Patti Wood Body Language Expert Blog

The Origin of the Hug, by Body Language Expert Patti Wood

The origin of the hug.

You may think of the hug as only a touchy-feely greeting. It may surprise you to learn that the hug actually originated in Egypt as a way for men meeting strangers to check for swords hidden under their long robes. It continues in modern day as a “Let me pat you down” weapons check in many Arab greetings.

It is only in the last century that the full frontal hug has morphed into the embrace showing warmth and affection. This full face-to-face hug shows others that we trust them and are willing to give them ready and full access to our vulnerable heart.

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.

Donald Trump’s Courtroom Body Language and Post Courtroom Mar-a-Lago Speech Body Language. By Patti Wood

 I have analyzed over 20 photos of trumps body language going in the courtroom, 
in the courtroom, and leaving and during his later speech at Mar-a-logo. The link article I did for The Sun is below my notes here about his anger and sadness. 
The predominant emotion he is showing his anger. It's not surprising as anger is a strong emotion and can make you feel powerful. 

In some people,  anger is always there just below the surface in reserve ready to appear to prevent any sense of agony and powerlessness, in what is called, a "cover emotion.” 

When you imagine Trump, and you have a picture of him in your brain or maybe a movie of him in your brain what is the strongest emotion he shows? 

In some of the photos trumps anger covers sadness. If someone is experiencing and showing full sadness the upper eyelids droop the inner corners of the eyebrow are raised and the Outer corners of the mouth pull down slightly. And sometimes the cheeks raise and create a furrow pushing up the skin below the eyes and narrowing the eyes, creating a "nasolabial fold." (that's wrinkles running down from the nostril at word be on the corners of the lips.)

Here is the entire article

https://www.the-sun.com/news/7799476/donald-trump-speech-mar-a-lago-body-language/

Donald Trump’s Mar-a-Lago speech ‘lacked energy’ for key reason after ‘anger and unusual behavior’ in court, expert says

he found that Trump displayed patterns that indicated sadness and anger at the hearing, the latter being exceptionally rare for defendants.

"I've been covering trials as a body language expert for well over 20 years," Wood said.

"So when a defendant shows anger, going in and out of the courtroom and in the courtroom, that's interesting to me because it's not standard.

"I see it when they need to win somehow and feel powerful, but it's not typical in an everyday defendant."

Instead, Wood told The U.S. Sun that those accused of crimes oftentimes are "hunched over" and can look defeated before a judge.

One photo of Trump appeared to show him shutting his eyes, which could indicate that he was "blocking what's happening from the brain," Wood analyzed.

"The eyes actually close because what the person is experiencing is too much, too overwhelming," she said after prefacing that he could have just been photographed mid-blink.

Leaving the courtroom, Trump appeared to try and cater to his audience and gesture a closed fist with a wave, which is typical of him.

However, he really lacked animation, according to Wood, who theorized that it could be due to an absence of control.

"It's modified from his normal fist," she said of his gesture to the audience.

Instead of pointing the "fierce" knuckle as a show of strength, he instead appeared to be "gripping on trying to hold it together," Wood said.

"What he's really feeling is, 'I need to hold on,'" Wood theorized.

"That's something you're more likely to see in children."

'HUSH MONEY' PAYMENTS

The charges against Trump stem from a $130,000 hush-money payment that his former fixer, Michael D. Cohen, made to porn star Stormy Daniels in the final days of the 2016 campaign to silence claims of an affair.

Cohen confessed to the payment and was sentenced to three years in prison.

The case also includes claims of separate payments to a second woman, former Playboy model Karen McDougal.

Trump allegedly played a role in paying $150,000 to McDougal, who claims that she began a 10-month relationship with the former president in 2006, according to the Wall Street Journal.

What to Do When Someone Ghosts You On TINDER or other Dating Apps.

