Interview for Six Ways to Train Your Boyfriend

Body language tips for relationships; Six Ways to Train your Boyfriend. Patti Wood is quoted in the following article. Patti's quote is in bold print.

“You can’t change a man” is one of the oldest cliches in the book. Well, we just discovered some news that challenges that notion, and it comes from an unlikely source: animal trainers.

Keeping your man honest
“Males are card-carrying members of the animal kingdom, and they exhibit a lot of the same behaviors as many other mammals,” says Amy Sutherland, author of “What Shamu Taught Me About Life, Love, and Marriage: Lessons for People from Animals and Their Trainers.” “So they’re likely to respond to some of the same training techniques.”
Sutherland is speaking from experience. After spending a year at an exotic-animal training school, watching students in action, she successfully applied the techniques to her husband. In less than a few months, she was able to curb some of his undesirable traits.

We know you so want in on this. That’s why we uncovered time-tested methods used by the most successful animal trainers on the planet. Then we got top psychologists to show you how to apply those techniques to your guy. Read on and you will soon be able to teach him some new tricks.

#1 BOYFRIEND BUMMER: He’s Allergic to Chores

Earn his banana

Indulge His Playfulness
As Used on Chimpanzees. These primates are big mischief makers, so getting them to calm down can be a real challenge. Luckily, if you indulge their silly side, you have a good shot at getting them to pay attention. “When we need the chimps to perform a task, we get on their level and play with them for 5 or 10 minutes,” says Eugene Cussons, rescue director on Animal Planet’s “Escape to Chimp Eden.” Once they’ve had some fun, they’re more willing to heed commands because they instinctively know it’s their turn to return the favor.
Apply It to Your Guy. No matter how old they are, men never quite lose touch with the playful, naughty boy within. Too bad they often pick the worst times to bring out that brat — like when you’re running late for work or need them to do something around the house. To get what you need done, “indulge him with a few minutes of acting goofy,” says Anthony Riche, PhD, author of “Finally! How to Stop Dating Losers Forever.” Then tell him you’ll finish playing with him later, as long as he takes out the trash or does whatever else you need him to do. Since his mind and body are now surging with feel-good chemicals from your brief, fun exchange, he’s less likely to wrinkle his nose at the request, says Riche. Use this technique consistently and, over time, he’ll be less likely to associate chores with drudgery.

#2 BOYFRIEND BUMMER: He Lacks Social Graces

Reward the Good, Ignore the Bad
As Used on Dogs. Pre-training, a pup will sniff crotches and paw at people’s legs. The instinct is to shoo it away, but that only makes it want to sniff and paw more. “Instead, trainers reward the dog when it behaves and ignore any actions they don’t like,” says Sutherland. Since dogs crave affection, they slowly begin to avoid bad habits and opt for good ones.
Apply It to Your Guy. Perhaps your man could use some finessing when it comes to social situations too — say, to curb his habit of telling off-color jokes. When he engages in unseemly behavior, your immediate reaction might be to tell him to knock it off already. But that tactic invariably falls on deaf ears.
“Men don’t want to be treated like children, and if you correct him, he’ll feel like you’re mothering him,” says Patricia Covalt, PhD, author of “What Smart Couples Know.” Instead, ignore him when he’s being obnoxious, and give him some PDA (think a kiss or a tap on the bottom) when he’s acting sweet. Since guys, like dogs, aim to please, he’ll instinctively begin to avoid the behavior that makes you freeze him out. One caveat: Timing is crucial. Be sure to reward him at the exact moment he engages in a positive behavior; otherwise, he won’t be able to make the appropriate connection.

#3 BOYFRIEND BUMMER: He Bolts When You Argue

Keep a Cool Head
As Used on Horses. Beneath the powerful stallion exterior lies a skittish animal. “That’s why they generally respond well to a calming voice and touch from trainers,” says Patricia Barlow-Irick, PhD, equine-behavior specialist in New Mexico.
Apply It to Your Guy. Like horses, men seem to be hardwired to want to bolt at the first sound of irritation. So even if he’s been working your last nerve, try to approach him in a cool, collected manner (remember, as hard as it sounds, this is all going to benefit you in the end). For instance, if you are mad that he hasn’t been planning enough date nights or can’t stand when he forgets to call while he’s out, your instinct might be to yell or get huffy. Instead, keep your composure by taking a few minutes alone before you approach him, then speak in a quiet, even-toned voice. “Calmly telling him what he did wrong will make it easier for him to tune in to what you’re saying,” says Covalt. Touch also plays a crucial role in this scenario: Place your hand on his as you speak. Not only does this buffer the blow of your words, but it also mimics the comforting way a trainer strokes a horse’s mane to calm the animal down.

