Patti Wood Body Language Expert Blog : Mar 28, 2018

Body Language Signs Your Relationship Is In Trouble Changes That Indicate Your Relationship Is In Trouble

I am working on a media request for tips if your relationship is in a slump or there is conflict.

Here are my rough notes....So many habits/rituals in a relationship are comforting, but when you’re fighting repeating the same rituals, interactions and activities can take you down a path towards another fight. Changing environments and changing nonverbal interactions changes the neural pathways in the brain and can lead to more positive interactions. I suggest changes that you repeat over a long period of time, not just a date night change. You're working on changing ingrained patterns, laying down new muscle memories and laying down new neural pathways in the brain so you want to repeat the new, happier rituals so they create happier interactions till they become new habits. This is also based on the theory of 21 that shows if you repeat a behavior for 21 days it becomes a habit.

For example, if you don’t typically run, hug and kiss each other when you come home try some new loving touching fun greeting ritual when you see each other. Even if you have to act or push yourself a bit to do it.
If you eat every meal together in the same place, change it up. Eat breakfast in the middle of the bed, eat dinner on a blanket on the floor, have lunch outside on a bench. Change it up. I mean for a while, not just a date night change.
If you watch TV or your lap top screens every night, unplug, both of you for a long stretch, at least seven straight days. You’re going to create some tension without that distraction, but you can also create excitement and intimacy. If you can’t take nighttime screen watching out entirely at least take it completely in any form out of the bedroom.
Change who cooks and who cleans up. Completely reverse roles, without criticizing or correcting your partner for doing their new job wrong. (There is a challenge!) It's not fair for the cooking partner to buy food if their partner typically cooks, instead switch out completely.
Take turns tucking your partner into bed, by getting all the little things they like to do before bed ready, like a glass of water or book and literally bring the blanket up to their chin and kiss them and wish them a good sleep. Each partner does this for their partner for a week, so each gets a week of tender night night care. Kissing, backrubs and sweet songs sung are highly recommended.
I have more….

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.

The Pomp And Ceremony Of President Xi's Oath Taking, President Xi's Body Language

I read the Chinese President XI's body language as he took his oath of office for the South Chinese News.

When I do body language reads for foreign publications I don't always get the link to the story, in this case it will come out in print. So here are my rough notes.
In the video you can skip to his oath, though i think the highly stiff and tense pomp and ceremony is fascinating!

Xi Jinping on Saturday became the first Chinese state leader to take a constitutional oath, as the country’s president and head of its military. The ceremony – which took place after Xi received unanimous support from lawmakers to serve a second term as president – was a symbolic move to show the significance of the constitution, which was revised last week to include Xi’s political theory, “Xi Jinping Thought”.

https://www.scmp.com/video/china/2137831/it-happened-pomp-and-ceremony-president-xis-oath-taking

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.

Group Narcissism. What Is Group Narcissism? How A Group Can Tolerate A Narcissist In Their Midst

Group Narcissism or Collective Narcissism

As many of you know as a body language expert. I write and speak to my corporate clients about honesty, integrity and credibility as well as deception, narcissism and psychopathology. I am working on a chapter in my book on how people respond and interact to the "dark triad behaviors like Malignant Narcissism and it struck me that most people don't understand how a group can tolerate a Narcissist in their midst. Someone they know is "crazy" and has done harm. How can it happen?

Are greatest fear is rejection of our tribe. We fear death, we fear snakes, we fear public speaking but, our greatest fear is not to die, but to die alone, outcast from our tribe.That fear can make some people stay in tribe even if they see that the tribe and or one or more of its members are unhealthy. An it can make people who would be outcast from other groups band together. Narcissist are fed by good highly empathetic people, but they also can be drawn to other narcissists so they feel like they are with "their people."

In group narcissism we see a unquestioning loyalty and admiration for the group and its ideals.
Its the unquestioning aspect that is dangerous. They also can have an intense energy in the persecution of any person who questions the authority and or ideals of the group.
The group will do anything, ignore any bad behavior of their fellow narcissists, give a fellow tribe member a pass and then another pass, even normalize bullying, yelling, crazy, abusive and even dangerous behavior. They will defend one of their own kind, for fear of losing the group. They will even attack any innocent person or persons who threatens the group status quo.
The group is their breath, their life, their sustenance, their "supply." No one is safe from the pathology of the group, as happened after the horrific Parkland shooting, they will even attack the character of children, and threaten then with harm.