You are going back and forth with someone on Tinder then suddenly there are no messages. You have now been sucked into the black hole. You're staring at the screen guessing at the reasons for the change; you reread the last few messages searching for clues, like Benoit Blanc in Knives Out or Sherlock Homes but without the hat, a pipe, and your trusted sidekick Watson. Does silence mean anger, indifference, stubborn withdrawal, or passive-aggressive punishment? Inside the agony of this ambiguity, the black hole, we project our own expectations, emotions, and anxieties. How do you unravel the mystery?

Ghosting is a nonverbal communication.

In analyzing a ghosting episode its important to know that the motivation for their ghosting goes in this order

Something that is going on with them.

Something that is going on with the situation
Something motivated by their feelings for you.

Here is the biggest secret revealed that will be helpful for the rest of your life. It's usually about them. The research supports the fact that most nonverbal communication reflects what is going on with the sender! So always ALWAYSs go there first in you trying to figure out what the heck is going on mind pondering. If there is an absence of communication your first thought should be, “I wondering what going on with them?” They may be going through something in their lives, they may have suddenly gotten nervous or tense, or they may have found someone else to Tinder/date. It’s Not About YOU.

Ghosting has become the norm, albeit a rather immature behavioral norm to avoid having brief open honest communication. If you chose to reach out into the abyss give it one open honest communication attempt.

First notch up your request assuming that it has nothing to do with you/ Assume it's them and something is wrong in their life or circumstances and workload. Try recognizing that they may be dealing with something and can’t or don’t want to share.

Alan,

I haven’t heard back, I am concerned about you, please let me know if you are ok. If you no longer wish to interact that is fine. Just send a short. Sorry I am no longer interested. If something is up and you may reach out later just say, “Something’s up, please give me some time and don’t reach out again and I will communicate with you when I am able.

How quickly are first impressions made and how difficult is it to change that impression? And What Can You Do To Change a Bad First Impression in Your Job Interview?

According to research that has been replicated over and over again, most hiring decisions are made within the first 10 seconds of the interviews, then the interview tends to gather evidence that they were right in their first assessment.

It is difficult to change a first impression but, here are a few things you can do.

Interact in a different place. The research on first impressions says they are more likely to change if the person sees you in a different environment. So if you have made a bad first impression with someone try to see them in a different place or space. If you interviewed in a meeting room, make sure you chat in the hall or break room. If you interviewed on the phone, ask for Zoom or in person.

Check-In at the start and end of interactions. Check in on what you are doing at the beginning and end of every interaction. Since the first thing and last thing you do in an interaction has the greatest impact on your impression noticing what you’re doing and making adjustments in your behavior at those times will give you the most “bang for your buck.” These are also the times people are most likely to have heightened attention on you.

Practice a good handshake.

Research on handshakes and their importance. In research showing Using a 15-second piece of video showing the candidate knocking on the door, shaking hands, and being greeted by the interviewer, the researcher asked a group of participants to rate these applicants on the criteria that the two trained interviewers had been using to assess the full interview. On nine out of the 11 traits that the applicants were being judged on, the observers significantly predicted the outcome of the interview.

What makes a good handshake? Not a bonecrusher, but instead hand web to hand-web and palm-to-palm contact. To get a good grip and make sure you don’t get or give a weak wimpy partial handshake. Make sure your thumb is out and the rest of your fingers are fully flat and rest together. Then here is a trick. Scoop in. Tilt your fingers down and scoop up into the other person's hand so your first point of contact is the web where your thumb meets your forefinger. Then make sure your palm makes full contact with theirs. The scoop insures you a full confident handshake every time. The handshake is in your control.

Make sure you make palm-to-palm contact. Open palms symbolically show a desire to be open and honest in your interactions; not giving a person contact with your palm in a handshake is read subliminally as a lack of openness and honesty. It’s why we hate a wimpy

Do Stereotypes Affect Your Job Interview? How Your Voice Can Impact The Success of Your Job Interview By Author and Body Language Expert Patti Wood

After I received my undergrad degree in Interpersonal Communication with an Emphasis in Body Language and Nonverbal Communication from Florida State University I moved to Auburn Alabama to work on my Master's degree and Study with one of the leaders in the Field. On my first day of teaching, I was gobsmacked by my student's introductory speeches.

