What women find attractive men

What Women Want

Women showed some preference for thin, muscular men. But they also disagreed over the hotness factor of many men, with some women giving a guy high attractiveness ratings while others scored the same guy as not attractive at all. To read the full article go to http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/31669474/ns/health

The results of the study were published in the June issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, a journal that I have been reading since my undergrad days in the 70's as I began researching and writing about body language. The research has some important implications for the dating scene.

Women are programmed to find all sorts of men attractive so they are not all competing for the same Tarzan he man. The textbook I used when I taught body language at Florida State cited research that found that women find men who look like their current boyfriend or mate the most attractive and that as women change love interests they change what they find attractive in a man. Thank goodness we are flexible.

Men who seem to find the same wafer thin model type women attractive might face stiff competition from other guys who all have eyes for the same handful of women. The research suggested men may need to invest more time and energy into attracting and guarding their mates from other potential suitors. I guess that means men who find thin women attractive need to increase their credit card debt. Oh, and they do: After eons of evolution, men are hardwired to overspend and max out credit cards to attract mates, a study last year concluded. To read more, check out the link below.



A new research study has found that men find women who are thin and seductive attractive. But the ladies are less in agreement over what makes for a hot guy, new research finds.

"The study included more than 1,300 heterosexual men, about 2,700 heterosexual women, Participants each rated nearly 100 photographs of either men or women, depending on the participant's gender and sexual orientation. They scored how attractive they found each photographed individual on a 10-point scale from "not at all" to "very" attractive. "

Despite another recent study that found modern men are more interested in intelligent, educated women than in decades past, in the new study men tended to base their attractiveness ratings on women's physical features, giving stellar marks to those who looked thin and seductive. Most of the men in the study also rated photographs of women who looked confident as more attractive. Yippee for all the confident women! At least all the women who can maintain their confidence in the face of research that says you need to be thin and seductive.

Hair and Attractiveness

I just read an article titled 10 Hairstyles That Make You Look 10 Years Younger. Even celebrities have bad hair days. Here, the red carpet looks that will add a decade to any face—famous or not. (Read the article by Lindsy Van Geldera) As a body Language expert who has spoken on attractiveness and dating for many years I realize that hair styles can make you look quite different. Long healthy shiny hair is an indication of overall health and is nature's way of showing that you are young enough to be fertile and reproduce. This would make you sexually appealing. Loose long hair is at a primal level more appealing. Darn it. I have written and blogged about how signs of youth make you more attractive. I am not happy about it. But I am certain the research is accurate. The experts tell us that the physical features and characteristics considered to be "beautiful" are in fact subconscious indicators of fertility and good health.

Series: Famous statements about lies #7

"The greatest homage we can pay to truth, is to use it."

-James Russell Lowell

For a speaker and coach on body language and deception detection go to www.PattiWood.net and book Patti or buy her book Success Signals.

How can you tell if he or she is lying? Listening to the words.

In further media interviews the governor of South Carolina, Mark Sanford, uses a technique I now call the 'redefining tactic' (after former president Clinton's famous, "I did not have sexual relations with that woman.") Governor Sanford says he "crossed lines" with a handful of women other than his mistress. He says he "never crossed the ultimate line" with anyone but Maria Belen Chapur. During an emotional interview with the Associated Press at his statehouse office on Tuesday Sanford said that during the encounters with other women he "let his guard down" with some physical contact but "didn't cross the sex line." Sanford said the casual encounters happened on trips he'd taken outside the US with male friends to "blow off steam". He alleges they occurred while he was married but before he met Chapur. So to be clear--it doesn't count as sex if you don't cross the sex line and you are just blowing off steam. UCkkk!
As a media coach, I know the importance of using the right words. In this case he is choosing phrases that make him sound like a college frat boy. This is such a horrible story for his family to have to hear about. Please just apologize clearly and briefly and move on.

Click Here to read the AP article about Governor Sanford's apology.
For information of public seminars Patti is giving on body language and deception detection in Philadeliphia though Paliani consulting please contact us or go directly to the Paliani site.

Youtube a way of sharing stories

We computer users are spending, "...fifty percent more time watching online video now than we did a year ago," according to the latest monthly metrics from the Nielsen Online Video Census. Fascinating. Moreover, I think so much of it is voyeuristic. We want to watch real people doing crazy, funny things. We used to share stories about what uncle Matt did at the last family gathering, now we email each other the YouTube video of a 4-year-old painting or Susan Boyle singing. We are sharing moving images in the same way we used to use verbal story telling. Very interesting. Someone else is doing the story telling but the need to share the story is the same.

Patti offers programs for college students

Some of you don't know that I give programs to college students at colleges and universities around the country. Here are some of the topics I address:

How to Create a Positive First Impression
What cues do you need to focus on to look good to a recruiter or interviewer?

How to Handle Greetings and Introductions
What moves guarantee you look and feel confident?

How to Dress Right for Every Occasion
How should you dress so you look cool, not uncomfortable or dorky?

How to Be Comfortable in Any Conversation
What should you say and how should you say it so you can feel at ease and make others feel comfortable and ensure a good start for forming key relationships?

How to Prepare for the Job Fair or Follow up after an Job Fair or interview
How should you prepare? What should you expect? How should you follow up to maintain your contacts?

What words do liars use? Governor Sanford's apology

Just like body language cues leak out whether or not someone is lying, Freudian “slips” in language can reveal underlying anxiety, guilt, or arousal. Research from as far back as the Mehrabian (1971) has reported higher numbers of speech errors in deceivers than in non-deceivers. Linguistic style analysis reveals how the deceptive message is conveyed as compared to a truthful message (Pennebaker & King, 1999). Based on earlier work, some of the most reliable markers of linguistic styles are the use of content-free words, such as articles, pronouns, prepositions, auxiliary verbs, conjunctions, and emotionally toned words. See my last post for other specific examples.
So Gary Condit when talking about his wife and a stewardess he had an affair with used the pronouns she and her to refer to both woman rather than using their names or stating his personal relationship with them. Recently Governor Sanford used the term "those boys" instead of my sons or using the names or his sons during his apology, though he referred to his staff by name, by using such an impersonal label for his sons he idicated his desire to disconect from his responsiblity as a father. Govenor Sanford also never actually said, "I am sorry." Instead he asked for forgiveness which is something I have noticed politicians and celebrities often choose to do in their interviews with the press. As a body language expert and media coach I coach for my clients to use the words, "I am sorry." "I apologize." "I made a mistake." For the nonverbal read of Governor Sanford's apology, check last Friday's post. And for the slips of the tongue used by Michael Vick in his apology for hosting dog fights go to my website.

