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Showing posts with label eye contact. Show all posts
Showing posts with label eye contact. Show all posts

Pitt and Aniston's Body Language at the SAG Awards by Body Language Expert Patti Wood

These two have major chemistry!
Body language expert Patti Wood says we're not wrong to jump to that conclusion. According to the author of Snap: Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language, and Charisma, Pitt and Aniston are making a "deep connection" in the photo. Wood points to Pitt's right hand, which clutches the statue. "His award is in his hand, but he holds it low, below his waist. What’s important to him is her," Wood says. Pitt's left hand, which grasps Aniston's right arm, bolsters that message. According to Wood, that's a grip that says, "Stay here with me."
Oprah Magazine Article

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Body Language Habits That are Hard to Quit but You'll be Glad You Did!

It's not what you say, it's how you say it.

It's a cliché, but it's true. Body language is a crucial part of communicating. The way you act can warp the entire meaning of what you're saying.

That being said, bad body language habits are the often hardest habits to break. We become so accustomed to slouching, averting our eyes, or folding our arms that we barely even notice what we're doing.
Here are several body language mistakes that are going to be tough to ditch. Still, if you're able to quit them, you'll definitely thank yourself later.

Fidgeting
If you've gotten into the habit of fidgeting, it can be difficult to snap out of it. But it's important to take steps to reigning in this nervous habit.
Fidgeting demonstrates nervousness and a lack of power, as body-language expert and The Power of Body Language author Tonya Reiman previously told Business Insider.

Leave your hair alone. Constantly running your hands across your scalp and twirling your locks is pretty distracting. Plus, as ABC reported, it can damage your hair overtime. It can be hard to quit, so try playing around a stress ball instead of your hair.

Adopting a defensive pose
Many people naturally cross their arms or hunch over a bit just because they don't know what to do with their hands.
However, this posture can make you look uncomfortable, defensive, or untrustworthy.

“You should always keep your hands in view when you are talking,” Patti Wood, a body- language expert and author of “ SNAP: Making the Most of First Impressions Body Language and Charisma,” previously told Business Insider. When a listener can't see your hands, they wonder what you are hiding.“

Doing weird things with your hands
To gesture or not to gesture? That is the question. Some people keep too still while speaking, while others flail all over the place.

As The Washington Post reported, behavioural consultant Vanessa Van Edwards notes that using hand gestures while speaking is actually an effective way to engage your audience.

The trick is, avoiding the hand gestures that will trip you up. Don't point, don't pretend to conduct an imaginary orchestra (seriously), and don't get too choreographed.

Shuffling instead of walking
Humans are pretty judgmental creatures. We think we can tell a lot about someone based on snap judgments over something as simple as their manner of walking.

BBC reported that how we walk can actually determine our risk of being mugged. Criminals are less likely to target people walking with an air of confidence.

It can be hard to change up your walk once you've fallen into bad habits, but it's important to walk with confidence and coordination. Don't shuffle through life.

Forgetting to smile
Reiman previously told Business Insider that smiling demonstrates confidence, openness, warmth, and energy.

“It also sets off the mirror neurons in your listener, instructing them to smile back. Without the smile, an individual is often seen as grim or aloof,” she explained.

Appearing distracted
There's nothing more irritating than talking to someone who's clearly not paying attention to you.

Some people are just naturally distracted or busy, so it can be tempting to check your phone or watch at every available moment. Still, you've got to keep this impulse in check when you're around others. Otherwise, you'll just come across as a rude and uncaring person.

Slouching
Stand up straight. Terrible posture is easy to develop, especially if you're slouched over a desk for the majority of the day.

Slouching doesn't just make you look un-confident, writes Catherine New for Psychology Today, it's also bad for your back. Improve your health and the image you present to the world by standing up straight.

Nonexistent or aggressive eye contact
Here's another body language pitfall where moderation is key.

What Your Body Says (And How to Master the Message) author Sharon Sayler previously told Business Insider that the ideal amount of eye contact should be “a series of long glances instead of intense stares.”
Overly long stares can make whoever you're talking to pretty uncomfortable. On the other hand, averting your eyes indicates disgust or a lack of confidence.

