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How to Give Compliments and Praise and Show Gratitude for Good Behavior. ERASER METHOD Praise and Compliments

As a body language expert, in my speaking and coaching, I realized that people often notice bad behaviors in others and are critical, but people don't always notice the good behaviors of others and show them their gratitude for doing something good.

I use the Sunrise Manifesto Gratitude Journal in my coaching, It has a daily request to write about someone you are grateful for.

I tell my clients to write out their gratitude, using my Exact and Aware Gratitude Tool and, when appropriate, share their gratitude with the actual person. I find that very quickly my clients focus more on positive behaviors. They also share with me that it creates uplifting conversations and interactions very quickly.

                                                   Gratitude And Praise Tool 

Noticing and being grateful for people's
nonverbal behaviors.  

Exact    With exact terms, state the person's behavior as it exists now.  Answer the following questions in your statement.  When did it happen? Where did it happen? Who was involved? How often has it happened? Be specific. Make it real and concrete. Don't use generalizations such as alwaysneverevery time.  

 Example:    Three times in the past three weeks, you've called me just to chat.

 Example:    In the last week, you've come through the door and immediately kissed me.

 Example:   I noticed as I stood in line how you made eye contact and smiled and chatted so warmly with the customers before me.     

     

Aware       Make the person aware of the emotion(s) the behavior arouses in you.  How do you feel in

response to their behavior?


Example:  When you call just to chat it makes me feel connected to you, and we end up talking about good things and bad things and laughing and that feels wonderful. Thank you. I am grateful for your friendship.

Example:  I love being first! And when you kiss me I feel like you are happy to see me and you desire me. Thank you, I am grateful for our marriage.                    

Example:  It made me so happy to see your warmth and kindness. Thank you. I am grateful for your happiness. 


Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.

     

What are the challenges and new things that you can do to ensure a safe meeting and conventions"

I am an expert on body language and first impressions, a professional keynote speaker at conventions, and the Author of SNAP Making the Most of First Impressions body language and Charisma. Here are a few of the articles I have contributed to about changes in interactions in the Post Covid world.

https://www.nytimes.com/2020/06/10/smarter-living/coronavirus-greetings-handshakes-hugs.html

https://www.abajournal.com/web/article/do-face-coverings-help-or-hinder-defendants

https://www.iaapa.org/news/funworld/how-staff-can-maintain-welcoming-environment-social-distancing



What challenges and new things can be done to ensure a safe meeting?

 

  1. It's essential to help meeting attendees feel safe and informed before they get to the meeting. I suggest emails and newsletters websites that give as much information about the safety precautions.  I also offer personal phone calls to board members and key individuals to ensure that the information they are getting is clear and accurate. One key member telling potential attendees negative or incorrect safety information can dramatically affect your member's attendance. For example, what are the sizes of the rooms? What are the ceiling heights? What has the meeting facility done to ensure safety, air circulation in the rooms, and how does that meet new recommendations? Will people wear badges with sensors so contract tracing can occur if there is a positive covid case during or after the convention?
  2. Give the group fun ways of safely greeting and interacting. Throughout all cultures, people greet one another as a sign of recognition, affection, friendship, and reverence. Now people may be scared to greet or not know how others in attendance will greet. I have some alternatives listed below
  3. If you are putting the tables further apart and more sparsely seated, make sure you make the tables look more appealing with color choices and centerpieces, so the effect is warmer and more welcoming. Have greeters at the door to safely and warmly greet people as they enter to make the attendees feel more welcome and warm them up for the speaker.  Spend the money to get great friendly, upbeat music in the room, perhaps even live performers. Even someone playing guitar or a quintet playing classical music can warm up the environment.

 

HANDSHAKE ALTERNATIVES

For in face to face online interaction like your live stream concerts

By Patti Wood, Body Language, and Human Behavior Expert

 

 With concerns about Germs, I wanted to give you and your company handshake alternatives that can make you and your team comfortable. I want to make sure you feel prepared and know what to do. Because greetings and goodbye rituals have so many physiological benefits, I encourage you to create nonverbal greeting and goodbye rituals when interacting online via Skype or some other format. I want to have ways to acknowledge how unique each human being on this little blue planet is and what a sacred thing we do when we interact.

 

First, know that without an acceptable form of touch, we will be losing an invaluable bonding mechanism that normally helps us feel safe and lets us bring down the "stranger barrier" and connect.  I share this with you because I want to emphasize that greeting rituals allow to create a positive first impression and connect and reduce conflict. If you don't shake hands or have an alternative ritual, there is a cost, so you need a replacement.  I have done three years of academic research on handshakes and greeting rituals and have spoken and written about them for over 30 years. I know their value. You need to do some sort of ritual, even online.

 

Start the Greeting Earlier. If you are face to face start at about 8 to 6 feet out. If you are shaking hands, you typically smile when you are four feet apart and again as you get close. If you start the greeting earlier, you can create a contact in time to signal that you want to create a different ritual and NOT SHAKE HANDS.  What you want to do is slow down the greeting, so you have the time to change the greeting graciously.

