Cuddling is Key to a Committed and Loving Relationship, Research on Touch

Cuddling is Key to a Committed and Loving Relationship, Research on Touch  

This is what I have been saying for years in my workshops on body language!


Science: Cuddling is key to a committed and loving relationship

Hand-holding works pretty good, too

By Chris Gayomali | November 27, 2013

 

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Sex, hugs, cuddling, hand-holding, and even innocent little kisses before you dash out the door to work every morning — all of them pay dividends toward a long and loving relationship. And now we have the science to back it up.
According to a new study, the culprit is our old friend oxytocin, a.k.a. the "love hormone." Its levels shoot up whenever we make physical contact with someone important to us.
It's widely understood that its reward system plays a crucial role in deepening the bond between two lovers. Past studies have suggested that it may help keep men from cheating, while others point to its dark side, which can make an abrupt breakup feel physiologically devastating.
Humans and many mammals are monogamous creatures (at least most of the time). What makes us go out of our way to lock ourselves into a committed relationship is still largely a mystery, suggesting there's some sort of biological advantage. "Monogamy is actually quite costly for humans, so there must be some form of benefit," said Rene Hurlemann, a psychiatrist at the University of Bonn in Germany who led the most recent study. "We'd expect humans, especially males, would disseminate their genes."
So what's inspiring warm-blooded males to stay loyal?
Researchers, publishing their findings in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, discovered that regular jolts of oxytocin make our partners more attractive, to us and only us.

Hurlemann and his colleagues took 20 men who were in long-term and passionate romantic relationships with women, hooked them up to functional magnetic resonance imaging scanners, and showed them photos of their loved ones interspersed with images of an unfamiliar but equally comely stranger, or a house. Some men were spritzed with oxytocin, others with a placebo. To test whether oxytocin varied only with familiarity, they substituted highly familiar faces for the house images. Afterward, the men filled out the Passionate Love Scale questionnaire, which showed that their inner Romeo prevailed over their inner Lothario. They were fixated on their current romantic partner. [Los Angeles Times]

Makes sense. A "steady diet" of oxytocin helps trigger the release of dopamine, which means we're almost literally addicted to the person we're in love with. Cuddling is a drug, so to speak.
Such findings give us a better understanding of how some couples manage to make it for the long haul, and explains why physical support is tied so intrinsically with our emotional health. Take our friends John and Ann Betar, who eloped on Nov. 25, 1932, and, in addition to being completely adorable and amazing, are still madly in love with one another. What's their secret after 81 years of marriage?
"We always hold hands," said John.

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

SHORT STATEMENT NECKLACES INSTEAD OF LONG ONES.  A chunky collarbone necklace lights up your complexion and brings sparkle back to your eyes- especially in mixes of pearls, beads and stones that reflect light. A bib that starts at the collarbone and goes to mid-chest can even disguise sun-damage and crepe-y skin. If you have a big or saggy chest, a short chunky necklace (+ a good bra ) can refocus  attention up and away. Longer necklaces that dangle over the cliff of your boobs  are no help- even your mother’s pearls or a “find” you brought back from Thailand. Keep amulets and charms no longer than mid-chest and loop those long necklaces lariat style like you do with long scarves ( check that Diana Vreeland photo for a how-to).

No, de-aging jewelry is not a pierced belly button ring or a nose stud. That looks like you’re trying too hard. It’s certainly not a watch since everyone n0w checks the time on their phone.  Your everyday jewelry at 50 is probably a mash-up of real and fake selected by habit, emotional memories or a random just-throw-it-on attitude.   Time for a rethink. I know you’re picky about everything from wrinkle cream to heels that won’t kill your feet so why not apply that gutsy attitude to your jewelry.  Nothing personalizes or de-ages a wardrobe faster than jewelry. Three big swaps to make now:

No, de-aging jewelry is not a pierced belly button ring or a nose stud. That looks like you’re trying too hard. It’s certainly not a watch since everyone n0w checks the time on their phone.  Your everyday jewelry at 50 is probably a mash-up of real and fake selected by habit, emotional memories or a random just-throw-it-on attitude.   Time for a rethink. I know you’re picky about everything from wrinkle cream to heels that won’t kill your feet so why not apply that gutsy attitude to your jewelry.  Nothing personalizes or de-ages a wardrobe faster than jewelry. Three big swaps to make now:


