Three last-minute gifts and a great start to the year off right books.

Three last-minute gifts and a great start to the year off right books.

THE SUNRISE MANIFESTO. The first is my favorite journal. It’s the one I use and that I recommend to all my executive coaching clients. It’s a gratitude journal, goal setting, and morning pages journal that takes around 5 minutes every morning. I have reviewed and used over 20 different journals, and this is my favorite by far. It’s an excellent gift for a busy go-getter kind of person, anyone dealing with grief, depression, trauma, or loss, or a teen or college student too. After years of teaching gratitude principles, this journal made it easy for me to thank friends, family, and employees AS they did something wonderful.

Link to purchase https://www.amazon.com/Sunrise-Manifesto-Guided-Journal-Productivity/dp/B01C1QWP5S/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2BGF7EEXW0S6I&keywords=the+sunrise+manifesto+guided+morning+journal&qid=1671728300&sprefix=the+sunrise%2Caps%2C101&sr=8-1

 

DO WHAT YOU ARE I coach people going through career transitions and young people who don’t know what they want to do when they go off to college or are finishing college. I taught college for 11 years and loved helping my students find their passion and life path. This book is the best resource. I had seen hundreds of clients sitting at my office table light up when they turned to THEIR chapter in the book and started to read the different perfect jobs for them. It’s an excellent gift for an adult considering a career transition and high school and college students.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0316497142?tag=amz-mkt-chr-us-20&ascsubtag=1ba00-01000-a0049-win10-other-smile-us000-pcomp-feature-scomp-feature-scomp&ref=aa_scompttps://www.amazon.com/dp/0316497142?tag=amz-mkt-chr-us-20&ascsubtag=1ba00-01000-a0049-win10-other-smile-us000-pcomp-feature-scomp-feature-scomp&ref=aa_scomp

Of course, my book SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions Body Language and Charisma, is a great gift for anyone wanting to improve their first impression, business, and relationships. It’s essential reading for anyone in a leadership position, sales, young people anyone with ADD!

https://www.amazon.com/Snap-Making-Impressions-Language-Charisma/dp/1577319397/ref=sr_1_1?crid=34GKEBI45BFA6&keywords=snap+making+the+most+of+first+impressions&qid=1671728432&s=books&sprefix=Snap+Making+the+most+%2Cstripbooks%2C79&sr=1-1

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

How to avoid falling for someone too quickly/getting too Attached. What to do if you're the type of person who gets attached and falls in love to easily?

1. How to avoid falling for someone too quickly/getting too Attached.

There are four ways to "ease" into love rather than fall in love. Many of them are to ensure you maintain your confidence and love for yourself and assure you can evaluate the character or your love interest and don't become addicted to them or the intensity of the chemicals created in the "falling stage of love. As a result, you can feel and enjoy intimacy. You need to be able to evaluate the quality of the potential partner and maintain your sense of self.

1.       Create space. Give yourself physical space between you and the other person so you go into the relationship an independent person who can look at the potential love interest with perspective. That's not to say you don't cuddle, hold hands, or have sex. However, it means you also have time when you are sitting apart, in other rooms talking to each other. It's easy to get addicted to physical closeness and attach and "fall" before you know whether it's a good healthy person you are attaching to.

2.       Create time apart. That means you don't see text, message, and constantly call as the dating and relationship building begins. Instead, have free time and establish a sacred time just for you and your friends, family, or work. For example, say I have my class on Wednesday nights that I love and want to keep going to. Or I really like time each week to work out. Let's go through our schedules, so we can find the best time to do our own life-affirming activities while still having quality time with each other. Or, when I am at work, I won't be able to text back immediately. Don't do this harshly. Instead, do this to see how you feel when you are alone and independent and create and sustain your love for yourself apart from your love interest.

3.       Wait to share every intimate story of pain and suffering. That doesn't mean you don't share any bad things. It means waiting till you have built a safe foundation and trust before you share every messy detail of your life. This also is a safety measure to keep you from falling in love with a malignant narcissist, as one of their love-bombing techniques at the beginning of dating is to get you to self-disclose painful past relationship secrets. This exposes you to them, and though it can feel special and intimate, it can also create TRAMUA BONDING. It makes you feel close to someone who has not yet earned your trust if this is truly a love match for you.

You have all the time in the world to talk about your abusive ex, your absent father, or you are bullying your sibling. Wait.

