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Showing posts with label dating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dating. Show all posts

The Body Language of Listening

THE BODY LANGUAGE OF LISTENING

Remember to Be Gentler
by Patti Wood, MA, Professional Speaker  www.pattiwood.net

You’re sitting in the office with your client or customer as they talk about what they want or perhaps sharing the problems they are having with a product or service. You want them to know that you’re listening. You know it’s important to show concern, but you’re a little tired, or they’re going on and on or maybe they’re saying some negative things and you’re feeling a little defensive. What can you do to help focus and show that you are listening? What body language cues show that you are listening? Just like your sixth-grade teacher told you: be polite –be a gentleman or gentlewoman. 

Or you might be wondering if the person you are with is into you.  How can you tell?  What body language cues show he/she is into you?

Below are some body language cues that will help you in your business and personal relationships:

Give Facial Feedback
It is so easy to zone out as a listener, but when you do you can give a blank, open-mouthed look that resembles the face of a kid after five hours of cartoons. You’re not winning friends and influencing people. Drool is not very appealing. You must work your abs to have toned stomach muscles, and you must work your face to have toned empathetic skills. Let your facial expressions show your emotional response to the message. If they are concerned, show understanding by furrowing your brow. If they are unhappy, frown and lower your eyes. If they are mad, close and flatten out your lip like a sealed envelope. Briefly matching their facial expressions not only shows your customers that you are listening, it creates the same chemicals in your brain that body language shifts are creating in theirs and you will feel what they are feeling and understand them more effectively.

Eye Contact
A listener should give more eye contact than the speaker. Research suggests that if you want to have good rapport you should maintain eye-contact 60 to 70 percent of the time that someone is speaking to you. Females have been shown to be better at this than men and actually, need more eye contact from listeners in order to feel comfortable in the conversation. Even research on small children shows that little boys told to converse on a topic sat side by side and talked to each other staring off into space and little girls moved their chairs to face each other and watched each other with full attention for their entire conversation. This may be because dominance is communicated by either staring or a lack of eye contact. You need to make good eye contact. Research shows that a normal business gaze focuses on the eyes and the upper forehead and in a social gaze, the listener’s gaze drops down to include the nose and the mouth.

Eye contact is a good indicator of how interested someone is in you. For one thing, straight on eye contact makes people attractive. So, it follows that if your date is holding your gaze, they are both showing that they are interested in you as well as presenting their most attractive self.  That eye contact tends to be straight at you to show high attraction and to be highly attractive to you.

It's All in the Feet
If you really want to know how someone feels about you, Wood says to look down — all the way down — because feet don't lie. Feet pointed towards you is a clear sign that someone is into you. It’s a limbic brain response, where the feet point the heart follows.

Their Body Language is Open
There are windows all over your body. At your eyes at your neck, your heart, the palm of the hands your knees and the bottoms of your feet. They keep their windows open to you to show they feel safe and want to connect to you.

Nod Your Head
You do not have to have a bobble toy head, just occasionally nod your head to show you are listening and empathetic with the speaker’s message. A bonus of nodding your head is that it releases endorphin-like chemicals into your bloodstream to make you feel good and feel more affable about the speaker. Be aware that women nod their heads whether they agree with the speaker’s message or not. Men may think that you agree with them if you nod too much; so be careful not to give mere feedback “I’m Listening” nods if you disagree with what a man is saying.

Turn Off Technology
We have become so accustomed to answering the phone while looking at our computers, leaving our hands on the keyboards when someone comes into our offices to talk and leaving our cell phones and PDA’s on and attached to our waists at all times that we forget how rude all those things are. Signal your intent to really listen by turning away from your computer, letting phone calls go to voice mail, ignoring or turning off your cell phone or pager and saying out loud, “Let me turn this off while we talk.” It’s amazing what a difference it will make in the impression you will give to your customer--- because so few listeners take the time to be that polite

Lean Forward
Proximity, that is, being physically close, signals your desire to be emotionally or physiologically close. I don’t mean get in their face but, merely lean in toward the speaker. Research shows that in a seated conversation, a backward lean communicates that you are dominant. A forward lean shows interest.
In addition to keeping their body language open, the experts say to pay attention to the angle of their body. If your date tends to angle themselves toward you, that's a good sign. If someone is into you, they'll lean forward, their feet will point only to you and they may cross their legs towards you. This is especially true if the learning occurs when you are the one doing the talking since it shows real engagement and interest.

They Give You A True Smile
If someone is really attracted to you, the experts say their smile is a dead giveaway — that is, if it's a true smile. But what is a true smile? “A smile with both eyebrows raised extra high for a moment or a longer look than he or she gives anyone else. A true smile is one that also extends beyond the mouth and into the eyes. The easiest sign to look for is the smile with the mouth only, not with the eyes. True engagement is shown all with a smile in the eyes!”