Being too still
It's definitely good not to be jumping all over the place, constantly. However, you don't want to be too eerily calm during conversations. This may make people feel uneasy, or that you're not interested in what they're saying.

Instead, try to mirror the person you're speaking with. Don't mimic them - they'll probably get offended by that - but subtly copy some of their gestures and expressions. Writing for Psychology Today, Dr Jeff Thompson notes that mirroring will leave people perceiving you as positive and persuasive.

It can be tough to break out of your poker face, especially if you're just naturally not that expressive - but it's worth trying, since it can improve how you're perceived.

Mismatching verbal and non-verbal communication
You might be saying all the right things - but if your body language doesn't match up with your words, you might end up rubbing people the wrong way.

In fact, researchers at Sacred Heart University devoted an entire study to this phenomenon. Their subjects were married couples, but their finding was pretty universal — when verbal and non-verbal messages do not align, “nonverbal signals carry the brunt of the emotional message.”


Discussion Questions


  1. What is at least one bad body language habit that you have?
  2. Why is good body language important to someone in ministry?
  3. Share an instance where you mismatched verbal and non-verbal communication. 
  4. Think about a time when you are talking with someone. How has their body language affected your conversation and your response to them?
Link to article - http://www.freshenitup.org/blog/body-language-habits-that-are-hard-to-quitbut-youll-be-glad-you-did

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

The Body Language Of Listening

Below is a chapter in my forthcoming book, "People Savvy."

THE BODY LANGUAGE OF LISTENING

Remember To Be Gentler
By Patti Wood, MA, Professional Speaker www.pattiwood.net

You’re sitting in the office with your customer as they talk about what they want, or the problems they are having with a product or service. You want them to know you’re listening. You know it’s important to show concern, but you’re a little tired, or they’re going on and on, or maybe they’re saying some negative things and you’re feeling defensive.
What can you do to help focus and show you are listening? What body language cues show you are listening? Just like your sixth grade teacher told you: be politebe a gentleman or gentlewoman. You should be GENTLER with your listening by following these G-E-N-T-L-E-R tips.

Give Facial Feedback
It is so easy to zone out as a listener, but when you do, you can give a blank, open-mouthed look that resembles the face of a kid after five hours of cartoons. Just like you have to work your abs to get toned stomach muscles, you have to work your face to have toned empathetic skills. Let your facial expressions show your emotional response to the message. If they are concerned, show understanding by furrowing your brow. If they are unhappy, frown and lower your eyes. Briefly matching their facial expressions not only shows your customers you are listening, it creates the same chemicals in your brain that body language shifts are creating in theirs, and you will actually feel what they are feeling and understand them more effectively.

Eye Contact
A listener should give more eye contact than the speaker. Research suggests that if you want to have good rapport you should maintain eye-contact 60 to 70 percent of the time that someone is speaking to you. Women have been shown to be better at this than men and actually need more eye contact from listeners in order to feel comfortable in the conversation. Even research on small children shows that young boys told to converse on a topic sat side by side and talked to each other staring off into space; little girls moved their chairs to face each other and watched each other with full attention for their entire conversation. This may be because dominance is communicated by either staring or a lack of eye contact. You need to make good eye contact. Research shows that a normal business gaze focuses on the eyes and the upper forehead and in a social gaze, the listener’s gaze drops down to include the nose and the mouth.

Nod Your Head
You do not have to be a bobble head, just occasionally nod your head to show you are listening and empathetic with the speaker’s message. And here’s an added bonus – nodding releases endorphin-like chemicals into your bloodstream to make you feel good and more affable about the speaker. Similar to eye contact, men and women approach head nodding differently. Women nod their heads whether they agree with the speaker’s message or not. Men may think that you agree with them if you nod too much; be careful not to give mere I’m listeningnods if you disagree with what a man is saying.

