Articles on reading
men’s body language, first impressions, reading your coworkers and goal setting
are below. You can either link to the online article or scroll down to read the
text here.
Decoding Men’s Body
Language
Make a Great First
Impression
What Do Your
Coworkers Really Think About You
Decode His Body
Language Signals (Has Photos of Men’s
Tells)
How
to Reach Your Goals
Decoding His Body Language
Family
& Relationships
The male mind is a complicated thing to understand. Guys
complain about females being a complex and difficult being to comprehend but
men are just as much of a mystery as we are. Chances are you’ve come across a
male in your life that basically through you for a loop. You couldn’t tell
whether he liked you; or if he did it was hard to decipher if his feelings were
non-committal or sincere; and your feelings about him were dependent on what he
thought of you or how he felt. Now deciphering all this would be easy if women
were mind readers and our only mission in life was to love and be loved. But let’s
face it, neither one of those are real. We can only read what we see, which is
why understanding a guy’s body language is critical to knowing whether he is
interested in you and what his intentions are right from the very first
introduction.
His aim: according to
body language specialist Patti Wood, a man will aim his upper body at the most
meaningful thing in the room to him. Even if his face is looking one way, his
upper body will say it all and
The flash smile: this movement is lightning-quick so keep a
close eye out. According to Tonya Reiman, author of The Power of Body Language,
when a guy raises his eyebrow quickly and smiles it’s safe to assume he is
genuinely attracted to you. During this movement, the guy will quickly lift his
eyebrows and wrinkle his forehead. If you can catch a glimpse of it, you’ll
know if he’s attracted to you.
Three Shades of Smiles: the first is the coy smile, which
is one of the more sincere smiles that will tell a woman when a guy sees you
more than just a bed buddy. If he puts on a mixed grin and smile then the guy
is definitely interested in you but may not want to give too much away at
first. He could be shy or just making an attempt at being subtle but this is definitely
one of the better signs. But ladies, do not get this confused with the half-smile,
which screams a ‘no-strings attached’ kind of attitude. The coy smile is more
of a shy grin while the half smile is more of a sneer-like grin. Beware! The tight-lipped
smile is commonly known as the ‘polite smile,’ which basically leaves you
in the friend-zone—for the time being. It’s his way of saying “thanks, but no
thanks.” It’s not a complete loss though, there is still time for him to
eventually develop potential feelings.
The gaze: if a guy holds your gaze for more than five seconds,
it most likely means he only has sex with you on his mind. Not that the gazer
shouldn’t be taken seriously as being potential dating material, but there’s a
possibility that he only sees you as the freak in the sheets and not a woman in
the streets.
His stance: guys love to show off their greatest asset, and most
of the time they think it’s their crotch. More often than not, a man will stand
or sit with his legs apart. Either way, he’s making it a point to draw your
attention to his groin. This movement is called the “crotch display.” Tracy
Cox, author of Superflirt, says that this move shows ‘machismo’ and
manhood. So look out for the thumbs on the belt loop or a ‘subtle’ touch of his
family jewels; if he’s going to point them out, you might as well look!
Understanding a guy’s body language from the very first meeting
is always difficult. There are so many factors to take in like setting, the
kind of people you both are surrounded by, and the circumstances of the initial
meeting. Stay tuned for more to learn what his body language means when your
dating, when your sleeping together, and when the relationship is all said an
done!
Meeting someone new? Don’t skip the formalities. Shaking hands before a social interaction makes a
more positive impression than a no-handshake greeting, according to an
article to be published in an upcoming issue of the Journal of Cognitive
Neuroscience.
Researchers tracked
the brain activity of people who watched and rated videos of non-verbal
guest-host exchanges. During handshake exchanges, the results showed increased
activity in the brain’s reward processing region, which the researchers say
demonstrates a link between the positive impact of a handshake and social
evaluation.