4.       Watch and Question. Notice what your love interest does. Not just what they say. Do they say something about loving and caring for you but not following through with their actions? Wait to see how you feel. Do you feel safe? Do you feel cared for? Do you feel happy and healthy? Are you anxious and or not sleeping well? Do your friends and family like your love interest? Do your love interest show empathy and care for you and others?

 2. What to do if you're the type of person who gets attached easily include? 

Empaths, those who are naive about what healthy mature love looks and feels like and who show unexamined trauma and other unhealthy past relationships, may fall "In Love" more quickly. 3. The dangers of falling too fast for someone. You may attach to a person who does not love you. You may make demands on the other person that is not healthy. You may fall for someone toxic, emotionally immature, or not ready for mature love. On the other hand, you may only feel a need or emptiness in you rather than falling in love with the love interest.

 

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Spotting a Selfish Guy, How to Deal with a Selfish Boyfriend, Dangers of a Selfish Boy Friend

How to Spot A Selfish Guy

My new boyfriend seemed a perfect southern gentleman, but as I went to drive out of his condo parking garage for the first time, he did some things that waved red flags that he wasn't perfect. He said, "Let me get in the driver's seat and drive you out of the parking garage so I can use my pass, and you don't have to pay." "They have cameras so that they will see me, I can use my pass, and you won't get in trouble," Nice? No. He wanted to break a rule, and that's a red flat. I told him I preferred paying, but he insisted. He tried to break a rule, and that's a red flag. Then it got weirder. I told him no that I preferred to pay. But he took my car keys and got in my car to drive. Another red flag.

I set a boundary, saying I wanted to pay, and he broke it. I again said I preferred to drive out myself and showed my discomfort, blinking my eyes, grimacing, and pulling my body away from him. He did it anyway. Even worse, I could see him smile and get this pump of energy from cheating. A huge red flag that he would ignore my needs and get pleasure from breaking rules and my boundaries. A selfish person lacks consideration for others. They are concerned first and foremost with their own needs. To spot them early on is to see if they break boundaries, rules, and laws for their advantage

A friend was being sued, and she was scared. She had done nothing wrong, but she was a tiny goliath going up a big corporate giant. She was a successful and confident person and had never needed advice from her boyfriend, but in this instance, because he had several companies and had fought more than one lawsuit, she asked for his advice and shared that she was distraught and wasn't sleeping. He brushed off her needs, saying it wasn't a big deal. It happens all the time. His bright red flags were waving. And she said she saw them and thought it was a sign she was too needy. AGGGGH. If you are dating someone that doesn't acknowledge your pain nor gives comfort, be wary.  

 How to deal with a selfish boyfriend if you choose to stay with him. 

Have conversations about your needs and concerns. People can change and grow, but it takes work from both members of the couple.

 Pick one thing they have done and how it affected you, and ask them how they might act differently next time, or ask how you would like them to behave next time.

 For example, "You went by the store on the way over and got snacks for yourself and didn't think to get anything for me." "Next time you go to the store on the way over, what could you do differently to show you think of and care for me?"

Or "Typically, when someone visits for the weekend, they bring a hostess gift, food or wine or offer to help with fixing meals or take the host out to show they care." "This is the third time you have stayed with me over the weekend, and again I bought all our food, fixed it, set the table, and cleaned up, and you didn't even say thank you."The next time you come to stay with me for the weekend, what could you do to show you care for and value me?"

And though it seems very simple, ask them to do things for you and others at the moment and see if they can grow into a more caring and empathetic partner. For example, "It would make me so happy if you could clear the table." "Hey, can you run the vacuum real quick in the living room before our friends get here while I fix the food?" "Hey, it would make me feel so loved if you could get up and hug me when I come through the door at night, even if you are watching something good." "Can you do that for me?"

See if they can learn to think about and do for others. So, for example, if they go to the Gym every day after work before seeing you, you have to wait and eat very late. Have a conversation with them expressing your lack of comfort eating late every night and see if you can negotiate a change. For example, ask if on Fridays they can change their workout to start your dates earlier. It's a simple and reasonable request; if he isn't open to any negotiation, that is a red flag.

When you watch tv shows and films together, have him guess the character's feelings. You can make it a game, but it is also a way of teaching someone to read verbal and nonverbal cues and empathize with others. You can even ask him what he would do or say to help or comfort characters in distress.

There are so many adverse effects of dating a selfish partner: If they lack empathy, they may ignore you when you are sick. They may even act out and get mad if you are ill or in pain and can't serve their needs. For example, if they are sick with a cold, they expect to be cared for and comforted, but if you have a cold and are too ill to fix it, dinner and they may get irritated with you.

