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Showing posts with label sexual harassment. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sexual harassment. Show all posts

GOODNESS How to Deal With Bad People


What are you doing in your life right now that makes you happy? Who are the people in your life that radiate goodness, kindness, humor, and integrity? Who are you grateful for today? Today, who has lifted you up and done something awesome, fun, showed you they worked hard, showed you their talent or who was just plain kind and real to you today?

What work and social activities, interests and hobbies lift you up and make you feel alive, creative and successful? What are you glad you are doing or have done today? Breathe in gratitude for all that is true and good in your life.

Each day I write in a gratitude journal. Some days it's hard, some days it's easy. I write about my friend Rose who can make me laugh for hours on end. Somedays I am grateful for a huge business deal that is exciting and challenging, some days it's long real hugs with my loved ones, warm socks or thin mint cookies. Somedays I write about turning the car stereo up loud and singing with Bruno Mars or going to a house concert with friends and being "inside" the music of Eliot Bronson or The Ghost of Paul Revere, and lately I am grateful for the joy in writing new songs and recording them with talented musicians.

There is a lot of negative energy in the world right now. We see evil and injustice. But there is also a sea change towards goodness. Yes, we are heading towards more goodness. We are noticing bad behavior and saying, "Nope I don't like that." "Stop that because I find that unacceptable." "I choose not to be associated with or do business with someone who acts against my moral values.' That's a very good thing. Bad behavior might have been going on underneath and in the shadows before, allowed and accepted but, right now there is so much light!

Let's be grateful for that light. Don't turn away from what light shows you. I have read and been consulted on so many stories about people doing bad things, but I realized that there are brave, good people that stood up in those stories and said, "No!"  There are so many authentic strong people speaking out and showing what good behavior is. There is kindness.  Let us all focus on the good men and women in the world. And for you, focus on what it feels like to work with and love people you value and trust. Be grateful for them, grab a cookie and turn up some good music.


Look for the goodness!

Take Care,
Patti




Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Bill O'Reilly - Narcissists Abuse And Often Claim Victim Hood And Attack Their Victim's Character

Narcissist Abuse, then Claims Victim- Hood and Attacks Their Victims Character. The Bill O'Reilly Factor 

O'Reilly settled in several sexual harassment charges against him so he obviously knew people perceived his behavior as harassment. And yet he speaks of a conspiracy against him, his career, and his children. What has happened to him is not due to a conspiracy it's a consequence of his predatory behavior. I find it particularly despicable for him to accuse people of hurting his children. He chose his behavior and he repeated his behavior again and again. He is the one who needs to be responsible for what is happening to him and his children now.

Research shows that "Malignant Narcissists" don't take responsibility. They always feel they are the "victim" and what is happening is always somebody else's fault.  O'Reilly says, "The New York Times Hates Me!."  Seriously!  He sees no relationship between his 32 Million dollars in settlement cases for harassment and having a publication investigate whether you harassed someone.  He sees no relationship between his abusive behavior and consequences. Perhaps he seems blindsided because until now they were kept secret, because up until now he got away with it. 

In fact, when others see an opportunity for a man or woman who have made an error to stand up and say, "I messed up and I am so sorry." Malignant Narcissists and Psychopaths have a pattern of claiming victim-hood and may even attack and assassinate the character of their very victims. Note how O'Reilly attacks Kelly and lies saying he did not know of any complaint by her when in even a toxic HR environment he would have, by law, been required to know about the complaint. 

