Nine Tips for Self-Promotion for Women
How to Brag
Successfully so You Don't Look Like a Show Off
Here are nine tips for the best way to brag
in a politically correct manner and how to
successfully and gracefully self-promote.
1. Be fearless and speak well of what you have
done.
Yes, there
is a gender-based difference in how men who self-promote are perceived and how
women who say their accomplishments are perceived. It can change, but the research still shows that in traditional gender stereotypes men are admired for their work, physical and monetary accomplishments and women for their relationships, nurturing, social accomplishments But, that
perception can ONLY change if women are courageous and speak well of their
accomplishments without fear. A good rule of thumb when sharing your success is to see how, when and what men are sharing about theirs and by balancing what you share about yourself with admiration and others. By seeing what others do that you respect, and admire and complimenting them directly and speaking well of them to others even when they aren't there.
2. Choose to do things that are worthy of
self-promotion.
Be
courageous, take risks. By this, I don't mean take on more tasks and be a
workaholic, I mean be thoughtful in your choices. Spend your time wisely and
with integrity. Volunteer for important projects. Help other team members.
Work on committees, (You can choose to be on committees
with important people.) Speak up at meetings with great ideas.
Take the lead position on projects, suggest and spearhead innovations.
3. Learn to tell a short self-promotional story.
“Last week the most fantastic thing
happened... “I had the best week this week……”, “I feel so great about something
that happened this week...” and then tell about one specific success. Don’t
preface it with how tired you are. Don’t list all you did, or how busy your
week was. Tell one very brief story. A hero’s journey is interesting. A
recap of your to-do list or rundown of all the things on your outlook
calendar is boring. If you have not read, "The Power of Myth" find it
or at least read about it so you know what a hero's journey looks and
sounds like. Make sure you include brag bites―pieces of relevant facts,
such as clients that you’re working with, how long you’ve been in the industry,
or a project you’ve recently completed.
4. Be very careful of your tone and nonverbal
delivery.
Look at how
men get excited and make the telling of their hero’s journey into a fun journey
for the listener. Don’t be haughty and don’t hog too much time. Think how
men share a sports success story, “I hit a home run, I caught the ball, I made
a hole in one." People actually ENJOY listening because they feel the
pleasure, excitement of the adventure and challenge along with the storyteller. But remember, women have a narrower band of acceptable delivery options
so you can't be over the top and again you must tell a shorter story
than a man.
5. Send a thoughtful email to a specific person about your accomplishments.
Men will
email what they have done to accomplish their projects and you can do it too. If
you see a good example of someone stating an accomplishment in an
email you receive the model it. Don't send a group email listing your checked off
to-dos. If you are not sure how it sounds read it out loud or try it out on
someone who can be brutally honest with you about how it sounds.
6. Make your work visible by spending time with
people.
Talk to
people who can recommend you. Take influential people out for coffee or lunch,
stop by people’s offices and ask what they are up to. Spend productive time-sharing and visiting in the break room.
7. Compliment and "brag on" other
women.
When you
focus on others accomplishments and notice what is worthy of praise
your energy is focused in the right place and you learn what matters. One
simple way to give praise is with an introduction. For example,
when you introduce your female friends, coworkers and business friends to
someone new share their name and an accomplishment. "Jim, this
is Sara Beckman, she just headed up the committee for our new
quarter sales meeting and it was fantastic." "Tom, this is Morgan
Tyler, she just spearheaded the new marketing project." "Karl, this
is Veronica Mann, she works with our top client Prudential."
8. Ask other women to brag for you.
If you have
established healthy, reciprocal, working relationships with other women it is
perfectly acceptable to ask them to help you by giving a brag
boost. You can even ask someone to share something specific to someone
specific. But if you do this, I advise that you always reciprocate. Be the
person that says and shares positive things about others.
9. Be a good listener.
We like
people who listen to us and often imbue them with good behaviors. If you want
people to listen to you share your successes, be the best listener for them. It
will not only make you more discriminating about what and how you self-promote but
more importantly it is just gracious behavior.
For other
ways to look good at work you can check out other articles.
Five Ways to
Give a Great First Impression
http://www.pattiwood.net/article.asp?PageID=11491
Nonverbal
Cues of a Good Listener
http://www.pattiwood.net/article.asp?PageID=2323
How Do We
Know Someone is Credible within Seconds of Meeting Them?
http://www.pattiwood.net/article.asp?PageID=10452
On a
personal note:
When I was
in my late thirties, I was at a party with my fiancé at the time
and someone asked me what I did for a living. I said, "I am a body language expert and professional speaker."
Later my
fiancé chastised me for saying I was a body language expert. I remember going
through a cascade of different emotions and revelations at that moment.
First I
felt shame at the thought that I could have been inappropriate
and a braggart. But then I realized that was not what I should feel. I should feel proud of being an expert. Then a
stronger emotion took over and I was angry at my fiancé for not
seeing me for all I was. Then I felt disappointment in myself as I realized
that he might not even know all that I had accomplished. I had never told
him.
But, I did manage to do with him,
something I had not done well until that moment, brag. I said, “I have several degrees in nonverbal
communication, I taught body language at two universities. My body language
class at Florida State averaged 150 students each semester and was voted one of
the most popular college courses in the country. I have been researching
and consulting on the topic for many years. I have written a book on body
language. And I have been speaking on the topic to the top companies around the
world for many years. I am an expert!”
I may have been inappropriate and given too
much of a laundry list, but by god, I bragged. It was a seminal
moment. A watershed if you will, where I consciously took pride in what I have done and what I do.
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at
www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at
www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at
http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
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