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Hugging the Porcupine - Why We Hold Onto a Bad or Even an Abusive Relationship, Client, Employee, or Process.

Hugging A Porcupine
By Patti Wood
I watched my friend make a dinner tray to take up to his girlfriend who was under the weather. He carefully placed the dinner he made on the best dishes, folded a linen napkin, put a little flower he picked from the garden into a cup onto it and smile as took the tray upstairs. Moments later I could hear his girlfriend scream at him about all the things he had done wrong making the dinner and putting it on the tray. He came downstairs upset and beaten down. I had watched him being abused by his girlfriend for years. He had used every communication strategy to stop it. But she wasn’t going to change. He wouldn’t leave her. He said he had invested too many years in the relationship. He said he stayed, not because he still loved her, but because the investment he had made. He couldn’t let the relationship go and give himself the chance for future happiness, because he didn’t want to think of the years he invested as a waste. And for him the thought of starting a new life was daunting.
My friend was hugging a porcupine. Holding onto something that hurt him over and over again because of “sunk costs.”
In economics, a sunk cost is anything that has been paid and cannot be recovered. The problem is when a person or businesses investment has been a loss, and their own aversion to loss compels them to make further bad decisions related to the investment, such as putting more time or money towards it based on a fear of loss. In our personal lives, we may hold on to mates, friends, or even groups that are toxic or simply causing us pain.
In business, we may hold onto a client, vendor, employee, software program, or a process because of what we spent on it, and or how much we have invested in it or to avoid the pain of having to change or start something new. We may be able to see someone in an abusive relationship and ask, “Why do they stay?? But when the porcupine is ours, we may not let see as clearly and let go.
I had a coaching client who got what he thought was a great client who offered him more money than he had ever gotten from one client. He had hired new employees, to serve this Client X, purchased new insurance and more to serve client X. But client X was awful, demanding he fire people, creating insurance risks and more. Client X was a porcupine. In my coaching, I work with clients that have porcupines and help them gently let go of a bad employee or a misery-inducing client, heal themselves and their businesses from the pokes and start again with a healthier choice than a barbed porcupine!  
Many porcupine huggers are overly optimistic. They think that the next experience they have with porcupine person or process will be positive and somehow correct the previous, negative experience. Unfortunately, this rarely happens, and instead, the pain is merely prolonged.
Do you have any Porcupines in your life? Is there someone or something that is causing you pain that you need to let go?

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

How to Gain Power and Confidence, Body Language Tips to Look and Feel Confident.

The broader your stance typically the more powerful you feel or want to feel. There’s physics to it the more space you take up the less of a pushover you are as well as a message of the power you send to others. A standard stance for women is feet four to six inches apart. So, you can slightly widen your stance, even an inch would help you feel more grounded and powerful. Again you don’t need to make it a lot bigger to have an effect on you. Even the choice to widen your stance shifts your emotions and gives you a feeling of control over the situation.

So note, our feet communicate exactly what we think and feel more honestly than another part of our bodies. (Morris, 1985, 244) Generally, people are focused on controlling their facial expressions and torsos and upper body while communicating, the feet are vital to us responding to danger and stress we need them to freeze, flee, fight, fall.  By broadening your stance you look like you stronger but don’t widen so much that the other person or people think you have gone into full fight mode.


When you monitoring your self check out your own feet how you feel about your self the topic or situation and the other person or people you are with. 

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Chris' Body Language With Katie Compared To Jen On ‘Bachelor In Paradise’


Chris' Body Language With Katie Compared To Jen 

On "Bachelor In Paradise"


Link here for the full story with the photos. My reads without the photos are below the link. 

https://bodylanguagelady.blogspot.com/2019/08/chris-body-language-with-katie-compared.html

https://www.elitedaily.com/p/chris-body-language-with-katie-compared-to-jen-on-bachelor-in-paradise-shows-hes-torn-18695052


For reference, Chris is definitely (probably) here for the right reasons. Chris previously appeared on The Bachelorette in 2012, then on Season 3 of Bachelor Pad before heading to Bachelor In Paradise for Seasons 1 and 2. Clearly he's had a wild ride and no luck, and he seems to want to finally settle down and meet someone special this time around.
But is that someone special Katie, or could it be Jen? Honestly, Chris seems pretty confused himself, so I reached out to body language expert Patti Wood to see if there was a clear frontrunner based on Chris' body language with each woman. Here's what she had to say.