http://deadline.com/2017/10/bill-oreilly-megyn-kelly-harvey-weinstein-new-york-times-glenn-beck-sexual-harassment-settlement-32-million-dollars-1202193171/amp/
UPDATED with Eric Bolling response, Bill O’Reilly apology: Former Fox News host Eric Bolling has issued a statement telling Bill O’Reilly to knock off his “beyond inappropriate” talk about his son. In a statement, sent first to New York Times, Bolling said:
Bill O’Reilly responded with apology:
Previous: Very busy morning for Bill O’Reilly. Appearing on The Glenn BeckProgram, he dismissed as “incomprehensible” the morning’s headline-grabbing monologue delivered by former Fox News Channel colleague Megyn Kelly.
“She did not file a complaint. Not that I know of,” he said.
“I never had any problem with Megyn Kelly,” O’Reilly told Beck. “I don’t know why Megyn Kelly is doing what she’s doing. I don’t know why…It is incomprehensible.”
O’Reilly also could be heard today in a New York Times podcast of an interview conducted last Wednesday with authors of the blockbuster weekend report that O’Reilly had settled a sexual harassment lawsuit that had been threatened against him by Lis Wiehl, for $32M shortly before his contract was extended last spring by Fox News parent company.
In that interview, O’Reilly seems to suggest the NYT bore responsibility for the death of former colleague Eric Bolling’s son, who died shortly after Fox News parted ways with Bolling amid allegations of sexual harassment reported on by the newspaper.
“I urge you to think about what you put in your newspaper,” O’Reilly said in the podcast. “Eric Bolling’s son is dead. He’s dead because of allegations made — in my opinion and I know this to be true — against Mr. Bolling.”
In that interview, O’Reilly told Emily Steel and Michael Schmidt, “We have physical proof that this is bullshit. Bullshit. Okay? So it’s on you if you want to destroy my children further. Alright, cause it’s all crap. Why don’t you be human beings for once. This is horrible.
“It’s horrible what I went through. Horrible what my family went through. This is crap. And you know it. It’s politically and financially motivated. And we can prove it with shocking information.”
On Saturday O’Reilly rep Mark Fabiani said NYT report was “obviously designed to embarrass Bill O’Reilly and to keep him from competing in the marketplace.”
O’Reilly repeated that refrain Monday morning on Glenn Beck’s program, asserting NYT “wants to take me out of the markeplace,” and that he’s muzzled because he “can’t speak on any case that has been resolved.”
When Beck marveled at the reported $32M settlement price tag reported in NYT, O’Reilly shot back, “Right. What do you want me to say,” again noting he cannot talk, per terms of the settlement.
He similarly responded to other of Beck’s questions, adding, “I know it’s frustrating. It’s very frustrating for me. Imagine me sitting here, being accused of everything under the sun.
O’Reilly insisted NYT‘s “endgame is, ‘Let’s link O’Reilly with Harvey Weinstein. Let’s make him that’.”
Speaking of himself in the third person, O’Reilly charged the newspaper with working to “take him out of the marketplace forever…he never gets to give his opinion on issues again. We take him out because we hate him’.”
“The New York Times obviously hates me,” O’Reilly said. “It’s dishonest in the extreme and frustrating for me. But unless I want another seven or eight years of litigation that puts my children in the kill zone, I have to maintain

PLUS:
If you truly want to understand how smart warm wonderful women are targets of Psychopaths read the research of Sandra Brown:

“The seminal aspect of the research was in detecting these women's unique and astounding elevated 'super traits' of temperament, personality strengths and weaknesses. These proved to be an amazingly compatible match for the strengths and weaknesses of a psychopath and brought a natural 'balance' to the honeymoon aspects of the relationship.”

“While the uncovering of her innate traits and conditioned behaviors explained much about this dangerous relationship and has brought huge intellectual and emotional relief to the victims, it does not seem to have gone very far in modifying the public misperceptions about psychopaths or their victims. On a recent radio show, after describing the huge elevation of some of the victim's temperament traits and explaining how it could affect her patterns of selection and even tolerance in these relationships, the host said, "That's a crock of crap! You're telling me that a few temperament traits can do that? I don't believe it. She picked him, she stayed, she needs to own it and she was probably abused as a child." These simplistic answers are what have been, and continue to be, at the core of the abysmal lack of public psychopathology education.”

“As mentioned, my research has revealed that women who love psychopaths (and other Cluster B personality disordered individuals) possess rather unique and extraordinary 'super traits' of temperament that make them the perfect target/victim of the psychopath. While the following does not cover all of her traits, these were the ones most highly elevated and were thus likely contributing factors:
Here is the research by Sandra Brown on what psychopaths look for in a romantic partner:
§  Extraversion and excitement seeking (Psychopaths are also extraverts and excitement seekers.)  In other words, these women started out being the least dependent types on the planet!
§  Deep Investment in all relationships (The victim gives great emotional, spiritual, physical, financial investments in any of her relationships, not just the intimate ones.)
§  Sentimentality
§  Attachment – Deep bonding capacity (She has a deep bonding capacity.)
§  Competitiveness – stand ground – not codependent (She is not likely to be run out of relationships – she will stand her ground.  Again, not the co-dependent type at all.)
§  Low Harm Avoidance – does not expect to be hurt (She doesn’t expect to be hurt, sees others through who she is.  In other words, not a person looking to recreate an abusive relationship of childhood.  In fact, more often than not, these women were never exposed to abuse of any kind as children.)
§  Cooperation
§  Higher Empathy – can be genetic
§  Responsibilty and Resourcefulness
  
Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Why Is There Complicity In Abuse? - Why No One Spoke Up About Weinstein's Abuse

Wonder why no one spoke up about Weinstein during his years of abuse? For many years I spoke on sexual harassment and the groups response to it. (In fact, the groups response to abuse, affairs and romantic relationships was my first research paper in my doctoral program) People around the abuser may know about the abuse to the victim or victims and let it continue. Think about the people around Bill Cosby. There are many reasons they may need to believe the abuser is innocent, as believing the truth. That the abuser has abused and is in fact evil creates too much cognitive dissonance. They would have to admit they know and are working with someone evil. Many prefer to keep the mask on the monster and continue their lives as they are. They may not feel comfortable tattling and or it is easier to look the other way, blame the victims and or as in this story, they are being fed by the abuser. Sexual Predators like to spread the goodies out to their "Apaths"or "Enablers" In this case the very success of the journalist’s livelihood depended on being friendly with the abuser.
Here is a good story on this.



 Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

The Human Stain – Why the Harvey Weinstein Story is Worse Than You Think

The Human Stain – Why the Harvey Weinstein Story is Worse Than You Think

When abuse occurs it’s hard for even good people to speak out. In this case, there was a culture of complicity at Weinstein’s places of business, with numerous people throughout the companies fully aware of his behavior but either abetting it or looking the other way. Some employees said that “they were enlisted in subterfuge to make the victims feel safe."
Link to Article


Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Responding to Inapropiate Touch, Your fitness/yoga instructor likes to get a little too handsy /touchy-feely. How to handle it without risking to lose your membership or make uncomfortable other attendees?

  • Responding to Inapropiate Touch, Your fitness/yoga instructor likes to get a little too handsy /touchy-feely. How to handle it without risking to lose your membership or make uncomfortable other attendees?

 The Chicago Tribune asked for my insights as a body language expert. Here’s the link, ladies! It was a treat working with you and I added the links to your websites in your bio as well!
Below that are my more detailed comments. 

There is vast scientific knowledge and data from researchers around the world that proves that positive touch makes us better communicators, better friends, and better people. Human Touch is vital to our physical and emotional development and to our overall sense of health and well-being. But, touch that we don’t want, touch that makes us uncomfortable even it its well-intentioned is another thing all together. How do we say, “Stop!” to something others may see as such a warm and wonderful thing? By saying simply what’s true for you and requesting what you would like and ideally getting agreement that the toucher understands. “I notice that you are a very touchy huggy person” “I am not that way, I am uncomfortable with that, you know everyone is different. So could you please honor my need for space?” (Making eye contact and getting nonverbal and or verbal agreement.” Then if you wish say. “I appreciate it.” I suggest a question and a response from the person to act a promise/contract. This is a soft request. Use a clear even strong tone. Not accusatory but not soft and pleading.  If someone has been inappropriate or creepy I would suggest a stronger message and that you do this in the presence of others who know what has happened and have your back. Years of research on touch and giving workshops on sexual harassment have taught me that many people don’t know that their touch bothers others people, they just don’t get it. And when it is made clear they stop. Oddly, the true bully harassers often stop too if there told and or if they are given clear consequences.. Women, who research shows understand nonverbal communication more effetely than men think that their nonverbal message of discomfort should be enough. Sometimes, they may think a tight smile or an awkward laugh or freezing in place or pulling away from touch is enough, But, not everybody can read the signals clearly.  Women sometimes, want to much to being nice. They don’t want anyone to be uncomfortable, even the very person that doesn’t seem to be seeing their discomfort the person who is not sensitive to their feelings. So you need to bring the message from the complex emotional nonverbal world to clear logical neocortex words and say it out loud and clear. “Stop!”
(By the way you gym membership is not as important as your personal safety and comfort and if you saying what you want and need to feel safe bothers other people, they are not the people you should be around.”






Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Responding to Inapropiate Touch, Your fitness/yoga instructor likes to get a little too handsy /touchy-feely. How to handle it without risking to lose your membership or make uncomfortable other attendees?