Another issue is a lack of predictability in their emotions and actions. You may find yourself trying to predict their behavior and prevent them from acting out, for example, fixing their favorite snacks they expect you to have ready when they watch a football game to prevent them from getting upset. Or having sex with them when you don't want to so they don't get upset.

You might go out to dinner and have a great time, but they may act out with you and others when they don't get their way. Think of an angry boyfriend who doesn't get the customer service he expects and acts out and yells.

Look for red flags and decide if you want to leave or stay, work on the relationship, and see if they are willing to think of you.

 

 

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.

     

Relationship Tips for Empaths by Human Relationship Expert Patti Wood.

What are the biggest challenges female empaths face in
Relationships?

Being taken advantage of by selfish, immature people or people who are unhealthy on the "path" range.

People with narcissistic tendencies are drawn to empaths, and deeply feeling people and narcs know that, on some level, they personally are lacking in emotional depth and substance. By being in a relationship with a nurturing, loving, empathetic person, the person with narcissism is able to consume that person's authentic love and extract narcissistic supply. Once fed over the course of days, weeks, or months, the person with narcissism is satiated and may grow bored with their partner. They must secure the supply of another target and or need so much narcissistic supply they create drama/trauma to extract it.

How can female empaths protect themselves in relationships?

The number one red flag for you to notice or point out to friends is, do you feel uncomfortable? Next, notice what is going on in your body. Are you feeling; overwhelmed, stressed, hot, cold, nauseous, headachy, tired, or overstimulated with behavior in a conversation or overall when you are with them? That's a sign that your central nervous system is alerting to danger with a FREEZE FLIGHT FIGHT FALL FAINT or Friend (play passively nice cause you are scared) response. 

Of course, we all want our relationships to be happy, but if your friend's or partner's happiness comes at the expense of yours, it is not healthy. If you are in a relationship needs constant attention and emotional validation, be wary. Empaths may define themselves as good, kind, caring people who forget to care for their own needs or expect loved ones to take care of them occasionally. Beware of

someone who monopolizes the relationship and who never compromises, just demands. narcissists tend to want someone "who is low in 'harm avoidance' and high in 'cooperation.'" If you tend to give in easily to the wishes or demands of others at work or in your personal life to avoid conflict, you might fit the ideal profile of a potential partner for a narcissist.

Suppose you often put your needs and opinions aside for the sake of avoiding conflict in the relationship. In that case, you'll more easily fall prey to a narcissist who thrives when others provide the empathy and attention they crave. Yes, being willing to compromise in a relationship is important but being a doormat isn't compromising.

What are the best traits female empaths bring to Relationships?

Empaths have the ability to understand the experiences and feelings of others outside your own perspective. You sense and feel what others are feeling. Their pain becomes yours their happiness becomes yours.

Empaths have an incredible ability to read nonverbal communication. Empaths pick up on cues, and you "Know" when someone is not themselves or feels down or depressed or off and have the desire to comfort them.

 Empaths want to help. It makes you feel good to be of help and service to others.

 Empaths show their emotions and are easy to "read" It's tough for them to lie as it makes you extremely uncomfortable to feel one thing and say another.

 Empaths tend to be great listeners, and because they internalize and feel what others are feeling, empaths can easily put themselves in someone else's shoes and give excellent advice.

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

How Does Your Posture Effect Your Mood? Body Language Expert Patti Wood

1. How can posture affect your mood?
How you hold your body can change how you feel in less than 1/40 of a second. If you hold and move your body the way you want to feel, your body's chemistry can change in a fraction of a second. Your posture and movement create a message that acts like a doctor's prescription. The message goes to your neural synapsis to the brain's pharmacy. The brain notes the posture and movements and creates chemicals that match and send them out into your bloodstream, so you begin to feel chemically how your body language is held or moves. For example, if you drag around head down feeling tired, you will get the chemicals that make your feel more tired. You think your body language reflects your fatigue and lack of energy, but you can change your energy by how you hold and move your body. I have been writing about the biochemistry aspects for over 30 years.

2. What about posture is related to mood? Typically, we think, "I feel some emotion and my body language reflects that emotion." But the inverse is also true. You can change your body language/posture and change how you feel. 

