How to
Answer When Asks, "How Are You Doing?"
(From Patti's books SNAP Making the Most of First Impressions
Body Language and Charisma and People Savvy)
The first consideration in responding to someone asking How you
are doing is the source of the question. For example, if the person is not
someone who will see again and or that you don't want to grow and maintain a
professional relationship, then a simple "Fine." is appropriate and significant.
A more personalized, more detailed, and specific response helps
build rich long-term relationships.
When I taught Nonverbal Communication at Florida State, I
would tell the story of the Warm Fuzzes, the Plastic Fuzzies, and the Cold
Prickles. (There was a village where children were given at birth a bag of warm
fuzzes (Soft cuddly puffs that when you gave them made people feel warm and fuzzy
inside). The village was a warm and loving place. One day a wizard visited and
said to all the villagers, "You are going to run out of warm fuzzies!"
So he gave the villagers bags, plastic fuzzies, a fake plastic kind of communication
that wasn't real and cold pricklies that made people feel all cold and sharp
and hard inside. So the villagers hoarded their now seemingly precious warm
fuzzies and gave plastic fuzzies and cold pricklies, and in times the village
grew tense and unhappy, lonely and mean. Then a good witch entered the village and
handed out warm fuzzies to everyone. The villagers felt bad about feeling so
good when she gave them warm fuzzies that they went home and got out their bags
of warm fuzzies and started giving them again. They realized as they did that
their bag of warm fuzzies filled up as they gave them freely, and everyone
lived happily ever after.
The moral of the story? When you give a warm, genuine communication,
you give something warm and accurate to the other person, and you, in return, have
your bag of warmth replenished.
The second consideration in responding is whether you tell
them anything bad. If you feel bad and bad things are happening in your life, a
sincere response may include that truth. But, if you don't need other people's
comfort, you don't have to share that. If you do, you may wish to soften it with
a positive truth or hope for the future statement such as, "I have a family
member going through a hard time, and that hard, but we have a good strong
family, and we are grateful for that." "Business is not at the top of
our projections right now, but we are working with a new prospect the next quarter
looks much better. "I am having a hard day today, but I have plans for the
weekend with my family, and I am grateful."
The third thing to consider is how to respond after you have
completed answering their "How are you question."
You can continue the more standard response interaction with, "And How are
you?" with the expectation you will get a standard, "Fine." Response
or you can create a more authentic deeper interaction by asking a different
question such as, "And what is the best thing going on in your life? "or
"What are you looking forward to today?" "Tell me something that
lifted your spirits today." "What's the best thing that happened to
you today?" Some people may respond that nothing good is happening, and if
so, that gives you an opportunity to have unique, tangible interaction and
comfort them. But many times, you get back an incredible honest positive
response that feels terrific for both of you