But a
handshake is more than just part of a friendly introduction—it helps break the
ice, too, says Patti Wood, body language
expert and author of Snap, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language
and Charisma. Shaking hands began as peace offering—proof you didn’t have
any weapons, Wood says. Nowadays it still has the same primal effect of
breaking down the “stranger barrier,” she explains. Go without the handshake,
however, and “it will take longer to feel comfortable and safe with someone,”
she says.
Think your shake needs assistance? Wood says to start
early when meeting someone new. “Put your hand out to prepare for a handshake at least four to six feet
away from the person,” she says. That way your new acquaintance isn’t surprised
by your gesture, and there’s no risk of crowding each other.
Want to avoid a weak grip or the embarrassing
fingers-only fumble? “Pointing your fingers down and scooping into the palm of
the other person’s hand will prevent them from grabbing too shallow or getting
a wimpy handshake,” Wood says.
What
Your Co-Workers Really Think
Posted on: June 26th, 2013 by Thamar
Houliston
Find out what your colleagues think
of you…
Your Colleagues Like You If…
They
Initiate Conversations
Coffee clicks have gone the way of cigarette breaks – they’re all but extinct.
Nowadays most people communicate by email, IM, or phone. “So if your colleagues
are chatting you up in the hallway, they’re taking time to break routine to
speak to you,” says body language expert Patti Wood. If they avert their eyes
or sneak glances at their watches during a conversation, they may not be so
into you.
They Offer Feedback
During a one-on-one, does your colleague nod thoughtfully and lean into your
conversation? Do the corners of her eyes crinkle when she smiles in response to
funny comments you make? “The more animated a person’s face, the more
emotionally invested they are in the conversation,” says Tonya Reiman, author
of The Power of Body Language.
They’re Smooth Talkers
“People deviate from their normal speech patterns when they’re nervous or
uncomfortable,” says body language expert Maryann Karinch, co-author of How
to Spot a Liar. Someone who normally speaks at a leisurely pace might
become a speed talker, while a person who usually talks quickly might pause for
long moments. If they enjoy your company, you won’t notice a change in their
vocal stride.
Your Colleagues Respect You If…
They Keep Quiet
Asking for your opinion – that’s a no-brainer. But letting you take control of
a conversation is a less obvious way to show how much they care about what you
have to say. “You can see the degree to which other people respect you by
observing how often they look to you for a reaction or a cue,” says
psychologist Ann Demarais, co-author of First Impressions: What You Don’t
Know About How Others See You. “And when a problem arises, they turn to
face you.”
They Make Room For You
“When you sit down at a meeting, see if your neighbours move their stuff closer
to themselves and out of your way, or push their chair back a bit to give you
more room,” Demarais says. “That shows respect.”
They Copy You
What they say about imitation and flattery is true: “Subconsciously, we try to
mirror people we like and respect,” Reiman says. So if you notice your
colleague mimicking your movements – for example, picking up her pen or cupping
her chin with her hand when you do – she probably admires you.
A Colleague Has A Crush On You If…
He Goes The Extra Mile
He spends an hour trying to fix your frozen computer, gives up his chair at a
crowded conference room table, or offers to pick you up a latte during his
afternoon coffee run. Maybe he’s just an incredibly nice guy – but more likely,
he’s into you.
He Drops Your Name
Saying things like “Hi, Jane,” or “How are you doing, Jane?” may seem like
common courtesy, but it’s actually an intimate gesture. Consider it the verbal
equivalent of a touch on the arm – a way to get more personal.
He’s A Stand-Up Guy
In the civilised world as in the wild, strong, physically imposing alpha males
have the best shot at mating. So men instinctively want to make themselves seem
bigger and badder around women they’re interested in, Reiman says. If he
suddenly stops slouching and puffs out his chest when he’s around you (the old
“I’m just stretching my arms” routine), take note – he may have a crush.
http://www.womenshealthsa.co.za/sex-love/decode-him/read-his-signals/
Read
His Signals
Posted on: May 1st, 2013 by Lori
Cohen
What’s he really thinking? Find out
just by looking at him…
The Clue: He keeps scratching his
nose or ears.