Turn Off Technology
We have become so accustomed to answering the phone while looking at our computers, leaving our hands on the keyboard when someone comes into our office or leaving our cell phones attached to us at all times that we forget how rude those things are. Signal your intent to really listen by turning away from your computer, letting phone calls go to voicemail, ignoring your cell phone and saying out loud, “Let me turn this off while we talk.” It’s amazing what a difference it will make in the impression you give your customerbecause so few listeners take the time to be that polite.

Lean Forward
Proximity, or being physically close, signals your desire to be emotionally or physiologically close. I don’t mean get in their face, but merely lean in toward the speaker. Research shows that in a seated conversation, a backward lean communicates that you are dominant. A forward lean shows interest.

Expose Your Heart
You do not need to unbutton your shirt and show your superman “S” to show you’re listening; just make sure you turn towards the speaker. Orient the heart and upper portion of your body toward the speaker. People disclose more to listeners facing them. Even a quarter turn away signals a lack of interest and can make the speaker shut down. It also says something about your response to the message. Research shows that when people feel under attack or have low self-esteem, they protect their vulnerable heart area on their chest. Body language is a wonderfully symbolic language. To communicate you are an open, confident speaker and listener, you need to show your heart.
There are gender differences. When men are sitting directly across a table from one another, the table almost acts as a castle wall and the direct heart-to-heart message becomes a challenge, creating a feeling of competition and making them share less than they would when seated side to side.

Remove Barriers
That means take away things that block the access or view of the speaker and you. The barrier used most often is the arms. Though we have over 60 different motivations for folding our arms, speakers see any arm fold as a barrier and a cue that you are not listening. In fact, of all the different body language postures, the arm fold is the most obvious indication of a lack of interest. You actually retain 30 percent less information from the speaker when you listen with your arms crossed. So unfold your arms. In addition, move the phone, books or stacks of papers on the desk that sit between the front of your body and the speaker’s view. You can even show that you are blocking a speaker’s message by holding your beverage glass in front of your upper chest.

There is no greater gift to give to someone than your interest. Be GENTLER with your listening.

www.pattiwood.net Copyright Communication Dynamics 2005

To learn more about using body language to increase your business success contact Patti Wood at www.pattiwood.net.

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Body Language Experts Analyze Prince William and Kate Middleton's Relationship With Their Kids

The only thing keeping us from crying about Princess Charlotte's start of nursery school (they grow up so fast!) is the fact that there will be another bundle of joy joining the royal family in a few months. Even though their love story is practically public news, Prince William and Kate Middleton keep it fairly private when it comes to their family — until they have a mandatory royal engagement that gives us a glimpse into their private life. This is when they prove that they're a normal family after all, temper tantrums included.

Through it all, the loving couple serves as the backbone for the family — and their body language is proof. " Overall, their attentive body language indicates that they're in tune to their children's emotional needs," Blanca Cobb, body language expert and author of Methods of the Masters, told GoodHousekeeping.com.


Not only are they in tune with their children, but they try to stay at the same level — literally. In many instances, both William and Kate will lean down and become eye level with their children. "This behavior shows that their children are their primary focus, regardless of how many cameras are in their face," Patti Wood, body language expert and author of SNAP: Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language, and Charisma told GoodHousekeeping.com.

Being eye level creates an intimate moment between them and their children, shielding any of the craziness going on around them. And let's face it, they're always surrounded by craziness. "They look their kids in the eye, which shows that they want a true connection, even a little authority when necessary," Traci Brown, body language expert and author of How to Detect Lies, Fraud and Identity Theft: The Field Guide, told GoodHousekeeping.com.


In this particular instance, Prince William is leaning his body over Prince George, proving that he's his son's protector during uncertain moments. "William is also letting his son determine how much he needs him," says Wood. "Here, Prince George is only holding on to his father with a few fingers, proving that he feels comfortable in the situation."