Expose Your Heart
You do not need to unbutton your shirt and show your superman “S” to show you’re listening; just make sure that you turn towards the speaker. Orient the heart and ideally the upper portion of your body toward the speaker. People self-disclose more to listeners facing toward them. Even a quarter turn away signals a lack of interest to the speaker and makes the speaker shut down. It also says something about your response to the message. Research shows that when people feel under attack and/or defensive or have low self-esteem they protect their vulnerable heart area on their chest. Body language is a wonderfully symbolic language. To communicate you are an open, confident speaker and listener, you need to show your heart. 

There are gender differences. When men are sitting directly across a table or desk from one another, the desk or table almost acts as a castle wall and the direct heart-to-heart message changes to a challenge, creating a feeling of competition between men and making them share less than they do when they are seated side to side.

Remove Barriers
That means take away things that block the access or view of the speaker and you. The barrier used most often is the arms. Though we have over sixty different motivations for folding our arms, speakers see any arm fold as a barrier and a cue that you are not listening. In fact, of all the different body language postures, the arm fold is the most obvious indication of a lack of interest. You retain 30 percent less information from the speaker when you listen with your arms crossed. So, unfold your arms. In addition, move the phone, books or stacks of papers on the desk that sit between the front of your body and the speaker’s view. You can even show that you are blocking a speaker’s message by holding your beverage glass in front of your upper chest.

There is no greater gift to give to someone than your interest. Be GENTLER with your listening.

To learn more about using body language to increase your business success or contact Patti Wood at www.pattiwood.net.



Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

How Do You Get Out and Meet People to Date after 40?

I worked on a piece today for a magazine that asked me, ask an expert on first impressions, and networking, several questions about getting into the dating world after 40.  Here are my very rough notes that I sent them.

How do they approach coming back to dating after a long break? One step in entering into the mingling, and dating world is to think about it as an adventure, a fantastic trip to a new land! That can raise your energy and excitement and flip it from a “Job” to what it can be and that is fun! When you plan a trip, you think about where you most want to go, then kind of “scenery” and “activities” and new people you want to see and experience. Make a plan, set weekly and monthly goals and activities. Post your activities on your phone and ideally to make it real a wall calendar in your home. I suggest to clients they put little yellow sticker circles on activity days on their calendar and make sure they plan on a least one a week.

Number one, talk to strangers. Start conversations with interesting, safe people wherever you go. From your bank teller to the guy or gal behind you in line at the grocery store. It makes your life happier and as my mom always says, “Go out, You might meet somebody.” She met my dad at a dance she hadn’t wanted to go to because she was tired from a long day at work but her sister said, “Go, you might meet somebody.” She met my dad on a Wednesday and married him a WEEK later.

Ask yourself what you like to do, or if you have been a homebody for a while what you use to like to do. Do you enjoy movies? Find a meeting up group and go to movies or go onto your neighborhood Facebook page, (Try Nextdoor.com) and say, “Hey I am going to see “MOVIE” name at 4:00 on Sunday, who wants to join me.

If you like music search for small venues ( Search for “Listening Rooms” those are venues, where people don’t get on their cell phones or get rowdy they listen to the music and can talk before and after acts) where you can meet people and go. You can take a book, but sit at the bar and leave a empty seat next to you and if someone seems nice, guy or gal talk to them. Practice your meeting new people and small talk skills.

It's cliché, but find a class at your local college, in the continuing education department. I taught a course we called “Meeting of the Minds" at Emory continuing Ed for 14 years. It was a six week class where the group met at different coffee houses. A lot of people met, fell in love and got married taking that class.)

Again cliché, but volunteer. Google something you might like to do and then, volunteer. You can usher at plays and concerts, you can read at the local hospital, you can sort food at the local food bank, you can register people at a Saturday Marathon.

Look online for Meetup groups, They have them for EVERY interest, from photography and hiking to wine tasting and science lectures. Just go, go early so you can be the greater and have a task to do to make other people feel welcome.

Absolutely ask you friends for their help. Years ago I asked two guy friends if they knew anybody and they said, “Are you kidding we are gay, we don’t know anyone for you.” Weeks later they called, they were having dinner with my one friends uncle, who was single and describing what he wanted in a woman and it fit me to a tee and we set up a date. Keep saying what you are looking for. Your friends and family may forget you are looking. Remind them!!!

Eat out at restaurants you feel comfortable in that the kind of people you feel good around go to. Sit at the bar where you can make new friends. If that seems overwhelming, go sit at the bar and order take out and get a drink,(soda’s work if you don’t’ drink) so you sit there for a few minutes, then build up to sitting there for a full meal and talking to strangers around you.