When a man is afraid of being caught
in a lie, his heart rate often accelerates and blood rushes to his nose, ears
and forehead, creating an itchy, tingly sensation.
Your Move: To get the truth out of him, put on your friendliest face.
Then frame your questions in a way that sounds like you’re being curious rather
than accusatory. A fibber will rarely plot out the minutiae of his story, so if
you listen long enough he may get tripped up in his convoluted tale and spill
the beans.
He’s
Second-Guessing Your Relationship
The Clue: He always seems to be
holding something in his hands.
He
may be avoiding intimacy, since keeping his paws occupied prevents him from
touching you. “Creating physical distance until he’s ready to make a decision
is often how men process their feelings,” says body-language expert Patti Wood.
Your Move: Call him on it. Say, “I love that we’re so open with each
other, but I feel like you’re not telling me something.” If he blows you off,
press him by saying, “I can handle whatever it is.” This might convince him you
won’t freak out – a major fear men have about self-expression, says Dr Scott
Haltzman, author of The Secrets of Happy Families. If he starts talking,
great, but if he’s indecisive about the relationship, suggest finding
some space until he knows where he stands.
He
Has Something To Confess
The
Clue: He draws his lips.
“When
a man has to get something off his chest, his mouth will tense up and he’ll
press his lips together as if he can’t decide whether he should open his mouth
and upload the bad news,” says Wood.
Your Move: When an enquiry sounds sincere, it can calm a suspect –
er, man – into making a confession. Try something like, “You look upset. Anything
you want to tell me?” No matter what, remain deadpan, even if what he says
upsets you. “The best way to get information from a guy is to keep a neutral
expression while he speaks so he won’t change his story based on your
reaction,” says Haltzman.
T
The
Clue: He holds one of his wrists.
“It
may appear that he’s adjusting his watch, but it can be a sign that he’s feeling
insecure,” says Wood. It’s like he’s protecting himself – his arm acts like a
shield positioned across his body.
Your Move: Guys love to feel like superheroes, so when his boss
lambastes him or you dis him (inadvertently), his confidence can plummet. “When
a man’s feelings are hurt or he’s trying to sort out a particular issue, he
feels powerless,” says Haltzman. “Give him some alone time to think the issue
through and regain control.”
REACH YOUR GOALS
The Start-Smart Strategy for Success
Want
to turn goal-setting into goal-getting? Here's how to reach your professional,
financial, and personal potential–starting now!
Published: May 1, 2012 | By Caitlin
Carlson
The Start-Smart Strategy for Success Want to turn
goal-setting into goal-getting? Here's how to reach your professional,
financial, and personal potential–starting now!
Polka Dot/Thinkstock
Ah,
unfinished tasks. Maybe it's that partially painted room in your house, a
somewhat organized closet, or a folder full of research on stock options (but
no stock). We all have those little reminders of good intentions gone astray.
The trick to following through? Starting right. Studies show that getting off
to a promising start triggers a positive chain reaction and makes it more
likely you'll be successful and finish the job. "The stronger your start,
the easier it will be to shift your focus to the end result and get past that
tricky no-man's-land in between," says Art Markman, Ph.D., a psychology
professor at the University of Texas and author of Smart Thinking: Three
Essential Keys to Solve Problems, Innovate, and Get Things Done. Here,
start-for-success strategies to achieve seven common goals.
The Start-Smart Strategy for Success
Want
to turn goal-setting into goal-getting? Here's how to reach your professional,
financial, and personal potential–starting now!
Published: May 1, 2012 | By Caitlin
Carlson
Goal 1: Create a Better First
Impression
Start here: When meeting a new guy, don't freak— even if you're at your college
pal's birthday party and she abruptly disappears after introducing you to one
of her new colleagues. The key to a great conversation is starting off right.