 

Wave- hold up your open pam and wave. Open palm signals directly to the primitive limbic brain that you come in peace and friendship. It was said to have originated with American Indians to signal to others that you held no weapon and come in peace.

 

LEAN IN – Just lean in instead of shaking hand. You can even make sure no one reaches for you hand by keeping our arms at your sides with a slight bow lean in  -This shows that first of all are NOT offering your hand but also that you come in peace and still allows you to acknowledge the person as special, that you honor them and that the and the interaction as special.

 

The NAMASTE – This was originally a Hindu greeting and used in the 2000s by celebrities who didn't want to shake hands with fans in red carpet greeting. The Namaste is a slight bow and hands pressed together, palms touching and fingers pointing upwards, thumbs close to the chest. In Hinda, you actually say the word NAMASTE but you don't have to but its a beautiful greeting and the actual ritual its called "Añjali Mudrā;"  In Hinduism, it means "I bow to the divine in you".

 

THE PEACE SIGN or Victory V  -  I wanted to offer another option that signals a greeting that could catch on as we battel whatever this cold/flu/virus gives us and come out in peace and victory. This thought of creating this for our season of germs started with my friend Carl who is a biker. He is smart, cool and he greets fellow bikers on the road with a peace sign. Yes, the peace sign! Who knew the hippy, bead wearing right hand up, palm facing out with two fingers spread in a slight "V" greeting?   Remember, we like people who are like us. The various versions of the peace symbol given by bikers show other bikers they have something in common. During World War II, Victor de Laveleye, a Belgian refugee, suggested during a BBC broadcast that his countrymen use the letter V as a rallying sign. The "V" is the first letter of victoire (victory) in French and vrijheid (freedom) in Dutch. Soon you could see "V" in graffiti all over Belgium and then all of Nazi-occupied Europe and given as a hand sign. It was a message that said to the occupier that "he is surrounded, encircled by an immense crowd of citizens that don't want this occupation.  British Prime Minister Winston Churchill popularized the V symbol as a victory.  1958, the artist Gerald Holton began using the graphic representation of the "V" in an opposite way from the World War II usage, casting it as a symbol for peace to create the peace symbol.         

It is a greeting that shows others your own beliefs and desires and asks in return, "Are you part of my tribe? Will you interact with me in harmony?"

I suggest that if you are meeting face-to-face or online with business associates, friends, or family, you talk about how you would like to greeted. Perhaps pick a team or family or friendship tribal greeting ritual like the fist bump was created to show we are in this together.

 

Because we also need a ritual to show we are done and grateful for the interaction will return in peace again, I suggest you end with one of these rituals or your own special parting as well.

 

 

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.

 

 

 

einteractions

For you and for your company

(suitable to send out to those you 


Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

What is collective/group narcissism? What are social narcissism's potential consequences in societies and groups?

1) What is collective/group narcissism?

Group Narcissism consists of people who feed on the narcissistic supply. As a result, they can create more drama from the group and use the power of the group to create havoc on others, creating more emotional supply.  

Malignant Narcissists feed off drama. Research, including brain scans, shows that their brains operate differently. MG's may not feel or get enough supply for healthy human emotions created from love, bonding, and empathy. Instead, their brains light up, are fed when admired, and when they see and or create intense negative emotions like drama, fear, pain, and discord. These emotions create the MG's "Narcissistic Supply." 

 2) What are social

Narcissism's potential consequences in societies and groups?

The most serious is emotional contagion, just like a small group yelling and taunting can create a large crowd to stir to anger an attack like the crowd torch-bearing scene in the classic movie Frankenstein, a toxic group, can contaminate not just those inside that group and those outside the group

In group narcissism, we see unquestioning loyalty and admiration for the group and its ideals and an intense fervor in the persecution of any person who questions the authority of the overarching ideals of the group. The group will do anything to ignore any bad behavior of their fellow narcissists, give him a pass and then another pass, normalize bullying, yelling, crazy, abusive, and even dangerous behavior. They will defend one of their own kind for fear of losing the group. They will even attack any innocent person or persons who threaten the group's status quo. The group is their breath, their life, their sustenance, their "supply." In the presence of other narcissists, who reflect "like" behaviors, they don't see their dark selves. In the group, they are whole and belong. They may see damage in others, yet it only serves to make them feel superior. And in fact, their very acceptance of the dark damage in their fellow tribe members may make them think they are good people. They don't consider that dark damage behaviors are unacceptable in a healthy group. They only see reflections of themselves.

 

Patti Wood is a body language expert with degrees emphasizing Nonverbal Communication. She writes and speaks to corporate clients about body language and honesty, integrity, credibility, deception, narcissism, and psychopathology. She is also an expert on Hitler's body language.

 

 







Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

How to Teach Kids About Body Language Using Mr. Potato Head, Teaching Kids Healthy Safe Touch Using Mr. Potato Head

I have used Mr. Potatoe's head toys to help teach foster parents a safe way to discuss body parts, how a child feels about each body part, and safe and appropriate touch.

