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John Travolta, Kanye West, Joe Biden and Other Guys Who Touch Women in Weird, Inappropriate Ways

I did an interview for Yahoo Style on the inappropriate ways that men are touching women.  You can read my insights below highlighted in yellow.  I have also put the link to the actual article below.

John Travolta, Kanye West, Joe Biden and Other Guys Who Touch Women in Weird, Inappropriate Ways
There were many touching moments at Sunday night’s Oscars: Imitation Game screenwriter Graham Moore’s admitting to trying to kill himself at 16 and telling all the other weird kids out there to “stay weird.” The teary hug and kiss between Lady Gaga and Julie Andrews after Gaga’s stunning Sound of Music medley. And of course Common and John Legend’s heartrending performance of “Glory” from Selma, with Legend telling the audience, “Selma is now.”

Joe Biden cameos in one of several memes inspired by John Travolta’s Oscar night antics.
But at least two “touching” moments were downright, well, icky—both of them involving John Travolta. First, on the red carpet, he kissed ScarJo and cupped her midriff in a way that might have been tender and sweet if the two were married— to each other. Then later, while charmingly being upbraided onstage by Idina Menzel for mangling her name at last year’s Oscars, he held her too close, cupped her cheek in his hand and close-talked her. Ew.
Alas, Travolta’s tactile malfunctions were just the latest in a seemingly undying string of high-profile men inappropriately touching women in public, televised settings. Last week, vice-president Joe Biden got dubbed once again “America’s Creepy Uncle” when, for a cringe-worthy 20 seconds during the swearing-in of new defense secretary Ash Carter, Biden kept his hands on the shoulders of Carter’s wife, Stephanie, then whispered in her ear. And who can forget the 2006 G8 conference at which then-president George Bush stepped behind the seated German Chancellor, Angela Merkel, and shoulder-rubbed her? (Merkel raised her arms in horror.)
Looking back on past Oscars, was Adrien Brody’s understandable elation in 2003 for just having won Best Actor for “The Pianist” justification for his planting a long, powerful, passionate kiss on Halle Berry, who was presenting the award? (Watch the video; Berry looks stunned—and not happily. Creepily, Brody tops off his kiss by telling her, “I bet they didn’t tell you that was in the gift bag.”)
Of course, you might say, oh please, it’s Hollywood, it’s all entertainment and titillation. But according to some experts, male-on-female touching is still driven by male obliviousness toward personal-space boundaries and toward issues of power, even in a limelight-drenched setting. “I did years of sexual harrassment training,” says body-language expert Patti Wood. "The problem was that guys didn’t know they were doing something wrong and the only thing that worked was when women told them, ‘I don’t like that—stop.’ All the men who got word stopped immediately. Women thought the nonverbal messages they were giving, such as leaning away or tensing, was enough, but it wasn’t."
Of course, when you’re live on TV in front of an estimated 34.6 million viewers, saying “stop” can be hard to do. And that’s where issues of power, not just “silly fun,” come into the picture. Referring to Travolta’s cupping Menzel’s face in his hand, Wood says, “That gesture usually connotes to someone that they are really precious to you, but it’s also something a parent does to a child. It’s a way of saying ‘I’m more powerful than you.’” So for Travolta to do that to Menzel when she was sending him up for last year’s gaffe suggested it was “a bizarre, passive-aggressive way to quiet her,” says Wood.
So what are the do’s and don’ts of man-on-woman public touching? There are none, says etiquette expert Jacqueline Whitmore. “It all depends on your relationship with the person and on the situation,” she says. Biden’s touching the defense secretary’s wife as he did was out of bounds, says Whitmore, because the swearing-in was “a business, not a social, situation, with cameras running.”
But is an awards ceremony a business situation? “That’s a gray area,” she says. “They’re there to party, but then again, they’re viewed as role models and people are watching.”

And the message people may be taking away is, if men feel entitled to touch women in such a proprietary manner before the whole world, what must many men still feel entitled to do in an unobserved setting? It’s especially confusing now that millennials have brought hugging from high school into work settings, says Wood, who suggests that both men and women restrict touch in work settings to the classic handshake and, if they feel compelled to express warmth or bonding after having gotten to know someone, go no further than brief, light fingertips to the elbow or forearm. “That’s the safe zone,” she says.
John Travolta earned himself a spot in an already circulating Kanye West meme.
And Kanye West, who is famous for following his own code of conduct recently posed at the Grammys with both hands squarely on the notorious, Gaultier-clad booty of his wife, Kim Kardashian— much as he once publicly squeezed the butt of Amber Rose, now his ex. “There’s been way more men’s hands on women’s butts in photos the past ten years,” notes Wood. “A few years ago, you’d only do that to a prostitute, not your mate. There was a taboo, because that touch said that sex to the rear was probably going on in the relationship. But now people almost think it’s charming.”

