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Showing posts with label listening. Show all posts
Showing posts with label listening. Show all posts

Your Life Has an Impact and Listening for the Pain

I love my neighborhood. We have a neighborhood Facebook page and for a long time one of our neighbors, Lisa, was the monitor and really the "mom" of our page. Responding to questions like, “I need an honest plumber.” “Hey, does anybody know who owns the white corvette that is currently speeding down Superior Ave?” She made sure that we didn’t fall into negative political discourse, that humor was encouraged in posts and good deeds acknowledged. In addition, Lisa also helped create our neighborhood’s little “mailbox library” of donated books, getting our neighbors to build and paint them artistically and managing the books availability. She spruced up our main road bridge and helped guide our neighborhood watch and went to all our neighborhood events. I never talked to her on the phone, and I only met her once face to face, we connected on the page a handful of times but I felt she was an incredible neighbor, the one that kept us sane, happy and connected. Every life has an impact. Sadly, a few weeks ago she passed away at 52. The neighborhood poured out its support, setting up a go fund me page so we could dedicate a bench and bridge in our park to her and to have a ceremony in the park to honor her. I was so touched that she was so loved with messages on the Facebook page from by well over a 1,000 people in our hood. Her everyday actions, her constant support affected us all so positively. Thank the people in your life that like Lisa make a difference. Thank them today. This is an incredible positive part of Lisa’s story. She made a significant difference to so many lives.

Days later we got even sadder news, posted by her family who felt Lisa would want others to know. Lisa committed suicide. We were dumbstruck. We learned that she had horrible fatigue and her health plan doctors couldn’t diagnose its source. We had no idea she was sick. So there is a sad health care story, the internet is not enough story to this but, and there is another story that calls out, the unheard pain story. She offered support for all of us. She helped guide us to all the resources for our problems, and I know I feel that I was not there for her. I am ashamed I was not a better neighbor. This has haunted me. I think about her family, her mom and sister and I think about all of us here in the neighborhood that will miss her.

Now on our Facebook page, there are details of counselors and support groups. The book club that had been closed to new members has opened up so all are welcome. There is a meditation group starting, we supported a neighbor who lost her job. But, there are still voices out there. Voices that are calling and need to be heard. It’s something to think about.  I hate feeling powerless. Some of you know I have recently started writing and recording songs. It is a very healing art. It brings me such bliss! So I wrote a song in Lisa’s memory. The lyrics are not about Lisa her family or about her pain. It’s a gentle reminder to listen. I am listening.

Here are the lyrics to the song.
Ache Down the Line
By Patti Wood
Momma calls its three am, she’s fallen out of bed again,

Nothings broken her bones are fine, but I can hear her loneliness ache down the line.
I pack a bag get on the road, driving through the morning cold.
In her chair when I call again, I can hear her need and fear ache down the line.

God it’s hard, to make do, trying our best struggling through, 

We want someone to hear our crying, hear our loneness ache down the line.

Call my sister when it gets light. Fill her in on Mommas fright.

Baby’s cry’s intertwine and I can hear their distress ache down the line. 
Husband’s left for some blonde, Savings lost, to his bail bond. 
Power bill won’t get paid in time, I can hear her pain ache down the line.

Get to Mommas make her tea, wrap some ice round her bruised knee.

Turn on TV to unwind, ease our loneliness that aches down the line.
We look at old photographs, call back sis try to make her laugh.
Momma asleep call that friend of mine, let my loneliness ache down the line.

God it’s hard, to make do, trying our best struggling through, 

We want someone to hear our crying, hear our loneness ache down the line

Driving home to talk radio, people stories ‘bout love that goes.

He up and left, she drank too much wine and I can hear their loneliness ache down the line.
Voices rise throughout the night, hoping to be recognized.
But in the dark we are resigned to let our loneliness ache down the line.

In the dark we are resigned Crying, hear us crying

In the dark we are resigned Crying, hear us Crying
In the dark we are resigned Crying, hear us crying

In the dark we are resigned Crying, hear us crying

In the dark we are resigned Crying, hear us crying
In the dark we are resigned Crying, hear us crying

Hear us crying.


Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Who Makes More Eye Contact The Listener or the Speaker?

Who makes more eye contact the listener or the speaker? 

The listener does and should make the most eye contact in a regular conversation. The speaker actually breaks eye contact to signal they are beginning to speak and the listener makes the most eye contact to signal he is listening. 

Researchers postulate (such a fun word) that the higher cognitive load necessary for thinking of what to say and how to say it requires that the speaker break eye contact and  "rest" from the load it takes to make continuous eye contact.

Other research suggest that eye accessing cues used to access certain kinds of information in the brain take priority over looking at the listener. In my programs I recommend that if you want to be a good listener maintain eye contact 70 percent of the time.

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Is Eye Contact Overrated, Power and Eye Contact

Is Eye Contact Overrated?

I think that speakers make less eye contact than listeners and that is really what this research finding shows rather than any truths about debating. 