Most of my students graduated in the top ten of their high school and had many impressive accomplishments, but their speeches sounded to me like they were uneducated. In part because of their heavy hard-to-understand southern accents and how they dropped their ING's to say things like, "I went huntin'?" "I was fixin' to go to Florida for school but I got/in to Auburn." My students were smart and educated, and I quickly grew to love and respect them but my prejudice affected my first impression. I was studying body language and yet my stereotype of Southern speech still impacted my impression.

Here is just one of the many research studies that show stereotypes affect job interview first impressions negatively.

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2019/10/191021151540.htm

Michael W. Kraus et al. Evidence for the reproduction of social class in a brief speech. PNAS, 2019 DOI: 10.1073/pnas.1900500116

FYI I also quickly began matching and mirroring their speech and when I visited friends in Atlanta halfway into my first semester at Auburn my friends immediately started teasing me about losing my INGs

I also found out most of my students graduated in the top ten in their high schools in Alabama because most of them came from small towns where there might only be ten students in the graduating class.

How Does A First Impression Effect A Teacher or Public Speaker? By Author, Speaker and Body Language Expert Patti Wood

My best friend is a college English professor. She edited my book Snap, Making the Most of First Impressions Body Language and Charisma several years ago and was struck by my information on the importance of first impressions and handshakes in the assessment of a speaker. I shared that I took the importance of handshakes and first impressions to heart and always shake hands with my audience members before my speeches around the country, even if I have 500 audience members I stand at the door and greet them with a handshake.

She had been teaching for over a decade and because of this information, she began changing her body language in each semester's first class. She stood at the door and greeted each student. She was stunned to discover that creating rapport with her students improved. Telling me that the connection and back-and-forth conversations with her students use to take several classes and now she felt their comfort and connection immediately and started having amazing discussions in the very first class of the semester.

It's not surprising. A Harvard University study analyzed the nonverbal aspects of good teaching. Harvard teaching fellows were videotaped, and a 10-second silent piece of that video was shown to outside observers, who were asked to rate the teachers on a 15-item checklist of personality traits. Even when Ambady cut the video back to 5 seconds--even to 2 seconds--the ratings remained the same. All the important stuff happened, apparently, in the first 2 seconds. The researchers Ambady and Rosenthal discovered that a person's conclusions after watching that 2-second video clip of a teacher he has never met are very similar to the conclusions reached by classroom participants after an entire semester's exposure.

Are First Impressions Important in Job Interviews and How Quickly are They Formed? By Author and Body Language Expert Patti Wood, Job Interview Body Language

In a study conducted by Prof Tricia Prickett and colleagues at the University of Toledo, Ohio, the decision that trained interviewers made in a 20-minute interview looking at job experience and skills was predicted by random observers looking only at the first 20 seconds of the interview.

A study on first impressions in interviews by Bryan Swider and colleagues at Scheller College of Business, Georgia Institute of Technology, found that interviewees who made a good initial impression on the interviewer(s) received better scores for the questions they answered in the interview than those who made a poor first impression. Research indicates that the first 20 seconds – the initial greeting when you enter the room and walk across to your chair – in an interview could be key in determining the outcome of the entire interview.

Qualifications for the job, how you answer questions etc. are assessed after the first impression in a live interview. The most qualified candidate who makes the right first impression gets the offer.

Patti Wood, MA - Author and The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.

What's The Difference Between A First Impression and a Stereotype? By Body Language Expert Patti Wood

First let’s define the difference between a first impression, which is based on potentially up to 10,000 cues in less than a minute of interaction with another person, and formed in the limbic system and therefore has a high degree of accuracy, ( 70 percent or higher ) and a stereotype which is based on past experiences, radical, ethnic, socioeconomic and other learned prejudicial information and formed in the neocortex and has a low degree of accuracy less than 30 percent.