Make him feel at ease by stepping to his side, says Patti Wood, a
communications and body language expert and author of Snap: Making the Most of First Impressions. "While
women like to chat face-to-face because it makes them feel heard and
understood, this direct approach can make men feel as if they're facing an
opponent, which will put them on the defensive," says Wood. Before there's
time for an awkward silence to set in, "jump right in with a 'best' or
'favorite' question, like 'What's your favorite band?' (if there's music
playing) or 'What's the best
cocktail you've ever had?'" she
suggests. Positive-charged, springboard questions like these also work well in
other potentially awkward situations, like, ahem, dinner with your new
boyfriend's parents.
Goal
2: Get a Job you Love
Start here: Minimize trolling the Web for job openings and sending your résumé
out into the abyss, says Anita Attridge, a career and executive coach. Fifty
percent of jobs are never posted online, and 80 percent are obtained through
networking or direct contact, according to The Five O'Clock Club, a national
career coaching and outplacement organization. Build your network by first
determining the industry, position, and geographic area of interest to you.
Then identify specific companies you'd like to work for, and either call the
company or search using LinkedIn to track down the direct contact info of the
person who is in the position to hire you (e.g., the manager of the department
that interests you). On LinkedIn.com, check to see if you have
any connections to that person or know anyone else at the company who may be
able to clue you in on unlisted job openings. After all, 82 percent of the
Fortune 100 companies from 2011 found job candidates using LinkedIn, and more
than 2 million companies are listed on it.
Once
you identify the person who is in a position to hire you, send a targeted
letter to introduce yourself. Keep it brief, but be sure to include two or
three bulleted accomplishments in addition to your skills and qualifications,
says Attridge. Sign off with a request to meet in person for a half-hour
informational meeting, and follow up with a call in the early morning or late
afternoon to schedule it. The average number of calls it will take to reach a
person is eight, so leave a message the first time and continue calling until
you speak directly to the person.
Goal
3: Save Money for Retirement
Start here: "Speak with the HR department of your company and sign up for
its 401(k), if one is offered," says Erin Botsford, CEO of The Botsford
Group, a wealth-management firm. Contributing to your 401(k) is by far the
easiest and most beneficial way to save for retirement. "If your company
matches your contribution, this is basically the equivalent of getting free
money from your company, and you won't have to pay taxes on any of it until you
take it out to use it," says Botsford. Ask your benefits coordinator in HR
for the specifics and whether there's a certain amount of time you'll have to
work there before the company's contribution becomes yours. Use an investment
calculator online (try Dinkytown.net) to figure out exactly how
much you'll have when you reach the age of 65 (if you invest $675 a month and
get an average annual return of 8 percent, you can rack up over a million bucks
after 30 years!). Within your 401(k), you get to decide how to invest all that
hard-earned cash. The further you are from retiring, the more risks you can
afford to take, so it may make sense to consider investing in stock mutual
funds or ETFs since they traditionally outperform most other options. As you
get closer to retiring, move your money to more stable investments, like money-market
accounts, bonds, and stable value accounts. If you're self-employed or don't
have the option of a 401(k), you can sign up for a tax-advantaged IRA. Start
right (and ASAP!) and by the time you're ready to retire, you'll be able to
turn all those earnings into a condo in sunny Florida.
Goal
4: Improve Your Diet
Start here: First, think about what you can add to your diet, not what you need
to take out. "Instead of depriving or restricting yourself, think about
food groups you may not be getting enough of," says Shana Sporman, a
registered dietitian in Boston. If you rarely eat anything green, aim to eat at
least one serving of colorful produce (of any hue!) with lunch and dinner. When
eaten consistently, these high-fiber foods can make you feel fuller longer, boost your
energy, and improve digestion. Your body's natural biology craves this variety
and balance, which studies show also affects your mood and ability to focus.
Next, think about where you're overdoing it. If you need to tame that sweet
tooth, start by making small, sustainable changes instead of going cold turkey.