  • Responding to Inapropiate Touch, Your fitness/yoga instructor likes to get a little too handsy /touchy-feely. How to handle it without risking to lose your membership or make uncomfortable other attendees?

 The Chicago Tribune asked for my insights as a body language expert. Here’s the link, ladies! It was a treat working with you and I added the links to your websites in your bio as well!
Below that are my more detailed comments. 

There is vast scientific knowledge and data from researchers around the world that proves that positive touch makes us better communicators, better friends, and better people. Human Touch is vital to our physical and emotional development and to our overall sense of health and well-being. But, touch that we don’t want, touch that makes us uncomfortable even it its well-intentioned is another thing all together. How do we say, “Stop!” to something others may see as such a warm and wonderful thing? By saying simply what’s true for you and requesting what you would like and ideally getting agreement that the toucher understands. “I notice that you are a very touchy huggy person” “I am not that way, I am uncomfortable with that, you know everyone is different. So could you please honor my need for space?” (Making eye contact and getting nonverbal and or verbal agreement.” Then if you wish say. “I appreciate it.” I suggest a question and a response from the person to act a promise/contract. This is a soft request. Use a clear even strong tone. Not accusatory but not soft and pleading.  If someone has been inappropriate or creepy I would suggest a stronger message and that you do this in the presence of others who know what has happened and have your back. Years of research on touch and giving workshops on sexual harassment have taught me that many people don’t know that their touch bothers others people, they just don’t get it. And when it is made clear they stop. Oddly, the true bully harassers often stop too if there told and or if they are given clear consequences.. Women, who research shows understand nonverbal communication more effetely than men think that their nonverbal message of discomfort should be enough. Sometimes, they may think a tight smile or an awkward laugh or freezing in place or pulling away from touch is enough, But, not everybody can read the signals clearly.  Women sometimes, want to much to being nice. They don’t want anyone to be uncomfortable, even the very person that doesn’t seem to be seeing their discomfort the person who is not sensitive to their feelings. So you need to bring the message from the complex emotional nonverbal world to clear logical neocortex words and say it out loud and clear. “Stop!”
(By the way you gym membership is not as important as your personal safety and comfort and if you saying what you want and need to feel safe bothers other people, they are not the people you should be around.”






Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Hewlett-Packard Says CEO, Mark Hurd, Is Stepping Down Following A Sexual-Harassment Investigation

Years ago, when I was working on my doctorate, I gave my first paid speech on body language and gender differences. I realized that with all the women entering the workforce in equal positions with men there would be more sexual-harassment problems and began doing research on what would be my initial doctoral dissertation topic, "Romantic Relationships In The Work Place." I also started getting requests to do communication programs on preventing sexual-harassment issues.
When I see news items about sexual-harassment, I read them with great interest. Here is a story that I wish I had some video on to analyze the body language.

HP’s CEO Hurd quits after sexual-harassment probe
Executive filed false expense reports to cover up
HP CEO steps down. Justin Sullivan
Hewlett-Packard says CEO Mark Hurd is stepping down following a sexual-harassment probe.msnbc.com news services
updated 4 minutes ago
Share Print Font: +-PALO ALTO, Calif. — Hewlett-Packard Co. Chairman and CEO Mark Hurd has resigned after a sexual-harassment probe that found he violated company standards, the computer maker said Friday.

The investigation found that although there was no violation of HP's sexual harassment policy Hurd, 53, filed erroneous expense reports to cover up his "close personal relationship" with a marketing consultant hired by his office, HP general counsel Michael Holston said.

The investigation also found there were "numerous instances where the contractor received compensation and/or expense reimbursement where there was not a legitimate business purpose," Holston said in a conference call with analysts. He said the behavior reflected a "profound lack of judgment."

As a result Hurd, who is married, has stepped down from all his positions at the company, effective immediately, according to a news release issued after the stock market closed Friday.

"As the investigation progressed, I realized there were instances in which I did not live up to the standards and principles of trust, respect and integrity that I have espoused at HP and which have guided me throughout my career," Hurd said in a statement.

"This is a painful decision for me to make after five years at HP, but I believe it would be difficult for me to continue as an effective leader at HP and I believe this is the only decision the board and I could make at this time," he said.

Hurd and Robert Ryan, HP's lead independent board member, stressed that Hurd's departure has nothing to do with the company's financial health.

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://PattiWood.net. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.