I recommend that you NOT go to online dating sites That is a rather scary world for the over 40 newbie single person.. Even if you are an introvert and it seems so simple. Delay the urge. Get your sea legs and the connection of other single friends first to be grounded and supported. Getting out into the world with other SINGLE people who are experiencing some of the same feelings is helpful and healing even if you don’t immediately meet someone you want to date. You may test it later, but Delay it. If and when you do go into that world, know it’s very easy to create a persona or façade online. choose carefully, get on the phone as quickly with them as possible to hear how they really are and not merely anyone’s well-crafted tales. Ask yourself if you feel safe and comfortable with them on the phone. Are any warning bells going off. Ask them for photos of them with friends and or family. Look at those photos carefully to see how they are with other people.


Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Five Mistake People Make When It Comes to Dating and Their Love Lives?


Five Mistake People Make When It Comes to Their Love Lives?
I did this piece for the media quite awhile ago and thought I would post it here. 

1.       Falling in LUST and first sight Lust at first sight is obvious. You are so physically attracted that it blinds you to what the person’s True personality or even an accurate read of the two critical first impression factors credibly likeability. Hormones are powerful.
2.       DANGER at first sight.  DANGER at first site is very interesting as it is a misread of our physiological responses to danger. When we see someone dangerous the limbic responds in a Freeze, Flight, Fight, Fall or Faint Response. We might misread the heart racing, breathless physical state and think this is so intense this must be love, when it may really be the central nervous system's response to someone very scary. So don’t date that guy or gal run for the hills.
3.       Love ideal projection- Falling for the” idea” of a person rather than the real person. You need to see what is there rather than what is being faked. There are so many cues given off in the first fifteen minutes of a conversation that are tells to the real person. From overly aggressive forward motions and ignoring your cues to closed heart and palm of hand windows and more.
4.       Frozen with fear –Fear can keep you from getting out and meeting people or going online to meet people. You may be afraid to get out there and date, because you afraid. Perhaps, you are concerned about making bad choices, being rejected, or getting terribly hurt. If you are already are dating or in a relationship, you may be frozen with fear when you are afraid or in pain. That frozen behavior can prevent you from saying out loud what you are feeling and prevent you from thinking about or sharing what you need, want and would like. If you stay frozen and don’t talk to your partner they may not know anything is wrong. In fact, they may just pick up on the fact that you seem tense or uncomfortable around them. So your partner may repeat the very behavior that you don’t like and make you more upset! Saying out loud what you don’t like and what you DO like, what make you uncomfortable and what makes you happy can be healthy. Make sure that your requests are healthy reasonable requests and are worded in a positive manner. (Example, I get worried that something is wrong when you run over 20 minutes late, could you please give a quick call if you are stuff in traffic so I know you are ok? “I love it when you text me funny things in the middle of the day.”  If your freeze in place and don’t communicate the relationship can freeze and die.  There are so many people frozen in bad relationships.

5.       Faking it – Pretending you love someone. Pretending you are happy. Pretending you are someone you are not. First of all that pretending is a heck of a lot of work and a lots of heartache for all involved. 

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Should You Power Pose To Get A Date?


Should you Power Pose to get a date? New research on power poses in photos for dating sites says power poses in your online dating photo can make you attractive.  Here is the link to the article.

I have been doing back to back media interviews on power poses and dating, Here are my body language expert insights:

There are “poses” that make you powerful and “poses” that make you look attractive to the opposite sex. In general, the “POWER” poses that Amy Cuddy talks about are actually male power poses that make men feel larger and more powerful, full of testosterone and looking like the ideal Alpha mate to with the genetic make up to make great babies.

Generally, men who take up more space, in such poses as hands on hips and chest puffed out looked powerful, but that may work for them in the attraction and flirting phase of courtship. It may however be over the top cocky for a man to go full on power posing with standing or sitting with his legs spread far out and his elbows out and hands on his hips on a first date!

Women, of course, want to be powerful, but women who take on power poses and take up more space in the flirting stage are harder for an everyday guy to approach.

What does work for men and women is to have upper body OPEN WINDOW body language. You Keep your WINDOWS  by opening and or showing your  eyes, neck, heart, and palms of the hands, toes. What also works for posing is what I call ‘up’ body language.  It’s beautifully symbolic – you go up when you’re feeling up. Your gestures move up, your head comes up, your shoulders come up and back, your step is upwards. Your body language goes downward when you're sad, depressed or lack confidence so when you are flirting and dating focus on bringing your body language up.   

Here are a few more tips on approachable signals for women who wish to lure a man:  

Don't take up too much space - Taking up a lot of space communicates that you are powerful and superior. Okay, we want to show that we are strong women, but remember we are trying to get a man to come over and talk to us. You have to show you have room for someone else in your life.