#4 BOYFRIEND BUMMER: He Stands His Ground

Use Proper Body Language
As Used on Cougars. When trainers want a cougar to bend to their will, they find a middle ground. “Instead of trying to submit or dominate a cougar, trainers try to form a cooperative relationship,” says Sutherland. They walk tall with squared-off shoulders. This stance ensures that the trainers don’t look like prey but they’re not threatening either.
Apply It to Your Guy. Even the most liberated guy can feel emasculated by a fearless chick. So when you’re having a sticky conversation with him, he might be unconsciously bristling at your body language. “If you’re standing really close to him with your hands on your hips and your feet wide apart, he’ll get defensive and instinctively want to fight back,” says body-language expert Patti Wood, author of “Success Signals.” Similarly, if you stand meekly and tilt your head while talking to him, he might take it as a sign that you’re too submissive. “The best way to stay on equal ground is to stand with good posture, your head up, and an open frame so he sees you as being on the same level as he is. This way, he’ll be more apt to want to talk things through with you,” says Wood.

#5 BOYFRIEND BUMMER: He Won’t Drag Himself Off the Couch

Approach Him at the Right Time
As Used on Lions. Lions are, in a word, lazy. According to trainers, they sleep for up to 20 hours a day and only move when they see it as beneficial to themselves. “Trying to get a lion to do something when it’s in resting mode can be very difficult and even dangerous,” says lion wrangler Dave Salmoni, host of Animal Planet’s “After the Attack.” “That’s why we make use of the animal’s active time instead of trying to force it into doing something it doesn’t want to when it’s chilling.”
Apply It to Your Guy. A man in veg-out mode is unlikely to move no matter how much you try to engage him. “You have to gauge when he’s in a productive mood and then pounce to get him to do what you want,” says Riche. If you notice that he prefers working out in the morning, that’s a good time to ask him to help you clean when he’s finished. If you need something done during his downtime and don’t want to wait, bribe him. “Motivate him by making it worth his while,” says Riche. When you feel like you haven’t been able to have a heart-to-heart but he’s in a coma in front of the TV, try plying him with his favorite snack. If his cravings for the food outweigh his interest in the TV, he’ll eventually cave.

#6 BOYFRIEND BUMMER: He’s Not Romantic

Take Baby Steps
As Used on Elephants. These mammals can learn a variety of tasks but only on an incremental timeline. “A trainer would never expect an animal to learn something without teaching it how to do it,” says Sutherland. For example, if trainers want an elephant to paint as part of a circus act, they’ll first show the animal how to curl its trunk around the brush. Next, they’ll have it dip the brush into the paint. Only then would they show it how to create brushstrokes. Animal trainers call this process of using small steps “successive approximations.”
Apply It to Your Guy. The average guy is plenty romantic, but he’s not hardwired to plan out the little details. So if you can’t remember the last time he put together a romantic night for you both, you’ll have to show him the way. Start by staging your apartment with cues that get you going, like candles and a sultry soundtrack. Have your favorite chilled wine on hand so you can ask him to open it before dinner. This creates a ritual in his mind. Eventually, not only will he get a sense of what your romantic needs are, but he’ll also start making a game plan of his own.

Article available at www.marvinacuellar.com

Oprah Article and Related Blog

http://www.oprah.com/article/relationships/dating/relationships_language

This is another link to a blog that used the previous article's information. Intereseting when my body language insights are quoted by other bloggers.

http://www.menstuff.org/issues/byissue/bodylanguage.html


Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional
The Body Language Expert
Web- http://www.PattiWood.net
I have a new quiz on my YouTubestation. Check it out!
YouTube- YouTube - bodylanguageexpert's Channel

Interviewing and Body Language, Handshakes, Couples Body Language

Interviewing, Couples body language link to article on WebMD with Patti Wood
http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/body-language-basics?page=3

From a flip of the hair to hands on your hips, how you move, gesture, and make expressions can say as much as what comes out of your mouth.