3. What can good posture do for your mood?

Keep your body language/ posture "Up." Up energetic body language is beautifully symbolic–you go up when you're feeling up. In addition, body language brings your posture up to allow more deep full lung capacity breathing, with gives you more oxygenated blood, thus, more energy. Though the steps may seem wacky, if you feel sluggish and just want to lay down and take a nap, these methods can charge you up very quickly.

4. What does bad posture (describe bad posture) do for your mood? Bad downward posture brings your energy down. Bending over your electronic device, bring your head, neck and shoulder downward. Bringing down your energy. Even with the cocaine-like hit from social media, new information charges, and social likes, you stress your body when you are bent over. In fact, the charges we get from staying connected to social media and the downward positioning of the body focused on the device create an odd mismatch in the brain. (I can explain that further if you are interested.)


5. What's the relationship between the way you carry yourself and
mood?
Youthful, energetic, self-confident posture is UP. So, the body is held up--the head, the shoulders, and the chest are all up


6. What are tips for improving this connection? Try any of these postures and movements anytime to recharge your batteries and feel UP with energy. Your gestures move up, your head comes up, your chest goes up and out, your shoulders come back and up, and your step upwards. Think and act "UP". Your body moves upward when you are happy, joyful, and excited. Think of how children skip and move up when they are happy and bring your head your, gesture your upper chest, and walk upward to convey energy and happiness when you enter a room. Notice how you greet or begin every interaction and how you end or say goodbye

 

 

 

I am a researcher and writer on nonverbal communication and hold a degree with an emphasis in nonverbal communication. I coined the term "UP" body language, which is now used in scientific references about this kind of body language.

 

 

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

How to Write a Condolence Message, Letter or Card. How to Offer Your Condolence. By Human Behavior Expert Patti Wood

 I am a body language and human behavior expert. I speak on body language and dealing with grief loss and trauma. My primary audience for those programs is social workers, counselors, therapists, law enforcement, and groups and camps that deal with grieving children. I have had Parkland students in my audience and parents who have lost their children in a school shooting. My work on this started when I lost my father during my last week of college. Few knew what to say or do, so they did nothing. It seems even more remarkable that my professors in the College of Communication did nothing. My college student friends in the weeks after my father died not only didn't send a card, they avoided me, even walking on the other side of the street when they saw me on campus. I understood. They were young like me and didn't know how to deal with my grief. They knew how to give a great speech, but no one had taught them how to deal with grief and loss and write to me. 

When sending condolence messages, what should people keep in mind?

Your task is to comfort the grieving. People who are grieving can feel alone and isolated and communicating with them can help them feel heard, seen, and supported.  Don't let the fear of saying the wrong thing keep you from communicating. Send a message as soon as you can, but if time has passed don't be afraid of sending a message later. If there is a service, you can even bring the card with you. Don't discount the loss, by saying it was better they went quickly, and don't say it will get easier, or say it was for the best. All those comments are dismissive and can be hurtful. When someone is laid bare in grief, they look for and value sincere messages rather than platitudes. 

1. Acknowledge the loss.

     Say the name of the deceased. That can be comforting. 

2.  Express sympathy, 

     You can say, "I am sorry."  "I am sorry for your loss" "I'm sorry it's a terrible loss." "I am so sorry for the loss of your dear Marion." "I know losing Frank is a terrible loss, and I am so sorry."

     3. Personalize your message.  

          Share a memory of the lost loved one.

"I remember how you and Roy loved to sing in the car together when we went on trips, and I will miss hearing his voice joining with yours." 

"I remember Tom teaching me to sauté spinach with garlic at the stove in your kitchen." "He loved being in the kitchen with family and friends, and I will miss him."

If you have never met the person they lost, you can share a story that they may have shared about them.

"Though I didn't get to meet your sister, I remember the many stories you shared about your trips together to the beach and her love of seashells."

"You shared with me the wonderful times you had with Steve while building your house and how he always had the right tool and good plan."

"I remember you showed me a photo of your daughter and her big smile as she leaned in close to you." 

  4.    Remind the bereaved of their strengths and caring.

         "You took such good care of Lyn through his long illness, with all those

        Nights in the ER." "You have shown such strength and courage." "I know

       This loss is huge, and I know you are a strong person."

 

 5. Offer help, but make it specific and concrete.

      Rather than say, "Call me anytime if you want to talk," say I would love to talk

      to you when you are ready." "I will text you this week and see if it's a good

      time to talk." Or "I will call later this week; you don't have to pick up the phone

      if you don't want to."