It's important to remember that moms and dads comfort their children in a number of ways — and both William and Kate have their own flair. "Rubbing Prince George's hair is not only a means of care-taking but also a way for Kate to protect him from the cameras," explains Wood. A pointed elbow and straight fingers, like Kate is displaying, is similar to a karate move. In other words, this is Kate' subconscious — and polite — way to tell others to back off her little boy.

Now, prepare for the ultimate Kodak moment. While arriving at the airport, the couple (yes, both of them!) reassured Charlotte that everything was a-okay.
"A double touch is a truly standout moment," says Wood. "They are both are completely in the moment, ensuring that Charlotte is comfortable." For extra reassurance, Prince William is leaning forward, trying to catch eye contact with his daughter. With one lock of the eyes, Princess Charlotte will feel at ease and they can carry on, no matter what comes their way.


One of the best ways for a parent to physically show their child that they're there for them is to physically be there for them. Here, Prince William is taking his son's weight and leaning back to make his son feel extra secure. "The lower arm acts as a seat for his son and is an anchor that makes him feel supported," says Wood. The cutest part? Prince George looks completely serene in his father's arms.


If this isn't enough evidence already, the couple's body language suggests that they adore being parents. "Both Prince William and Kate are all smiles while interacting with their children letting us know how much they enjoy being parents," says Cobb. Our hats are off to you, Will and Kate! You make even the most difficult of moments look as sweet as can be.




Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle Body Language in Engagement Interview



I was asked by The Independent to share my insights on the body language of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle during their engagement interview.  Below are my insights and at the end is a link to the actual article.

Harry and Meghan are openly warm, and affectionate and close with one another.  It is very sweet how they hold hands through the interview. He shows his deep affection and desire to be close to her by reaching out his hand in the handhold and lifting her hand up to support her and resting it on her leg. We see he is willing to give love to her, he doesn’t need to show more dominance by pulling her hand onto his leg.  She is confident in his love and doesn’t need to reach over submissively to his.  The actual hand hold is loose and open, allowing each of them some freedom and showing how relaxed they are being connected to one another.

Note the turn taking and length of turn times in the couple. Meghan quickly answers most of the questions from the interviewer, before Harry, and takes significantly longer turns. This reflects her comfort in media interviews and shows she is lead taker in this kind of situation. But, the way she does it shows she loves him. Notice the low volume, softness timbre and warmth of her voice. Those paralanguage qualities show she is both smitten and softened in his presence from her louder, stronger baseline in media interviews about her before this relationship. Very sweet. She also shows her love and connection by turning to him to check in on her answers from the first question, where she checks in on what they were cooking the night of the proposal, “What were we cooking? … roasted chicken.” And they both laugh.

As they talk about the proposal, I just love the lift and softness and femininity of her voice with rounded softly vocalized T’s, C’s and D’s rather than clipped consonants and a lifting up of the voice at the end of her sentences as if she is asking a question. (Even on responses where she is not checking in with him, that is what submissive females do.)  Significantly, throughout the interview, she keeps turning her full head towards him to gaze at him. She makes a point to state he got down on one knee, and shares that more to the journalist than to him, in a way that indicated the prince got down on one knee to her. She has power that she knows Harry recognizes. She didn’t deliver that information in a purely gushy romantic way. But she IS smitten. She loves to look at him! Harry is wonderfully animated with his free hand gesturing and smiling as they talk about the ring.

As he finished the proposal story, notice how his head tilts toward her to show his desire to connect and be seen as a couple answering the question not just have it be his story. The very next question she jumps in and answers, but again turns to check in with him. I just love how they each have power and how they each check in with each other in a very nice dance. If they keep doing this, two such confident people, they will make a very good couple. I can see them finishing each other’s sentences in an interview 40 year from now if they keep this up.

Note how she got very strong as Harry describes how they first met and as he talks about their mutual friend.  She turns to him and speaks loudly and strongly over his turn, ‘’We... need to protect her privacy.” And how he softly demure and repeats, “protect her privacy.” She is comfortable being strong with him and setting boundaries about what they will share publicly, and he nonverbally acquiesced without looking his significant as he continues smoothly with the story and gestures strongly with a movement across both their bodies.