Stand slightly pigeon-toed - Men usually stand with the toes 6 to 10 inches apart. Toes pointed inward or outward actually show your status in the hierarchy.  Toes outward say “I'm mighty.”  Toes pointed inward say “I'm approachable.” Standing with your feet far apart with the toes out makes you look strong and actually signals that you could attack. Obviously, you don’t want to look like you’re about to attack. Women usually stand with their feet 4 to 6 inches apart. To be very approachable stand with your feet no further apart than six inches and point your toes slightly inward. But don’t put them in so far that you look like a dork.

Shrug - When turtles sense danger, they tuck their heads all the way in to retreat. We pull our shoulders up towards our ears to protect our heads when we are startled. We shrug to show, "Hey it’s not my fault," to say, "I don't know," or to say, "Whatever you want." The shrug tells others that you are submissive. I have seen some women who are masters of the shoulder shrug. They make it look like a sensual feline move. Right now slowly roll your shoulders up and throw in a subtle head toss. 

Head tilt - The head tilt is not a uniquely feminine move, but it’s certainly done more by women perhaps because it is a signal that the head tilter is listening intently. A head tilt symbolically shows the baring of the neck to a superior. It mimics a head movement done by wolves to the leader of the pack that says “I’m exposing my most vulnerable spot to you to show you I know you can rip me to pieces. So let’s not fight about it.” Men tend to talk in what is called "boasting” fashion in the gender difference research when they are flirting. They will talk a lot about what they have done and what they can do. In those initial conversations (or monologues) tilt your head to show you are listening. And by the way, boasting behavior is not an indication of whether a man will listen to you.  So don’t think, hey, if he doesn't listen now, forget about him. If he’s not listening now, it’s only an indication that he wants your approval. 

Unfold your arms - This opens up your body windows.  When I am introduced as an expert on body language, people almost always respond by folding their arms in front of their bodies. Body language is symbolic. It often physically represents what we are feeling internally, but that doesn’t mean it’s always easy to read. Although there are over 60 different interpretations of arm crossing, arms usually form a protective wall around us. It’s pretty obvious that to get a man to approach you, you have to let down the wall. You don't have to stand with your arms stiffly at your sides the minute you walk into a party. Some people feel more comfortable with a relaxed arm cross when they first get in any group setting. Even if you do keep your arms crossed at first, eventually you need to open up. You can have a beverage in your hand, and holding it will give you some security if you need that to uncross or if you’re sitting at a coffeehouse, you can put your hands out in front of you on the table as you read a paper.

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

Body Language Cues That He is Just Not That Into You

On-the-Rocks Body Language
How do you know if he is lying to you or mad at you?

While he is talking about what he did last night when he wasn't with you he shifts his pelvis position or leans slightly back or moves his position in his seat and/or nervously grips his hands or taps his fingers, biting his bottom lip, pausing unnaturally between thoughts. These cues are not normal for your man to have when he is deciding on a simple night out. If they're done while he's explaining himself to you, they may actually indicate he is nervous because he is making up the details and fears you will know he is lying.

He rubs his ears or his nose as he says he loves you. If your guy is conversing with you and his hands are away from his face until he starts talking about the two of you and then he starts rubbing his nose or ear (and he doesn't have allergies), you might want to notice what is making him nervous. We rub our nose or ear when something doesn't smell right or sound right to us. When your guy is stressed the blood may to rush to his face. His nose and ears may get warm and begin to itch, causing him to unconsciously rub or scratch them.

Here is what you have read in all the magazines, "The next time you ask him a sticky question or he wants to explain himself to you, notice which way he looks. If his eyes move up to the right, he's recalling information from his memory. If he looks up to the left, there's a good chance that he's inventing the answer." It is not that simple. Most of the research says that where you look to recall information is determined by whether your right handed or left handed. And there is also the possibility's your guy may have rehearsed his lie and is remembering that lie when he shares it with you.

He averts his eyes. About 50% of the time the lack of eye contact will reveal to you that someone is lying. Because animosity is so hard to conceal, your guy may reduce eye contact. Shame and embarrassment make us avert our gaze. He may be afraid that just one peek into his eyes will reveal his inner thoughts.

His jaw is tense. Check out the spot where his jaw meets his cheekbone. If his mouth is rigid and you can see his jaw flexing, it's a sign he's fuming.

He covers his mouth with his hand. He may be nervous, he may be afraid his breath is bad, but notice if he only covers his mouth when he is sharing what he did last night or how he feels about you. When he unconsciously obstructs your view of his lips, it can be a sign that he's trying to block the truth from slipping out. In addition, he might lick his lips and look away from you.