Slips of the Tongue or Freudian Slips Reveal Liars

You think that a liar has a great deal of control over the content of their story, but the style of language used to tell this story may contain clues to their underlying state of mind. The idea that our word choices can give away our underlying thoughts and feelings dates back to Freud (1901), who argued that speech mistakes, or parapraxes, “almost invariably [reveal] a disturbing influence of something outside of the intended speech” (p. 80). Freud recounts the case of a doctor visiting a wealthy patient who was suffering from a long illness. Despite outwardly claiming to have his patients’ interest in mind, the doctor remarked, “ . . . I hope you will not soon leave your bed” (p.88), revealing his underlying selfish desire to continue treating a wealthy patient. TFor

Information of public seminars Patti is giving on body language and deception detection in Philadeliphia in the summer of 09 though Paliani consulting please contact us or go directly to the Paliani site. You can always contact Patti at Patti@PattiWood.net
Those little slips of the tongue he called Freudian slips.

Word choice, like body language, can reveal a liar

Lying often involves telling a story that is false, a story that the liar doesn't believe. If you analyze the text of a liar or a truth teller and look at the linguistic style you can see words and phrases that distinguish between true and false stories. Computer based text analysis programs can correctly classify liars and truth-tellers at a rate of 67% accuracy. Here is how you can look for words and phrases that liars use. Compared to truth-tellers, liars use fewer self-references such as I or me and prefer to use words like we or us. Liars are more likely to use other-references such as she or her instead of personal reverences such as, "My daughter Sara or my wife Sue". Liars use inclusive generalization such as "awhile ago" instead of "five days ago". They also use more negative emotion words like bad or awful.

Body Language and Content to Read for Lies in Apologies

I am often asked to read the body language of apologizes and media interviews made by politicians like Governor Mark Sanford, Sport Stars like A-Rod, and Celebrities. Most of you know that I discuss the body language, but what you may not know is that I also read the actual words that are spoken. Last week I gave my public seminar on Deception Detection. (by the way I am doing my next public seminar on deception detection, so you can catch a liar on July 22, 2009 in Philadelphia. Call or email for details.) I teach how to analyze the words and the meaning behind them to detect whether or not a person is lying. In the next post I will give you textbook 'tells' for lying.

Photo analysis of Governor Sanford

I was just reading a twitter post about Governor Sanford's odd body language http://twitter.com/bagnewsnotes. The tweeter criticized his body language and in the next post apologized because he found out the photo he was analyzing was a year old. You really need to know your source before analyzing the body language in photos. I imagine the media was using that photo to represent the governor and most of the public assumed that it was a timely photo that represented his body language response to the discovery of his affair with an Argentinian woman.
You can read my photo analysis of people in the news by googling my name or visiting my twitter page. I typically call them body language reads.

Reading The Body Language in Photos, the Power of Torture Photos

John Cusack wrote a blog recently concerning Obama changing his mind on the issue of releasing torture photos of suspected terrorists (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/john-cusack). My discussion group, The meeting of the minds, has been equally outraged and we have some very conservative members. What is interesting to me is that while we have heard the words describing the torture, the actual visual images that have been carefully guarded from the media. The power of nonverbal communication. I am not sure I would bar the photos for fear terrorists would copy the torture methods as the government has discussed. I can say I don't think we want to see the images and link them with our country's treatment of other human beings. I have been doing body language photo analysis for many years. It is amazing what a frozen photographed moment can communicate. It is astounding the pathos and significance communicated in a photographed person's body language. It seems odd to me that I became known as a body language expert by reading celebrity couples when it was really the disturbing photographs from the Vietnam war that first made me realize that I could "read" people's body language in photos and see things other people couldn't see or explain. Seeing people's pain is a horrible part of reading body language. Being extraordinarily empathetic to people's pain is a gift I would never trade.

Poetry and nonverbal communication in Iran protest

Some of you know that I started out originally as a poetry major in college. When I took a body language and nonverbal communication course at the age of 19 I realized that I had been using poetry to express my insights gained through reading body language in a way that didn't offend or make people apprehensive. I would like you to watch how poetry and nonverbal communication worked together to tell a compelling story of human suffering and resilience following election protests in Tehran, Iran. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/john-lundberg/poetry-of-the-revolution_b_221590.html

Bernard Madoff showed no visible body language at sentencing

Bernard Madoff appeared in court for sentencing today wearing a dark suit and tie. Reporters say he gave no visible reaction to his sentence. That is not surprising. This is a man who was a master manipulator. One would think that he controlled his body language quite well. I would be interested to see whether he had the top charismatic factors that I mention in my article on red white and blue body language and have blogged about so frequently. I have been discussing the case with my summer intern. We have talked about how people recommended him to their friends and how persuasive a recommendation from a friend can be. Here is a link to the story on his sentencing. I would love to see footage of any apology he made.
Bernie Mandoff

Billy May's voice will be missed on TV

The TV pitchman Billy Mays died today ABC News Story. He had an iconic voice, loud abrasive and fast paced and even some say horribly irritating. He created a first impression of power and confidence. I used his voice as an example in my speeches and workshops on body language as an example of persuasive paralanguage. His body language, the big smile and energy and his enthusiastic voice certainly made us buy a lot of Orange Glo and Oxiclean. And there was no mistaking his voice for anyone else's. "As Seen on TV" ads will never be the same.
The famous TV pitchman Billy Mays died today. He had an anstonishing iconic voice. The voice that pitchedhttp://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=7955223&page=1 Orange Glo and Oxi Clean. The voice was fast loud and though many people thought it was horribly irratating you couldn't mistake his voice for any one elses and it apsolutely captured your attention. I have used his voice as an example of forceful and effective paralanguage for years.

Reading body language videos for news link with YouTube

Now news stories are working in conjunction with Youtube to have the story online side by side with the video about the story. I am very excited about this as I am often sent to Youtube by journalists to view a video and read the body language and share my "read." So now the video can be right there for me to refer to. How exciting. Here are some links to the story.


Series: Famous statements about lies #6

"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything."

- Mark Twain

For a speaker and coach on body language and deception detection go to www.PattiWood.net and book Patti or buy her book Success Signals.