As she talks about the blind date, she also gestures with her free hand as well. Nice balance for both. I loved how he is talking about wanting a big background on her, see her head dip down in humble embarrassment then as he says she walked and there she was, at time code 3:50 see how they both turn their heads and go into a long mutual gaze they recall the moment they met together. They relive it right in front of us. Lovely.  Next, he huffs, in a take a breath and, “I am really going to have to up my game.” And she keeps looking on and smiling and laughing. 

Link to Article:


Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

What types of people narcissists tend to seek out in romantic relationships

I speak on how to deal with difficult people. 

1. What types of people narcissists tend to seek out in romantic relationships (people-pleasers, etc.)

Narcissists choose people pleasers, and good listeners. They want someone who is empathetic, in fact, “Hyper Empathy is preferred” and kind. They want someone who is “High bonding”, “High Sentimentality.” They want someone who gives readily, gives of his or her emotions, who is low in “Harm Avoidance” and high in “cooperation.”

2. Signs that you are dating a narcissist (i.e. what kind of qualities do narcissists generally have?)

Charm, Charisma, Intense mesmerizing eye contact, high touch behavior that starts very quickly, such as holding hands on the first date, or hugging spontaneously right away, or touching to push back their dates hair or take a thread off a jacket on the first date.  Close talker and or just plain standing or sitting closer than normal, a space invader. May talk slightly louder or very loudly and may gesture in an over the top manner and may interrupt in a charming enthusiastic way. May have a loud or unusual laugh, and may use the laugh to interrupt you, though it may sound like they are indeed laughing at something you said, if you listen closely it interrupts your “turn” to speak. And if you listen even more closely you will notice they interrupt when you take away too much attention from them. High self-discloser on a first date. They will sweep you off your feet and charm you. Love bombing you so that you feel like you are on an emotional high, they will put you up on a pedestal complimenting you in an over the top manner and perhaps showering with small gifts. “Love bombing” is a phrase describing this stage, in which the narcissistic person may smother you with praise, courting, intense sex, vacations, promises of a future together, and designation, essentially, as the most special person ever.

3. Tips to help readers avoid dating narcissists.

Notice the first date. Do you feel overwhelmed swept up? Highly emotionally charged. Does the conversation seem very intimate? Are you sharing stories of your bad relationships? Do they claim they were a victim in their last relationship and tell you the horrible details? Do they complement you more than once? Do they say you are different or special on the FIRST date? Do they lean in close or touch you on FIRST date? If they describe their ex as crazy, bi polar, a drug addict, and or anorexic or a bitch run, because they are not just a narcissist they are a sociopath. RUN! 

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Eye Contact at Work

    There are a number of messages your eyes can send at work

Colleagues who seek eye contact when speaking are seen by us as being more confident, believable and earnest

People that make eye contact as they make a request, such as,"Can you get this to me by Friday?" are more likely to have their request fulfilled.
In greeting with a handshake the average eye contact time should last no more than 3.2 seconds.  If you look longer you can be seen as powerful and if you narrow your eyes and glare you can be seen as aggressive or angry. 

You want to be careful not to roll your eyes in frustration or contempt, or rubbing your eyes that can show a lack of comfort, stress or even be an indication you are lying and you want to symbolically rub away the stress.



Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

How Many Different Expressions Can The Human Face Give?

We communicate non verbally with every movement we make, every posture we hold and every expression we give with our eyes. Dr, Paul Ekman in his book "Emotions Revealed" says it's estimated that the human face can give up to 10,000 different expressions. Our eye language and other nonverbal cues because they are often not under our conscious control our eye language and other body language can reveal the most revealing information about our emotions, our confidence level and even at times whether or not we are telling the truth.

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

We Look at Different Parts of the Body When We Gaze to Show Our Different Interest and Relationships. Triangle Gaze

We Look at Different Parts of the Body When We Gaze to Show Our Different Interest and Relationships. Triangle Gaze.