      You can share three things you want to do for them and ask them which of  

      those three would be the most beneficial now. For example, "I can call

      you every day this week at 4:00 to check in, or I can stop by Thursday for a

      short 10-minute visit." Or "I can drop off dinner one night next week for you."

      "Which of those would be the best for you?" "You can ask them if they have a

      Caring Bridge set up or a dinner delivery plan set up so you can join it.

      If you are close, open, and willing to be with them and listen to them, and if they can share their truth, you can say, "You can share your deep pain with me. It's safe to tell me how you are feeling."

     You can say, "I want to spend time with you, to sit with you, to be with you, to talk on the phone with you. So let's find a time that's good for you."

6. End with something hopeful and or personal.

   "I am thinking of you in this time of loss." "You are in my thoughts as you go through this loss." "I am here whenever you need me." "I will continue to pray for you and your family."

 Does the medium matter? Is it okay to send a text message to a friend rather than A card in the mail? When in doubt, use all mediums. This morning I sent a text to a friend who lost her sister two days ago. Yesterday I messaged her on Facebook since that is how she shared the loss, and we set up a call via text to talk next week on the phone. Choose the medium through which THEY like to communicate.

Continue to connect.

If you don't have a close relationship, it's okay to send a card and let that be it. If it's a close friend, don't write a condolence card and say to yourself, "Well, I've taken care of that." If you can and are able, check in a week later and say you are thinking about them. Check-in on the anniversary of the loss in a year. Don't be afraid to bring up the lost one's name or trigger the bereaved person's grief. If the person had a healthy relationship with the person they lost, they love hearing the lost one's name, sharing memories, or knowing you still think of their grief and continue to think of the lost loved one.

Sending a message also helps when someone you know is dealing with a loved one with a long-term debilitating illness. When I was in graduate school, my boyfriend at the time was shot in a hunting accident. He survived, but it was touch and go and a long recovery, including painfully learning to walk again. No one wrote to me. My friends and colleagues didn't talk to me about him at all. I know now that they didn't know what to do, so they did nothing.

• If you are unsure of the RIGHT thing to do, you can even say, "I don't know the best thing to say or do, but I care, and I am here for you; please forgive me if I say or do something wrong." Again, your caring makes a difference.

Again a reminder to keep reaching out

Grief can continue for months or even years. So check in as time passes.

 

 

 

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

What is the Number ONE Thing To Do As a Speaker? What is the Most Important Thing to Do When Speaking to an Audience. Professional Speaker Patti Wood

Connect With the Audience

 

Your job is to connect with the audience so they will listen, remember and do something positive with the information you give them. You have to deliver your presentation in a way that will captivate your audience. You're not doing your job if you don't have a connection and merely stand or sit in front of your audience, reading your slides or notes. Your ultimate mission, if you accept it, is to connect with your audience. That means you must stay focused on the audience, be aware of their body language, adapt to their needs, and keep them with you.

This is the single most important thing to remember as a speaker. Sometimes you get so caught up in the momentum of the presentation you forget it, but if you're pouring information on the audience and they have their umbrellas up, it does not matter how much your pour or even how great the data is. They won't get it. You may think they are like this with everybody, or only a few people are bored. Each presenter sets the standard and the behavior of their audience. You are responsible for getting your audience to pay attention. So do it. Be radical if you have to. Run around the room, move your arms and hands, change your voice, sit down on a high stool, wave a white flag of surrender, and ask your audience what you can do to help them get this information. Don't attack them. Take responsibility. It's your speech. Get 'em Tiger!

One of the ways I connect with my audience is to be waiting by the door of the speaking room and greet and shake hands with each of them as they enter to the room. In this way, I have a rapport with them. Since I am an expert in nonverbal communication, I also am able to read their body language and see if they are having a bad day or seem uninterested in being there. I can try to shift them to a more accepting and open energy.

  It's About Them

But you say. I am the one that did all the work. I am the one that that stayed up late and spent hours putting together all the numbers. Why shouldn't I think it's about me? Because it's really about them. From the first moment you put pen to paper or fingers to keys, your whole focus is to create and deliver a speech for your audience. Connected to their needs, their interests are delivered with a style and energy to suit and captivate them. We sometimes give our speeches as if our audience was our first date with someone. We worry about how we will look, agonizing over clothing decisions and getting our hair just right. We worry about what we will say, create the perfect setting, and try to sound really smart. But we forget we are doing this all to make a connection with our date. The focus should be on that. So find out about your audience and what they like. Have a 'Conversation" with them that flows back and forth. Make significant eye- contact, and they may want to go out with you again.