He turns his cheek away from you. Occasionally averting his eyes or scanning the room is normal, but if you find yourself talking mostly to his profile, you're in trouble. We give our full face to the person we love and adore. So unless the other half of his face is looking at the Super Bowl you might investigate if something is up if you see this profile only move. Remember, body language cues of deception and anger are not gender specific but these cues my help you discover if he is just not that into you.

Interview for Six Ways to Train Your Boyfriend

Body language tips for relationships; Six Ways to Train your Boyfriend. Patti Wood is quoted in the following article. Patti's quote is in bold print.

“You can’t change a man” is one of the oldest cliches in the book. Well, we just discovered some news that challenges that notion, and it comes from an unlikely source: animal trainers.

Keeping your man honest
“Males are card-carrying members of the animal kingdom, and they exhibit a lot of the same behaviors as many other mammals,” says Amy Sutherland, author of “What Shamu Taught Me About Life, Love, and Marriage: Lessons for People from Animals and Their Trainers.” “So they’re likely to respond to some of the same training techniques.”
Sutherland is speaking from experience. After spending a year at an exotic-animal training school, watching students in action, she successfully applied the techniques to her husband. In less than a few months, she was able to curb some of his undesirable traits.

We know you so want in on this. That’s why we uncovered time-tested methods used by the most successful animal trainers on the planet. Then we got top psychologists to show you how to apply those techniques to your guy. Read on and you will soon be able to teach him some new tricks.

#1 BOYFRIEND BUMMER: He’s Allergic to Chores

Earn his banana

Indulge His Playfulness
As Used on Chimpanzees. These primates are big mischief makers, so getting them to calm down can be a real challenge. Luckily, if you indulge their silly side, you have a good shot at getting them to pay attention. “When we need the chimps to perform a task, we get on their level and play with them for 5 or 10 minutes,” says Eugene Cussons, rescue director on Animal Planet’s “Escape to Chimp Eden.” Once they’ve had some fun, they’re more willing to heed commands because they instinctively know it’s their turn to return the favor.
Apply It to Your Guy. No matter how old they are, men never quite lose touch with the playful, naughty boy within. Too bad they often pick the worst times to bring out that brat — like when you’re running late for work or need them to do something around the house. To get what you need done, “indulge him with a few minutes of acting goofy,” says Anthony Riche, PhD, author of “Finally! How to Stop Dating Losers Forever.” Then tell him you’ll finish playing with him later, as long as he takes out the trash or does whatever else you need him to do. Since his mind and body are now surging with feel-good chemicals from your brief, fun exchange, he’s less likely to wrinkle his nose at the request, says Riche. Use this technique consistently and, over time, he’ll be less likely to associate chores with drudgery.

#2 BOYFRIEND BUMMER: He Lacks Social Graces

Reward the Good, Ignore the Bad
As Used on Dogs. Pre-training, a pup will sniff crotches and paw at people’s legs. The instinct is to shoo it away, but that only makes it want to sniff and paw more. “Instead, trainers reward the dog when it behaves and ignore any actions they don’t like,” says Sutherland. Since dogs crave affection, they slowly begin to avoid bad habits and opt for good ones.
Apply It to Your Guy. Perhaps your man could use some finessing when it comes to social situations too — say, to curb his habit of telling off-color jokes. When he engages in unseemly behavior, your immediate reaction might be to tell him to knock it off already. But that tactic invariably falls on deaf ears.
“Men don’t want to be treated like children, and if you correct him, he’ll feel like you’re mothering him,” says Patricia Covalt, PhD, author of “What Smart Couples Know.” Instead, ignore him when he’s being obnoxious, and give him some PDA (think a kiss or a tap on the bottom) when he’s acting sweet. Since guys, like dogs, aim to please, he’ll instinctively begin to avoid the behavior that makes you freeze him out. One caveat: Timing is crucial. Be sure to reward him at the exact moment he engages in a positive behavior; otherwise, he won’t be able to make the appropriate connection.

#3 BOYFRIEND BUMMER: He Bolts When You Argue

Keep a Cool Head
As Used on Horses. Beneath the powerful stallion exterior lies a skittish animal. “That’s why they generally respond well to a calming voice and touch from trainers,” says Patricia Barlow-Irick, PhD, equine-behavior specialist in New Mexico.
Apply It to Your Guy. Like horses, men seem to be hardwired to want to bolt at the first sound of irritation. So even if he’s been working your last nerve, try to approach him in a cool, collected manner (remember, as hard as it sounds, this is all going to benefit you in the end). For instance, if you are mad that he hasn’t been planning enough date nights or can’t stand when he forgets to call while he’s out, your instinct might be to yell or get huffy. Instead, keep your composure by taking a few minutes alone before you approach him, then speak in a quiet, even-toned voice. “Calmly telling him what he did wrong will make it easier for him to tune in to what you’re saying,” says Covalt. Touch also plays a crucial role in this scenario: Place your hand on his as you speak. Not only does this buffer the blow of your words, but it also mimics the comforting way a trainer strokes a horse’s mane to calm the animal down.