A first impression is typically accessing credibility, likeability, attractiveness, and power. First impressions help us asses if someone is safe to approach. So, for example, Attractiveness may seem a stereotypical assessment, however facial and body symmetry and other cues such as shiny hair and clear skin can also indicate overall health so someone is safer to approach and genetically healthy, (approach because they would make healthy babies.)

First impressions happen very quickly. Harvard teaching fellows were videotaped and a 10-second silent piece of that video was shown to outside observers, who were asked to rate the teachers on a 15-item checklist of personality traits. Even when Ambady cut the video back to 5 seconds--even to 2 seconds--the ratings remained the same. All the important stuff happened, apparently, in the first 2 seconds.

Here's the scariest part: Ambady and Rosenthal discovered that a person's conclusions after watching that 2-second video clip of a teacher he has never met are very similar to the conclusions reached by classroom participants after an entire semester's exposure.

Trump's Body Language Going to His Indictment Hearing by Body Language Expert Patti Wood. Trump's Perp Walk Body Language

Here is the full article with my analysis of Trump's body language for The Sun followed by a few highlights https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/21932203/donald-trump-body-language-nyc-indictment-arrest/

FORMER President Donald Trump looked like "a scared child reaching for help" ahead of an arraignment on Tuesday following his historic indictment, a body language expert has said.

The ex-president, 76, was seen boarding his jet to New York City this afternoon after he was indicted over an alleged hush money payment to adult film star Stormy Daniels, 44, last week.

In one photo where Trump appears to be waving from his car, Wood noticed that he was hunched over.

“That is a protective stance," she said.

"You hunch over to protect yourself from a hit.”

Wood referenced the fight or flight response, which can sometimes entail making yourself smaller or tightened as Trump appears to have done, according to Wood.

“The expression on his face … there’s not a smile. There’s not a playfulness," the body language pro said.

"The musculature is downward … around his eyes, it’s a mixture … it’s both fear and a little bit of anger. They’re combined together.

"Then, the hand is not his typical wave, not his typical thumbs up. It looks more like a child … to me that hand is reaching [for] help.”

This couple at the Country Music Awards.

https://www.tiktok.com/@mtv/video/7217588777227963694?_r=1&_t=8bBdYiQug4k

Kissing Rituals in Different Countries

While handshakes, hugs, bows, and nods, are all acceptable greetings, the most common greeting is a kiss, or kisses, on the cheek. Cheek is most common in Europe and Latin America and has become a standard greeting in Southern Europe.^[2]

While cheek kissing is a common greeting in many cultures, each country has a unique way of kissing. In Russia, Slovenia, Serbia, Bosnia & Herzegovina, Macedonia, Montenegro, the Netherlands, and Egypt it is customary to “kiss three times, on alternate cheeks.” Italians, Hungarians, and Romanians usually kiss twice in a greeting and in Mexico and Belgium only one kiss is necessary. French culture accepts several ways to greet depending on the region. Two kisses are most common throughout all of France, but in Paris and Provence, you kiss the left cheek, right cheek, and back for one more kiss on the left for friends and family.

How Should Your Greet Your Crush?

I am a body language expert and I have done three years of research on greeting behavior. I am the Author of a book on First Impressions called, “Snap Making the Most of First Impressions Body Language and Charisma.”

No matter where you see them drop whatever you’re doing, and make eye contact, ideally with an eyebrow flash, (an eyebrow flash is raising up your eyebrows so that your eye open widely and signaling, “I like what I see and I want more of it!) and greet your crush immediately, wither it be with a hello, hug, or kiss. Each time you greet with your time, your speed of reaction, your eye contact, your presence your touch. You are saying nonverbally, ‘You come first,’” If you are keeping your interest in your crush a secret I would still recommend you make eye contact immediately, as they will feel seen and recognized and be more likely to like you back!

How To Be a Health Advocate When A Loved One is Having a Medical Emergency Such as a Stroke. Things to Know When A Loved One Is Having a Stroke.