SHORT STATEMENT NECKLACES INSTEAD OF LONG  ONES.  A chunky collarbone necklace lights up your complexion and brings sparkle back to your eyes- especially in mixes of pearls, beads and stones that reflect light. A bib that starts at the collarbone and goes to mid-chest can even disguise sun-damage and crepe-y skin. If you have a big or saggy chest, a short chunky necklace (+ a good bra ) can refocus  attention up and away. Longer necklaces that dangle over the cliff of your boobs  are no help- even your mother’s pearls or a “find” you brought back from Thailand. Keep amulets and charms no longer than mid-chest and loop those long necklaces lariat style like you do with long scarves ( check that Diana Vreeland photo for a how-to).
STUDS AND LIGHT HOOPS INSTEAD OF HEAVY DROPS AND CHANDELIERS. If you’ve been a fan of big earrings by now your piercings are stretched and elongated- a dangerous and aging look especially when combined with droopy lobes ( these noses, lobes keep growing forever ! ). Get your piercings sewn up by a cosmetic surgeon and re-pierce when all is healed. Even Oprah got her ears pierced ( first time) at 50 so it’s not a big deal. Studs are light and are a hot trend again- everyone from Tory Burch to Marc Jacobs are doing them but you can find low-cost ones for under $20 everywhere. Sparkly slim hoops are another option that looks youthful especially if your hair is long, you smooth it behind your ears or  wear a ponytail.
STACKED BRACELETS AND RINGS INSTEAD OF SINGLES. Stacks of matching, similar or totally mis-matched rings and bracelets add personality and a contemporary look to your hands and wrists. They make trendy polish look cooler than ever and power up tees,  fitted sweaters and 3/4 sleeve jackets. Wear stacked bracelets on both wrists for major impact. Don’t hesitate to mix your “good” bangles with rubber “cause” bracelets, chains with jewel-studded cuffs- the combo brings out your individuality and charisma even if you’re wearing a basic black tee and cropped pants. When it comes to rings, anything goes. Add skinny bands plain or fancy to your engagement, wedding and eternity bands for an update. Slip major cocktail rings on any finger you like ( see Oprah’s photo above for glam inspiration).  I love baublebar.com for inexpensive finds and sophisticated rings from Kenneth Jay Lane and Oscar de la Renta . Check out these: Kenneth Jay Lane enameled 18 -karat gold and cubic zirconia ring ( $120, net-a-porter.com) and Oscar de la Renta two cabochon ring, Amazoni-rose ( $ 195, saksfifthavenue.com).
Use it or lose it goes for jewelry too !
For more de-aging tips and wardrobe revitalizing tricks check my new fashion book The Wardrobe Wakeup, Your Guide to Looking Fabulous at Any Age by Lois Joy Johnson ( $ 13.88, amazon.com).
Photo credits :
Oprah Winfrey : fashionista.com
Diana Vreeland: dianavreeland.com
Vera Wang : stylebistro.com
Jodie Foster : tvguide.com
Kenneth Jay Lane ring : saksfifthavenue.com

SHORT STATEMENT NECKLACES INSTEAD OF LONG  ONES.  A chunky collarbone necklace lights up your complexion and brings sparkle back to your eyes- especially in mixes of pearls, beads and stones that reflect light. A bib that starts at the collarbone and goes to mid-chest can even disguise sun-damage and crepe-y skin. If you have a big or saggy chest, a short chunky necklace (+ a good bra ) can refocus  attention up and away. Longer necklaces that dangle over the cliff of your boobs  are no help- even your mother’s pearls or a “find” you brought back from Thailand. Keep amulets and charms no longer than mid-chest and loop those long necklaces lariat style like you do with long scarves ( check that Diana Vreeland photo for a how-to).
STUDS AND LIGHT HOOPS INSTEAD OF HEAVY DROPS AND CHANDELIERS. If you’ve been a fan of big earrings by now your piercings are stretched and elongated- a dangerous and aging look especially when combined with droopy lobes ( these noses, lobes keep growing forever ! ). Get your piercings sewn up by a cosmetic surgeon and re-pierce when all is healed. Even Oprah got her ears pierced ( first time) at 50 so it’s not a big deal. Studs are light and are a hot trend again- everyone from Tory Burch to Marc Jacobs are doing them but you can find low-cost ones for under $20 everywhere. Sparkly slim hoops are another option that looks youthful especially if your hair is long, you smooth it behind your ears or  wear a ponytail.
STACKED BRACELETS AND RINGS INSTEAD OF SINGLES. Stacks of matching, similar or totally mis-matched rings and bracelets add personality and a contemporary look to your hands and wrists. They make trendy polish look cooler than ever and power up tees,  fitted sweaters and 3/4 sleeve jackets. Wear stacked bracelets on both wrists for major impact. Don’t hesitate to mix your “good” bangles with rubber “cause” bracelets, chains with jewel-studded cuffs- the combo brings out your individuality and charisma even if you’re wearing a basic black tee and cropped pants. When it comes to rings, anything goes. Add skinny bands plain or fancy to your engagement, wedding and eternity bands for an update. Slip major cocktail rings on any finger you like ( see Oprah’s photo above for glam inspiration).  I love baublebar.com for inexpensive finds and sophisticated rings from Kenneth Jay Lane and Oscar de la Renta . Check out these: Kenneth Jay Lane enameled 18 -karat gold and cubic zirconia ring ( $120, net-a-porter.com) and Oscar de la Renta two cabochon ring, Amazoni-rose ( $ 195, saksfifthavenue.com).
Use it or lose it goes for jewelry too !
For more de-aging tips and wardrobe revitalizing tricks check my new fashion book The Wardrobe Wakeup, Your Guide to Looking Fabulous at Any Age by Lois Joy Johnson ( $ 13.88, amazon.com).
Photo credits :
Oprah Winfrey : fashionista.com
Diana Vreeland: dianavreeland.com
Vera Wang : stylebistro.com
Jodie Foster : tvguide.com
Kenneth Jay Lane ring : saksfifthavenue.com