Eric Fromm the social physiologist and philosopher and author (I read his incredible book about love in high school) explains in his research on group narcissism that “..[an] individual narcissists, who is out on his own, comparing himself to normal people may see he lacks a moral core, unless he is mentally very sick, he may have at least some doubts about his personal narcissistic image. But, if he joins a group that has other narcissists, he has none, since his narcissism is shared by the majority” (ibid., p.204). If they are themselves narcissists they are in the presence of other narcissists, who reflect back “like” behaviors so they don't see their dark selves. In the group they are whole and belong. They don't have to face the possible problems with their own behavior, they can say, "All my friends are doing it so it cant be bad." They normalize bad behavior.

If they do see damage in other tribe members it may only serve to make them feel superior in that group members presence. In fact their very acceptance of the dark damage in their fellow tribe members can make them think they are a good people.(Think of the case where the congregation accepted a apology of their minister who assaulted another member of the congregation when he had not apologized to her or suffered any consequences for his attack.) If you are in a narcissistic group you you don’t consider the fact that in a healthy group dark damage behaviors are called out as unacceptable and anyone who does something wrong is called out!

They feed each other giving each other narcissistic supply, and if they loose members they will just seek out new supply, some just like them, and others who are their best supply, their opposites who have real emotions the "Empaths" who are honest trusting people that the group can use and abuse.

Narcissists love the "supply" being in a group gives them. "...it works as protection and amplification of their own narcissism." Fromm says that, "One would expect the narcissist to be ‘above’ such social conformity, but, actually, this often represents a stepping up of his pathology. It is also gratifying to the weak and untalented narcissist since he becomes a giant by belonging to the group."

Mats L Winther says, "The group members are often mistaken for nice fellows, who are socially mature and respectful towards other people. Nothing could be further from the truth. It is a chimera. Such people are only providing for their own narcissism by way of reflection in the group. Scratch on the surface, and a nasty intolerance appears.” Many psychologists tend to view the social group as an ideal for the individual to attain. The true ideal is to belong to a healthy group filled with loving honest caring people.

Think of it this way. Marriage is also an deal, and there are unhealthful abusive marriages, in which an abusive spouse inside it may brag about his great marriage and gain social status from being "in" a marriage. In the same way, there are group members, who brag about being in a group that is in fact toxic. Fromm has labeled this pathological version of social life called group narcissism. So if you have read this far, you may get a greater understanding of why some political party members may cling to their group memberships, some cult members may cling to their cult and some people may belong to a church, a work group or social group that treats people badly.

So what can you do? First think of your place in your tribe, look to the left and look to the right then look at yourself. What destructive behaviors are you allowing? Emphasis on negative topics, and people, constant complaining without actions, anger mongering, shouting, shutting people down, bullying, gossiping, name calling, sexual discrimination, judging, smearing and assassinating of peoples characters behind their back and to their face. What do you think is ok? And if you, like I do now, look to the left and look in the right and look in the mirror and see kindness be grateful.

Funny Story About Ice Cream Bars, Humorous Story, Story About NOT Dieting

Skipped lunch to prep for two Media interviews, kicked it on a new song in a session with Eliot, went to the grocery store to buy ingredients for dinner that I am fixing for friends tomorrow night. I bought a box of ice cream bars for a treat. They were delicious! All four of them!

I took the photo thinking I would save the third one. He was trying to hide in the box. He didn’t make it.

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.

The Reason Why Kanye West Stands Behind Kim Kardashian In Photos ...The Pose Says A Lot About The Dynamic Of Their Relationship

Her Alpha cues in the photo are over the top. I feel it is important to read “Grump's” body language, but today was a nice break! .

https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/kanye-west-kim-kardashian-body-language-couple-relationship-dynamic-expert-a8267156.html?amp

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.

Body Language Habits That Are Hard to Quit, Bad Body Language Habits.

Body Language Habits That Are Hard to Quit, Bad Body Language Habits.
9 Horrible Body Language Habits That Are Hard To Quite

http://www.freshenitup.org/blog/body-language-habits-that-are-hard-to-quitbut-youll-be-glad-you-did

It's not what you say, it's how you say it.

It's a cliché, but it's true. Body language is a crucial part of communicating. The way you act can warp the entire meaning of what you're saying.

That being said, bad body language habits are the often hardest habits to break. We become so accustomed to slouching, averting our eyes, or folding our arms that we barely even notice what we're doing.
Here are several body language mistakes that are going to be tough to ditch. Still, if you're able to quit them, you'll definitely thank yourself later.

