1. How to avoid falling for someone too quickly/getting too Attached.
There are four ways to "ease" into love rather than fall in love.
Many of them are to ensure you maintain your confidence and love for yourself
and assure you can evaluate the character or your love interest and don't become
addicted to them or the intensity of the chemicals created in the "falling
stage of love. As a result, you can feel and enjoy intimacy. You need to be
able to evaluate the quality of the potential partner and maintain your sense
of self.
1. Create
space. Give yourself physical space between you and the other person so you go
into the relationship an independent person who can look at the potential love
interest with perspective. That's not to say you don't cuddle, hold hands, or have
sex. However, it means you also have time when you are sitting apart, in other
rooms talking to each other. It's easy to get addicted to physical closeness
and attach and "fall" before you know whether it's a good healthy
person you are attaching to.
2. Create
time apart. That means you don't see text, message, and constantly call as the
dating and relationship building begins. Instead, have free time and establish a
sacred time just for you and your friends, family, or work. For example, say I
have my class on Wednesday nights that I love and want to keep going to. Or I
really like time each week to work out. Let's go through our schedules, so we
can find the best time to do our own life-affirming activities while still having
quality time with each other. Or, when I am at work, I won't be able to text
back immediately. Don't do this harshly. Instead, do this to see how you feel
when you are alone and independent and create and sustain your love for
yourself apart from your love interest.
3. Wait
to share every intimate story of pain and suffering. That doesn't mean you don't
share any bad things. It means waiting till you have built a safe foundation and
trust before you share every messy detail of your life. This also is a safety measure
to keep you from falling in love with a malignant narcissist, as one of their
love-bombing techniques at the beginning of dating is to get you to self-disclose
painful past relationship secrets. This exposes you to them, and though it can
feel special and intimate, it can also create TRAMUA BONDING. It makes you feel
close to someone who has not yet earned your trust if this is truly a love
match for you.
You have all the time in the world to talk about
your abusive ex, your absent father, or you are bullying your sibling. Wait.
4. Watch
and Question. Notice what your love interest does. Not just what they say. Do
they say something about loving and caring for you but not following through
with their actions? Wait to see how you feel. Do you feel safe? Do you feel
cared for? Do you feel happy and healthy? Are you anxious and or not sleeping
well? Do your friends and family like your love interest? Do your love interest
show empathy and care for you and others?
Empaths, those who are naive about what healthy mature love looks and feels like and who show unexamined trauma and other unhealthy past relationships, may fall "In Love" more quickly. 3. The dangers of falling too fast for someone. You may attach to a person who does not love you. You may make demands on the other person that is not healthy. You may fall for someone toxic, emotionally immature, or not ready for mature love. On the other hand, you may only feel a need or emptiness in you rather than falling in love with the love interest.