I also have shown teachers how to teach simple body language reading cues in a fun way.

So they talk about eye contact and have the children put the eyes in and share what they can see and they put the hands-on and say what it safe healthy touch and other concepts like body windows and how the feet are the most honest parts of the body.  



Play: It can’t be disputed that children learn best through play as language development can be supported, by adults, in a fun and natural way. Playing with Mr. Potato Head can help develop symbolic play, certain language skills and support overall cognitive development.

Choices: Offer your child choices of body parts when placing them into Mr Potato Head. It can support the understanding and expressive use of, vocabulary for body parts. Talk about these body parts as your child is assembling and experimenting with Mr Potato Head. Providing choices can also support a child’s ability to make decisions.

Requesting: Mr Potato Head is a great tool to help support the skill of requesting. It offers many ways to develop consistent use of communication including, gestures, sign and verbal communication. Adapt the way Potato Head is played by holding back some pieces from the child to provide repetitive opportunities for the child to use all their communication skills.




Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Dating Body Language Tips to Improve Your Listening Skills

Listen to Your Partner with your

 BODY LANGUAGE

Remember To Be Gentler

Patti Wood, MA, Professional Speaker expert in body language and nonverbal communication. Author of SNAP Making the Most of First Impressions Body Language and Charisma. www.pattiwood.net

What you can do to help focus and show that you are listening to your partner

Give Facial Feedback

Let your nonverbal expressions show your emotional response to the message. Matching and mirroring your partner creates similar chemicals in your body, increases empathy and understanding, and signals your partner that you "GET" what they are saying.

Eye Contact

A listener should give more eye contact than the speaker. Research suggests that if you want to have a good rapport, you should maintain eye-contact 60 to 70 percent of the time that someone speaks to you. Females are better at this than men and need more eye contact from listeners to feel comfortable in the conversation. Eye contact cues are more complicated for men. This may be because dominance is communicated by either staring or a lack of eye contact. It would help if you made good eye contact. Research shows that a typical business gaze focuses on the eyes and the upper forehead, and in a social gaze, the listener's gaze drops down to include the nose and the mouth.

Nod Your Head

You do not have to have a bobble toy head. Just occasionally nod your head to show you are listening and empathetic with the speaker's message. An added bonus of nodding your head is that it releases endorphin-like chemicals into your bloodstream to make you feel good and feel more affable about the speaker. Be aware that women nod their heads whether they agree with the speaker's message or not. Men may think that you agree with them if you nod too much, so be careful not as you use it as mere feedback. Don’t give men "I'm Listening" nods if you disagree with what a man is saying.

Turn Off Technology

We have become so accustomed to checking our phones while talking to someone we forget how rude it is. all those things are.  Signal to your partner your intent to really listen by turning away your laptop, turning off your cell phone, and even saying out loud, "Let me turn this off and put this away while we talk."

Lean Forward

Proximity, that is, being physically close, signals your desire to be emotionally or physiologically close. I don't mean get in their face but merely lean in toward your partner. Research shows that in a seated conversation, a backward lean communicates that you are dominant. A forward lean shows interest.

Expose Your Palms

We hide the palms of our hands when we are nervous or lying. Keep your hands open and visible to create comfort in others.

We all want to be seen heard and understood. There is no greater gift to give to someone than your interest. Be GENTLE with your listening.



Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

What Body Language Shows Joy and Happiness?

This is an example of UP body language. Your body language goes upward when you are joyful. UP body language is a term I coined in the field of body language. The photo is of the preview night of the music man on Broadway. Notice how characters are so filled with joy and excitement their feet lift off the ground in unison in the dance. The lift goes up through their bodies so that many also lift their arms high above their heads. When you see this in the theater you are lifted and joyful as you watch it
Can you think of a movie scene or a character or several characters walking or moving upward with happiness that’s a standard drama or comedy rather than a musical?





Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Tool to Turn off Your Internal Critic and Be Creative.

One of the tools I use to help me when I am stuck on writing a speech on body language or a chapter in a book I am writing or song I am creating is to lie down. Australian National University professor Darren Lipnicki, says that lying down can lead to creative breakthroughs.

"It might be that we have our most creative thoughts while flat on our back," he says. One reason might be that more of the chemical noradrenaline is released while we're standing, and noradrenaline could inhibit our ability to think creatively.

In any case, it's a great excuse to lay back, relax, and just think.





The Body Language Expert Patti Wood, MA. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Solution for Migraine Headaches, Stiff Neck and Back Pain.

I am an expert in body language, so I need to stay limber!  I sit a lot, especially when working on a new book. I use a foam roller.

I have two and use them throughout the day whenever I get up from my desk and at night whenever I get up from the couch. So it made a big difference.