Upper Triangle Gaze -
In formal interactions we focus our gaze in the upper triangle of the eyes and the bridge of the nose, zig zagging our eye contact between the eyes.We can show power by focusing on the upper triangle and extending the gaze length.

Upper and Middle Triangle Gaze - With friends we expand our gaze from just the eyes and upper bridge of the nose to go down and include the whole nose and the mouth

Middle Triangle Gaze - A signal of shyness, or lack of interest occurs when our gaze drops down to just the nose and mouth.

Full Body Gaze - Once we start flirting, the triangle gets even bigger - it widens at the bottom to include their good bits (like the body). The more intense the flirting, the more intensely we'll look from eye to eye - and the more time we'll spend looking at their mouth. If someone is looking into your eyes and lingering on the mouth as well it can be very seductive. It could be that they're imagining what it would be like to kiss you.

Who Makes More Eye Contact The Listener or the Speaker?

Who makes more eye contact the listener or the speaker? 

The listener does and should make the most eye contact in a regular conversation. The speaker actually breaks eye contact to signal they are beginning to speak and the listener makes the most eye contact to signal he is listening. 

Researchers postulate (such a fun word) that the higher cognitive load necessary for thinking of what to say and how to say it requires that the speaker break eye contact and  "rest" from the load it takes to make continuous eye contact.

Other research suggest that eye accessing cues used to access certain kinds of information in the brain take priority over looking at the listener. In my programs I recommend that if you want to be a good listener maintain eye contact 70 percent of the time.

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

14 Signs You Have Great Charisma

Patti shared her insights on Charisma with Marissa of Reader's Digest....Read her insights below:
14 Signs You Have Great Charisma
Do you have a magnetic personality? Find out here.
BY:  Marissa Laliberte
You’re a fantastic listener
You might think people get charisma from their way with words, but a lot actually has to do with what they do when they’re not in the spotlight, says Patti Wood, body language expert and author of Snap: Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language, and Charisma. “When you really look at charismatic people, it’s often how they make the other person feel that identifies them as charismatic, which I think is one of the magical secrets about it,” she says. If you act interested in others, they’ll have a better impression of you, which is why charismatic people also happen to be great listeners. Holding eye contact, leaning in, ignoring your phone, and using these other habits of great listeners make the talker feel like the only person in the room,.

 You ask follow-up questions
Active listeners aren’t just waiting to pass the time until they can talk again—they really care about understanding what the other person has to say, says Ron Riggio, PhD, professor of leadership and organizational psychology at Claremont McKenna College and author of The Charisma Quotient: What It Is, How to Get It, How to Use It. “Listening is not just ‘did I hear the sounds going through my ears?’ but ‘can I decode it?’” says Dr. Riggio. “Your talking should be to draw out more information from the other person or for clarity.” Asking questions to make sure you’re understanding correctly will help you understand the other person better and build your own charisma. Avoid making these mistakes of bad listeners.

  You make your voice heard
“Charismatic people are good listeners but also interrupt more to get heard,” says Wood. “But you have to be likable when you do it.” Only interrupt if you have a particularly powerful idea to contribute, and keep it positive—people won’t resent the interruption if you’re complimenting them or boosting spirits. Also, make sure you speak loudly enough to make an impact. Reserved people might have to raise their voices to what feels like yelling to reach a level that seems normal to others. Avoid falling into these annoying speaking habits.
You're willing to show emotion
People with magnetic personalities won’t keep on a poker face when they’re expressing themselves. “Whatever the emotion is, it’s right there on their face and matches the word messaging,” says Wood. They use a big grin when they’re happy, and use angry gestures when they’re frustrated. People like knowing your true colors, so revealing how you feel will help you connect better. Don't miss these other habits of naturally charming people.

You can keep your reactions contained
On the other hand, knowing how to filter your emotions to fit the situation shows charisma. “It’s being authentic as opposed to being transparent, which is everything I believe or feel comes out immediately,” says Dr. Riggio. “Authenticity is regulating that to a certain extent.” No matter how much you’re fuming, for instance, you can contain your anger without making a big scene. Read this to improve your emotional intelligence.

