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MEGHAN MARKLE was close to tears next to Prince Harry as the pair spoke about Princess Diana, according to experts speaking to Daily Star Online

Patti was asked by the Daily Star Online to weigh in on the body language of Meghan Markle as she spoke about Princess Diana.  See her insights at the link below:


https://www.dailystar.co.uk/news/latest-news/663564/Meghan-Markle-Princess-Diana-Prince-Harry-interview-engagement-BBC-Royal-Wedding-video


Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Celebrating Success in Your Business. What is Your Company Song?

I just got a media request to share my company song.

My company song is
"Gonna Fly Now" - Rocky 
Music by Bill Conti and Carol Connors 
Lyric by Ayn Robbins 

For over 30 years this has been our company song. I a consultant, professional speaker and author and the song has motivated me and my staff to celebrate every accomplishment and keep working hard through tough times.  I absolutely love what I do and my work itself often feels like flying.  I started the company in 1982. I was working on my graduate degree full time, teaching at Florida State had two other jobs. At the beginnings did some of my speeches for $10 dollars and hour! I was so excited to get my first speech for $500 dollars that when I got off the call about it I jumped up out of my chair, put my hands in the air like Rocky in the movie and started singing the trumpet portion of the song as I danced. All these years later I still do a hands in the air rocky dance when we get a booking/contract, spokesperson job, and or a big check and or when I have a big media interview. My staff joins in if we are in the office together. Sometimes we say over the phone or in emails we send to each other announcing a success “Rocky Dance!”  “Gonna Fly now” still motivated me. I am looking up now to the big year calendars on the wall above our desks in the office with stickers for each booking, and each one got a rocky dance!


The company name is Communication Dynamics Inc. http://www.pattiwood.net/



Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Understanding How Smart, Warm, Wonderful Women Are Targets of Psychopaths

If you truly want to understand how smart warm wonderful women are targets of Psychopaths read the research of Sandra Brown:


“The seminal aspect of the research was in detecting these women's unique and astounding elevated 'super traits' of temperament, personality strengths and weaknesses. These proved to be an amazingly compatible match for the strengths and weaknesses of a psychopath and brought a natural 'balance' to the honeymoon aspects of the relationship.”

“While the uncovering of her innate traits and conditioned behaviors explained much about this dangerous relationship and has brought huge intellectual and emotional relief to the victims, it does not seem to have gone very far in modifying the public misperceptions about psychopaths or their victims. On a recent radio show, after describing the huge elevation of some of the victim's temperament traits and explaining how it could affect her patterns of selection and even tolerance in these relationships, the host said, "That's a crock of crap! You're telling me that a few temperament traits can do that? I don't believe it. She picked him, she stayed, she needs to own it and she was probably abused as a child." These simplistic answers are what have been, and continue to be, at the core of the abysmal lack of public psychopathology education.”

“As mentioned, my research has revealed that women who love psychopaths (and other Cluster B personality disordered individuals) possess rather unique and extraordinary 'super traits' of temperament that make them the perfect target/victim of the psychopath. While the following does not cover all of her traits, these were the ones most highly elevated and were thus likely contributing factors:

Here is the research by Sandra Brown on what psychopaths look for in a romantic partner:

§  Extraversion and excitement seeking (Psychopaths are also extroverts and excitement seekers.)  In other words, these women started out being the least dependent types on the planet!
§  Deep Investment in all relationships (The victim gives great emotional, spiritual, physical, financial investments in any of her relationships, not just the intimate ones.)
§  Sentimentality
§  Attachment – Deep bonding capacity (She has a deep bonding capacity.)
§  Competitiveness – stand ground – not codependent (She is not likely to be run out of relationships – she will stand her ground.  Again, not the co-dependent type at all.)
§  Low Harm Avoidance – does not expect to be hurt (She doesn’t expect to be hurt, sees others through who she is.  In other words, not a person looking to recreate an abusive relationship of childhood.  In fact, more often than not, these women were never exposed to abuse of any kind as children.)
§  Cooperation
§  Higher Empathy – can be genetic
§  Responsibilty and Resourcefulness



Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle Body Language in Engagement Interview



I was asked by The Independent to share my insights on the body language of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle during their engagement interview.  Below are my insights and at the end is a link to the actual article.