How To Be a Health Advocate When A Loved One is Having a Medical Emergency

Many years ago, I had a boyfriend who was a pilot who had a stroke at my house. He, his family, and his healthcare providers said I saved his life. That seems so weird to say. I feel uncomfortable using those words. Because I just communicated effectively and anyone can do that. But I realized that not everyone knows how to communicate and be an advocate for a loved one in crisis so I want to share simple things I did that you can do if you are ever in that horrible situation.

1. I had a boyfriend who was a pilot. After we had been together a year, he took a job as a private pilot in another state without discussing it with me. I was blindsided. He said it was no big deal as he would still have a house here. He said he would just live most of the time in another state. We already had a lot of issues and the fact that he couldn’t understand that making this life-changing decision without talking to me was a problem. It was a last straw issue. I broke up with him.

The next day he appeared on my doorstep in his pilot's uniform to try to get back together. He was going to fly that day on a commercial airline to pick up the private plane and then fly it all by himself back to Atlanta. He wanted me to go out to breakfast and talk. I said I wasn’t going to change my mind, but breakfast was ok. We came back to the house. He wasn’t overly upset and we talked about his trip that day. He started to look awful, and he said he had a horrible headache and had trouble talking. I am an expert in body language, I didn’t know every sign of a stroke, but I knew some of them, and I knew him, and I knew he was having a stroke. I put my hands on his shoulders and looked him in the eye. and said, I think you are having a stroke do you want me to call 911 or drive you to the hospital?

He couldn’t decide and he was in pain and went to the floor. I couldn’t lift him to get him to the car, so I dialed 911. By the time the ENTs came, he was in agony holding his head writhing on the floor saying over and over again, “My head.” “My head,” I told the three EMTs he was having a stroke and to take him to the hospital immediately. They didn’t believe me. They showed no urgency. My ex couldn’t communicate clearly, and I was his only advocate. I said, "Look at him." he is writhing in pain." I told them I know him. I know his normal behavior, his baseline behavior. I know how he is when he has horrible back pain. I said he does not take pain meds, bravely handles his pain, and keeps working. I said he has never had a migraine. I told them through specific changes in behavior that indicated this was a stroke. They didn’t believe me. They kept saying it was a migraine. Sometimes we go with the professional opinion. Three guys in uniforms were certain they were right, I had to go against that authority to advocate for my ex.

I pointed out and repeated the behaviors that indicated it was a stroke, his severe headache, loss of balance, confusion, dizziness weakness, difficulty speaking, trouble seeing, lack of understanding, and altered mental state. (Other clues you can check for if you suspect a stroke; are weakness, facial paralysis, loss of sensation, and lack of reflexes.)

They also had me call his pharmacy to prove he wasn’t on medication to cause his behavior or pain meds that might show he was acting rather than in crisis in a bid to get pain meds. I convinced the pharmacy to talk to us and share his medical history with the EMTs. I was really upset. I know drug addicts do crazy things to get drugs, but it was so clear he was in pain and needed to go to the hospital immediately and they were delaying transporting him. I couldn't lift him to the car myself so I persisted.

I am only 5.1 and at that time I weighed less than a hundred pounds, but I knew how to be a strong advocate, See my history of that below this story. I firmly repeated yet again to them you need to put him in the ambulance right now and get him to the emergency room. It took several repetitions, but they finally put him in the ambulance. They said they didn't think it was a stroke and they couldn’t give him the stroke medication I knew you need to take that ideally in the first hour. They took him to his normal hospital, which was over a half hour away even though I told them there are two hospitals less than four miles from my house. But finally, they drove him to the hospital. They helped save his life.

I got to the emergency room a good 15 minutes before the ambulance. I had a lot of work to do to get a neurosurgeon down to the emergency ready to see him when he came in. I had requested the EMTs ask for that on their way, but they didn’t.