Fidgeting
If you've gotten into the habit of fidgeting, it can be difficult to snap out of it. But it's important to take steps to reigning in this nervous habit.
Fidgeting demonstrates nervousness and a lack of power, as body-language expert and The Power of Body Language author Tonya Reiman previously told Business Insider.

Leave your hair alone. Constantly running your hands across your scalp and twirling your locks is pretty distracting. Plus, as ABC reported, it can damage your hair overtime. It can be hard to quit, so try playing around a stress ball instead of your hair.

Adopting a defensive pose
Many people naturally cross their arms or hunch over a bit just because they don't know what to do with their hands.
However, this posture can make you look uncomfortable, defensive, or untrustworthy.

“You should always keep your hands in view when you are talking,” Patti Wood, a body- language expert and author of “ SNAP: Making the Most of First Impressions Body Language and Charisma,” previously told Business Insider. When a listener can't see your hands, they wonder what you are hiding.“

Doing weird things with your hands
To gesture or not to gesture? That is the question. Some people keep too still while speaking, while others flail all over the place.

As The Washington Post reported, behavioural consultant Vanessa Van Edwards notes that using hand gestures while speaking is actually an effective way to engage your audience.

The trick is, avoiding the hand gestures that will trip you up. Don't point, don't pretend to conduct an imaginary orchestra (seriously), and don't get too choreographed.

Shuffling instead of walking
Humans are pretty judgmental creatures. We think we can tell a lot about someone based on snap judgments over something as simple as their manner of walking.

BBC reported that how we walk can actually determine our risk of being mugged. Criminals are less likely to target people walking with an air of confidence.

It can be hard to change up your walk once you've fallen into bad habits, but it's important to walk with confidence and coordination. Don't shuffle through life.

Forgetting to smile
Reiman previously told Business Insider that smiling demonstrates confidence, openness, warmth, and energy.

“It also sets off the mirror neurons in your listener, instructing them to smile back. Without the smile, an individual is often seen as grim or aloof,” she explained.

Appearing distracted
There's nothing more irritating than talking to someone who's clearly not paying attention to you.

Some people are just naturally distracted or busy, so it can be tempting to check your phone or watch at every available moment. Still, you've got to keep this impulse in check when you're around others. Otherwise, you'll just come across as a rude and uncaring person.

Slouching
Stand up straight. Terrible posture is easy to develop, especially if you're slouched over a desk for the majority of the day.

Slouching doesn't just make you look un-confident, writes Catherine New for Psychology Today, it's also bad for your back. Improve your health and the image you present to the world by standing up straight.

Nonexistent or aggressive eye contact
Here's another body language pitfall where moderation is key.

What Your Body Says (And How to Master the Message) author Sharon Sayler previously told Business Insider that the ideal amount of eye contact should be “a series of long glances instead of intense stares.”
Overly long stares can make whoever you're talking to pretty uncomfortable. On the other hand, averting your eyes indicates disgust or a lack of confidence.

Being too still
It's definitely good not to be jumping all over the place, constantly. However, you don't want to be too eerily calm during conversations. This may make people feel uneasy, or that you're not interested in what they're saying.

Instead, try to mirror the person you're speaking with. Don't mimic them - they'll probably get offended by that - but subtly copy some of their gestures and expressions. Writing for Psychology Today, Dr Jeff Thompson notes that mirroring will leave people perceiving you as positive and persuasive.

It can be tough to break out of your poker face, especially if you're just naturally not that expressive - but it's worth trying, since it can improve how you're perceived.

Mismatching verbal and non-verbal communication
You might be saying all the right things - but if your body language doesn't match up with your words, you might end up rubbing people the wrong way.

In fact, researchers at Sacred Heart University devoted an entire study to this phenomenon. Their subjects were married couples, but their finding was pretty universal — when verbal and non-verbal messages do not align, “nonverbal signals carry the brunt of the emotional message.”

Discussion Questions

What is at least one bad body language habit that you have?
Why is good body language important to someone in ministry?
Share an instance where you mismatched verbal and non-verbal communication.
Think about a time when you are talking with someone. How has their body language affected your conversation and your response to them?

20 Body Language Signs That Your Marriage Is In Trouble, Possible Signs of Cheating

In magazine or newspaper articles you want your name and your book mentioned and to be the first expert mentioned in the article. Love that spot too! Got it !!!

Here is the article.

https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/relationships/g5197/body-language-marriage/

You don't walk as a team.