You show empathy without saying a word
Not only do charismatic people show emotion when they’re talking, but they also wear their hearts on their sleeves when they’re listening. Specifically, those emotions are in line with the feelings the other person is expressing. “A charismatic person will not have a big, dumb smile on their face when someone is telling something horrible,” says Dr. Riggio. “Your face shows sadness and sympathy and you may not have to say anything.” The other person will walk away feeling like the two of you really connected. Find out if you have exceptional empathy.

You look cheerful, even when you aren’t smiling
Everyone has a resting face—you know, the one when you’re staring blankly without showing much emotion—but some look happier than others. If yours looks friendly and welcoming, you’ll seem warmer and more approachable. But if you look like you have a grimace, even when you’re perfectly happy, people could be put off, says Wood. Take a look in the mirror. If your resting face looks unhappy, making a conscious effort to change it could give you big results. “When you make small changes to your facial expressions, the way you sit, or the way you stand, it creates a whole cascade of chemicals within your system so you change how you feel,” says Wood. You might find your friendly face creates a cheerful attitude. Try these other little tricks to feel happier all year.

You use big, upward hand gestures
“Up” body language, like holding your head high, turning up the corners of your mouth, and lifting your arms for hand gestures, makes you seem like a happier, lighter person. “You can be a conductor and your body becomes the baton and is bringing the conversation of your group upward,” says Wood. “It makes people feel euphoric and above the norm.” Not only will you look more fun to others, but you’ll also start to feel it for yourself. Those movements create endorphin-like chemicals that improve your mood, says Wood. You can also build trust with these body language tricks.

You hold eye contact without looking creepy
Laser-focused eye contact shows you’re listening hard, which will show you care about what others have to say. But turning it into a stare-down can make the listener feel intimidated or uncomfortable. “It’s intense and just borderline of staring,” says Wood, “but what charismatic people do is they put in not just the power aspect of eye contact but the likability of smiling and nodding.” Don't miss these awkward habits that actually build trust.

You’re good at reading emotions
Adjusting reactions to fit the situation is a skill of charismatic people. But they wouldn’t know how to adapt if they weren’t good at reading between the lines when others are talking. They don’t just look at facial cues, which are the first thing people will try to control when hiding their emotions. “A really good charismatic person is going to look beyond what’s being presented in the face,” says Dr. Riggio. “Look for subtle cues and inconsistencies.” For instance, you might notice that a smile looks forced, or that excessive fidgeting makes a person seem anxious.

You have drawn-out hellos and goodbyes
Spending a long time greeting someone or saying farewell will show you’re genuinely excited to see that person and aren’t just rushing through formalities. “Spend that time and really connect and want to hear about them,” says Wood. “When you make someone feel special, you seem special.” Sprinkle in these magic phrases that make anyone trust you.



You aren’t cliquey
Introducing yourself to people from different generations, backgrounds, and cultures will help you seem charismatic, no matter who you’re with. “The more you get out and interact with people, the more you understand the diversity of people,” says Dr. Riggio. “Not everyone reacts the same way.” You’ll be able to adapt better to different situations without losing any authenticity. Try these mental shifts to improve your sensitivity.


You don’t always keep your hands to yourself
A brief touch—the “safe zone” is from the fingertips to the elbows—when telling someone you enjoyed meeting them or loved their presentation could make you more memorable, says Wood. “It shows warmth and likability and makes the other person feel singled out and special,” she says. Just make sure you follow the etiquette of your office. If any touching is frowned upon, you’ll want to keep your hands to yourself.


You give great visualizations
People will remember what you said better if you leave them with a clearer picture. “I can say ‘this car had this sort of black shininess to it’ or I could say ‘it had a black sheen like a raven’s feathers,’” says Dr. Riggio. “Now I’ve given you a little more to visualize. You’re seeing the raven’s feathers.” Charismatic people seem like more engaging speakers by sprinkling in examples and imagery. These magic phrases will help you nail public speaking.




Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.