Harry and Meghan are openly warm, and affectionate and close with one another.  It is very sweet how they hold hands through the interview. He shows his deep affection and desire to be close to her by reaching out his hand in the handhold and lifting her hand up to support her and resting it on her leg. We see he is willing to give love to her, he doesn’t need to show more dominance by pulling her hand onto his leg.  She is confident in his love and doesn’t need to reach over submissively to his.  The actual hand hold is loose and open, allowing each of them some freedom and showing how relaxed they are being connected to one another.

Note the turn taking and length of turn times in the couple. Meghan quickly answers most of the questions from the interviewer, before Harry, and takes significantly longer turns. This reflects her comfort in media interviews and shows she is lead taker in this kind of situation. But, the way she does it shows she loves him. Notice the low volume, softness timbre and warmth of her voice. Those paralanguage qualities show she is both smitten and softened in his presence from her louder, stronger baseline in media interviews about her before this relationship. Very sweet. She also shows her love and connection by turning to him to check in on her answers from the first question, where she checks in on what they were cooking the night of the proposal, “What were we cooking? … roasted chicken.” And they both laugh.

As they talk about the proposal, I just love the lift and softness and femininity of her voice with rounded softly vocalized T’s, C’s and D’s rather than clipped consonants and a lifting up of the voice at the end of her sentences as if she is asking a question. (Even on responses where she is not checking in with him, that is what submissive females do.)  Significantly, throughout the interview, she keeps turning her full head towards him to gaze at him. She makes a point to state he got down on one knee, and shares that more to the journalist than to him, in a way that indicated the prince got down on one knee to her. She has power that she knows Harry recognizes. She didn’t deliver that information in a purely gushy romantic way. But she IS smitten. She loves to look at him! Harry is wonderfully animated with his free hand gesturing and smiling as they talk about the ring.

As he finished the proposal story, notice how his head tilts toward her to show his desire to connect and be seen as a couple answering the question not just have it be his story. The very next question she jumps in and answers, but again turns to check in with him. I just love how they each have power and how they each check in with each other in a very nice dance. If they keep doing this, two such confident people, they will make a very good couple. I can see them finishing each other’s sentences in an interview 40 year from now if they keep this up.

Note how she got very strong as Harry describes how they first met and as he talks about their mutual friend.  She turns to him and speaks loudly and strongly over his turn, ‘’We... need to protect her privacy.” And how he softly demure and repeats, “protect her privacy.” She is comfortable being strong with him and setting boundaries about what they will share publicly, and he nonverbally acquiesced without looking his significant as he continues smoothly with the story and gestures strongly with a movement across both their bodies.

As she talks about the blind date, she also gestures with her free hand as well. Nice balance for both. I loved how he is talking about wanting a big background on her, see her head dip down in humble embarrassment then as he says she walked and there she was, at time code 3:50 see how they both turn their heads and go into a long mutual gaze they recall the moment they met together. They relive it right in front of us. Lovely.  Next, he huffs, in a take a breath and, “I am really going to have to up my game.” And she keeps looking on and smiling and laughing. 

Link to Article:


Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Body Language and Other Nonverbal Tactics Used by Narcissists to Control People.


I just got a media request to discuss the traits and tactics used by narcissists to control people. The journalist was inspired by the following article to seek more information on tactics used to manipulate their targets.  I speak on body language and how to deal with difficult and toxic people. A

http://www.urbo.com/content/tactics-used-by-narcissists-to-silence-you

As a body language expert who speaks and writes on narcissism and other dark triad behaviors. I sent the media contact am a body language expert and I can speak the nonverbal behaviors a Narcissist, may use in one or more of the stages of their abusive relationship with the target. The stages are according to the research, Idolize, Devalue Discard.
They use their target as a source of narcissistic supply. That supply may be gained from the love and adoration of their target and or the pain and anguish of their target or the narcissistic rush from duping their target.  It’s important to clarify the need for supply as during the idealization phase many of their nonverbal behaviors seem like those of the ideal/dream lover.