 

 

 

 

 

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Update of Gabby Petito Case. New Body Language and Behavioral Insights in the Case. By Body Language Expert Patti Wood

Here is the link to The article I contributed to.  in The Sun. 

Here is the footage of the police stop. 

https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/16323894/gabby-petito-police-video-brian-laundrie-shut-up/

Update of Gabby Petito Case. New Body Langauge and Behavioral Insights in the Case. Here is what I see.

Gabby's eyes looked puffy from crying. One Instagram user commented: "Her eyes look puffy here like she was crying the night before."

The first thing that strikes me is that they put her in the back of the police car, where she may have feared that they would take her in, making her less comfortable, less likely to self-disclose and describe the whole situation, and more likely to be defensive.

The next thing I notice is how red and puffy her eyes are. The police didn't see that she had obviously been crying, showing that she may is the more likely the victim rather than the perpetrator.

The next thing I notice is that she is what she says. She is taking responsibility for getting HIM upset. That is a red flag abuse victim script. For example, I was apologizing, but I guess I said it in a mean tone," she said as she was crying and brushing her hands down on her legs in what is called "Stress Clearing." She is the one that

I said before for another article on THESUN that she rubs her neck, which is a comfort cue, but I think it's a mimicking action of where she felt vulnerable on her neck. If people touch around the carotid artery -- the vulnerable part of the neck -- that typically indicates a great fear and vulnerability of safety. She's Comfort Cuing on a part of the body that if it was hurt, it might mean death. She says this as she apologizes, in a way that reveals to me that she might've been fearing for her life."

 I also noticed this time that she said with great distress the very specific and concrete things that he did. "grabbed my face," left a "burning" gash on my cheek, and red marks on my arm.

 I see how Laundrie showed evidence of Malignant Narcissist behavior. He was not just calm but smiling, charming, and put on a bit of show for the officers. Clearly, he has charmed a lot of people in his life to get out of things. I've analyzed police interviews and interrogations for over 30 years, and I can share that the charming suspects whose behavior doesn't match the serious circumstances of the crime should not just be red flags but flaming fireworks to officers.

Laundrie told the police that Petito "gets really worked up, and when she does, she swings, and she had her cell phone in her hand. So I was trying to push her away." 

And notice that he blamed her for him having to "Push her away." They should have asked follow-up questions about the Pushing away behavior and had him demonstrate it and her demonstrate it.  

There is such a vast difference in their body language. That mismatch is in itself a red flag

 

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

The Most Serious Crises Facing Businesses in 2023

I am a consultant and professional speaker, and my core audience is business owners and C-suite level executives in million to multibillion-dollar companies. The number one issue has been and still is finding and keeping employees.

So many of my clients and audience members had issues like loyal employees who wanted to stay in their small town or the same city, and so they remained employees, but during covid, they were offered jobs with better pay and benefits where they could stay where they are, and work remotely for a company in another city.  

 I can't tell you how many business owners lament that they thought their employees were happy and "Like Family" but left for more money. They feel betrayed.

It's a combination of the employees having childcare issues,  being unhappy and not sharing it with their companies, being ok, but seeing greener grass offered, or owners and C-suite executives not being aware of just how dissatisfied their employees were. They talk to me about the difficulties, the time, and the money they now have to spend to find replacement employees.

 The other related cause is that their businesses have grown so much during the pandemic that they need to find many more employees.

I recommend

• Getting consistent, timely, and specific feedback from employees on their job satisfaction, and
• Exploring what you can do as a company to help employees with days off,  child care, and elder care issues.
• Make sure your HR component is always actively looking for good employees
• Give bonuses to employees that bring in a great new employee through their network. 

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

The Best Way to Give Feedback to Employees.

Excerpted From my forthcoming Book THE CONFLICT CURE and my workshops on leadership. 