No, de-aging jewelry is not a pierced belly button ring or a nose stud. That looks like you’re trying too hard. It’s certainly not a watch since everyone n0w checks the time on their phone.  Your everyday jewelry at 50 is probably a mash-up of real and fake selected by habit, emotional memories or a random just-throw-it-on attitude.   Time for a rethink. I know you’re picky about everything from wrinkle cream to heels that won’t kill your feet so why not apply that gutsy attitude to your jewelry.  Nothing personalizes or de-ages a wardrobe faster than jewelry. Three big swaps to make now:


STUDS AND LIGHT HOOPS INSTEAD OF HEAVY DROPS AND CHANDELIERS. If you’ve been a fan of big earrings by now your piercings are stretched and elongated- a dangerous and aging look especially when combined with droopy lobes ( these noses, lobes keep growing forever ! ). Get your piercings sewn up by a cosmetic surgeon and re-pierce when all is healed. Even Oprah got her ears pierced ( first time) at 50 so it’s not a big deal. Studs are light and are a hot trend again- everyone from Tory Burch to Marc Jacobs are doing them but you can find low-cost ones for under $20 everywhere. Sparkly slim hoops are another option that looks youthful especially if your hair is long, you smooth it behind your ears or  wear a ponytail.
STACKED BRACELETS AND RINGS INSTEAD OF SINGLES. Stacks of matching, similar or totally mis-matched rings and bracelets add personality and a contemporary look to your hands and wrists. They make trendy polish look cooler than ever and power up tees,  fitted sweaters and 3/4 sleeve jackets. Wear stacked bracelets on both wrists for major impact. Don’t hesitate to mix your “good” bangles with rubber “cause” bracelets, chains with jewel-studded cuffs- the combo brings out your individuality and charisma even if you’re wearing a basic black tee and cropped pants. When it comes to rings, anything goes. Add skinny bands plain or fancy to your engagement, wedding and eternity bands for an update. Slip major cocktail rings on any finger you like ( see Oprah’s photo above for glam inspiration).  I love baublebar.com for inexpensive finds and sophisticated rings from Kenneth Jay Lane and Oscar de la Renta . Check out these: Kenneth Jay Lane enameled 18 -karat gold and cubic zirconia ring ( $120, net-a-porter.com) and Oscar de la Renta two cabochon ring, Amazoni-rose ( $ 195, saksfifthavenue.com).
Use it or lose it goes for jewelry too !
For more de-aging tips and wardrobe revitalizing tricks check my new fashion book The Wardrobe Wakeup, Your Guide to Looking Fabulous at Any Age by Lois Joy Johnson ( $ 13.88, amazon.com).
Photo credits :
Oprah Winfrey : fashionista.com
Diana Vreeland: dianavreeland.com
Vera Wang : stylebistro.com
Jodie Foster : tvguide.com
Kenneth Jay Lane ring : saksfifthavenue.com

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

Parents Using More Nonverbal Cues, Gestures and other Body language Can Improve Their Child's Vocabulary

Parents Using More Nonverbal Cues, Gestures and other Body language Can Improve Their Child's Vocabulary

Meaningful gestures and glances may help children learn more words, independent of how much parents talk to them

The more you gesture and use nonverbal signals to communicate with your child the bigger their vocabulary. I love to watch my niece and her husband play and communicate with their daughter AVA, They make funny faces and use gestures like a greatest mimes ever, but they do it while they speak to baby AVA.  They raise their arms in the air and bring them down as they sing the theme song to Sponge Bob Square Pants, acting out each line of the lyrics. According the to latest research that should improve their child ability to understand language and to increase her vocabulary.  Here is the research study I read recently in one of my favorite monthly magazines Scientific American Mind.

Oct 17, 2013 |By Janelle Weaver

Children with a large vocabulary experience more success at school and in the workplace. How much parents talk to their children plays a major role, but new research shows that it is not just the quantity but also the quality of parental input that matters. Helpful gestures and meaningful glances may allow kids to grasp concepts more easily than they otherwise would.

In a study published in June in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences USA, Erica Cartmill of the University of Chicago and her collaborators videotaped parents in their homes as they read books and played games with their 14- or 18-month-old children. The researchers created hundreds of 40-second muted video clips of these interactions. Another set of study participants watched the videos and used clues from the scenes to guess which nouns the parents were saying at various points in the sequences. The researchers used the accuracy of these guesses to rate how well a parent used nonverbal cues, such as gesturing toward and looking at objects, to clarify a word's meaning.

Cartmill and her team found that the quality of parents' nonverbal signaling predicted the size of their children's vocabulary three years later. Surprisingly, socioeconomic status did not play a role in the quality of the parents' nonverbal signaling. This result suggests that the well-known differences in children's vocabulary size across income levels are likely the result of how much parents talk to their children, which is known to differ by income, rather than how much nonverbal help they offer during those interactions.

This article was originally published with the title "Nonverbal Cues Could Boost Kids' Vocabulary."

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.