1. With Katie, Chris

For anyone who knows Katie, it's obvious that she can be a real goofball. This moment between Katie and Chris is a prime example. "His arms are folded close with lots of tension, see the muscles tighten and see how his head and neck are arched forward," Wood says of this moment. "He is not comfortable or trusting this to work."
It might have just been a little scary for Chris to let Katie pop his back, but according to his body language, he wasn't all that into it.
As Katie and Chris talked on the beach (before Jen even arrived) they seemed to be enjoying each other's company. "I like how they are sitting together and laughing," Wood says, "but note how she has her arm closest to him up and blocking him, and her right arm out in a 'make myself bigger' pose. Also notice that he has his knee up high, blocking, and his arm closest to her, [also] blocking and making himself bigger."
As much as they're laughing, Wood says that their body language shows they're both still a little apprehensive. "The most interesting tell is his hand wrapped around his thigh," she adds. "That shows he is protecting himself sexually from her while being aware of her, sexually." Interesting. Seems like Old Man Chris is super into Katie, but perhaps a little worried about getting his heart broken.
While Jen and Chris' date wasn't all sunshine and roses, it wasn't anyone's fault. The two took a catamaran trip on the water and Chris ended up vomiting from seasickness. This isn't to say that their romance is doomed, but it wasn't a great start, and it seems like their body language echoes that.
"See how her feet are? Toes pointing toward and touching each other in a bit of self-consciousness and embarrassment?" Wood notes. She goes on to say that her particular pose is "sexual embarrassment, as we also see her knees fairly close together and her elbow out and arm resting over protectively." This was Jen and Chris' first date. She doesn't know him all that well, so it makes sense she would be a little guarded.
"Also note another set of guarding positions as you go up the body," Wood continues. "Her right arm over her chest and thumb up, hand curled near her mouth to suppress how she is really feeling." The boat date wasn't perfect, so perhaps Jen was just feeling a little anxious.
When Chris and Jen got off the boat, their date got ten times better. The two got to talk and bond, but Wood says that Chris' body language is super complicated in this moment. "He is very conflicted here," she says. "See his toes pointing toward one foot and the other down and away, his arm up around the back of the sofa to symbolically move to hold her."
Jen, on the other hand, was a bit more relaxed. "She is more intimate here," Wood says. "Feet up for woman is often pre-kiss." However, Wood also notes that if she was truly into Chris, her pelvis would be exposed in another "pre-kiss" move. Here, she seems to be "protecting, with her right elbow over her pelvis."

Only Chris can know what's in his heart, but it's clear he has a tough decision coming his way. Even Wood suggests that Chris' body language proves he doesn't yet know which woman makes him the happiest. I guess we'll have to wait and see who he gives his rose too when Bachelor In Paradise continues at 8 p.m. on Monday, Aug. 26, on ABC.

A Body Language Expert Breaks Down *That* Photo of Melania Trump and Justin Trudeau

A Body Language Expert Breaks Down *That* Photo of Melania Trump and Justin Trudeau



https://www.instyle.com/news/melania-trump-justin-trudeau-body-language

https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/body-language-expert-breaks-down-150000400.html


Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Body Language Clues About Miley Cyrus & Liam Hemsworth’s Breakup We Should’ve Seen Coming







It's been a sad week for fans of Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth after the couple announced their separation on August 10. News broke that the pair, who tied the knot in December 2018, decided to take some time apart, but neither party elaborated on just what went wrong. And although we can't know for sure unless either one of them speaks on it, there may be body language clues about Miley Cyrus Liam Hemsworth’s breakup that could have foreshadowed what was coming.
According to E! News, a representative for Cyrus confirmed the sad news over the weekend. "Liam and Miley have agreed to separate at this time," the statement from the representative said. "Ever-evolving, changing as partners and individuals, they have decided this is what's best while they both focus on themselves and careers. They still remain dedicated parents to all of the animals they share while lovingly taking this time apart. Please respect their process and privacy."
Even though it's impossible to pinpoint the exact reason why Cyrus and Hemsworth are taking time apart, there's a lot we might be able to tell by looking at their body language. Body language can reveal tons about a couple's dynamic, from the way their feet are positioned to where they place their hands. I asked two experts to take a look at the physical dynamic between Cyrus and Hemsworth before their split, and based on what they had to say, the breakup was almost inevitable.

Elite Daily Full Article
Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.