I use a short one sometimes just for my neck, but this is the one I use daily.

 https://www.amazon.com/Yes4All-EPP-Exercise-Foam-Roller/dp/B07W5CL8L7/ref=sxin_13_pa_sp_search_thematic_sspa?adgrpid=1346902313988687&cv_ct_cx=amazon+foam+roller&hvadid=84181466547404&hvbmt=be&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=46016&hvnetw=o&hvqmt=e&hvtargid=kwd-84181749748904%3Aloc-190&hydadcr=15159_10593436&keywords=amazon+foam+roller&pd_rd_i=B07W5CL8L7&pd_rd_r=04a25b47-b528-4b2a-a540-6137ce02336a&pd_rd_w=fGIqq&pd_rd_wg=fPDGE&pf_rd_p=4ad71b32-b810-4124-8735-d02a39478d0c&pf_rd_r=B95RR1Z1F5ZHPCKSYZV7&qid=1639764515&sr=1-2-a73d1c8c-2fd2-4f19-aa41-2df022bcb241-spons&psc=1&spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUEyRjVUOTFXT1pZTFVYJmVuY3J5cHRlZElkPUEwNTQxMzg3MVBJTElEN0I1TlozNyZlbmNyeXB0ZWRBZElkPUExMDM3MzMwMzhPRjcwN1VKNEFZRSZ3aWRnZXROYW1lPXNwX3NlYXJjaF90aGVtYXRpYyZhY3Rpb249Y2xpY2tSZWRpcmVjdCZkb05vdExvZ0NsaWNrPXRydWU=


The Body Language Expert Patti Wood,  For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

What Couples Sleep Positions Mean


Are you interested in what your couple's sleep positions mean? I

I coach couples on what their sleep positions mean and suggest small changes to improve the relationship. https://bodylanguagelady.blogspot.com/2009/07/couples-sleep-positions-what-do-they.html http://www.pattiwood.net/article.asp?PageID=13178












Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Can You Fall In Love At First Sight?

As I discuss in my book SNAP First Impressions are highly accurate with a couple of caveats, If you are physically attracted to someone the accuracy of your first impression goes down significantly.
Some of you are saying that explains my first marriage.
According to research, you can fall in love at first sight, especially if you BELIVE you can. Again according to research men are more likely to fall in love at first sight. Men are more likely to do so if the receiver of the love, at first sight, matches their physical ideal of physical attractiveness. And if a man falls in love at first sight and marries, it is more likely to lead to a long-term happy relationship for both members of the couple.

In my book I say, 

In American culture, we decide whether or not we like someone in the first 10 seconds of an interaction. 10 to ninety seconds is not a lot of time we are not exchanging a lot of words. We are exchanging a lot of nonverbal communication. We can exchange up to ten thousand nonverbal cues in less than one minute of interaction. (That is in any minute of interaction) with someone. Obviously, there is no way you can possibly process ten thousand cues at the conscious level you process most of body language cues at the subconscious level. In looking for the right love you need to bring some of that subconscious knowledge up to your conscious control. To notice bodies like you have never noticed bodies before.

 


The Body Language Expert Patti Wood For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Zendaya and Tom Holland’s body language at a Spider-Man photo call