By: Heather Hatfield

WebMD FeatureReviewed by Louise Chang, MDAngel Rose, 34, an assistant vice president at a bank in upstate New York, was interviewing candidates for a teller position, which required that a person have good people and communication skills, a professional presentation, and a strong focus on customer service, among other abilities.

One candidate in particular stood out, but not in a good way. While she could have been very intelligent, her nonverbal communication and body language were way off. Her handshake was more of a finger shake, her eye contact was nonexistent, and her slouched posture exuded insecurity. For Rose, what the candidate said didn't matter because her body language spoke volumes: she wasn't a good fit for the position.

"Most communication experts now believe that almost 90% of what we say comes from nonverbal cues, which includes our body language," says Patti Wood, author of Success Signals: A Guide to Reading Body Language.

Body language, she explains, is everything from our facial expressions, to eye contact, to our gestures, stance, and posture. While the nuances of body language are complicated, there are some common body language signs worth a thousand words.

Body Language ABCs
Flipping your hair, shaking hands, making eye contact, and smiling are more than just movements -- they're a part of your nonverbal communication, adding emphasis and emotion.

"Body language represents a separate communication process beyond words," says Ross Buck, PhD, a professor of communication sciences and psychology at the University of Connecticut. "It exists simultaneously with language, but it is emotional and largely happening at the subconscious level."

What are some of the basic body language cues that we display and what kind of effect can they have on the impression we make on other people? Here's a beginner's guide to understanding what our bodies are saying:

Handshakes. A handshake can say so much more than hello, nice to meet you. "The most important part of a handshake is palm-to-palm contact," says Wood. "It's even more significant than the grip."

The palm-to-palm contact expresses an intention of honesty and openness, and that your interaction will be sincere and nonthreatening.

The "limp fish" handshake, Wood explains, seems so uncomfortable because it usually means that the palms don't touch, as Rose experienced in her interview.

Here are other handshake types:

Bone crusher: A person may be insecure and trying to overcompensate with an over-the-top hello.
Palm-down handshake: A person may be trying to express his dominance.
A left-handed wrap of the handshake from the top: A person may be trying to express his dominance.
A left-handed wrap of the handshake from underneath: A person may be trying to support and comfort you.
Synchrony. Synchrony happens when two people who are interacting mirror body language cues, explains Buck. What can it mean?

"Synchrony is a signal that both people are on the same page," says Buck. "When you see someone copying your body language, or you notice that you are copying his, it's a clue that you are probably sharing
a similar mind-set at the time."
Body Language Basics
From a flip of the hair to hands on your hips, how you move, gesture, and make expressions can say as much as what comes out of your mouth.(continued)
Body Language ABCs continued...
Posture. "Posture can be sign of dominance or submissiveness," says Buck.

Shoulders back with an erect posture can be a sign of dominance, he explains, while being slumped can mean insecurity, guilt, or a feeling of shame.

Eye contact. "While the rules of eye-contact engagement vary from culture to culture, in the U.S., it can mean honesty and forthrightness," says Buck.

The eyes are a powerful part of our body language cues and can express everything from sexual interest, to annoyance, to happiness and pain, he explains.

Playing with your hair. When a woman cups her hand, palm out, and tucks her hair behind her ear, it can be an expression of flirting, and can mean openness and interest, explains Wood. But be careful: It can also mean her hair is in her eyes.

Using Body Language to Your Advantage
"If you want to better manage your own body language, you need to think about every aspect of your day and how you behave," says Wood.

While you might think you are friendly person, if you go straight to your office and avoid eye contact with anyone, it can send the wrong signals to your co-workers, she explains.

Go through your morning routine -- what you do at lunch, how you spend your afternoon and evening -- and ask yourself questions like: Do I smile? Do I make appropriate eye contact with people? Once you better recognize your body language, you can start to manage it in a more meaningful way.

On the flip side, how can you use the body language of others to your advantage? Most important is to trust your gut.

"Body language says so much, that you can use it to gauge the sincerity of what a person is saying," says Wood.