#4 BOYFRIEND BUMMER: He Stands His Ground

Use Proper Body Language
As Used on Cougars. When trainers want a cougar to bend to their will, they find a middle ground. “Instead of trying to submit or dominate a cougar, trainers try to form a cooperative relationship,” says Sutherland. They walk tall with squared-off shoulders. This stance ensures that the trainers don’t look like prey but they’re not threatening either.
Apply It to Your Guy. Even the most liberated guy can feel emasculated by a fearless chick. So when you’re having a sticky conversation with him, he might be unconsciously bristling at your body language. “If you’re standing really close to him with your hands on your hips and your feet wide apart, he’ll get defensive and instinctively want to fight back,” says body-language expert Patti Wood, author of “Success Signals.” Similarly, if you stand meekly and tilt your head while talking to him, he might take it as a sign that you’re too submissive. “The best way to stay on equal ground is to stand with good posture, your head up, and an open frame so he sees you as being on the same level as he is. This way, he’ll be more apt to want to talk things through with you,” says Wood.

#5 BOYFRIEND BUMMER: He Won’t Drag Himself Off the Couch

Approach Him at the Right Time
As Used on Lions. Lions are, in a word, lazy. According to trainers, they sleep for up to 20 hours a day and only move when they see it as beneficial to themselves. “Trying to get a lion to do something when it’s in resting mode can be very difficult and even dangerous,” says lion wrangler Dave Salmoni, host of Animal Planet’s “After the Attack.” “That’s why we make use of the animal’s active time instead of trying to force it into doing something it doesn’t want to when it’s chilling.”
Apply It to Your Guy. A man in veg-out mode is unlikely to move no matter how much you try to engage him. “You have to gauge when he’s in a productive mood and then pounce to get him to do what you want,” says Riche. If you notice that he prefers working out in the morning, that’s a good time to ask him to help you clean when he’s finished. If you need something done during his downtime and don’t want to wait, bribe him. “Motivate him by making it worth his while,” says Riche. When you feel like you haven’t been able to have a heart-to-heart but he’s in a coma in front of the TV, try plying him with his favorite snack. If his cravings for the food outweigh his interest in the TV, he’ll eventually cave.

#6 BOYFRIEND BUMMER: He’s Not Romantic

Take Baby Steps
As Used on Elephants. These mammals can learn a variety of tasks but only on an incremental timeline. “A trainer would never expect an animal to learn something without teaching it how to do it,” says Sutherland. For example, if trainers want an elephant to paint as part of a circus act, they’ll first show the animal how to curl its trunk around the brush. Next, they’ll have it dip the brush into the paint. Only then would they show it how to create brushstrokes. Animal trainers call this process of using small steps “successive approximations.”
Apply It to Your Guy. The average guy is plenty romantic, but he’s not hardwired to plan out the little details. So if you can’t remember the last time he put together a romantic night for you both, you’ll have to show him the way. Start by staging your apartment with cues that get you going, like candles and a sultry soundtrack. Have your favorite chilled wine on hand so you can ask him to open it before dinner. This creates a ritual in his mind. Eventually, not only will he get a sense of what your romantic needs are, but he’ll also start making a game plan of his own.

Article available at www.marvinacuellar.com

What Does A Half Smile Mean?

Body Language Cues that Tell You How He Feels
Here is a link to a story I did with Cosmo. They have photos and then my body language tips.
http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/body-language/half-smile

There's a good chance this guy just wants a no-strings fling. "A sneerlike grin is an indication that he's not being sincere with you," points out body-language expert Patti Wood. "It's a split-face gesture: Each side of his face is telling a different story."

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional
The Body Language Expert
Web- http://www.PattiWood.net
I have a new quiz on my YouTubestation. Check it out!
YouTube- YouTube - bodylanguageexpert's Channel

What Are the Signals of Flirting?

What are the signals of flirting? I just did a piece for First For Woman Magazine. Here are some of the body language cues for flirting:

1. The Head Toss and Hair Flick
In this preening gesture the head is flicked back to toss the hair over the shoulders or away from the face. Men's eyes are designed to go toward movement. In this case it calls attention to the woman's sexy, shiny hair--a signal of health. The man's primal response is, "This woman would make healthy babies." Even women with short hair will toss or flick back their hair. It’s also a way for a woman to subtly show that she cares about how she looks to a man. This also lets her bring up her arm to expose her armpit. This may seem gross but it ensures that the woman's “sex perfume,” or pheromones, waft across to the target man. In the pheromones he can read the woman's genetic make up to sense whether she is a good genetic match for him.