College Students Body Language Interviewing for Jobs

Last week I spoke to the career counselors for MBA programs across the country and I have been reading about college students concerns about finding a job and what they are most concerned about in their interviews. In last month's issue of Campus Activities Programming magazine, Megan Stumph from www.Cbcampus.com wrote a great article about college graduates persevering through difficult situations while looking for jobs. She mentioned several specific experiences of college grads and offered up some advice for those trekking through the job market. Here are a few recommendations Megan Stumpth made in her article:

1) Focus your resume and cover letter on the positives. If some of your college courses relate directly to the job you're applying for, mention them in the cover letter. If you balanced school and job to pay your way through, mention your drive and determination.

2) Be persistent in making contact with places you'd like to work for. Show them you know how to work hard for something.

3) Continue self-improvement. If you're working right now, consider how additional education could increase your pay or advance your career further down the road.

I would add work on your body language. Click Here to link to my article on interviewing written by my summer intern Julie Levin.


Deception, College Professors Posing as Students Online

I was reading an article about college professors who teach online classes posing as students in the online discussions to get discussion started in their forums.(www.community.naca.org/blogs)

Oh my goodness. How horrible! The article asked if this was, "close to the edge of faculty ethics." I think the faculty members who did this crossed the line. If they want online discussion it is their responsibility to inspire it. I am a body language expert and I am a college speaker (for my college program descriptions go to www.pattiwood.net) as well as a corporate speaker. I know my college student audiences would be appalled to discover that sort of deception. I teach deception detection techniques. My audience members have horror stories of being "fooled" by such practices. No one feels good about being lied to and I believe students would lose respect for their instructors if they discovered that they where pretending to be students. I wonder if they change their "tone" and dumb down their vocabulary to act as if they are students. That would be so insulting.

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional
The Body Language Expert
Web - www.PattiWood.net
Blog - www.bodylanguagelady.blogspot.com

Body language to get a man


First, to make yourself more approachable, there are certain “harmlessness” cues you can give off. Your goal is to appear safe for a man to come up to. Men are not usually going to go towards a dangerous target. I know if you're a woman you want the world to know you are strong and powerful but in the social world of flirting your can't stand with your hands on your hips like Wonder Woman and expect men to come up and ask for your number. So when you are standing at a party, gathering or bar don't take up too much space. Taking up a lot of space communicates that you are powerful and superior. You have to show you have room for someone in your life and that a man doesn't have to fight to get close to you.

Series: Famous statements about lies #5

"Fear is not in the habit of speaking truth. When perfect sincerity is expected, perfect freedom must be allowed; nor has anyone who is apt to be angry when he hears the truth, any cause to wonder that he does not hear it."

- Tacitus

For a speaker and coach on body language and deception detection go to www.PattiWood.net and book Patti or buy her book Success Signals.

Are they lying? IT consultants

If you are looking for a statement from IT Consultants to decipher if they are lying or telling the truth note the body language as they share any of the 10 most frequent lies told by IT consultants as found at www.eknori.de

1. This can only be accomplished through a large custom development project.”
2.“Of course your data is safe.”
3.“We’ll need a day or two for optimization and debugging.”
4.“Yes, we’ve done this before. There are several companies using this product (or technology). They really like it.”
5.“Server consolidation and virtualization will save you money.”
6.“Storage consolidation and virtualization will save you money.”
7.“The upgrade (or change) will be seamless and will not affect production.”
8.“The upgrade (or change) will be transparent to users.”
9.“Yes, we tested this thoroughly before installing it.”
10.“If you install Tivoli it will solve all your support."

I teach communication tools to IT people and find them to be very honest. Perhaps the problems come if they become consultants? (smile)

Swine flu on college campuses--will students stop touching?

I was reading on the Higher Education Blog about students and swine flu on college campuses. They want to test all the students and get the ones found with the infection off the campus. How scary!

Governer Sanford's Body Language Durring His New's Conferance Apology for affair

I was asked by a reporter from the Associated Press to read Governor Sanford's body language. He showed lip suppression and tongue thrusts as he talked about his wife standing by him and then later exhibited the following behavior:

I have been unfaithful to my wife. I developed a relationship um with a …um (pressed pulled back lips with frown and upward furrowed brow and eye block) what started out as (head pulled away) as a dear friend from Argentina (head bowed not just down but back) and ummmm it began very (lip pulled back) innocently (showing no it was not innocent) … developed in too much much more.

This body language indicated he was attracted to her from the beginning and especially his paralanguage delivery as he said, "developed into much much more" that he feels deeply for her and continues to feel connected to her. Also his diversion statement, "she is there and I am here," indicated he would like to be with her. When asked, "Did you break off the relationship," he replied, "Obviously not." And he vocally emphasized the not. Sticking the word hard showing he feels strongly about her and has a relationship with her.

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional
The Body Language Expert
Phone- 404-315-7397
Web- http://www.PattiWood.net
Blog- http://www.bodylanguagelady.blogspot.com

Body Language of the New MBA Picks

I read the body language of the new NBA draft picks for a magazine today the body language reads appear on the link below.

Where Awkward Happens: Reading The Body Language Of NBA Draft Picks

By Tommy Craggs, 4:00 PM on Fri Jun 26 2009
The David Stern handshake View newly drafted player's baptism into the NBA. It is also, often as not, hilariously awkward. We asked body language maven Patti Wood to analyze some of these moments from yesterday's Draft as they shake hands.

Michael Jackson, poor man, such a loss of talent

Saturday morning cartoons are on. I am sitting on the shag carpet one foot from the TV screen swaying to the music and singing "ABC, it's as simple as one two three..." along with Michael Jackson and the Jackson Five. We are both 10 years old.
He was always smiling when he performed, always in the zone. Some singers act confident, but Michael Jackson even at five years old was confident. For all of us that copied the dance moves of the moon walk and the Thriller zombies, we will always remember the nonverbal moves of Michael Jackson.

Series: Famous statements about lies #4

"Life is a system of half-truths and lies, of opportunistic, convenient evasion."

-Langston Hughes

For a speaker and coach on body language and deception detection go to www.PattiWood.net and book Patti or buy her book Success Signals.

For information of public seminars Patti is giving on body language and deception detection in Philadeliphia summer of 09 though Paliani consulting please contact us or go directly to the Paliani site.