ow that it’s officially the holiday season, I must ask: Is there any gift better than red carpet photos of Zendaya? No, no there is not. And between publicity for Dune this fall and Spider-Man: No Way Home this winter, we have been spoiled (spoiled!) with shots of the 24-year-old star in 2021. Outfit inspo aside, Zendaya and Tom Holland’s body language at a Spider-Man photo call in London on Sunday, Dec. 5 offered us an extra special glimpse into the actors’ (and real-life partners!) chemistry off-screen. While they definitely seemed a little reserved in front of the cameras, they were also pretty flirtatious, and undeniably adorable. Dating rumors began swirling around these co-stars in 2017, though they only publicly confirmed their relationship in 2021. Although they’re both seasoned in the art of the red carpet walk, Zendaya and Tom didn’t appear to let their guards down entirely. While it’s impossible to know exactly what was running through their heads during this moment, their posture and facial expressions give us some clues. Elite Daily chatted with Patti Wood, body language expert and author of Snap: Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language & Charisma, to gain insight on Zendaya and Tom’s connection based on their body language. In a photo that almost looks like they’re meeting for the first time (which they’re not, obvi), Zendaya’s tilted head and hand-on-heart suggest that she’s feeling simultaneously coquettish and cautious of Tom. “She does a head tilt, which is a little bit flirty — women tilt their heads to reveal the vulnerable part of the neck, and it’s kind of defined as a ‘come hither’ cue,” says Wood. “It’s interesting, because she’s actually saying ‘come hither,’ but she’s also blocking her heart. The palm of her hand is blocking her heart.” In the world of body language analysis, there are no coincidences — that gesture typically indicates a need to protect yourself. Oh, and that hand hold? It’s cute, for sure, but Wood says it’s not the most intimate or lustful gesture from either Zendaya or Tom. “The way he has his palm?” Wood points out. “He’s not holding [her hand], he’s not encompassing [it]. There’s nothing sexual in that… [Her] fingers aren’t curling around, there’s no interlacing.” The red carpet photos also suggest a slight mismatch in their sexual connection, Although Wood notices that Zendaya is giving Holland a “sexy” gaze in many of the photos, it’s not always reciprocated. In fact, he looks pretty tense. Wood explains that Holland has “erect posture, some tension in his smile, and his hand in his pocket.” Sure, it could be the event making him uncomfortable, but as a successful actor, Holland is no stranger to the red carpet. Wood guesses, “It could be ‘I don’t want to show any sexual connection with her.’” (Fair — he’s in work mode.) However, this tension wasn’t consistent. In one photo, Holland’s feet and pelvis are tilted toward Zendaya, hinting at his interest in her. And in another, Zendaya and Holland shared an “intimate zone of space” (they’re less than two feet apart). This proximity typically indicates a desire for connection. Not to mention, they shared a “really nice mutual gaze” during the Spider-Man photocall. With “lifted cheeks” and deep eye contact, Wood flags this look as a “love gaze.” Here, though, Zendaya was the one who looked slightly on edge. “Her heart is pulled back slightly as if to say, ‘I need to protect myself.’” Such a wide range of mixed signals might seem like a bad sign for the couple, but that’s not necessarily accurate. In fact, per Wood, it might be a result of a joint decision that the couple made to keep their romance on the more private side. Wood says that the duo’s body language might reflect “decisions they are making to be independent.” “I’m seeing her desire to protect, and I’m seeing a little tension in him,” Wood explains. “They’re not ready to be seen as a full couple… Maybe they’re just not quite ready to be seen as a unit.” After all, they are co-workers. Keeping things professional during a work event (because, yes, for A-listers, red carpets are work events) is probably a good policy. All in all, Zendaya and Holland’s body language is full of contradictions. And although their closeness might not be super obvious in these red carpet photos, there’s no doubting Zendaya and Holland’s connection. During the event, Holland himself explained their relationship to the Associated Press, “​​The biggest way is just companionship, you know, like two friends coming together, experiencing this world, going through the same problems at the same times, having a shoulder to cry on, has been a huge thing for the pair of us.” Spider-man and MJ have nothing on these two. Link to article with Photos https://www.elitedaily.com/dating/zendaya-tom-holland-body-language-spider-man-photo-call

Do Masks on Children in School Interfere with a Childs Development?


We primal hard-wiring that makes our eyes unconsciously look at interesting things, especially faces, and look away from unpleasant things. So much of how children can learn, and be emotionally healthy about masks is how the adults and other children in their lives view masks and those who wear them. Children can be quick to adapt and read body language without mouth cues as long as those around them see people wearing them as normal. But if they see those wearing masks as scary, they will associate them with danger rather than safety.


Eye Scanning—We scan faces according to a systematic pattern. The pattern consists of a series of triangles that crisscross the eyes and then travel down to the mouth. During an initial interpretation, we spend 75 percent of the time exploring the triangle of the eyes and mouth, 10 percent on the forehead and hair, and 5 percent on the chin, with the remaining 10 percent devoted to other features. The average scanning time is around 3 seconds.

One of the main stress points adults have when wearing masks is they feel they can see or show a smile to show they are friendly. The smile is such an important signal of friendliness that it can be recognized from a football field away. Smiling is a "harmless" cue that makes you look less threatening. Smiling makes people feel safe as you approach or lets them know it's safe to approach you because you are smiling. But many of the facial cues that indicate a "real" smile occurs above the mask.

We have learned to read those cues and simply showing children how to read them and be confident in reading a true smile can help children adapt and be more comfortable wearing a mask in the classroom. (We can fake a smile with the mouth, and you can recognize a real smile from just the eyes. 




Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Do Leaders Need Soft Skills?

I speak to millions and billon dollar business owners and C-suite executives on body language and leadership. Why? -Yes, More than ever. They have to assess and respond to the needs of their employees. If they are oblivious to the nonverbal cues and don't put credits in the "relationship account, they won't be able to keep their employees happy, prevent conflict, and keep their employees motivated. Leaders say their top two priorities right now are how to hire the best employees, keep employees from leaving, and detect deception.

Are Narcissists Happy? Body Language Expert Patti Wood

Happiness and Malignant Narcissism. Years ago, I was dating a charming Malignant Narcissist and broke up with him. One of his arguments in his plea to keep me was that I couldn't break up with him because he always has to start a new business when a woman breaks up with him, as otherwise, the emptiness in his life makes him feel like he is in a deep dark void. He already had too many businesses and didn't want to start another one. He didn't say what he liked and loved about me. Instead, he shared the emptiness he would feel without me in his life and equated that with the fulfillment of starting and business. Not very romantic, but it does show how Malignant Narcissists view their happiness met by a supply of stimulation filling a void. Malignant narcissists feel happy when they are fed well with Narcissistic supply. What makes them "Happy" is different. They don't feel the normal human emotions of love, bonding, and empathy. Those parts of their brains don't light up. Instead, their brains light up when they are admired and feel they can control others. They are happy, creating negative emotions in others. T They are puppet masters. Normal (low score on a continuum) narcissists can receive pleasure and happiness, making people happy. For example, a normal narcissists actor derives pleasure from the applause of a delighted audience watching them perform. However, the malignant narcissist pleasure centers light up when they see and or create intense negative emotions like drama, fear, pain, and discord in others. These emotions create the MG's "Narcissistic Supply." Because they lack those loving bonding emotions

Why we need to improve our gun safety laws.