I had to sign off on a ton of paperwork allowing them to do testing and saying I would be responsible for his health care decisions. I spent the next half hour with my ex-boyfriend as he writhed in pain on the exam table trying to convince him that he was having a stroke so they would give him a brain scan and give him the meds he needed. Absurdly, they didn't know if his writhing agony and slurred speech were normal. I had gotten the Neurosurgeon there but he kept asking me if my ex’s behavior was normal, and if had he acted l like this before. I told him over and over NO. He kept asking. I told him what his normal behavior was in detail and what where the changes were today in detail. Thank god I know how to communicate what baseline normal behaviors are and how to track specific behavioral changes in the order of appearance. It shouldn’t be that hard to advocate for a loved one. They finally believed me.

Once they scanned his they told us he had intense bleeding in the brain and the pressure was causing damage he would be paralyzed, brain damaged, and or die. In fact, the neurosurgeon told us several times he was probably going to die or be paralyzed. It was just horrific. I asked what could save him and was told he needed a shunt (a hollow tube) to be put in his brain to drain the blood to decrease the pressure on his brain. He, neurosurgeon) wouldn’t do it. I kept saying please do it. It was so odd to be in this room with him in pain and the doctor and everyone clearly thinking and acting like he was going to die. That it was inevitable. I have wondered many times if because they saw how bad the bleeding in his brain was that they felt that his death was a better alternative.

I was on the phone trying to get a family member to fight with the surgeon to get him to do it. I could only reach his brother-in-law, and he refused to get involved or be held responsible telling me my ex was known for suing anyone who irritated him. That was news to me. But I knew he could recover from this if he got the best care, so I kept on advocating.

I had unfortunately been in this kind of situation before. I knew I needed to marshal my resources. So I was also on the phone trying to find help. I got on the phone with my good friend who is an occupational therapist for brain trauma patients for her advice. I asked her, “What can I do to save his life?” She shared that if/when he was stabilized, there are two brain trauma units in Atlanta, and he needed to get to one ASAP. I started to call them to get him transferred there. She helped save his life and I am so grateful for her. All the while I was calmly and firmly telling the Neurosurgeon to put in the shunt.

I knew my ex-boyfriend. I knew he was strong bodies and strong-willed, that he worked out every single day, and that he dealt with back pain. I knew he was a fighter and could recover so I told the Neurosurgeon, all of these truths about him several times. They didn't know the brave man he was. I had to convince them to fight for him as it was clear they didn’t think he would make it. Let me repeat that, it was clear to me that everyone in that room standing over him didn't think he would make it.

Finally, the Neurosurgeon had me sign another document and he put the shunt in. I realized that the doctor was taking a big risk to do this in an emergency room, rather than a surgical room, and increased the risk of doing it before my ex was transferred as the shunt could come out easily in the transfer. My ex showed immediate improvement. I am so grateful the doctor took that risk. He helped save his life. I breathed a sigh of relief as my ex was talking again and I knew he had a chance of a full recovery.

I can’t begin to describe the conversation I had with the brain trauma units trying to convince them that he was savable and fighting for one of the very few beds. I believe there were only 12 beds. I used every calm level headed technique I could to convince them. He got a bed.

I kept calling his family, but they didn’t reply. I was still on my own. The EMTS came back and transferred him across town to the hospital with the brain trauma unit. I followed the ambulance. The EMTs complimented me and said, it was clear I loved him and that I had just saved his life. At the brain trauma center, they were very kind, but I discovered immediately that he was the only patient in the unit who was conscious and that they were acting like he was there to die. I finally got the on-call neurosurgeon in the room and convinced him that my ex was a fighter and again signed a ton of paperwork. At this point it is important to share that I was very lucky they were letting me, not his wife or family member sign off on the paperwork. They took a big risk and so did I. They took exceptional care of him and helped save his life.

To be clear, I did not go back with him. He did fully recover and a year later we were having coffee in a coffee shop, and I saw his main neurosurgeon from the brain trauma unit come in and see me sitting with my ex. The look of shock on his face was stunning. The doctor pointed at the back of my ex’s head and gestured a question mouthing if he is ok. And I smiled and nodded yes. Again, he looked gob-smacked and came over and talked to us, sharing how stunned and happy he was to see such a miraculous recovery. I was told by the staff at the brain trauma unit that his recovery was a miracle. I always knew my ex would make it and that’s why I battled to save him. I stepped away from my ex after his full recovery but to this day he sends me cards to thank me for saving his life. He sometimes mentions that that day he was under so much pressure as he was about to fly a plane alone for the first time in years, and he was moving, if he hadn’t come to my house, he could have been on that plane alone, with the increased risk of the air pressure on the plane and had a stroke alone on the plane.

