Patti Wood Body Language Expert Blog : Apr 4, 2022

How Can You Improve You First Impression? How Can You Improve Your Nonverbal Communication?

I suggest in my programs that people write down how they think people perceive them with a long list that includes things like, "Shy, happy, kind…." Then write down what their actual behaviors are under all the categories like, "I like to arrive 15 minutes early to all appointments, or I run about 15 minutes or more late everywhere I go, I go straight to my desk in the morning and don't stop or make eye contact, I like to wear baggy comfortable clothes. Then look at just the list of behaviors, and beside each behavior, write how other people might perceive it, such as arrogant, lazy, uncaring, or unprofessional.

I also coach clients to do what I call "Check-ins." I teach them to do quick check scans up and down their body surroundings to see how others might perceive them. Whether that's a glace in the mirror before going out, an assessment of how you and your zoom box may appear to others by creating your own Zoom meeting and doing a check-in before a critical company Zoom call or check-in from toes to the top of your head to note important connection cues such as where your feet are pointed, if your knees are crossed, if the palms of your hands are showing, if you are making eye contact for longer than three seconds.

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.

What Are the Common Types or Categories of Nonverbal Communication?

Paralanguage or Vocalics- are all the nuances of the voice, pitch, volume, rate, vocal quality, and fillers. I include breathing, sneezing, laughing, etc. It helps us assess personality, emotional intensity, and humor and helps give us cues to regulate the flow of conversation. Many experts consider paralanguage to be the most honest nonverbal communication and the best way to assess deceit.

I can analyze someone's sneeze and tell you their personality type on the DISC assessment tool. Fun example -When under stress, someone may suddenly cough or clear their throat. So, if you are in a movie theater and a character is revealed as unfaithful, stop and listen to the people in the theater. If someone suddenly clears their throat or cough may be unfaithful! I include Silence under this heading and also include it under Chronemics, while some researchers give it its own category.

Chronemics – is the use of time to reflect personal or cultural identity, power, status, and liking. I have a chapter in one of my books on lateness as a nonverbal communicator and the common meanings of tardiness! If you have ever waited for a return call or text, you have experienced it.

Kinesics – are all body movements. It includes; gestures, body motions, and positions, as well as facial expressions. They reflect our perception of ourselves and others and the situation and topic. For example, a tilted head, a hair toss, an open palm, a crossed leg, a tight smile, a foot tap, and winking are all body movement cues.

Proxemics – are the zones of space we use to communicate the level of trust, intimacy, and status. We are drawn toward what we like and are repelled by what we don't.

The zones of space are intimate (0 to one and a half feet), personal (1and ½ to two feet., social (two to six), and professional (six to twelve. (Unless you are Putin.

We saw interesting changes in Proxemics uring Lockdown for Covid. Even before "six feet' Was given as a safe distance, people would often freeze when they got within six feet of someone. That is a natural stopping point for assessment and previously the distance where you might start to put out your hand to shake hands. And many people also reserved what is called "Intimate Zone"of space" of 0 to 15 inches for only close family. And the body bubble of intimate space has grown from 12 inches in the '90s to up to 1 and a half feet. The zones of space have changed. They have increased over time so if you look them up, you will see disagreement about the defined distances.

Physical appearance – physical characteristics such as skin color, height, weight, facial features, and facial and body symmetry and attractiveness influence how people perceive us and vice versa. People often perceive trustworthiness, introversion or extroversion, maturity, and friendliness by someone's looks, sometimes incorrectly. For example, the tallest, broadest candidate in political debate is often perceived as the "winner," and attractive people are often perceived as having more positive traits.

Artifacts - are material things we wear or attach to our bodies to express our identities. These include earrings, makeup, tattoos, a small dog we carry, etc. In addition, they include things like long painted fingernails, uniforms to display professionalism and draw respect from people, colors like red that create excitement, and high-end luxury branding on items.

Territory/Environmental Factors are the elements of a surrounding or setting. Colors, lighting, furniture arrangement, design, and many others affect our actions.

These days we analyze what I have labeled someone "ZOOM Box" to assess someone's personality, status, and emotional state. Music and scent in stores and other businesses can create different moods and actions and are even used to make a "brand" sense.

Haptics is the sense of touch to convey emotions. This includes hugging, kissing, holding, shaking hands, patting, etc. Research shows that touch is the first sense to develop, and it plays an essential role in well-being. In some cultures, skin contact between men and women is considered offensive, and in others, people touch the mate over 100 times in an ordinary conversation. As we learned in the MeTo movement, touch can be used to show power and status.

My original doctoral dissertation was on touch in the workplace, so I can give you more if you need it.

Technics –are cues are given through and by our use of technology. ( I created this category. There is not a universally recognized name for this category. I include things like ghosting, font type, and how you hold your phone. The kind of phone you carry would be an artifact, but someone's addition and constant use would be considered part of Technics.

Why Do We Use Nonverbal Communication?