Why we need to improve our gun safety laws.

 

When I was in my 20's in my master's program and teaching at Auburn, I got a call at 7:00 in the morning from the father of my brand-new boyfriend, Shane Ford. He said, "Shane was shot in a hunting accident. He is not expected to make it, and he is calling out your name and wants to see you." The pain in Shane's father's voice was the worst sound imaginable. I had lost my father a few months before this, and I knew that pain.

I was home with the flu and 103-degree temperature, and there was an ice storm, and I had never driven in snow. So I got in the car and drove on an ice-covered deserted road to the hospital. I masked up and went into the intensive care unit to say goodbye to Shane. When I first saw Shane, he was covered in blood and hooked up to many pieces of equipment. (I didn't know some was the deer's blood.) So there, surrounded by his family, Shane and I said our goodbyes.

That morning a young boy, I believe he was 14, who had never hunted or held or shot a rifle, was handed a gun and instructed how to shoot it by some men that knew the boy came from a troubled home. Their intent was the teach him to be a man and help him bond with other men. The boy and the hunters laid down in line at the deer stand with their guns and Shane ran the deer (chased the deer in front of them) The body saw movement and shot Shane.  The Bullet went through Shane's spleen and his kidney bounced off his spine and lodged in his heart. He lost 37 pints of blood in 24 hours. In the first surgery, they couldn't find the bullet. They stitched him up and we said our goodbyes as he was bleeding to death. But just by happenstance there was a visiting physician there to teach at the hospital and he asked us if we were willing to have Shane be a research patient since he was going to die, they would continue to look for the bullet, but they didn't have much hope. We said yes, and the visiting surgeon found the bullet lodged in his aortic value and was able to replace it with a pig's valve and save his life. With his blood loss, this was a medical miracle and in fact, Shane's case was written up in three medical journals.  Over 400 people donated blood at the hospital that week in Shane's name.
Shane, according to the doctors, was not supposed to live, and when he survived, they said he would never walk again, as the shock trousers they had put on him to push the blood to his heart and brain had cut off the blood supply to his legs for too long. He had a long recovery; that recovery was difficult and painful for him and all of us. I saw firsthand what that one rifle bullet did to his body. The long deep red scar down the center of his body. The hole in his back. I know how many people worked to save him; I see the love it took to keep him motivated to fight for his life. I know all the work it took for all of us to help him recover and walk again. I wouldn't wish that agony of a journey on anyone.  



Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

How can your space negatively impact your relationship? Decoration, Clutter and Your Relationships

How can your space negatively impact your relationship? Your space/territory is not only a reflection of you, your personality, your mood, and your energy it affects you profoundly.

If you have for example the clutter of too much stuff or merely make design and purchasing or decorating items that may mean something to you and give you pleasure, but have no meaning and nor give pleasure to you partner you may be sending the message I have all the power over this space and or my stuff is more important than you and your needs and pleasure.



How do things like clutter, not compromising over the interior
decor, etc. affect your relationship? In addition to what I shared above clutter may create a barrier between you and your partner. Sometimes that barrier is obvious such as pillows that keep your partner from sitting next to you on a sofa or getting near you in a bed. Or more subtle such as a collection of salt and pepper shakers Dolls or Star Trek or Sports memorabilia that take over the house and create clutter and dust and space for the other partner to mark his or her territory and or that take up the attention and time of a partner.

Sometimes it can be a color choice that significantly bothers a partner. For example, When my fiancé and I were getting ready to marry we talked about and redid my house to his comfort level. I had a turquoise guest bath that my fiancé hated as he thought it was too girly. I loved it but it was painful for him to even look at it so we went on home tours and he fell in love with this moss grey-green color and we went that day to get it and paint the bathroom and he was so extremely happy. I also had a collection of fiesta ware on display in the kitchen and he was a bit overwhelmed by it. It was not his favorite thing, but he knew I loved it so we compromised and we went through a scaled it back. I also had terracotta bunnies in the front yard and he again thought they were a bit too feminine and they were not that important to me so we moved them to the side yard.

What are some solutions to overcome these negative effects?

What are some other surprising home-related factors that could
have a negative impact? Lighting temperature and sound and size Some people like dark cool small quiet spaces that they can retreat to like a cave and recharge and relax.
So people like bright light airing large spaces filled with happy music. So creating spaces that give both partners their own happy space or that compromise on those needs is important for the overall mood of the members of the relationship. Again in my relationship, we had a cool lower lighting space to watch TV and the kitchen brighter. As a side note, when we were dating I painted my kitchen floor with bright colors like the partridge family bus. My sweetie was not overly fond of that floor, but to show me how much he loved me, he got down on one knee and proposed on that very floor!!! It was very symbolic of him embracing my happy bright personality!


Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Safety Tips for Concert and Festival Attendees, How to Deal With Crowds, Recommendations for Crowd Safety From Body Language Expert, Patti Wood

 

These are tips that I not only recommend as a body language expert but also as 5 foot one petite blonde concert, and music festival attendee use. 

Tips

  1. Know your territory. That may involve getting a map and studying it carefully before the event begins so you know where the stage or stages, exits are. If you can rather than just knowing that there’s a map somewhere on your phone if you can print out the map too. 
  2. Get there early. That way you can see the space and again study your territory the stages in the exits. 
  3. Introduce yourself and your friends to security. Make sure you feel safe and comfortable with them and ask them how things are going how they’re reading the crowd. I use to train law enforcement officers so I go a bit above and beyond and ask if they need a soft drink or a snack. 
  4. Make plans with your friends for what you would do and where would you meet should someone get lost or some emergency happen. Have a backup to that plan. 
  5. When you get to your seat or to the stage look around again. Note the different exits from your seat or your standing position. Note any barriers that may be in your way. Always look for exits to your side in front of you and behind you. 
  6. Read the crowd. Your central nervous system is your best friend in potentially dangerous situations. Check-in with how you were feeling in your body to note whether there is danger. If you see agitated or angry people move away from the space as quickly and calmly as possible to somewhere safe, knowing that may be the exit. Aggressive behavior usually involves people not only raising their energy level but forming nonverbal cue gesture cues that are sharp-edged elbows out weapon-like hands in our motions and fast unpredictable motions. Your primitive limbic brain picks up on these cues before your neocortex. You may not be able to formulate words as to why you’re feeling uncomfortable but your body knows. Move away from danger. Every crowd has energy and crowds that are dangerous or recognizable if you’re paying attention. There’s a difference between excitement and being pulled into that wonderful uplifting excited dancing singing together crowd energy and dangerous energy. If you feel it flip and you feel scared move away and out of the crowd. 
  7. Know that the response to danger is not just flight or flight it’s also freezing in place faint or fall. If you find your body wanting to freeze in place that’s a sign you’re in danger move away from the danger. Override whatever social norms there are about having to be “cool” or not look afraid or be nice to dangerous aggressive or rude people. Move away from them. 
  8. If you are small or if you stumble in a loving mob, tell those around you I need help shout, "Lift me up" "I need help lift me up." 
  9. In preparation, if you can bring a clear plastic case for your phone in some sort of lanyard that you can wear around your neck it can be helpful. In a dangerous crowd,      situation trying to hold your phone as you move through the crowd can be dangerous you may need both hands. 


Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Alec Baldwin's Body Language in Interview about the Tragic On Set Shooting with Real Bullet by body language expert Patti Wood

Is Alec Baldwin Telling the Truth?

Body Language Notes from Interview by Patti Wood 

Tonight, the Alec Baldwin ABC interview is being aired as he opens up about what happened on the Rust movie set. I am doing body language analysis of the interview for the media and I have already done one of the clips below.  

 https://twitter.com/ABC/status/1466104944059199489

 BALDWIN SAYS: 'THE TRIGGER WASN'T PULLED, I DIDN'T PULL THE TRIGGER'

https://twitter.com/SusanneBrunner/status/1466367838038364166 

Here are my rough notes:

I would say overall that Baldwin feels real grief, and he is truly sad, and he does not feel he is responsible for the death of Halyna and the injury to the other victim.

 As part of a body language read, you consider what would be normal for anyone in the circumstances and what would be normal for that particular person. What is that person's normal?

Alec Baldwin is a strong, confident man with a big ego. Power and confidence are communicated in three ways, the amount of space you take up, whether your body windows are opened or closed, and with you are relaxed or tense. He takes up space, opens his body windows, and he is fairly relaxed. I know his baseline body language is expansive. He takes up space. He often sits with his legs apart. At the beginning of this interview, he's sitting in an alpha posture, legs apart, arms slightly out from his side. He shows his Baseline normal body language of confidence, perhaps in an effort to feel confident in this stressful interview.

In preparation for and response to the question, how could this have happened? You see Baldwin again, legs apart with his hands between his leg in a downward steeple. A steeple is a hand gesture that indicates a desire to gain control over the situation. This downward steeple is a symbolic representation of powerful masculinity.  All of this communicated nonverbally he wants to be a strong alpha man in his response.

I also do content analysis as part of my reads for interviews like this (I teach how to analyze interrogation videos and detect deceit ). Some phrasing that I found odd is his emphasis on why he's doing this is about because he doesn't want to be the victim. He keeps saying that this is not about him being a victim. I call this "He does protest too much" verbiage. The very act of saying this is not about me snd repeating that statement several times in different ways makes it about him being the victim.