How to Ask Someone to be "Friends" over the Internet

I teach people how to feel comfortable greeting each other. But how do you greet and introduce each other over the Internet? I am on all the social media and find it stressful to respond to someone that emails with a standard request to be a friend or be "linked-in", without providing any information of who they are or how we are connected. I also don’t know the polite way to respond when I have no memory of ever having met them. I want to be kind, and I know as a professional speaker, an audience member is sure I will remember them. I therefore feel rude not linking or "Friending," but if they don't say they were in my audience, I don't know.
So here are my questions for today.
First question: What is the proper etiquette of requesting to "friend" or link?
Second Question: How can you politely ask, “Who are you? and “How do I know you?”

Jon and Kate Plus Hate

I was just reading about the divorce of Jon and Kate, the parents of the "plus eight" children. As a body language expert I loved watching her interact with her children. She would get down and speak to them at their height and make true eye contact and smile at her children's' antics. However while her love her for children is obvious, I had to change the channel when she was seated next to her husband because her contempt for him was so obvious. She would roll her eyes, touch his arm to admonish him for saying anything she deemed wrong or foolish. It was painful to watch. I think we all love the children and admire Kate's strength, but we certainly don't want to watch Jon and Kate hate.

See USA Today article on the Gosselin's latest legal battles.

Series: Famous statements about lies #3

"There is one way to find out if a man is honest-- ask him. If he says yes, you know he is crooked."

- Groucho Marx

For a speaker and coach on body language and deception detection go to www.PattiWood.net and book Patti or buy her book Success Signals.

How the internet changes the way we act in relationships

Last night my discussion group was talking again about relationships online and today I was reading a blog about how relationships have changed due to the Internet. The best quote from the blog: “Essentially, the Internet had flipped the world’s social dynamic on it’s head. It turned a world of Don’t Talk To Strangers into a world of Talk to Strangers. I proposed that more relationships were formed online in the digital space between total strangers than were being formed in the physical space. The days of going over to meet the neighbors with apple pie had been replaced with a few key strokes and a screen name. It’s the brave new world of extremely superficial, and often times dangerous relationships. These are the stories that you catch on the news. I also presented this concept to a group of leading physicians so that they would incorporate this idea into their presentations on risky behavior. You see, this is the first generation to be able to operate in this hyper-velocity, non-physical state reality of new relationships.” www.bigfatmartingblog.com Yep, it is risky.

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional
The Body Language Expert
Phone- 404-315-7397
Web- http://www.PattiWood.net
Blog- http://www.bodylanguagelady.blogspot.com
I was analyzing photos of celebrity sisters for First for Women magazine a few weeks ago and just heard it should be in next week's magazine.

Why you should marry someone older or younger than you

Last night I was talking with my Meeting of the Minds discussion group and we discussed the new research that men who marry women 10+ years younger than themselves live longer than the average man while women who marry men 5 to 10 younger than themselves die younger than the average female. In fact, wives with husbands older or younger by between seven and nine years increase their chances of dying early by 20 percent. Now I have to add finding a guy my same age to my list of husband criteria. This is too hard. Here are links to a few depressing articles on this research: www.sindhtoday.net, http://in.news.yahoo.com I would love to hear your opinion.

Why do men marry younger women and why do women marry older men?
, a study published in the journal Biology Letters, says the reason for these unions is that men prefer young women due to their high fertility while women prefer older men due to their wealth and high social status, which make them good providers for the offspring. Although this idea has been around for a long time, few studies have been done to show that this is true or have demonstrated that more and healthier children are the result.

Indeed, now Dr. Samuli Helle of the University of Turku has found the answer by studying the nomadic Sami, the "reindeer people" of Finland. Finnish parish records from the 17th to 19th century on three Sami populations, who depended on reindeer herding, fishing and hunting for their livelihoods, make it possible for researchers to disentangle the effects of medical progress on the number and lifespan of Sami men who married only once.

What they found was that the men maximized their "evolutionary fitness" - ability to pass on their genes to future generations - by marrying women who were 14.6 years younger, and vice versa. "Those men had the highest number of offspring surviving to adulthood," said Dr Helle, who did his study with Drs. Virpi Lummaa of the University of Sheffield and Jukka Jokela of the ETH in Zurich.

Jon and Kate Plus Hate

I was just reading about the divorce of Jon and Kate the parents of the plus eight children. As a body language expert I loved watching her interact with her children. She would get down and speak to them at their height and make true eye contact and smile at her children's antics. She really loves her children. However I would have to change the channel when she was seated next to her husband because her contempt for him was so obvious. She would roll her eyes, touch his arm to admonish him for saying anything she deemed wrong or foolish. It was painful to watch. I think we loved the children and admired Kate's strength but we certainly don't want to watch Jon and Kate hate.
Here is the link to the divorce details
Contact Patti
Patti Wood MA, Certified Speaking Proffesional
The body language expert

Lies a computer or TV sales men

Seven lies you will hear from a salesmen at an electronic store

1) "The Service Plan covers everything" In fact, it doesn't cover most things. 2) "I'm going to give you a discount"
Always shop around and find out how much things are worth, and watch what the items scan in at instead of taking his word.
3) "This model is a " " exclusive"
4) "Setup will avoid hours of work"
This only applies to computers,
5) "You're saving on x"
7) "You have to buy x"
Source http://consumerist.com/356135/7-lies-youll-hear-from-salesmen-at-electronics-stores
For information of public seminars Patti is giving on body language and deception detection in Philadeliphia in the summer of 09 though Paliani consulting please contact us or go directly to the Paliani site. You can always contact Patti at Patti@PattiWood.net

Little Girls Still Play Inside

As a child I played outside for hours every day. I climbed on the backyard jungle gym, played red light, green light in the street and caught minnows in the creek. I played inside as well, building wonderful houses for my Barbie dolls and Trolls, fixing tea for my Chattie Cathy and dressing and undressing my Dolly Darlings. Outside I was a Tom Boy, the alpha leader in charge of all the game rules and team choices; inside I used a soft voice and held my dolls close as I rocked them. Today I still have my outside Alpha Patti that gives speeches and my inside nice girl Patti that cuddles the dog and listens to loved ones talk about their day. Today girls still play mostly inside in small spaces, in small groups or in pairs. The center of a girl's social life is a best friend. Within the group, intimacy is key. In playing house there are no winners or losers. Girls playing mommy can give orders but they are not comfortable giving orders in any other play role. Girls are more likely to say, "how about doing that?" or "lets do this " and boys say, LET'S DO THIS, OF ELSE!","give me that" or "get out of here."(Funny) For girls it's not about jockeying for status, it's about being liked. For example, when my godchild is playing with her girlfriends, they have to reach a consensus on what they're going to do. If most of them want to go out on the swing and one little girl does not want to, then there's a problem. In fact, popular girls have status but research shows that even though other girls want to be liked by the popular girl, the popular girl is paradoxically disliked and called stuck up.