We use Nonverbal Communication for survival specifically to quickly avoid danger, find food and water, mate and raise young safely. We see, hear, and feel, and our body responds with the Freeze, Flight, Fall/Faint, or Friend response. Nonverbal communication is given out and processed in the limbic system, which is designed to respond quickly, and Word language is processed in the Neocortex.

For example, we can form an accurate first impression to assess someone is safe to approach in less than 1/300^th of a second. (Fun fact we can recognize a smile from 300 feet away, and we have limbic system stranger danger assessment at 15 feet that is constant across different cultures) So are "gut" impression is often formed and acted upon before any words are spoken. In addition, we use and can rely on Nonverbal Communication which is, for the most part, subconscious communication to be more accurate than word language that is filtered through the Neo Cortex and can be manipulated.

Even a two-year-old covered in cookie crumbs from their cookie jar theft can look you right in the eye, lie and say, "I didn't steal the cookie." But since we can give out thousands of cues in less than a minute, the child cannot typically control them all they may turn their body away, swing their back foot, give a lopsided smile, and speak with awkward pacing, all forms of nonverbal leakage that reveal that their lying.

What is Nonverbal Communication, The Definition of Nonverbal Communication

What exactly is nonverbal communication?

Nonverbal Communication Is communication that does not use spoken language and is not directly transferable into spoken or word language. For example, Sign Language is not considered nonverbal communication.

It includes Paralanguage or Vocalics (all the nuances of the voice and breathing), Chronemics (time), Kinesics (body language), Physical Attractiveness (looks), Proxemics (space), Haptics (touch), Environmental Cues, Physical appearance, Artifacts (things we wear or carry or attach to the body) that express identity, and Technics.

What have been White House Press Secretary Psaki's major strengths and weaknesses as a professional communicator?

She knows the "Core Message" of the White House and speaks with respect for Biden and Harris.
She is always prepared for questions that will be top of mind and are very prepared for the "Whopper" antagonistic questions.
She responds very quickly and succinctly without a lot of pauses and backtracking. She gives just enough detail.
She is excellent at "Bridging" to the core messages.
She listens well and, for the most part, doesn't interrupt or talk over the journalist.
She may talk fast, but when it's an important message to get out, she is very good at slowing down and talking in an even modulated voice to make sure the point she is trying to make is critical and true.
Her hair gets in her eyes, and there are some interviews where I begin to count the time she pushes it back. She does have Gorgios hair, and It does make her look younger and sexier as it's a flirtation cue, but it affects her credibility, and I long to tell her to push it behind her ears!!!
Her best and worst attribute is that she does not suffer fools gladly. You can tell that she dislikes certain questions and certain reporters. If she gets a question, she doesn't like. She may give micro facial cues of aggression or disgust. She gives "sour face" cues to many questions and shows "Lip suppression" and "Tongue Thrusts" cues to indicate there a few things she would like to say to them or where she would like them to go!
She has a great sense of humor, and I would coach her to have a little more fun and pause and play in response to light questions. I think it would increase her likeability. I coach on the Four First Impression Factors, "Credulity, Likeability, Attractiveness and Power and the one she needs to work on the most is Likeability.
She controls the meeting very well.

I am a body language expert and media coach. I have been interviewed by national and international media 2 to 14 times a week for over 20 years and used to be a regular on Nancy Grace, Dr. Drew, CNN, and FOX. I have written several books, including SNAP Making the Most of First Impressions Body Language and Charisma.

How to Improve Your Ability to Read Body Language by Body Language Expert Patti Wood

Rough notes sent to Forbes Magazine in response to a request for an article on body language.

In the "Show" don't, "Tell" formula of good writing, authors use body language cues to describe and define characters, indicate shifts and changes in mood, and the effects of others' actions and dialogue on characters. I recommend as you read, you highlight these sections as well as how the author introduces each new character, as it is often with a few body language cues and or appearance description

Recent research has shown that reading fiction improves empathy. I recommend reading fiction to be aware of someone's emotional state and body language and be aware of how you appear to others.

I assign novels to my coaching clients. It's especially beneficial to my clients at high levels in their organization as they may find their employees don't always share their vulnerabilities and true feelings. It is also helpful for my clients who come to be because they can't seem to read other people and wonder why they are ostracized, have frequented conflicts with others, and or have been betrayed by a toxic person.

I have been analyzing the body language of big wigs and suspected criminals for years, and the more you watch, the more you learn. Watch long media interviews of corporate big wigs like they do on 60 minutes and take notes on what they do well and poorly. In addition, I recommend going to YouTube and watching the James Lipton interviews of movie stars on The Actors studio.

And seeing how James Lipton listens and responds as the interviewer and how stars behave as they self-disclose, I give them links to some of the interviews of people like Bill Gates and Elizabeth Homes and have them take notes and then give them my notes/

Finally, I am working on a book on body language in film as I recommend you watch movies to improve your ability to read body language. I a give out a list of movies to watch to learn certain concepts like the Maltese Falcon and Hitchcock's Dial M for Murder and Strangers on a Train for understanding space and territory cues, power cues and deception detection and the father-son scene in Jaws to learn about Matching and Mirroring,

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