  

Is eye contact overrated?
Don't look now, but...
Traditionalists and high-powered guys with Machiavelli on their Kindles will probably tell you that looking straight into another person's face and maintaining unflinching eye contact is the age-old secret to the Powers of Persuasion. In actuality, though, the opposite may be true, especially in the midst of a heated debate.
"Debate" is the operative word here. Unlike previous psychological studies analyzing the bonds forged when a mother stares into a baby's eyes, or when two lovers tenderly lock gazes, this time a team of researchers from Harvard University and the University of British Columbia sought to understand eye contact from a different vantage point: Does looking into another person's eyes really help your cause when you're trying to win an argument?
The short answer: Perhaps not. The new paper, published in the journal Psychological Science, only took a look at 20 participants, but the results are intriguing. Researchers had subjects share their opinions on contentious issues, such as affirmative action and assisted suicide, then watch recorded talks by a speaker on those same topics. At the same time, researchers used eye-tracking technology to determine when and (more importantly) if participants were looking at the eyes of the person in the recording.
When participants shared an opinion with the speaker, they were more likely to establish eye contact. But when they disagreed, suddenly their gaze was less focused. "The participants were less likely to change their opinions if they were looking into the eyes of the speaker, especially when the speaker was also looking directly at the participant, rather than to the side of the screen," says Alexander Sifferlin at TIME:
To test this again, the researchers had the participants watch more videos, but sometimes they were told to look into the speaker's eyes, and other times they were instructed to look at the speaker's lips. The participants who looked into the speaker's eyes were once again less likely to change their opinions compared to participants focusing on the speaker's lips. [TIME]
Now, most people simply aren't accustomed to making consistent eye contact. "Your eyes naturally go back and forth between the eyes and the mouth," co-author Julia Minson, a psychologist and assistant professor at Harvard, tells Forbes. "There's also some time when your eyes just wander around."
Of course, the study does have its flaws. Video interaction is a poor substitute for person-to-person interaction, so all those reactive subtleties communicated by body language are lost in transmission.
Still, not locking eyes may be your best tactic going forward if you're trying to make a point. Putting your phone away probably helps, too.




Is eye contact overrated?
Don't look now, but...


Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

How to Mind Your Ps & Qs in Professional Interactions

Patti weighed in on Minding Your Ps & Qs in Professional Interactions for Investor's Business Daily. Check the link below for her insights!

http://news.investors.com/Article/patti-wood/593524/201112021320/communicate-message-properly-and-master-details.htm

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://PattiWood.net. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

The Body Language of Listening

I did an interview for Cosmopolitan recently.
The piece is how to gloss over certain situations that can be awkward. One particular section was supposed to be on how to fake listen, but I gave body language cues on listening and discussed the research that shows that faking listening actually requires more physical and mental energy and stresses the body more that actually listening. Also, how not giving the body language cues of listening can actually make the conversation go longer because the person doesn't feel heard, so they repeat themselves. See my other posts on listening.


Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://PattiWood.net. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

Are You Really Listening?


Body Language expert, Patti Wood, is quoted in Club Solutions Magazine about the importance of becoming a GENTLER listener. Do you want your relationships to improve? Check out the body language cues that will help you become a "gentler" listener at the link below.
http://www.scribd.com/doc/35165517/Club-Solutions-Listening


Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://pattiwood.net/. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

Reading Body Language Can Make You a Better Listener

This is a direct quote from a recent participant in my body language seminar.

"Patti, I attended you public seminar in Philadelphia. I found that out of all the benefits of attending your body language program, the biggest was becoming a better listener. Yes, learning to read others body language has actually made me a better listener. I know that sounds strange, but I would often have a lot of “mental noise” that kept me from truly listening to someone. When I would be in a sales meeting the other person (prospect) would be talking and I would be thinking about my answers or what I wanted to say next, etc. Now that I know body language I am not just listening to the words, I am watching my clients. This has helped me eliminate all my mental noise and allowed me to focus, listen and engage much more effectively."

Women Make Eye Contact More Than Men and Listen More Than Men

In a conversation women look more at the other person than men do. A woman talking to another woman makes more eye contact than a man conversing with another guy. Women spend more time looking at their romantic partner than men do. Is it because they are more inclined towards building relationships? Eye contact differences may be related to listening. Women listen more in male-female pairs than men do and listeners look more than the speaker does. The higher the status of the person the more we listen to them. When we want approval we give more eye contact. When we are seeking more nonverbal information so we can know how to respond to the person in power, we make eye contact. Research shows that when a woman is looked at during an interaction with a male or female, she likes that person more. When men were told their partner looked more than usual, they had a less favorable evaluation of them.

Ranking of Importance of Communication Skills

I was just reading a newsletter from Ravenwood that listed the ranking of the importance of communication skills in business. Of course it typically comes out as number one. Years ago when I was working on my Masters Degree at Auburn University my major Professor Larry Barker was not only one of the countries leading authorities on body language he was the president of the National Listening Association. He quoted research back in 1982 that listed good communication skills as the number one success factor in business. It is funny to me that anyone would think otherwise. If you don't listen. If you can not express your self and your needs clearly how can you possibly successful. The problem now is that there are fewer and fewer new employees that have even the most basic of communication skills. Here are the lists.
USA Today ranked communication skills #1 among a list of twelve success factors (Problem solving and an understanding of organizational structure ranked #2 and #3 respectively)
The Lamille Report of Top Executives ranked communications skills #1 among a list of ten success factors (Intelligence and integrity ranked #2 and #3 respectively)
A Society for Human Resource Management poll conducted in conjunction with the Wall Street Journal confirmed that "soft skills" now top the career success factor list for experienced employees
A study by the Center for Creative Leadership identified command of soft skills as the leading determinant of successful change management for executives
A study by Office Team concluded sixty-seven percent of HR managers would hire a candidate with strong soft skills whose technical abilities were lacking. Only nine percent would hire someone with strong technical expertise but weak interpersonal skills