1.      Hypnotic gaze/starring. They look at their target with focused intense gaze. They are reading their target’s every emotion to know how to act. Hypnotic gaze typically is done to test boundaries. They may do or say something uncomfortable right before or after the hypnotic gaze to test how the target responds. It may feel to the target like love or seduction. The target needs to check in to their feelings and body. If the gaze makes them feel off, or it seems too interest, too exciting or dangerous, they need to break away from it and or get up and move or leave the room and monitor their gazing partners response.

2.       Simple Gazing, We typically think of Narcissist needing attention, but in the Idolizing stage they gaze with adoration, and desire “at” their target. They gaze and gaze till the target gazes back at them. They create a feedback loop to get the constant gaze and attention they desire. It’s tricky for any target to see this as something manipulative, as you naturally want to gaze as someone you desire, like or love.  A “tell” that it could be manipulative is that it starts immediately, often on the first date. Another “tell” is that can go on for hours, till the target feels like they have gone on a long trip,  but actually through stages of exhilaration, to exhaustion. The target has to check in with their emotions and body to see if the gazing feels good or not. Once the narcissist has you in their gaze game they know they have you. Eye contact that intense can be highly addictive. That’s where the narcissists has the power over the target. Now they can break off the eye contact to punish their targets/victims.
3.       Invading space – Narcissists as a rule stand closer than other people. They use space invasion to gain attention, intimidate, show power, test boundaries, and to seduce.

4.       They are masters at matching and mirroring any targets body language in the Idolization phase. Matching and mirroring are normal behaviors for people that like and trust each other. But this will be, like their other nonverbal behaviors, over the top. An example will be they reach for the glass the same moment the target reaches for theirs. The narcissists may even smile and or comment on how high highly matched they are. Again the narcissists creates a connection then stops doing that “wonderful” behavior in the devaluing stag. Once the matching and mirroring stops, it may feel to the target that their partner has changed personalities. It truth they have just stopped mimicking their target. What the target see is the true person unmasked.

5.       They break boundaries, so they may even on the first meeting they will touch a targets face or leg to test how they respond. On a first date they may touch their targets in an intimate way. They may mask the intimacy in sweetness or politeness, for example holding hands or putting their arm around the target after they have only been together a few hours, but acting as if they are already connected and inseparable and bound together.

6.       They may lift the target up in hug, throw them over their shoulder or carry the target. The “lifting you off your feet” may feel thrilling to the target but it can make also lift the target off their feet so they are not strongly grounded and “on their own two feet.” It is also something parents do with children. It may indicate a power play. In the seduction/idealization phase the narcissist works to make themselves more powerful and the target less powerful.

7.       Talking over the target and or not letting the target talk. Dominating the conversation. This “over talking” involves auditory space invasion and other para-language factors that show they are in power. They are often quite charming and good story tellers so it may be hypnotic to listen to them. The target needs to watch for a lack of inclusion. Note if they are in a conversation at all. They may just be listening to a monologue and that is not normal. A loving partner shares time even with an introverted partner. Other “tells” are the narcissist’s voice may get louder and stronger, even when there are only two people in the room. The target needs to note if there are abrupt changes in the emotions of the voices say from seductive, to angry if the target does not give their partner their full rapt attention.

8.       In the “Gas lighting” game they will tell the target they did or didn’t do something or something did or didn’t happen and then look at the target as if they are crazy. “You bought a new dress to go out Friday night?” “I didn’t say we would go out this Friday.” “I already have plans.” “You are messed up.” Then look at the target with pity.
This is brutal manipulation as previously they gazed with love and admiration at them for hours and hours.

9.       Sometimes what makes it hard to feel strong or fight back is shear amount of time that they spend talking. It can wear their “target/partner/victim down. It seems never ending. Narcissists are spinners of tales and once they get on a role about anything it can be impossible to stop them. Targets who may experience this can be punished further for trying to stop them.
In the devalue and or discard stage manipulative behaviors begin to increase.  Again, the three stages are idolize, devalue and discard.
10.   They also you the nonverbal method of the silent treatment. That could be in response their target asking them a question they don’t want to answer of making a request or to punish any behaviors they see as unacceptable. They can also enhance the silent treatment by disappearing for hours, days or weeks unexpectedly. That is particularly brutal tool to use after the trauma bond has been formed with their target.  

11.   In the devalue discard phases the narcissists may show their “Dead Eyes,” cold and malevolent and scary.






Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.