2. Wet Lips and Pouting and or Mouth Slightly Open
Larger, thicker lips are a symbol of the female sexual vulva. Women's lips tend to be rounder and larger than men and the lips at the mouth are typically proportional to the woman's vulva lips. (Unless they have been enhanced with collagen injections.) Opening the mouth calls attention to them and pouting the lips mimics the sexual lips and creates an invitation to enter the lower lips.
When a woman becomes sexually aroused her lips, breasts, and genitals become larger and redder as they fill with blood. The use of lipstick is an Egyptian invention that is four thousand years old and is intended to mimic the reddened genitals of the sexually aroused female. This explains why, in experiments using photos of women wearing various lipstick colors, men consistently find the bright reds the most attractive and sensual.

3. Self-Touching
When a woman slowly and sensually strokes her thigh, neck, or throat it implies that if a man plays his cards right, he may be able to touch her in these same ways. She is saying I am doing this to me to let you know that you can do this to me. At the same time, her self-touch lets her imagine what it might feel like if the man was initiating the touch, which can be arousing for her and cause more of the sexual attraction changes to take place that make her more attractive to the man.

4. The Limp Wrist
Didn't you ever wonder why gay men are stereotypically given this nonverbal behavior? Well, think about this symbolizing an animal moving with a broken or injured limb. They are seen as weaker. Walking or sitting while holding a Limp Wrist is a submissive signal used exclusively by women and gay men. I remember watching on The Animal Planet a bird feigning a damaged wing to distract prey away from its nest. Using this gesture can attract a lot of attention to you by men. They see an opportunity to swoop in and feel dominant. Women of course have to be careful not to use this gesture in business situations as it seriously detracts from a woman’s credibility and others will fail to take her seriously, although some men will probably ask her for a date.

5. Fondling a Cylindrical Object
Fondling cigarettes, a finger, the stem of a wineglass, a dangling earring, or any phallic-shaped object is an unconscious indication of what may be in the mind. Taking a ring off and on the finger can also be a mental representation of having sex. When a woman does these things, a man is likely to symbolically try to possess her by fondling her cigarette lighter, car keys, or any personal item she has nearby.

6. Exposed Wrists
An interested woman will gradually expose the smooth, soft underside of her wrists to the potential male partner and will increase the rate she flashes her wrists as her interest grows. The wrist area has long been considered one of the highly erotic areas of the female body because it is one of the more delicate skin areas; it's uncertain whether this is a learned behavior or is innate, but it certainly operates on an unconscious level. The palms are also usually made visible to the man while she’s speaking. Women who smoke find the wrist-palm exposure simple to do while not smoking by simply holding the palm up beside the shoulder. The Exposed Wrist and Head-Toss gestures are often mimicked by homosexual males who want to take on a feminine appearance.

7. Sideways Glance Over Raised Shoulder
The Raised Shoulder is self-mimicry of the rounded female breasts. With partially drooped eyelids, the woman holds the man’s gaze just long enough for him to notice, then she quickly looks away. This glance produces the feeling of peeping in the woman who does it and being peeped at by the man who receives it.

8. Rolling Hips
For childbearing reasons, women have wider hips than men and have a wider crotch gap between the legs. This means that when a woman walks she has an accentuated roll that highlights her pelvic region. Men can’t walk like this, so it becomes a powerful sex difference signal. It also explains why few women are good runners, because their wider hips make their legs splay out to the sides when they run. Rolling of the hips is one of the subtle female courtship gestures that has been used for centuries in advertising to sell goods and services.

9. Pelvic Tilt
Medical evidence shows that a woman in excellent health and most capable of successfully bearing children has a waist-to-hips ratio of 70%; that is, her waist is 70% the size of her hips. This gives her what’s known as an hourglass figure. Throughout recorded history, this is the body ratio that has proved the most dramatic male attention-grabber. Men begin to lose interest when the ratio exceeds 80% and for most men, the greater or lesser the ratio, the less attentive he will be. He completely loses interest when her ratio reaches 100% but still maintains a level of interest when it drops below 70%. To highlight this ratio she just tilts her pelvis when she stands.

10. Handbag in Close Proximity
Most men have never seen the contents of a woman’s handbag and studies show that most men are afraid even to touch her handbag, let alone open it. A woman’s handbag is a personal item that’s treated by her almost as if it’s an extension of her body and so it becomes a strong signal of intimacy when she puts it close to a man. If she finds him particularly attractive, she may slowly fondle and caress her handbag. She can ask him to pass the handbag or even to retrieve something from it. Placing the handbag near him so he can see it or touch it is a strong signal she’s interested; keeping it away from him indicates emotional distance.

