How to Say, “I Love You” With Your Greetings and Goodbyes
I
am a professional speaker so I fly just about every week. After working out of
town and flying hours in a cramped plane I arrive in Atlanta, a weary traveler.
Then I have a long walk and train ride. Every week on this journey I am
surrounded by a sea of sad and exhausted travelers, all wearing what I call
“Friday Faces,” the tired look of someone who has worked and traveled all week
and is just barely hanging on until the weekend. In fact, sometimes I look at
the travelers around me and they look like they are soldiers who have been in
battle and they are coming home from war.
When
we reach the top of the escalator, something magical happens. There is a sea of loved ones, holding, “I
love you” signs and carrying roses, ready to touch and hold us and transform
our Friday Faces, to faces full of love. We are greeted with love and the
greeting transforms us and bonds us with our loved ones.
In
one study done at airports, 60% of people engaged in touching when greeting or
saying goodbye to another person. And other studies show that we linger and
give more touch as we say goodbye in any interaction.
I
believe we should greet our loved ones every day as if they have come home from
battle. We should hold them, touch them, kiss them and give them our love and
undivided attention.
Greetings Home
Every evening when my father came
through the door from work, he would give a high two note whistle to signal he
was home and my mother, my teenage sisters and I would come running to greet
him. It didn’t matter what we were doing. My mother’s cake batter could be
stirred later, my sister’s records could be listened to later and my Malibu
Barbie could wait to go out in the convertible with Ken. Daddy was our priority
and we would run to him, sharing hugs and kisses with each other, with me being
grabbed in his arms and thrown in the air. We would have a few minutes of love
and laughter. I was fortunate that my parents were so demonstrative. Message:
Greetings are an important ritual for family bonding and bonding in
general. Always make a loving
ritual of hellos and goodbyes.
No matter where you are in the house, drop whatever you’re doing, and greet your spouse with a kiss and or a hug hello when they come home. Go to them immediately, even if you are on the phone, working, or cooking, this communicates that he or she is the most important thing to you. If you are with other family members, bring them with you to greet your sweetie. Get them excited. If you have small kids and they run to greet your sweetie, go with THEM.
Each time you greet with your time, your speed of reaction, your eye contact, your presence and your touch, you are saying nonverbally, “You come first.” A warm welcome actually decreases the chance of stress, conflict and arguing later on. This can reduce conflict in your home as well. In a research study where teachers and principals stood at the school doors or classroom and shook hands with students as they entered, school attendance was higher and bad behavior was lower. Don’t you think in your home if you started the night right by greeting your sweetie as they came in the rest of the night would go better?
No matter where you are in the house, drop whatever you’re doing, and greet your spouse with a kiss and or a hug hello when they come home. Go to them immediately, even if you are on the phone, working, or cooking, this communicates that he or she is the most important thing to you. If you are with other family members, bring them with you to greet your sweetie. Get them excited. If you have small kids and they run to greet your sweetie, go with THEM.
Each time you greet with your time, your speed of reaction, your eye contact, your presence and your touch, you are saying nonverbally, “You come first.” A warm welcome actually decreases the chance of stress, conflict and arguing later on. This can reduce conflict in your home as well. In a research study where teachers and principals stood at the school doors or classroom and shook hands with students as they entered, school attendance was higher and bad behavior was lower. Don’t you think in your home if you started the night right by greeting your sweetie as they came in the rest of the night would go better?
Goodbyes
Goodbyes and goodbye hugs and kisses have a
big impact too. These words and gestures say “I leave you with love.” With a touch goodbye, you anchor yourself to
your mate. I recommend creating a “secret
touch” I suggest that you agree on a non-verbal love signal shared just
between the two of you. It can be a
lingering look, a touch on the forearm, a cupped hand on the side of the face,
a kiss to both cheeks, a touch of forehead to forehead, and that three second
look or touch can mean, ‘I love you,’ ‘I want you right now’ or ‘You look great
to me’,” or “I send you off with all my love.”
There are other choices. Your secret love signal could be as simple as a
sly smile, or your lips puckered up, or maybe a quick wrinkling up of the nose.
It could be as simple as a tilt of the head to indicate you’d like to rest your
head on his shoulder or allow her head to rest on yours as a gesture of warmth
and respect. Words are not always needed. The secret love signal can recreate the
love each time it is given.
Because I have been recommending making
a ritual of goodbyes and hellos in your household, I have gotten many emails
from attendees saying things like, “My spouse treats me so differently now that
I get up and greet them at the door when they come home.” “I am amazed how much
it seems to ease the stress of my husband when I go and greet him at the door.”
“I have seen my sweeties face light up now when she comes home in a way it
didn’t when I didn’t go to hug her when she came home.”
We have a favorite family
recording of a greeting home. The coming home greeting was done by the local
television station during the gulf war. My brother-in-law Sheldon is coming
home from many months of danger in the Gulf. As he gets off the plane at first
he looks lost and then, he sees his family and they see him. My sister and their
children leap up and run full blast to him with their arms up and open. They
are smiling and crying and it’s a love fest. My brother-in-law Sheldon bonds
with his family, he is transformed.
So I say to you, Get up off
the couch, come down from the office, put down your small tasks and rush to
your sweetie. Go to the door to say hello every night when your loved
ones come home.
This chapter was inspired
by an interview I did for the Toronto Sun today. Here is the
article. http://www.torontosun.com/life/2010/02/09/12807046.html
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