If a person is telling you something, and he's covering his mouth, he might be lying, she explains. If a person's hands rub from his forehead down across his face, he could be wiping away an emotion, like stress or anxiety. Either way, if what a person is saying contradicts his body language, your intuition might be picking up on something that is not quite right.

Still, whether you are trying to manage your body language better, or understand that of others, remember the value of words.

"If you become too attentive to body language, instead of what you are saying or someone is saying to you, you miss out on the larger process of communication," says Buck.

Body Language Put to the Test
A basic understanding of body language, combined with verbal communication, can come in handy in almost every situation in your daily life. Here are some common scenarios in which body language can have a big impact, plus tips for putting your best foot forward while you watch what others around you are saying with their silent signs.
Body Language Basics
From a flip of the hair to hands on your hips, how you move, gesture, and make expressions can say as much as what comes out of your mouth.(continued)
Body Language Put to the Test continued...
First dates. First dates are laden with body language signs that can help you gauge whether or not a person is interested.

"Men tend to talk a lot on first dates when they're interested in a woman," says Wood. "If you're interested back, make eye contact and listen."

If either person isn't interested, and looks around the room and avoids eye contact, that's a sign that a second date isn't likely.

Other first-date tips?

"When men touch a woman on the small of her back to walk her through a door, that's a sign of confidence and interest," says Wood.

For women, it's the length of their touch that measures their interest. While short, less-than-a-second touches are appropriate, touches that are too long could convey an intimate meaning.

Job interviews. First and foremost, don't sit down while you wait for your interviewer to come and greet you; it puts you in an awkward position where you have to stand and gather yourself and your belongings in an odd sort of shuffle.

"Instead, stand and wait, or sit on the arm of a chair," says Wood. "And when your interviewer arrives, make eye contact, raise your eyebrows slightly in acknowledgement, smile, and then shake hands."

During the interview, she suggests you make eye contact when listening to show your interest, but don't stare. Sit up in your chair instead of slouching, and when you're done, leave strong by giving a good, palm-to-palm handshake.

Dinner with the in-laws. "One of the most important body language signs you should convey during your first encounter with your partner's parents is eye contact with your partner," says Wood.

Your partner's parents want to know that you are interested in and care for their child. The best way you can tell them that you are "the one" is to look at your partner with love and affection.

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional
The Body Language Expert
Web- http://www.PattiWood.net
I have a new quiz on my YouTubestation. Check it out!
YouTube- YouTube - bodylanguageexpert's Channel

Clinton and Obama, Patti on Inside Edition

The Political Rumble: Barack vs. Hillary
ORIGINAL AIRDATE: on INSIDE EDITION 1/22/2008

It was a battle royal between Democratic Presidential hopefuls, Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama.

INSIDE EDITION spoke with body language expert, Patti Wood who discussed the many differences between Clinton and Obama's debate stature.

Directing most comments towards each other, Hillary and Barack heated war of words continued.
At one point in the debate, Clinton stopped to stare at Obama.

The bickering and nasty personal attacks in the fiery Democratic debate are still all the buzz. But the tough talk isn't the only evidence of the intense battle between Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama.

Body language expert, Patti Wood told INSIDE EDITION Clinton and Obama responded to the confrontation in drastically different ways. While Clinton used tense, tight, close-to-the-body gestures, her opponent is big, tall and made grander movements.

Hillary stared straight at Obama, leaning against the podium even during Obama's sharpest jab.

Wood told INSIDE EDITION that any eye contact lasting longer than three seconds becomes a physical attack. She says that quite literally that stare said “I hate you.”

Barack looked agitated when Hillary came out swinging.

Wood says throughout the bitter battle Obama's body language gave off the aura of confidence. She says that Obama’s cocked head, which is a sign of self-assurance.

The candidates continued their war of words the following day by reacting to the televised clash.

Hillary had this to say, “He obviously came looking for a fight.” And Obama continued to speak out against the frustrations of dealing with what he calls “inaccuracies.”

It seems growing hostility between Obama and Bill Clinton may have sparked the heated argument in the first place. But it was the subject of the former President that later provided for the funniest moment of the debate.

When asked if he thought Bill Clinton could be considered the first black President, Obama jokingly responded in stride. “I would have to investigate…check in to Bill’s dancing abilities.”

http://www.insideedition.com/storyprint.aspx?SpecialReportID=1207