Just one rule, there, says Wood: Make sure that woman whose butt your grabbing in that photo is your wife or girlfriend—and make sure she’s okay with it.

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

People Watching a Couple in their 70’s Love at Any Age

People Watching a Couple in their 70’s
 Love at Any Age

My former fiancé and I used to people watch together and we'd watch couples and family members and make up stories about them.

One day we saw a couple in their 70s and they were so gentle and tentative with each other. The gentleman helped her to the table. He took out her chair for her and helped her sit down. They seemed so sweet and caring of one another. As they ate, they couldn't keep their eyes off each other.  They would reach across the table to touch as they talked. It was quite beautiful to watch.
We wondered how a couple that had been together so many years could be so sweet to each other.  Then, we couldn't help ourselves,and had to go over and introduce ourselves to the couple. We found out that they were actually on a first date. They had known each other peripherally for years and we're finally going out.

It reminds me that you could have love and tenderness at any age and you should never give up searching and trying for love.

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

Time and Touch are Strong Nonverbal Communicators

Time and Touch are Strong Nonverbal Communicators

I visit my mother in her assisted living facility. One day I saw an entire family get out of the van and help their mother/grandmother get out of the van. They all needed to help and they all needed to touch her and they all wanted to talk to her and hug her one last time.  They weren't in a hurry, they didn't just stay in the car and watch her get out.  They didn't rush off like so many families do. It reminded me to slow down when I'm with my mother to take care and linger in our love. 

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

Hello Honey, I'm Home!

Hello Honey, I'm Home!

Every week when I fly home back to Atlanta I eavesdrop on people being greeted by their families and I listen to their voices and I watch them reach out their arms kiss, hug and show their love.  It's amazing and reminds me how sweet, fabulous and wonderful love is.

This has happened a lot but I'll tell you about one particular story.

I was watching a businessman come down the aisle of the plane looking like a weary soldier.
He  seemed really exhausted and overwhelmed as he sat down and as we flew the three hours from Albuquerque to Atlanta he worked on his computer,  getting out receipts and opening up excel spread sheets and going through tons of emails. He was working really hard, but it was clear from his slumped shoulders and turtle in his shell head he was beat. Then as soon as our plane landed he got out his cell phone and got on the phone with his little girl and was transformed. He talked in the most enthusiastic and loving voice and his shoulders came back and his head came up. He lit up with joy as he listened to his daughter and responded to her with such generosity of spirit. It was an amazing thing to witness.

Now here is something amazing. I have seen business men do this a least two dozen times on my weekly flights. As soon as they land after a long flight they get out their phone to call their loved ones.  It reminds me of the power of love to transform us and I hope it also reminds you that you communicate with your actions. If your first thought getting home is to call your family,
you are putting the most important part of your life first. 


Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

Why You Shouldn't Talk On Your Cell Phone on Airplanes

Why You Shouldn't Talk On Your Cell Phone on Airplanes
The Mr. Mustache Story


I was on a plane as it waited to take off from the Atlanta Airport.  There was a gentleman with a mustache in the row across from me in first class on his cell phone.  Mr. Mustache didn't seem to care we could hear every word he said on his cell phone as he loudly told the employee he was fired.
It was the most heart wrenching and disturbing eavesdropping situation I've ever encountered. His voice was cold, hurried and matter-of-fact. He said sales were down in his region and he felt Sam could do a better job. I could actually hear the pleading in the voice of the employee from his cell phone.
Mr. Mustache said that he hadn't said anything before hoping the sales would increase and that was that, and that he had to get off the phone as his plane was about to take off.  Yes, Mr. Mustache, totally ignored the pleading and quickly said he had to get off the phone because the plane was taking off.

I audibly groaned as he got off the phone and my seatmate who also heard the call said, "Can you believe him?" If I had been in the seat near mustache I would have told him he was rude and insensitive, but going across my seatmate to say that would have been rude of me! My seatmate and I talked about how horrible that was and how unprofessional and heartless this man was.

I want you to remember this story. Remember you do not fire people with a brief heartless phone call having obviously not given them any prior notice. You should not rush a phone call when someone is in obvious distress and let them know you are on a plane publically firing them. You do not have emotional phone calls in public spaces, especially in spaces like airplanes where no one can escape your rudeness.

If you are making any excuses for Mr. Mustaches behavior, DON"T. He may have been a rich guy in first class thinking he earned the right to be rude and heartless. He hadn't. If you are thinking you have never done anything remotely like this think again. Have you ever said something emotional or negative to someone on the phone when you were in a public space? Have you ever said something over the phone or text or email that you should have said in person, but you didn't want to deal with it?
Have you ever talked loudly on the phone when others could not step away from you to not hear you?


Be polite. Be a grownup. Honor and respect the souls around you. 

More cell phone use articles:



Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.