I recognized he was having a stroke. Know the signs of a stroke. Severe headache, loss of balance, confusion, dizziness weakness, difficulty speaking, trouble seeing, lack of understanding, altered mental state, facial paralysis, loss of sensation, and lack of reflexes.

2. I convinced the EMTs that he was having a stroke and not just a headache or a faking his pain for pain meds and insisted they take him to the hospital. Get your loved one cared for. Know their prescriptions.

3. I persuaded/fought with the neurosurgeon that he was having a stroke and was a fighter and to take action to save him, most critically to put in a stunt to drain the blood “on” his brain. Know how to stay calm focused and advocate.

4. I signed off on a ton of paperwork that his family refused to be responsible for that allowed him to immediately get tests, procedures and medication, and other care. Have the legal paperwork to sign off on your loved ones' paperwork.

M My friend help save him by recommending great hospitals. I got the intake person to get him a bed in a top brain trauma unit rather than a regular hospital unit. Know the medical resources in your state and beyond and if you don't ask the staff to tell you and get them in.

6. I persuaded the staff at the brain trauma unit that if they fought for him, he would make a full recovery. Tell the health care providers about your loved one and their personality and even funny stories about them so they see them as a full person. I told the healthy care providers about my ex's great Italian cooking, his love of flying golf, and funny movies. I had experienced how humanizing my loved one helps doctors and nurses and other staff treat them with even more care.

Things to Think About

Prep

Have the signs of a stroke on your phone, written and up on your fridge in your beside the table and medicine chest, and in your glove compartment.

Have a list of all your loved ones' medications and permission from their doctors to talk to you. Have the phone number for THEIR pharmacy and all the doctors and any friends or contacts you know in health care. If your loved one is not your relative, have a list of their relative's names and numbers. My ex had told me the password to get into his phone. If I hadn't known it is would have been very hard to convince the EMT's this was not a drug issue.

Has the legal paperwork been done to be able to sign off on paperwork for them?

When It's Happening

Tell your loved one what you think is happening and that you are summoning help. They may be confused and tell you nothing is wrong. Get help anyway. Keep talking to them as you summon help.

Tell emergency workers be it EMTS or 911 what you think it is and that you want to get to a hospital immediately state the loved ones' behaviors, why it's different than their normal behaviors, and that it is a crisis, and insist on immediate help. Be clear calm and insistent.

Be clear in communicating. Stay calm, and don't shout or get angry.

Ask questions, and insist on being in the loop.

Advocate for the best care.

My past experiences of being an advocate for someone in a health care crisis.

I had taken care of a boyfriend who was shot in a hunting accident where a bullet went through his kidney and spleen bounced off his spine and logged in his heart and lost 34 pints of blood in 24 hours and I was with him in intensive care, getting off his addiction to the pain meds, and as he was learning how to walk again, I knew how to be firm. That boyfriend and his doctors and his family said I saved his life. But that is another story if you would like to hear it.

After that, I was with my best friend Roy as he died of AIDS and learned how to make sure he got compassionate care. I could tell you a lot of stories about them leaving his food trays in the hall or trying to give him the wrong medication and me knowing every one of his medications and the dosages.

Body Language Expert and Dating Coach Patti Wood

Patti Wood Dating Coach

Patti Wood is called the “Gold Standard” of Body Language by the Washington Post and credited in the New York Times for bringing the science of body language to national attention Patti Wood, is a true expert. She is the author of ten books including, “Success Signals Understanding Body Language and SNAP Making the Most of First Impressions Body Language and Charisma.” She is the body language expert who first analyzed Celebrity couple's body language for the media, having a weekly article in US Weekly, Yes, and Ok magazines for three years. She continues to be the go-to expert on celebrity couple’s body language. Just google her name and a famous couple like the Royals, the Kardashians, or Ben and Jen, as well are her name and the word Dating, Couples, Signs He or She is Into You, Toxic behavior, and more.

