love. 

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

Cuddling is Key to a Committed and Loving Relationship, Research on Touch


Cuddling is Key to a Committed and Loving Relationship, Research on Touch  

This is what I have been saying for years in my workshops on body language!


Science: Cuddling is key to a committed and loving relationship
Hand-holding works pretty good, too
Sex, hugs, cuddling, hand-holding, and even innocent little kisses before you dash out the door to work every morning — all of them pay dividends toward a long and loving relationship. And now we have the science to back it up.
According to a new study, the culprit is our old friend oxytocin, a.k.a. the "love hormone." Its levels shoot up whenever we make physical contact with someone important to us.
It's widely understood that its reward system plays a crucial role in deepening the bond between two lovers. Past studies have suggested that it may help keep men from cheating, while others point to its dark side, which can make an abrupt breakup feel physiologically devastating.
Humans and many mammals are monogamous creatures (at least most of the time). What makes us go out of our way to lock ourselves into a committed relationship is still largely a mystery, suggesting there's some sort of biological advantage. "Monogamy is actually quite costly for humans, so there must be some form of benefit," said Rene Hurlemann, a psychiatrist at the University of Bonn in Germany who led the most recent study. "We'd expect humans, especially males, would disseminate their genes."
So what's inspiring warm-blooded males to stay loyal?
Researchers, publishing their findings in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, discovered that regular jolts of oxytocin make our partners more attractive, to us and only us.
Hurlemann and his colleagues took 20 men who were in long-term and passionate romantic relationships with women, hooked them up to functional magnetic resonance imaging scanners, and showed them photos of their loved ones interspersed with images of an unfamiliar but equally comely stranger, or a house. Some men were spritzed with oxytocin, others with a placebo. To test whether oxytocin varied only with familiarity, they substituted highly familiar faces for the house images. Afterward, the men filled out the Passionate Love Scale questionnaire, which showed that their inner Romeo prevailed over their inner Lothario. They were fixated on their current romantic partner. [Los Angeles Times]
Makes sense. A "steady diet" of oxytocin helps trigger the release of dopamine, which means we're almost literally addicted to the person we're in love with. Cuddling is a drug, so to speak.
Such findings give us a better understanding of how some couples manage to make it for the long haul, and explains why physical support is tied so intrinsically with our emotional health. Take our friends John and Ann Betar, who eloped on Nov. 25, 1932, and, in addition to being completely adorable and amazing, are still madly in love with one another. What's their secret after 81 years of marriage?
"We always hold hands," said John.

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.