Power couples (think: Prince William and Kate Middleton) have in-sync walking patterns. "The goal is for couples to walk with their feet side by side on an invisible line," Patti Wood, body language expert and author of SNAP: Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language, and Charisma told GoodHousekeeping.com. "When this walking pattern is disrupted, it indicates that there is a disconnect between the couple."

You're closed off.

When royals cross their legs, they can chalk it up to proper etiquette. But for the average Joe, crossed legs can show that someone feels detached from the situation —or worse, the person that they're with. "If your legs are closed, your partner will pick up on your disinterest," says Wood."And a lack of sexual interest leads to a relationship's downfall

You pat each other on the back (literally) .

Hey, we all need a pat on the back from time to time. However, it's questionable when a romantic partner opts for a gentle pat instead of an intimate embrace. "If you partner begins to pat you on the back during a hug, it immediately desexualizes it, " says Wood. "Let's face it, you and your partner aren't just teammates."

You touch your neck during a conversation.

In emotional situations, we all have a tendency to find ways to comfort ourselves. Women, in particular, typically touch their neck or throat. "Oftentimes, touching the neck or throat indicates that someone is keeping something from another person," says Wood. "The throat is the gateway for words, and therefore it's one of the most vulnerable parts of the body."

You're not as close as you used to be.

If you notice that your partner (or even, yourself) are physically close to everyone except for one another, then it's time to evaluate your relationship. "When examining the lack of intimacy between you and your partner, it's important to think about if this is singular to you," says Wood. "If so, that means there's trouble in paradise."

Boom Box Love Scene, Stalking or Love?

I loved this movie when it came out and now I wonder if I was loving a stalking movie as John Cusak's character is stalking a women who clearly was not interested in him!!

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

Raise Your Eyebrows!!! What Does An Eyebrow Flash Mean?

A participant in one of my programs shared this story.

"I wanted to tell you a funny story about “eyebrow flash.” I have 3 girlfriends from grade school to current – we’re all in our 60’s. For the past few years, at various times in our get-togethers or get-aways, I’ve been known to comment, as we’re taking pictures, “Raise your eyebrows” convinced this makes us look younger. Well, the four of us went to my son’s college on a football weekend to visit him and have our girlfriend get-away. We (just us girls) asked one of his fraternity brothers to take our group picture. As he was aiming, I said “Raise your eyebrows!” to my girlfriends. This young man stopped, lowered the cell phone with a puzzled look at us, proceeded to raise his eyebrows and lifted the cell to take our picture! Needless to say, we were all doing a not-very-flattering laugh in the picture. This young man, of course, didn’t realize we were talking to ourselves and not to him. But bless his heart, he gave it the good old college try and complied!"

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

Science of the Perfect Handshake. The Steps of the Perfect Handshake

Here is a link to an article I did for INC.com on the Science of the Perfect Handshake. For more information you can read the handshake chapter in my book SNAP! Making the Most of First Impressions Body Language and Charisma or go to the books website www.snapfirstimpressions.com

http://www.inc.com/anna-hensel/ss/science-of-perfect-handshake.html

Travel Tips From A Professional Speaker

I am a professional speaker and have been traveling every week for over 30 years. Here are some of my favorite Travel Tips:

I use potato chip bag clips to clip curtains, (They are much better than clothes pins) I also carry duct tape to tape the right and left edges of the curtains to the walls. I also use it to go over the clock and other little white lights that seem to be on the light switches, floor plugs, lamps and all over hotel rooms these days. I hate them.

I carry a hot pink velour tract suit jacket to keep warm and to put over the bed side lamp, to keep the horrible blue light bulb light from keeping me awake and to give my hotel room a nice, soft pink glow. It's lovely. I also carry the red piece of plastic from Wal Mart to tape over other blue lights.

www.walmart.com/ip/American-DJ-CGS-9A-9x9-Gel-Sheet-Packet-A/24672214?wmlspartner=wlpa&selectedSellerId=1193&adid=22222222227018333929&wl0=&wl1=g&wl2=c&wl3=75836275714&wl4=pla-176138869234&wl5=9010772&wl6=&wl7=&wl8=&wl9=pla&wl10=112561658&wl11=online&wl12=24672214&wl13=&veh=sem

Even though I ask that my hotel room bill NOT be put under my door as it wakes me up!!! Hotels still do it. So I tape a note on the outside bottom of the door of my hotel room. With a drawing of the bill under the door with a circle and a cross through it. By the way, they still untape the sign sometimes and ram the bill through!!!