Series: Famous statements about lies #2

"If you do not wish to be lied to, do not ask questions. If there were no questions, there would be no lies."

-B. Traven

For a speaker and coach on body language and deception detection go to www.PattiWood.net and book Patti or buy her book Success Signals.
"If you continue in my word, then you are my disciples . . . And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free."

-John 8:32

For a speaker and coach on body language and deception detection go to www.PattiWood.net and book Patti or buy her book Success Signals.

Deception Detection: So you thought you had it made?

Julie Levin (an intern's musings)

In this economy, not too many people feel absolutely secure in their financial situation. Well unless you're among the uber-elite .1% of the population made up of oil tycoons, Hollywood movie producers, and select other heirs and heiresses. For these people luxury is a much a part of daily life as say, worrying about money, is for the rest of us mortals. The sobering fact of the matter though, according to the June issue of Vanity Fair, is that even these formerly enviable folks (or spoiled narcissists, depending on your outlook)are starting to suffer under the weight of impending recession and scheming investment bankers, among whom Bernie Madoff is perhaps most infamous these days. Telltale sign of trouble in paradise: newly listed rentals and steep markdowns of pricey Hampton's get-a-ways.

So how is it that men like Madoff were able to pull off their large scale Ponzi schemes (defined by Wikipedia as: fraudulent investment operations that pay returns to investors from money paid by subsequent investors rather than from any actual profit earned) and cheat these apparently business savvy millionaires out of so much of their fortunes?

Well if attendance at Patti's Deception Detection program last night taught me one thing it's that charisma can overwhelm our fairly adept natural ability to detect deception. When we meet a charismatic, attractive individual--which Bernie Madoff by all accounts is--we have an immediate (though often unfortunate) desire to trust him or her. Think of the stud at the bar who bought you a drink and told you that he was single. Note: the good ones never are. So rather than heeding all the warning signs intended to keep us out of trouble, we are much more likely to hand over our money or hearts to these smooth talking, good looking manipulators.

As one of those girls who tends to fall for the attractive "bad boy" types I find this all particularly disheartening. But here's to hoping that I one day have enough money to be worth a scheming investment banker's efforts (and an attractive husband who will advise me against investing with him.)

Series: Famous statements about lies #1

"You want the truth. You can't handle the truth!"

- From the film, "A Few Good Men"

For a speaker and coach on body language and deception detection go to www.PattiWood.net and book Patti or buy her book Success Signals.

How to Get a Baseline of Normal Behavior to Detect Lying

How to Get a Baseline - You detect deceit by reading how far from normal someone is. Therefore, you need to know what normal is for each person to discover whether he or she lying. For example you might think that all liars pause before they speak, and don’t make eye contact, but an honest person who is introverted may do that normally. You need to find out what each person's 'normal' is.
Extroverts will normally talk loud, fast, and fill up silences. Introverts will pause before they speak and speak softer and slower. Clearly, the baseline is different for introverts and extrovert. You need to determine if the person is introverted or extroverted and what their particular baseline quirks are so you know how far from normal their behavior is.
To understand how this works, let’s study an example. Imagine you are going in to buy a used car and you are talking with your salesman. You want to make sure that your car salesman is not selling you a lemon. Forget any stereotype you may have about car salesmen and get a baseline of this individual salesman. Begin by creating a framework of non-invasive questions to establish his normal, baseline behavior. Essentially you want to ask questions you are sure he would answer honestly first.

Wow! it is a scorcher out today? Is it usually this hot this time of year in Atlanta? Are you from around here? Did you have air conditioning growing up? Did you spend much time outside playing when you were growing up?
HIM: He should talk easily and comfortably about the weather and his childhood


YOU: This is not my part of town. Can you tell me some good restaurants around here? Do you have a favorite? What kind of food do they serve? What do you usually have?
HIM: tells you about his favorite place and what he likes there

So, how long have you been in business? (This is a question he would more than likely answer honestly as it can be confirmed.)
HIM: Let me tell you a little bit about my experience selling cars and how long we have been here selling cars....

YOU: Now, if I decide I want this car today, what are the steps I need to take?
HIM: Let's figure out how much you want to spend on a monthly payment....

If you noticed, these questions were fairly innocuous and nonthreatening so the car salesman has no incentive to lie. While you are listening to him tell the truth you get his baseline. If you have taken my deception detection course you have a checklist to rate the person and/or pay attention to his voice. Does he talk fast or slow? Does his voice go up or down. Look at his gestures, his mouth. Is he right handed or left handed. Get a baseline for his eye accessing cues. Where does he look when he’s describing his favorite dish? What are his hands doing as he’s talking about the temperature or his experience? Is he leaning toward or away from you? Does he tend to gesture a lot or a little. Does he seem relaxed or tense. When you feel pretty confident that you recognize his baseline, you can now ask him the questions that you really want to know. These will be questions about the quality and history of the car, its maintenance record, whether his customers are typically happy with their cars etc. It’s at this point that you want to look for those patterns that differ from his baseline of normal behavior.

How can you tell if he likes you? Body language and attraction

Here is a recent body language and attraction article I was quoted in:

Men’s Body Language, Decoded: What’s He Really Telling You?
When it comes to understanding men—and their interest level in you—do you need a translator? Glamour Magazine asked the top body language experts such as Patti Wood about men’s most confusing mixed signals and found that it’s not what he says but what he does that really matters.


Youtube video of body language and deception

Gisela, a sixth grader at Mesa Grande Elementary School, decided for her science project to see whether she could tell if a person was lying based on their facial expressions. Here is the result: Part 1,Part 2 (Youtube videos).

As part of the experiment she asked people questions and observed their expressions to see if they were lying. The six questions she asked were:
Please describe the American flag.
Please describe an elephant.
Please describe a giraffe.
Please describe what you are wearing right now.
Please describe what type of weather we are having right now.
Please describe what your hands look like.

As part of the experiment Gisela and her brother Victor are filmed lying and telling the truth.

How to detect lies through body language

Here is a homework assignment for my Deception Detection class: read a novel by Aaron Elkins then use your class workbook and notes to figure out whether his forensic anthropologist protagonist could have figured out the clues he did from the evidence presented.

