This is an excerpt from Patti's new book "SNAP Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" coming out this Fall
The Hug Dodge
So, you’re not a hugger and this whole hugging thing makes you a bit uneasy.
There are many motivations for dodging a hug and more than one method to do it.
It was front-page news in the Irish press with Bono, of the rock group U2 admitted
that he dodged a hug from then-President George W. Bush by jumping behind a
podium on the stage as the affectionate Bush came near him. Bono said he didn’t
feel like being the recipient of a hug from someone he disagreed with on so
many things.
I’m a hugger, so I don’t worry about people hugging me. But I know there have
been times when someone didn’t want to hug with me. Not everyone is a hugger.
When you hug, you expose the front of your body, opening all of your body
windows. It can make some people feel vulnerable. Others feel that hugs are too
personal and intimate and even too sexual for everyday interactions in business
and with acquaintances. Thankfully, their body language cues will let you know
very quickly whether they are huggers.
What if I don’t want a hug?
Carol, a pharmaceutical sales rep in my sales presentation skills class asked,
“What if I don’t want a hug? Some of the physicians I call on immediately give
me a hug and I am just not into that.” This is a frequent question for
women in business. The good news, Carol and all, “I am not a hugger” gals and
guys, there is a systematic technique to avoid the hug.
If you see the potential hugger with both hands and arms raised and chest
thrust out in the “hug” position, do the following:
1.
Break eye contact
2.
Step forward on your right foot
(This is your “handshaking foot” – the foot that normally moves first for a
handshake)
3.
Present only the right side of
your body, which effectively closes off your body windows
4.
Extend your right hand for a
handshake. (You can choose to make eye contact again at this point)
5.
After touching, step back
outside the intimate zone of space to signal you are done, and you don’t want
to follow the handshake with a hug. This step also sends the signal that not
only is the hug unwanted now, but also unwanted in the future.
If extending the arm and presenting the right side doesn’t stop
the hugger, wrap your left arm around the person’s shoulder. This way it
becomes a side-to-side hug rather than a frontal hug. You can also pat their
back or shoulder to insure you indicate you don’t want a sexual interaction.
The hug dodge does two things:
1.
It signals in those important
milliseconds that you are initiating a handshake interaction.
2.
It closes and protects the
windows of your body
Macey, a drop-dead gorgeous client of mine came in for a coaching
session after receiving the hug dodge training in our previous session. She
said, “I feel so empowered. Yesterday I was at a meeting. My boss’s boss, who
goes in for the really uncomfortable, feel you up kind of hug approached me
with his arms out at the meeting last week. I was able to use the hug dodge to
change it to a much more comfortable handshake. I realized at once how
powerless and uncomfortable I typically feel when I have had to interact with
him after one of his inappropriately sexual hugs.”
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at
http://PattiWood.net.
Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at
http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