Sometimes the hotel room air is very, very dry and hard on my voice as I am a professional speaker. There are too many germs in the shower to run the shower steam and that wastes water, so I take a wash cloth and soak it in hot water and breathe that steam and hot water in and sometimes lay it on my face and lay down for a moment, so it's also calming.

I work out when I travel and if I strain anything I either use the dry cleaning bag and fill it with ice to wrap say a strained knee or my shower cap! The ice bucket liner, the dry cleaning bag in the closet or my shower cap can also be used to pack a wet bathing suit or spilled make up or shampoo.

Because I have hacked the ice bag trick so many times I also pack a few gallon zip lock freezer bags. Freezer bags or the ice bucket lining can be used to go over the channel changer so you don’t have to touch that germy device. I don’t typically watch TV when I travel, but sometimes I need to comment on the body language of some public figure so I have it ready.

I carry a pumice stone it can take off magic marker and other stains from your hands if you are very gentle in a pinch so can a cardboard nail file.

I have a little photo of me with my family taped to a bent piece of cardboard that I put on my bedside table in the hotel room. It's wonderfully comforting.

I ask the bellman to unplug the mini fridge for me as the sound drives me crazy, but I have figured out how to get behind almost any cabinet to unplug it myself.

I take the sheet from the second bed or get a sheet from house keeping to lay on top of the bedspread as the bedspread may be "germy" and I want to be able to pull it up and use it.

Character Assassination And Smear Campaigns, What Is Character Assassination? How Character Assassination Is Being Used Against The Parkland

The NRA is powerful. We know that it is being funded in part by gun and military weaponry manufacturers.
Far be it for the NRA to have any sense of moral decency the children from the Parkland School Shooting were victims of a terrible tragedy. They took off the mask of the NRA and the NRA chose to attempt to assassinate the character of children so they wouldn't be able to criticize them.
and evil way to destroy someone who sees you for who you really are, who want to unmask you and show the truth is to attempt to destroy their character through vicious lies.

It works. In persuasion theory the first message sticks, any defense to clear your name is difficult if someone heard something bad about you and accepted it any information including the fact that the lie they believed was a lie will be difficult to "Unthink" as it caused cognitive dissonance, You have to admit not only that the information was false, but that you believed it and that might make you look stupid or foolish or gullible and your brain fights against that, often by holding on and defending the lie!!

And if the lie is perpetrated by a member of your tribe, be it religious tribe, political tribe or friendship tribe the resistance is stronger, as you might fear that changing your mind and believing the truth would get you kicked out of the tribe, or simply that you would have to believe something bad about a fellow tribesman. The fear of being abandoned by your tribe is strong so people tend to stick

Wikipedia says that Character assassination is a deliberate and sustained process that destroys the credibility and reputation of a person, institution, organization, social group, or nation.^[1] Agents of character assassinations employ a mix of open and covert methods to achieve their goals, such as raising false accusations, planting and fostering rumors, and manipulating information.

Character assassination is an attempt to tarnish a person's reputation. It may involve exaggeration, misleading half-truths, or manipulation of facts to present an untrue picture of the targeted person. It is a form of defamation and can be a form of ad hominem argument.

For living individuals targeted by character assassination attempts, this may result in being rejected by their community, family, or members of their living or work environment. Such acts are often difficult to reverse or rectify, and the process is likened to a literal assassination of a human life. The damage sustained can last a lifetime or, for historical figures, for many centuries after their death.

“To assassinate someone means to kill, to take life in an underhanded way. To assassinate someone’s character means to kill or damage their character by any means possible.

Kourtney Kardashian & Scott Disick’s Body Language Through The Years Shows Huge Changes

https://www.elitedaily.com/p/kourtney-kardashian-scott-disicks-body-language-through-the-years-shows-huge-changes-8511247

GIGI And Zayne...Couple Body Language

A different interview I did on GIGI and Zayne. As I said in another post the Journalist didn’t tell me they knew the couple was breaking up when I did the body language read.

https://www.marieclaire.com/celebrity/amp19423502/gigi-hadid-zayn-malik-relationship-body-language/

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.

zayn-malik-gigi-hadids-body-language-Zayne and Malik Gi Gi Body Langauge, Couple Body Language

This was exactly interesting read because none the journalist I worked with said they had Intel the couple was breaking up so I was just doing a “cold reading” of the photos

https://www.elitedaily.com/p/zayn-malik-gigi-hadids-body-language-indicates-they-may-have-been-headed-for-a-breakup-8492589

Patti Wood

March 14 at 10:00am

Patti Wood Body Language Expert Blog

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