11. The Knee Point
One leg is tucked under the other and points to the person she finds the most interesting. This is a relaxed position, which also takes the formality out of a conversation and gives the opportunity for a fleeting exposure of the thighs.

12. The Shoe Fondle
Dangling the shoe on the end of the foot also indicates a relaxed attitude and has the phallic effect of thrusting the foot in and out of the shoe. This action unsettles many men without them knowing what is happening.

13. The Leg Twine
Most men agree that the Leg Twine is the most appealing sitting position a woman can take. It’s a gesture that women consistently use to draw attention to their legs. One leg is pressed firmly against the other to give the appearance of high muscle tone, which is a condition that the body takes when a person is ready for sexual performance.

Other leg signals used by women include crossing and uncrossing the legs slowly in front of the man and gently stroking the thighs with her hand, indicating a desire to be touched.

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional
The Body Language Expert
Web- http://www.PattiWood.net
I have a new quiz on my YouTubestation. Check it out!
YouTube- YouTube - bodylanguageexpert's Channel

What is he saying with his body language? Is he into you?

Here are my rough notes and insights from my new book in response to questions sent to me for a story on Glamour.com I have listed the body language cues first and then the answers so you can take this as a "Is He Into You?" body language quiz:

1. He Licks His Lips

2. He Talks with His Hands

3. He Pushes Your Hair out of Your Eyes

4. He Rubs His Collarbone or Stomach

5. He Sways While Speaking

6. He Raises His Eyebrows

7. He Fidgets in His Chair

8. He Runs His Fingers through His Hair

9. He Sits or Stands with His Legs Splayed

10. He Strokes His Face

11. He Reaches Out His Hand

12. He Kisses You... On Your Forehead



1. He Licks His Lips: When we get nervous our saliva glands stop secreting and our mouths get dry. If someone licks his lips before he talks he could merely be nervous or he could be nervous because he is uncomfortable with what he is about to say. Perhaps he is embarrassed, perhaps he is lying. If he licks his lips after he speaks he is likely trying to erase what he just said because it is a lie. Licking the lips after you speak is a strong "tell" of deceit. I call this move the tongue eraser.

2. He Talks with His Hands: People from certain cultures--Italy, Turkey, South America-- tend to talk more with their hands. It is part of their culture. Extroverts talk with their hands to be more expressive. Using your hands helps you access more information in your brain, especially emotional information and emotion laden words.

3. He Pushes Your Hair out of Your Eyes: If the touch is gentle and doesn't linger too long it’s a movement that shows tenderness and caring. If he frowns or grimaces as he does it, it shows a need to have things correct and/or perfect. If he gives you long lingering eye contact and his hand strays on your face a beat longer than necessary, he wants you. (It is a sexual come-on move.)

4. He Rubs His Collarbone or Stomach: These moves send very different signals. Rubbing the collarbone at the front of his body signals insecurity. It is not a usual move for a man. Women touch theirs when they are stressed. A man rubbing the back of his neck, signals stress and if he shows other signs like pressing his lips together tightly or bringing his eyebrows together in a V over the nose he may be ready to fight.

5. He Sways While Speaking: The meaning depends on the sway. Most swaying motions are comforting motions. We might sway to music. The front to back is typically a comforting motion mimicking being rocked in the mother's womb. If the sway brings him up on his toes it indicates happiness.

6. He Raises His Eyebrows: This can mean so many different things--surprise, happiness, recognition, a positive greeting from afar, skepticism. So much of the meaning is in the timing and words being said.

7. He Fidgets in His Chair: This restless motion communicates a lack of comfort with himself, the topic, the situation or the speaker.

8. He Runs His Fingers through His Hair: If the motion starts from the front of his face and goes all the way back and is done with some forcefulness and/or a sigh it could mean a desire to erase negative feelings. If he dips his head forward and gently cups his hair and smiles it signals he wants to look good. If he does that last move as he approaches you or you approach him, he is a bit nervous about his appearance because he wants to look good for you. It may mean he likes you.

9. He Sits or Stands with His Legs Splayed: He feels powerful or wants to feel powerful. Sitting with the legs splayed shows Machismo. "I am the alpha male."

10. He Strokes His Face: This is another of those cues where it depends on the other cues and the situation to determine the meaning. Stroking the chin typically means, "I am thinking about this." He is critically considering and evaluating the prospects of the situation.

11. He Reaches Out His Hand: If he is reaching in your direction he likes you and is symbolically reaching out to touch you. Reaching out palm down shows interest and a desire to touch. Reaching out with the palm up is unusual on a first date and would say hold my hand. A man would only reach out palm up, making him vulnerable, if he knew the woman well and knew he would not be turned down.

12. He Kisses You... On Your Forehead: A great sign of tenderness.

This material is copyrighted. Please get permission from Patti Wood before using it.