• Give feedback as soon as positive or negative behavior occurs.
• Stick with talking about one behavior rather than a laundry list of pent-up frustrations or irritations.
• If you are giving a piece of criticism, wait till you are alone with the employee to share it rather than speaking in front of others to show your respect for everyone.
• Make sure the criticism matters, saying it will make a difference for your business, and it's not just a personal pet peeve or a put-down. For example, years ago, I had a boss who was rarely in the office, and our clients never came into the office, much less the breakroom. He humiliated a fellow consultant in front of all of us by saying, "I don't like the smell of popcorn. It's unprofessional. What would our clients think? Never make it again." The consultant left the firm and took his high-paying clients with him!
• If you've waited for a pattern of good or bad behavior to occur before you give the feedback, make sure you stick with the one behavior and say when it happens or how many times it happens. Again, avoid sharing a list of bad behaviors.
• Give the praise or criticism using specifics the way a scientist would—for example, you were 20 minutes late five times in the past three weeks. Not, You're always late. And I have noticed that over the past month, you smile and greet customers in a genuinely warm and welcoming manner that makes them feel good coming into our business. Rather than, "You're good at customer service."
• I am an expert in nonverbal communication, so I want to make sure you a cautious with your tone of voice when giving criticism. Be honoring and respectful. Don't speak in anger or frustration.
• If you are giving criticism, make sure you have a conversation about what the positive behavior would look like. For example, you can ask them what they think the replacement behavior should be and discuss any challenges they may have with making the change, and if that doesn't work, offer what you think the ideal behavior would look like. 

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

How Do You Know Someone is Fake Crying, Do Narcissists' Cry?, Why Do Narcissist's Cry? By Bod Language Expert Patti Wood

As a body language expert, I am asked by the media and my clients to analyze politicians, celebrities, and others to see if their tears are real or fake. Unfortunately, time and time again, I find that malignant narcissists fake cry. They cry, but the timing is off. It often comes out of nowhere. It doesn't show authentically at the top and bottom of their face, their breathing is off, and they often look to see if their fake tears are having a persuasive effect on their audience.

Body Language Analysis of Kyle Rittenhouse's Crying. Real Tears or Fake Tears? Kyle Rittenhouse Murder Trial. https://www.blogger.com/blog/post/edit/19741562/5363364492962921396?hl=en) I can't say with certainty that Kyle is a Narcissist but, I can tell if he fake cried during the trial. 

Though anyone can fake cry, Malignant Narcissists are the most likely to do so. They can also cry authentically but mainly use crying to manipulate others.

For example, A malignant narcissist can take their girlfriend to a movie and sob during the sad love story in the film. So they get their girlfriend's full attention away from the movie. Then when their girlfriend asks, "Why are you crying?:" they can reply, "Oh, it reminds me of the loss of my relationship with my true love, the love of my life." So their girlfriend will comfort them, losing her enjoyment of the movie, overriding her importance to him for the lost love, and giving him the attention he craves. He gets a "hit" for gaining her attention over a great movie and the "hit" from making his current girlfriend feel sorry for him for losing someone he describes as his true love, making her less than and not his true love.

The Malignant Narcissists never feel satiated. They never find total peace or contentment. Instead, they are screaming for the cavernous depths of their insides to be filled up. So they seek attention by manipulating others. One method to get a narcissistic supply is to play the Victim and fake tears to get attention.

Like a child who fakes crying to get attention, they will pretend to be helpless, in pain, and act persecuted to manipulate others into feeling sorry for them. Any empathetic person wants to aid someone who is crying. Fake crying can help them gain alliance, turn their audience against someone they want to punish, and isolate and receive aid. So for example, media personality Alex Jones used his show to falsely accuse Sandy hook victims and their surviving family members of being crisis actors. But now that his victims are suing him for the harm, he is crying that HE is the Victim. He cries he is bankrupt though he was recently revealed to be a multimillionaire who is siphoning funds to dummy accounts to hide his wealth from his victims. In fact, he is currently fake, crying to his audience that he needs money to fight what he calls his attackers, who are, in reality, his victims.

And in truth, Malignant Narcissist thinks they are the Victim anytime they don't get what they want. As in, "I am crying, poor me, I am alone, my mean wife left me." Not revealing the wife left because of abuse and infidelity. So the ex becomes the villain the Malignant Narcissists get the sympathy.

And part of their confusing and mindbending behavior means they can exhibit a confusing mixture of superiority and inadequacy, victimhood. They show macho or superwoman confidence, except for circumstances where the appearance of low self-esteem, poor me I am helpless, oh please help me behavior is required.

In a romantic relationship, they will have two or more romantic targets they can play against each other. That way, they can always have at least one to run off to cry that they are the Victim. For example, they can cry in their lover's arms. "My wife does not understand me." "She is so cold." "Hold me because my wife gives me no affection."  And or cry to their wives, "This woman knew I was married to you, but she was relentless and kept sending me racy photos of her and would not stop." "I was a victim of her siren-like pursuit."  Crying can gain their wives' sympathy and forgiveness and turn the wives' anger away from them and to their mistress.

