Signs of an Untrustworthy Person. Signs of Toxic Person by Body Language Expert Patti Wood.

A trustworthy person has consistent, predictable behavior. You can rely on them to do what they say they will do and act in a way that makes sense and considers others’ feelings.

An Untrustworthy person is just the opposite.

1.       Unpredictable. You can’t count on them to act and respond as they have in the past and or changes in their normal baseline of behaviors that don’t seem to make sense. That they don’t want to talk about or that they give lame excuses for and or they get mad at you for noticing.

2.       The amount of time they want to spend with you or communicating with you changes. For example, they were calling, texting several times a day and suddenly they go quiet and can’t be reached.

3.       Lateness. Time is a powerful nonverbal communicator and someone saying they will be somewhere at a certain time and then breaking that promise shows a lack of respect for you and your time. Again, you can’t rely on them, you can’t trust them.

4.       Quick mood changes that don’t make sense. They may get mad for no reason at all, or get mad at you for something that was not a big deal, or that if you step back is bullying. Everyone can show emotions, but if the emotions are used to make you be quiet or not question their odd behavior and make YOU feel bad that’s not healthy. Trustworthy people can cry and get mad, but you know what makes them upset, and it is reasonable considering the circumstances. You don’t have to avoid topics or walk on eggshells to prevent them from getting emotional.

5.       Related to that they change how they act towards you and feel about you. One minute they may be super happy, and energetic, and act like you’re the most wonderful person in the world smiling at you, giving you focused intense eye contact and hanging on every word you say, the next minute they are mad, crying, or cold.

6.       Someone can come off as untrustworthy when YOU feel uncomfortable around them. If you can’t predict someone’s behavior and or you fear their intense emotions you are going to be tense, on edge, filled with cortisol when you are with them, and tired and or drained or numb when they aren’t with you. Inconsistent intense people can create an oddly addictive response. You're high with them, get a fix or intense emotions, and then nothing. Just like a drug addict, you may crave the high and or just the intensity.

 

 

 

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Care Giver Guilt, What do so many caregivers experience guilt? By Keynote Speaker Patti Wood

By Patti Wood 

1. When we see our loved ones suffer, in pain, frustrated, and sometimes angry at themselves, their doctors, and the world. And we feel guilty that we are well. That we are not in pain, that we can walk and move and be out in the world, and in the case of a terminally ill loved one that we will live. When I was taking care of my best friend when he was dying I felt guilty sharing the fun silly thing I was doing out in the world. We were both 29 at the time and I knew he would never dance again, never eat Wendy’s chicken sandwich again, and not live to turn 30.
2. When I was taking care of my boyfriend who was shot in a hunting accident I felt such guilt that I was not hurt and in pain, I only had fun when visiting with him and felt depressed and isolated myself from fun. I was only 21 and didn’t know how to process my caregiver guilt.
3. We also feel guilty that we may not be good enough caretakers and that we are not doing everything we can do. That we might make a mistake. When I was taking care of my best friend I read everything about his illness and the medications and talked with the doctors and nurses and was hyper-vigilant with every medication and every dosage through his drip and felt guilty if I was in his hospital room when the doctor came because I was at work.  When later I was engaged to a man who had cystic fibrosis I again became hyper-vigilant, and again felt guilty that I was not critically ill and at risk of death, but I grew to realize that that was a toxic bond to have with a loved one.
4. Sometimes we learn from our caretaker experience. Many years later I had a boyfriend and I broke up with him. The next day he showed up at my house, wearing his piolet uniform as he was about to go pick up a private plane for a client. He wanted to get back together, I said no but we went to breakfast and when he dropped me back at my house he had a stroke, long story, but he and his doctors said I saved his life. Once I got him brain trauma ICU and his family was there and his other girlfriends were there. (Oh yeah a lot of discoveries.) I realized I didn’t need to take care of him, and I felt no guilt about abdicating that responsibility. That came from my other experiences.

5)      Sometimes we feel guilty because we are not perfect, we are not saints. I have a friend who still feels guilty that while taking care of her ex after he had a debilitating stroke, she was sometimes mean and yelled at him. Even though she gave up most of her wonderful healthy single life and moved in with them for 24-hour care, fed him changed his diapers, and lived again with his toxic manipulation and had to take care of his financial mistakes as well, and all the results of his irresponsible self-care, lack of financial responsibility, lack of healthy relationships with his family and friends that left him with no one else to take care of him.

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.