Real smiles vs. fake smiles

I am giving a deception detection workshop tonight. One of the techniques I will discuss is how to tell a real smile from a fake smile. Different parts of the brain are responsible for real and fake smiles. The unconscious part of the brain is responsible for a real smile, while the conscious part of the brain creates a fake smile.As well as making the mouth muscles move, the muscles that raise the cheeks in a smile also contract, making the eyes crease up. There are few key features which distinguish a real smile from a fake one. In a genuine smile the fold in the fleshy part of the eye between the eyebrow and eyelid moves downwards and the corners of the eyebrows dip slightly. Real smiles are all about the eyes. I did research on smiling as the national spokes person for The Natural Dentist. I will be blogging about this more tomorrow in the meantime here’s a great link from the BBC which provides a test to determine if you can determine a genuine smile from a fake one through recognizing micro expressions: http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/mind/surveys/smiles

Being an Attractive Female Helps Your Speaking

In studies of female speakers, unattractiveness in the speaker caused a more negative reception of her views. Even when the unattractive speaker gave the more well reasoned, well constructed speech, the participants were more persuaded by the attractive female's poorly reasoned and ill-constructed speech.

College Program

This week I spoke at a convention in Phoenix, Arizona for the career counselors of the Top MBA programs in the country. The audience of more than 400 professionals was wonderful! As I was preparing I was concerned that I would be preaching to the choir about body language as MBA career counselors are constantly coaching their MBA students on the topic. But thankfully the program was a huge hit and they came up afterward and shared their surprise about so much that they'd learned: how important the handshake is and the importance of gender differences in body language and much more. You can learn more about my college programs on the College Programs portion of my website.

Signs a Guy Likes You

I remember when I was a little girl my friends and I would pick wild flowers in the field behind my house. I would hold a flower and think of a guy I liked and pick off petals saying, "He loves me. He loves me not." Now you don't have to pick the petals off a flower to tell if a guy likes you. You can watch his body language.

Animals like to show off and make themselves look good when they are attracted to the opposite sex. It's called preening. You may preen by touching or gently twisting your hair around your fingers when you are with a guy you like. Guys preen as well.

When a guy likes you he may:
  • Slick back his hair with his hand
  • Smooth out his eyebrows.
  • Straighten his shirt collar
  • Smooth out the "invisible wrinkles in his pants
  • Adjust his belt or pull up the waist of his pants

A man may also signal he like you by:

Turning his toes towards you when he is talking with you. (Notice especially if the toes stay pointed towards you when you are talking.) We naturally tend to point our toes towards people who interest us -- It's like a compass pointing towards true north.

The rest of his body may show he is into you as well. He could be talking to someone else, but if he notices you and he is attracted to you, he may angle his feet, his lower torso and/or his heart towards you and may not even realize it.

Notice his eyes to see if he is into you. When he looks you in the eye, his pupils (the black circles in the middle of his eyeballs) will get bigger if he likes you. If he likes what he sees he wants to see it well so the pupils dilate to take you in. Pupil dilation happens automatically when you are attracted to someone. Since a guy cannot control it, it is a great 'tell'. However it can also occur when someone is drunk or drugged or in low lighting so don't automatically whoop and say, "He loves me!" when a man's eyes dilate.

What Do His Eyes Say? Eye behavior, Attraction and Lying

True or false - The meaning of eye cues
Recently a national magazine sent me these eye cues and asked me if the meanings they had listed by them where accurate. They where looking for cues that women could use to read men. Here are my answers.

• True or False: He flashes his eyebrows = He’s attracted to you - A guy raises his eyebrows in a friendly greeting as a signal of "I come in friendship and you don’t need to be fearful of my approach." It’s very primal. If the eyes were squinted into a narrow focus it would signal that the he may be zeroing in for attack.(In other words perhaps purely a sexual conquest.) If the eyebrow flash stays a moment longer it typically signals, “I recognize you and I am approaching in friendship." Picture the little cartoon bubble above the guys head saying,"Oh I know you and I like you." If the eyebrow flash stays a moment longer and is combined with a real smile that goes all the way to the eyes it could signal attraction. He is saying, “I like what I see so I want my eyes to stay open longer to enjoy it.”

• His brows scrunch together and lift in the middle = He’s sad/disappointed
Actually that is not quite accurate. In intense sadness the eyes look down and the and the upper eyelids droop and most importantly only the inner corners of the upper eyebrows go up. So you see the eyebrows raised in the middle of the face above the nose.You can see deep furrows or set of furrows above the nose and you will also see two furrows going out and down from the outer corners of each of the eyes. The unique eye cue that only shows in deep sadness is the raised inner corners of the upper eyebrows. Paul Eckman, the father of facial expression research, shares in his book, Emotions Revealed, that a few actors like Woody Alan and Jim Carrey use that eyebrow cue quite often. I think it makes us feel sorry for them like little lost puppies. Make that Basset hound puppies.

• He closes his eyes for more than a second while speaking = He might be lying – It could mean that, but again you have to note what is happening as he shuts his eyes. We shut our eye when we don’t like what we are seeing. We may close them a bit longer than a normal blink when we hear something we don’t like or when we don’t like or believe what we are saying. (So if they guy closes his eyes in an unnaturally long blink as he says, “I will call you,” don’t wait by the phone. Know a guy may close his eyes a moment longer than normal throughout the entire conversation if he is tired or if he is with someone he doesn’t like or he doesn’t like where the conversation is going.

• His eyes shift down and to the right = He’s experiencing a deep emotion. It is not that simple though you can find some NLP books that say this is true. It is actually more complex than that. If the guy is right handed and he looks down and to the right he may be accessing emotions. Please don’t quote this as down to the right means he experiences deep emotions -- it is not accurate. And eye accessing happens so quickly most people won’t be able to catch it consciously. You could look for another eye cue to see if a man is attracted to you. When someone is looking down with both eyes it can be a signal of submission so if a guy is talking to you and he smiles and looks down with both eyes he may be silently saying, "You are so beautiful I would be dazzled and overwhelmed if I kept looking at you. I bow (with my eyes) to your loveliness." Note that looking down can also indicate that the person is feeling guilty so watch if his eyes go down as he says he is single and available!

Gestures and Body Language Men

Gestures and Gender based differences in body language
Men’s gestures are larger, more sweeping and forceful, such as pointing or using a closed fist. Men stroke their chins more, move their legs and feet more, and tap their feet more.
Exclusive to men: stretching hands and cracking knuckles, both feet on the floor with legs apart, legs stretched out, ankles crossed, knees spread apart when sitting
Exclusive to women: hand or hands in lap, tapping, hands or legs crossed at the knees, ankles crossed, knees slightly apart.