She speaks to Fortune 500 clients, and you may have seen her on Good Morning America, The Today show, ABC, NBC, National Geographic, The History Channel, and National News Channels.

She is quoted every week in publications such as Business Week, Psychology Today, The Wall Street Journal, Readers Digest, The Sun, Elite Daily, and Fortune. She coaches business owners and C-Suite level executives on Dating, Yes, that’s a niche because extremely smart successful, and wealthy people can find dating challenging.

Patti doesn’t advertise or market herself as a dating coach instead her clients find her. They may have been in an audience in one of her speeches, read an article where she is quoted as an expert, or may research and google the top body language expert. Often they come to her for executive or public speaking coaching and then hire Patti for dating coaching.

Patt’s Approach.

1. What do you think about dating apps? I work with my clients to find alternatives to dating apps as they often have a recognizable face and or name.

2. What are some tips you would give to someone who has to go on a first date?

First I would help them reframe it not as “.. have to go…’ to a gets to go on an adventure.
We work on their first impression going over the four first impression factors Credibility Likeability Attractiveness and Power to see how they come across to a potential date. We practice, sometimes in front of a mirror and videotape on their phone and review and I give coaching and feedback.

Instead of saying “Do this because I said so.” We have conversations about what they think of dating behaviors such as small talk. For example, I ask my clients what they think about small talk. Many of my clients are Drivers and Correctors and or a combination of the two on the DISC personality inventory. Drivers think small talk is a waste of time and they want to rush through it and get to the good stuff Correctors can perceive small talk as shallow, fake, and insincere. I help them see the value in small talk so they look forward to it rather than approaching it like a bite of bitter broccoli. We go over fun easy and interesting conversation starters, questions to discover more about your date and follow-up questions. I also give LOTS of coaching on how to listen.

3. What do you think of friends-with-benefits relationships? My opinion is not important, helping my client discover if it's right and healthy for them and their benefits partner is critical. We go over what they need to say out loud to make it clear what they want and don’t want and how to ask their benefits partner for their boundaries and expectations. I suggest they do “Updates and Check In’s” to make sure they are both on the same page. I ask my clients a lot of questions to see If they feel honored and respected and watch and observe their nonverbal behavior. If I see signs that they don’t then I suggest they have a conversation, change things or get out!

If they find themselves being unkind or unthoughtful or unhealthy in how they deal with the other person, we talk about how that affects both people and creates a pattern of communication that leads to an unhealthy romantic relationship with a long-term partner. Once you allow yourself to be mistreated or become abusive you begin to set down neural pathways in your brain that you will go down automatically in your dating and romantic relationships.

4. What would you tell a client who needs help getting out of the friend zone with the person they like? I suggest testing the waters. Sometimes it's just a simple change in touch such as putting their hand on the back of a friend to guide them into a restaurant or touching the top of their hand to emphasize a point or as they laugh together at a joke and being observant of their friend's response. We practice having open honest conversations to test the waters. It is funny how simply saying, “ I really like you.” And seeing how your friend responds Can be a relationship changer.

5. In your opinion, what are some personality traits men find irresistible in women?

Warmth, Confidence, Curiosity, Sexiness, Affectionate, and my clients tend to be attracted to what they describe as a very feminine woman. Some of my clients like Women who are shy in public, soft-spoken women and I believe it’s because it’s a contrast to their personality and it makes a good match for them.

6. In your opinion, what are some personality traits women find irresistible in men? Confident, Funny, Warm, Affectionate, Sexy, Easygoing.

7. How can people find you? Patti@PattiWood.net Thebodylanguagelady@blogspot.com

8. Two of Patti’s Books. “Success Signals Understanding Body Language and SNAP Making the Most of First Impressions Body Language and Charisma.”