Funny Christmas Card Quotes

Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall. 

~Larry Wilde

Decorate your homes with lots of mistletoe... this won't really help the environment... But more kissing has got to be good for world peace. 

~Arlo Guthrie

Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

~Anonymous

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
~Jay Leno

"Dear Lord, I've been asked, nay commanded, to thank Thee for the Christmas turkey before us... a turkey which was no doubt a lively, intelligent bird... a social being... capable of actual affection... nuzzling its young with almost human- like compassion. Anyway, it's dead and we're gonna eat it. Please give our respects to its family... "
~Berke Breathed

Let me see if I've got this Santa business straight. You say he wears a beard, has no discernible source of income and flies to cities all over the world under cover of darkness? You sure this guy isn't laundering illegal drug money?
~Tom Armstrong

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year.
~Victor Borge

You know you're getting old, when Santa starts looking younger.
~Robert Paul

Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old traditions such as trying to find a parking space at the mall. We traditionally do this in my family by driving around the parking lot until we see a shopper emerge from the mall, then we follow her, in very much the same spirit as the Three Wise Men, who 2,000 years ago followed a star, week after week, until it led them to a parking space.
~Dave Barry

Out upon merry Christmas! What's Christmas time to you but a time for paying bills without money; a time for finding yourself a year older, but not an hour richer...? If I could work my will," said Scrooge indignantly, "every idiot who goes about with 'Merry Christmas' upon his lips should be boiled with his own pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart. He should!
~Charles Dickens, in A Christmas Carol

The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.
~Joan Rivers

Christmas is a race to see which gives out first - your money or your feet.
~Anonymous

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

Should I Check E-Mail? What Are the Rules?

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

Read the Text or Not, Funny Cartoon about the Disrespect of Texting While You are With Someone

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

Does Angelina Jolie Really Have Chicken Pox? Angelina's Body Language, is She Lying?

Does Angelina Jolie Really Have Chicken Pox? Angelina's Body Language, is She Lying?

A body language expert Patti Wood

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WnxoEIJMsUc

Is Angelina lying about her Chicken Pox. Well, I can tell you she is having a really good time telling the world she can’t go to her Unbroken Events because she has Chicken Pox.

She starts the recording with the words “I just want to be clear and honest.” These are not the typical words of someone who is just sending out a message that she has Chicken Pox.  These are not the normal first words for any apology stantement, the  baseline of a normal “I am sick” announcement is to start with what you are most upset about which should be, "I am sick!"  In an honest message the emotional message comes out first. It is a limbic brain response. Typically your nonverbal delivery will also show your emotions. You should see her have the facial expressions of pain, or discomfort of being sick and or contriteness at having to miss the events. Instead she has a rather frozen face and monotones delivery of very logical words, “I just want to be clear and honest.” The words themselves are words a liar uses before they lie. Honest people don’t say they have to be clear and honest.”

Next notice in the video what she does with her head as she says, “…Clear and honest.” See how her head jerks back as she says it.  I call that a "heat retreat." We retreat under threat, and liars often, pull back or retreat in some way when they are lying. She could have the Chicken Pox, but she does NOT want to be clear and honest in this message.

Also notice what happens as she says  the words Chicken Pox. On the YouTube video this is a the .17 time marker. She smiles. Yes, sometimes people give a cover smile when delivering bad news, but this is not a cover smile. The corners of the mouth go down in a cover smile and the eyes don't typically move. Notice how the coursers of both sides of her mouth go up, her eyebrows go up and her eyes open and most significantly her head goes up. We go up when we are happy and joyful. She is happy. Yes, oddly she is happy not sad, that is not a surprised smile. That is a happy smile.

Notice that her eyes are not inflamed, as they might be if she had chicken pox, notice though her voice is lowered it is forced and has subdued strength. It is not scratchy and strained as it might be for someone who has chicken pox. She might have them, but they have not hit full force yet.

Finally, one of the most interesting statements is “I just can’t believe it.” If you watch her say that statement, you see it is sincere. It has the normal FEEL SHOW SAY of an honest statement. You see her go back slightly, you see the surprise on her face, you’re here her voice change and then you hear the words silvered that match that emotional statement of disbelief. But here is the thing.  She could be in disbelief about Chicken Pox. But the pause before she makes that statement in the context of what she is saying is long, and sometimes liars, hold a true thought in the mind and they talk about something they are lying about in order to have an authentic delivery. In this case she could authentically be in disbelief that she has the chicken pox, but she could also be in that moment be thinking about and in disbelief about the emails about her that where released.

In any case she is not normal in much of her nonverbal delivery at anytime and she is not normal in the delivery of her I have Chicken Pox delivery.

Late last night I got a call to read this video for Radaronline, but know that they misquoted me. This have me saying things I did not say. For example I did not say, "She was giving her worst acting..." and I did not say, "There are a couple of physical things that are obvious."   http://radaronline.com/exclusives/2014/12/angelina-jolie-body-lanugage-rips-apart-patt-wood/

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

Lady Gaga and Taylor Kinney Body Language Read in Life & Style Next Week

Check next week's Life & Style for Patti's body language read of Taylor Kinney and Lady Gaga.

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.co
m/user/bodylanguageexpert.