Eye Contact's Effect on Credibility and Trustworthiness.

"He didn't look me in the eye. I just couldn't trust him." What makes someone credible? According to the research, competence, trustworthiness and dynamism are the three main components that make up credibility. Competence is defined as the communicator's knowledge and expertise about the communication. Trustworthiness is a measure of the communicator's honesty and sincerity. Dynamism is a person's energy and confidence in communicating. Nonverbal communication is vital to competence, trustworthiness and dynamism because these qualities are rarely stated directly. For example, people rarely say, "I am competent" or "I am trustworthy."
The most noticeable nonverbal behavior that affects credibility is eye behavior and eye contact. Like the old saying, "Eyes are your window to the world," eyes can be the window to credibility. Studies on eye contact and its effect on communication and credibility find that maintaining a steady gaze while communicating is beneficial to credibility, and conversely, averting eye contact is detrimental to credibility. Eye contact studies have produced information about the effect of eye contact on the three components of credibility. In tests where these three components were isolated, eye behaviors had little effect on dynamism. The competence and trustworthiness categories, however, produced a significant link.
When volunteers were asked to rate the competence of communicators with low eye contact and with high eye contact, the competence ratings were significantly higher for the subjects who exhibited high eye contact with the audience. The same test produced the same results in measuring trustworthiness of those with low eye contact and high eye contact.

We Hold Little Girls More Than Little Boys

Boy babies are put down sooner and not touched as much as girls... Mothers hold their girl babies longer than boys right after birth. They touch and caress girls more and give them more eye contact and smiles. Boy babies, even in their first baths after birth, are handled less gently and put in their own beds away from their mothers sooner. And we wonder why men and women are different. What have you noticed about touch differences between men and women?

Men and Women Act Differently Because They Don't Look That Different

Women and men learn to communicate in particular ways because those ways are associated with their gender and are nurtured and rewarded. Zoologists, biologists and anthropologists say that unlike certain animal species in which the males and females are easily distinguished, we look pretty much alike. The first question a stranger will ask someone holding a baby is, "Is it a boy or a girl?" AND LADIES, WE GET INSULTED THAT THEY CAN'T TELL, DON'T WE? So we learn behaviors in childhood that help us to be identified as masculine or feminine. What we learn may be different in Auburn, Alabama than in Bangkok, Thailand. AND, what you learn growing up may not fit the cultural needs or gender roles of today. What has your cultural heritage taught you about gender differences?

Women Make Eye Contact More Than Men and Listen More Than Men

In a conversation women look more at the other person than men do. A woman talking to another woman makes more eye contact than a man conversing with another guy. Women spend more time looking at their romantic partner than men do. Is it because they are more inclined towards building relationships? Eye contact differences may be related to listening. Women listen more in male-female pairs than men do and listeners look more than the speaker does. The higher the status of the person the more we listen to them. When we want approval we give more eye contact. When we are seeking more nonverbal information so we can know how to respond to the person in power, we make eye contact. Research shows that when a woman is looked at during an interaction with a male or female, she likes that person more. When men were told their partner looked more than usual, they had a less favorable evaluation of them.

fear of germs and use of antibacterial liquid

Another liquid sighting that absolutely blew my mind. I was at Home Depot yesterday. Guess what they where selling at the cash register? Antibacterial Liquid! Does it boggle your mind that dirty, dusty, sweaty men in paint covered t-shirts and caps driving trucks are feeling the fear of germs enough to use this liquid? Does that mean I won't be able to shake hands any more with my handy man?

Advice for Video Resume and Interviews and Body Language

I am a body language expert and media and job interview coach. As employers get more savvy about technology and more people are giving video interviews and asking for video resumes. I have been blogging about what to do to prepare for your video interview or resume. In my chapter on first impressions in my book Success Signals I share the research finding that the four major factors that affect first impressions are credibility, likability, attractiveness and power. You will notice that great job experience is not listed. My advice to those seeking a job through their video resume is to look as attractive as possible. Get your hair done and put on full make up if you are a woman and at least apply powder if you are a man. I know you might not do that in "real life" but a real job requires some work and a video make up artist can help you look fantastic. As you might guess the research show that the most attractive job candidate typically wins the job, and that attractiveness factor assessment is even more important when the selection is being made by going through a series of videos. Next, practice greeting with a natural "high energy" body language and vocal paralanguage. It will make you look powerful and confident. According to research on interviewing from the 60's to the present day most hiring decisions are made during the first 10 seconds of a face to face interview. You can't shake hands and establish normal rapport in a video "interview." And most research on video viewing indicates that you may have only a fraction of a second to gain a positive first impression. Smile confidently and speak with a slightly louder than normal voice to insure that you sound self assured. Search here for more blogs on the topic. attached is a blog I did on the topic.

Body Language for Building Your Relationship with Your Preteen

Practical Ideas for Sustaining Your Relationship With Your Preteen - Before He or She is Out The Door"
1. Eat dinner with your family face to face at a table at least three times a week. There is enormous amounts of research that it effects many things from a child's ability to read body language and feel comfortable and adept at human interactions, to it reducing teen dropouts and drug abuse because children are checked in with and nurtured on a daily basis for more than the typical fifteen minutes.
2. Put your preteen in the back seat of the car and talk to her. With the front of her body protected and hidden she more likely to self disclose, sharing things she would normally not share in everyday conversation. If she is in the car with her friends listen to the conversation. They will share things, and oddly they will know you are listening and sometimes share more!
3. Always make it a point to go to your child and interact with them as they leave the house, return to the house. go to bed and rise the morning. The rituals or greeting, goodbyes, good night and good morning, especially when their is touch, bond your relationship and make your child feel more secure and connected to you. With that connection they are more likely to feel safe sharing their concerns and fears when and if they have them. You are also more likely to notice if they stop or try to avoid one of the rituals and will know quickly that something may be amiss. Don't let them talk you out of the ritual, with the, "I am too old for that." excuse. Tell them you need the ritual, because you do. Face it, a teenager can be get temperamental and mean, having rituals that help you love on her a few times a day reminds you that she still is your, "baby."
4. If you spend time face to face with your child you know what their “normal” body language is, how they sit, what their energy level is, what their voice sounds like, what their facial expressions and emotional reactions are like. Understanding and knowing the “baseline” of your preteen helps alerts quickly to behaviors that stray from the norm. For example your normally energetic talker now won’t make eye contact at the dinner table. Some changes occur with approaching adolescence but some changes signal depression, being ostracized by peers, problems with web bullies and drug use.
5. Notice when your child's does something RIGHT and praise her and reward her immediately so she doesn't have to do something bad to get your attention. For more insights in dealing with your preteen you may wish to purchase my book, Success Signals at www.PattiWood.net