As Baldwin begins to describe Halyna and says, she was "….loved liked and admired." On the word admired, he starts to cry. We see his Squeezed brow, the bowed head, and his hand over his face. Everyone, of course, wants to know if they are real tears if he's truly crying. He's an actor. I can say that this was the moment that if he was going to cry, he would begin to cry because he has to recall, to go back into his memory about the way she was as a human being.

And the aspects of real crying or there. You see his face crunch, That is, the eyes, nose and mouth and forehead pres down and towards the center of his face. You hear the sound of his sobbing. The intake of breath as he tries to stop the touch to his nose that the crying is distasteful to him (symbolically indicating that this crying doesn't smell good) and yet he comes back and continues speaking.

This again, it's him "manning up" He is showing his strength. He wants to be seen as a powerfully strong man.

This is his normal. The viewer may compare his behavior to what they think would be normal for someone who shot and killed someone and injured another and think he should be nonverbally smaller, hold his limbs closer to his body, his legs together.

Baldwin is asked, "Do you think she (The armorer) was up to the job?" Baldwin shakes his head no as he says he assumed she continued to shake his head no as he finishes his response to the question. Clearly, he didn't think that she was up for the job.

Later in the Interview------

When asked if safety and security were at risk because of the budget, Baldwin stutters and looks down and away as he says no and continues to deny that with a facial expression at one point that's full of tears. I believe he feels conflicted and perhaps will always feel conflicted about that. However, he recovers quickly and goes to what we call a media interview to speak a talking point. They planned a statement. He says something to the effective didn't see any security issues. But though his voice is strong, it's a prepared statement, but he is looking down and away and not at the interviewer.

The next part of the interview is all about him. The focus is on him and not the victims. If I were his media coach, I would have said, stick to a tight fifteen-minute interview with the emphasis where it should be, on the victims and their family and the ideally with a call to action to change the way guns and other amour are taken care of on sets.

Also, because of this next moment, the emphasis on him and his feelings and his victimhood shows. As he continues and he talks about how he loves moviemaking, and he discusses what it was like when they called him to work with "Tony" Hopkins and Merrill Street, he begins to cry again, but this time the crying is more expressive; it's louder he doesn't cover his face. We see the furrowed brow, the lines of focus at the bridge over the nose, we see the quiver of his chin, and we hear the tears, The clearing of the throat is verbalized whispered sorry, it's quite traumatic yet feels and shows as utterly real. The nonverbal delivery for his feeling of loss for those special unique moviemaking experiences is stronger and longer and more specific the ones that he grief. He showed earlier in the interview when he spoke of the victim, Haylana, The person that died.

In response to the statement/question from the interview about pulling the trigger, Baldwins responds, The trigger was not pulled did not pull the trigger. His statement "The trigger was not pulled." does not contain a pronoun. There is no I or me. That is a way for someone to distance themselves from the act.

Usually, that's all we hear from the person speaking that they are distancing themselves from the act. It can be an indication of guilt about the action,

He recovers fairly quickly from that lack of pronoun statement and says I did not pull the trigger. But we have another odd word usage. Baldwin says I did not pull the striker trigger rather than I didn't pull the trigger. Typically when somebody is innocent, they usually speak and naturally use contractions, and guilty people Think of their words more carefully with a vocal emphasis on the word not.,

Then we hear him say when I ask again, "say no no no no-no-no."

Here are the rough notes I sent out to my media contact for a story on Baldwin's Body Language in the interview about the Shooting on the set of his movie.

They are my rough notes. He emphasizes the first three no's, and if it had just been those three no's I would've found him to be honest as people when they're in a highly charged emotional state like a missing child or a missing spouse will often say things in triplicate. "My daughter, my daughter, my daughter or my Sara, my SARAH my SARAH."

Here the repetition seems more admonishing as if he is saying, "how could think that that's incorrect." Get admonishing of the interviewer no no no no no . not just a no I didn't do it.

When Baldwin begins to describe what happens after Haylana and the other victim are shot, his normal behavior becomes unemotional and detached. This can happen in someone that's experienced a trauma who needs to emotionally detach, or he could be just re-experiencing how he experienced it at the time that he didn't think that there was a real bullet in the gun and didn't think that she'd been shot. But even with those two justifications for his detachment, it seems odd. If I was his media coach, I would've coached him to be sensitive to what was really happening. Halyna, the victim, was dying.

His apology statement. I have written extensively and even have a chapter in one of my books on the proper way to apologize. Here he makes a common mistake and says to Haylana's husband, " I don't know what to say, I don't know how to say. I don't know how to convey to you how sorry I am."

 This is a distancing tactic. It distances him from the act. A more direct and proper apology would be to say simply, "I am sorry. " I know that there are legal issues in that statement, and some lawyers advise not to use the words "I'm sorry," and people in Baldwin's position in preparation for court cases and legal action are advised in this manner.

However, emotionally for the husband, in this case, a true, sincere proper apology even for an accident has a greater impact a greater Comforting factor for the person the apology is offered to. It seems much more true, much more heartfelt, much more real."


Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.