Substitute one pack of sweetener in your coffee for two, and instead of a scoop
of ice cream, have a scoop of Greek yogurt covered with berries, or mix half a
cup of regular Cheerios with your usual frosted O's. By easing into a big
lifestyle change, whether it's cutting back on sugar or going organic, you'll
be more likely to stick to it and be successful.
Goal
5: Redecorate Your Bedroom
Start here: Begin with your bed. It's the focal point of your bedroom, and
something as simple as a new bedspread or duvet cover can transform the whole
room and inspire a theme or color palette for the rest of your project.
"Buy a new headboard (you can pick up a freestanding upholstered headboard
for around $200 at Target) or fake it with a couple of 26-inch European square
pillows with matching shams propped against the wall behind your regular
pillows and throw pillows," says Lauri Ward, home design expert at
Redecorate.com. A tailored bed skirt in the same fabric will tie the chic look
together. Don't worry–it'll make the room feel symmetrical and relaxing, not
matchy-matchy. Then think balance. Even if you live alone, buy a mate for your
bedside table. (Note: The tables don't necessarily have to match, but if
they're wood, they should have matching finishes.) Top the pair with matching
lamps. "Just like shoes, you can never have too many pairs of anything, be
it pillows, frames, or lamps," says Ward.
Goal
6: Start a Blog or Twitter Account
Start here: Whether you're creating a blog or a Twitter account, start by uploading
your photo. "The default Twitter egg avatar is a common identifier of spam
accounts, so adding a photo (headshots work best!) encourages others to follow
you," says Steve Birkett, a new-media specialist who blogs at
riseabovethestatic.com. Plus, a photo shows you've put some time into crafting
your profile and gives potential followers an idea of who you are. Get your
first tweet out there on a Tuesday, the busiest day for Twitter, according to
studies. Introduce yourself in your first tweet with something like,
"Starting to tweet! I'm an accountant in NYC, passionate about all things
Web and music," and include a link to your blog if you have one. Start by
tweeting three or four times a day, spaced out as evenly as possible. (The
number of daily tweets varies greatly from user to user, so adjust your
strategy however you'd like.) Your first blog post is crucial because it sets
the scene for future posts. Put it up on Monday morning–people are most active
online on weekday mornings, and getting it up early in the week is your best
bet, says Birkett. Build a base of four to five posts before you really start
talking it up. "Your visitors will have something substantial to dig in
to, and the longer they stick around, the more likely they will be to subscribe,"
says Birkett. Subscription options are key, so make sure it's easy for visitors
to subscribe to your RSS feed or to sign up via e-mail!
Goal
7: Freshen Up Your Look
Start here: "Your eyebrows can make or break your whole look—messy brows
draw attention to other imperfections, such as less-than-perfect skin or messy
makeup, while a defined brow shape makes everything look more symmetrical and
polished," says Emily Kate Warren, a makeup artist in San Francisco. Make
sure you have good light (natural light or a lighted makeup mirror works best)
and tweeze any strays that are totally out of line. Then, brush hairs upward
and use a blunt-ended eyebrow pencil (like Sormé eyebrow pencil in soft gray
for dark hair or soft blonde for lighter hair, available at Amazon.com) to draw
little dashes anywhere you see skin. Already got the perfect brows? Pick up a
new blush in a fun, bright color. You'll instantly look more energized, and studies show that men
are drawn to women with flushed cheeks. When females of many primate species
become fertile, their estrogen levels peak, opening up their blood vessels and
turning their faces bright red. This flushed complexion seems to give males the
signal that it's time to make their move. The same could be true for humans. In
a previous study, scientists showed that men seem to be more attracted to women
clothed in red rather than in a neutral color such as white. Men interpreted
the red outfit as a signal that the woman was more open to sexual advances.
Keep the color concentration on the apples of your cheeks and dust a finishing
swipe across your nose.
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at
www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at
www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at
http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