Men like to talk side to side, Woman perfer to talk face to face

There are unique aspects of matching and mirroring and being in sync with another person that help build rapport, but there is another nonverbal factor that concerns what I call body Windows. The central window is the window at the middle of your chest that I call the heart window. When men sit across a table a counter or desk facing another man and their heart windows are open and unprotected in can cause them to feel uncomfortable and awakens their primal fears of danger. Men feel that in that vulnerable position that must battle and in a business interaction that leads to disagreements, defensiveness, ego battles and verbal attacks. Because of this primal warring position even little boys will move their chairs and work to sit and stand side by side. In that position their heart is protected and they feel that the man beside them physically is also symbolically on their side. In fact, men feel so much safer that they will self disclose more and communicate more effectively in a side by side to side or catty corner position than from the more opposition causing male face to face position. Woman actually are wired to speak positioned face to face They are built to create and nurture relationships and from this position they can see all the body language and respond accordingly. Again, men prefer to have their hearts protected and be on the "same side" when they talk. For more information on this you can read the chapter on body windows in my book success signals www.PattiWood.net. Go to the products page to order

Methods of dealing with Conflict learned from the echidna

Would keeping cool under stress make you live longer? Well, if you were to model the behavior of the long-beaked echidna, one of the oldest, most passive and silliest-looking mammals on the planet, you might try a little “You live your life and I live mine” philosophy to increase your longevity.
According to echidna researcher Dr. Peggy Rismiller of the University of Adleaide in a New York Times article on the ehidna www://www.nyt.com,echidnas are not only “the oldest surviving mammalian group, but individual monotremes can live 50 years or longer.”
So what specific conflict tools do they use? Well according to Take, 1952, when disturbed an echidna buries itself rapidly in the ground. Now that reminds me of men I have dated. Forget the guys going into the cave a la Grey's Mars vs. Venus to fight stress, just bury yourself in the ground when you're upset. In my workshops, I do teach that there are times to avoid conflict, but I wouldn’t recommend staying underground too long. Someone might forget you were mad and walk right over you.
Maybe we should learn to be level headed like the echidna. Though if 50 percent of our brain was the language rich, reasoning, rational thinking neocortex like the Echidna's instead of the measly 30 percent we have, it might be easier not to rant and rave under stress. Again being reasonable is always great, but I recommend making conflict management choices based on the situation rather than shouting out to the galaxy that we all need is to be more logical-- a sort of Star Trek's Spock-- under stress. Of course, there may be another reason the pacifistic echidna can deal well with conflict and live a long life. They are covered with spines. When I meet anyone spinney I know I avoid conflict with them. So let’s add one more conflict management choice to the mix. Sometimes it’s good to be sharp and aggressive. So what have we learned? Be like a long-beaked echidna and have more than one way of dealing with conflict. You can choose to:
1. Let it go and don't stress about it
2. Leave it or avoid it
3. Be logical and reasonable
4. Be aggressive
5. Be weird looking
For specific tools to deal effectively with conflict you may wish to check out my books, “The Conflict Cure” and “Sword Shields Daggers and Handshakes” on the products page of my website www.pattiwood.net or consider having me come in to speak to your group or talking to me about one-on-one coaching.

Music Memories

The article about song memories that I referred two posts ago just appeared here is the link. I am quoted in the second paragraph.
Since then my grad school roommate and I have reminisced about listening the Sade's song. "You give me the sweetest taboo." while we danced around the house one night before going out. It was a good memory as I spent almost every night for seven years of grad school studying at the house or library or at my night job heading a survey research team. Going out was a big treat and going out with my roommate who was and is so much fun was a special treat.
We also remembered being in the car with a guy freind and rocking out to a song about MTV. We sang the lyrics on the phone with each other yesterday and were transported back to the eighties. Ahh.....music memories.

Fear of germs and use of antibacterial liquid

Oh my goodness, more news on antibactirial liquid. I was watching a special on NBC about Obama's West Wing and the dispensers showed up on the desks of Obama's secretary and several cabinet members and they mentioned his "body guy" carries some for the president. We have become germaphobic. I can just see it now. Obama shaking hands with UK prime minister Gordon Brown and then asking for a antigerm blast from his presidential dispenser.

Do you have "song memories?"

I responded to a media query today about music memories from a journalist at Tunes News – http://tunesnews.com
The piece is going to be about songs and the memories that they evoke. The entire piece is revolving around the upcoming release of Song Journals – http://songjournals.com , which is dedicated people sharring their song memories. Do you have memories that come to you when you hear certain songs?

I am very interested in the concept of song journals. My journals from teenage years up untill till about five years ago were filled with the titles of songs. I would write in not just the titles but because I wanted to be a lyricist often the song lyrics. As an expert on nonverbal communication I am fascinated with the connection in the limbic brain of music to emotion and memory.

As a kid in sixties, I remember sitting in the way way back of the station wagon singing along with my two sisters t “See you in September” as my family drove to Florida one summer.
In the seventies I remember sitting together with my three best girlfriends in the front seat of a old 56 seven Chevy car dancing to “I shot the sheriff. “ on the way to a high school football game. In fact I was with my high school best friend Rose yesterday and we shared that mutual memory.
Also in the seventies I remember listening one Sunday afternoon to Casey Casem’s top 40 on the whole house stereo. I was dancing around my house pool to the rock hit “Smoke on the Water.” In junior high, I remember standing up against the wall at big school dance feeling so lonely and humiliated because no one asked me to dance to “Color my World.” For four years whenever I heard that song I longed to dance to it and finally I was able to in my senior year of high school and I now have a fantastic memory of dancing to it with my high school crush, a college boy, at a church dance!
I also remember singing John Denver’s “Almost heaven West Virginia” with members of my church youth group. We were on top of a roof repairing it for an Appalachian women on a church mission to West Virginia. I remember we thought it was so funny to be on a roof in West Virginia putting hot tar on the roof on a hot summer day singing that song.

Do you have song memories?