 Body Language Analysis of Kyle Rittenhouse's Crying. Real Tears or Fake Tears? Kyle Rittenhouse Murder Trial. https://www.blogger.com/blog/post/edit/19741562/5363364492962921396?hl=en

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

How To Dress For Zoom Job Interview, How to Look Good on Zoom.

I am a body language expert. I am a speaker and consultant with Fortune 100 companies and the media about nonverbal communication. I have written several books, including "Snap, Making the Most of First Impressions Body Language, and Charisma.

 

 Research shows that perceptions of professional attributes, like competence, composure, and knowledge, "are affected most by dress, with formal dress resulting in the most positive perception." It also affects how you see yourself. Research shows that dressing "properly" has an impact on how you see your own skill set.

 

On Zoom, the top half of your body is the focus. Try all the outfits you are considering, sitting down on a rehearsal zoom call to see how they look. Does everything fit without pulling, gapping, or tugging on the button? Does it look too big or bulky?

The look should be crisp, well-ironed, and ideally, solid colors that "read" stronger, rather than distracting or too personalized (not plaid, polka dotted, flowered, a Hawaiian, or shirts with slogans.)

 

Next, pull down your jacket, shirt, or dress down in the back. I can't tell you how many people I coach forget that step. They check their outfit standing in front of a mirror and forget they need to look good in it while sitting down. Make sure if you're a woman that camera doesn't let the viewer see down the top of your dress or shirt to your bra.

 

Look at significant newscasters on TV to find the model of someone you think looks good on camera from the waist up.

Make sure that the shoulders of your jacket, shirt, blouse, or dress fit. The seam for the sleeves should be right at the end of your shoulders. There are women's clothes that are currently popular with dropped sleeves or no sleeve seam that are cute but look overwhelming and messy on camera. For women, a sleeveless or short sleeve solid color dressed in jewel tone looks the best. Note how female newscasters seldom wear look sleeves or brown, beige, black, and pastels.

 

If you are interviewing for job wear, you will dress casually and go at least one level up from the casual you would see in that business. In an interview, you show respect for the person interviewing you, the job, and the company.

 

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Why is There and Increase in Bad Behavior During Covid? By Stander Intervention. Being a Good Samaritan in the Age of Covid.

Bystander intervention and "good samaritan" behaviors in the era
of covid. Are we becoming more or less caring? What would you do
- and what should you do - when you see a stranger in distress?

I have noticed and discussed a behavior change with my clients, audiences, and media. I really liked the options that AOC had on her Twitter feed after the Comic Sexually harassed her on the steps last week, and I have been thinking about this from a nonverbal perspective as well as an expert in DISC personality assessment

 

We see more risk-taking, rule-breaking behavior that started during lockdown when a larger percentage of high-risk takers, the “Drivers” and “Influencers” on the DISC personality inventory, were out without the usual “Correctors” and “Supporters.” That would typically model good rule-following behavior to prevent and stop it. Instead, for two years, the rule breakers have experienced an unprecedently freedom to do whatever they want. They have even increased their bad behavior to get to an increased “Rush” from the rule-breaking behavior, similar to a drug addict increasing their drugs or upping to a more dangerous drug.

 

So now that the rule followers are out and about, they are dealing with rule breakers that are more likely to feel all-powerful, that space and resources are theirs and can not be stopped. That’s a much more dangerous kind of person to deal with if you are trying to help someone being harmed or harmed by them. Our limbic brains respond to danger with one or more stress responses FREEZE Flight Fall, Faint, or Friend.

 

The Danger of being a “Good Samaritan” has increased because of the fear of catching Covid in regular face-to-face interpersonal interactions closer than six feet.

 

So I recommend that people assess the Danger of interacting before interacting. If you are freezing in place, for example, ask yourself if you are genuinely in Danger before acting. If your feet spread and your hands go into fists, should you jump in and fight or not?

There are simple things a good Samaritan can do, such as pull over in their car and get far behind someone of color who has been pulled over by the police, staying far enough away not to be in Danger but to act as an observer.

If someone is being actively harassed and you don’t feel safe actively intervening, you can also stay six feet away and give a critical look and act as an “I am watching you, so you better stop” Samaritan.

You and ask, “Do you want help now?” “I am here. Do you want me to call for help?”

 

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Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.