McCarthy's Body Language and Messaging in his Speech Leaving the House Speaker Position, By Body Language Expert Patti Wood

I don't know if they will use it, but I contributed my thoughts on McCarthy's speech yesterday after his historic ousting. 

In my book SNAP Making the Most of First Impressions Body Language and Charisma, I talk about the Primacy and Recency Effect. The Recency Effect, that is the last thing you say or do has been shown in research to have a profound impact on your credibility.

1. McCcarthy had the opportunity to show inspirational leadership. With at least one well-crafted inspirational talking point to the nation that would be quoted not just by the media but in history books. Instead, he spent most of his speech blaming others for his ousting. 

2. His nonverbal delivery, rather than being strongly delivered, with a powerful voice and volume level carried to the end of his sentences and open posture with large forceful gestures, was more like a “back room”, “look here guys”, talk with a loss of volume and strength in his voice at the end of his sentences showing weakness and lack of confidence in his messaging.  Rather than speaking to the nation at a critical point in history, he was talking to his buddies after he lost the game. And showed poor leadership by blaming the other team and his horrible team.   

3. He also showed fear and lack of confidence with comforting gestures like touching the back of his neck and pressing his fingernail to his forehead in a "Self-Beating" gesture as he quoted President Lincoln. He also showed a lack of respect and lack of confidence with small “Tongue Thrusts” as he spoke.  People often give passive-aggressive tongue thrusts when they are cornered but don’t have the strength to fight. I see tongue thrusts in perp walks and when people are caught in crimes and are questioned on the courtroom steps and sometimes in murder trials by a suspect on the stand has dark triad behaviors.

Check out the photo. It's so interesting here how he starts the speech with a thumb to the forehead. It's a form of "self beating" showing he has bad thoughts and wants to press the off button on them.

I am one of the top body language experts in the country. I have been giving national media interviews at least twice a week for over 20 years. I speak to Fortune 500 Companies, and I am a media coach. 

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Care Giver Guilt, What do so many caregivers experience guilt? By Keynote Speaker Patti Wood

By Patti Wood 

1. When we see our loved ones suffer, in pain, frustrated, and sometimes angry at themselves, their doctors, and the world. And we feel guilty that we are well. That we are not in pain, that we can walk and move and be out in the world, and in the case of a terminally ill loved one that we will live. When I was taking care of my best friend when he was dying I felt guilty sharing the fun silly thing I was doing out in the world. We were both 29 at the time and I knew he would never dance again, never eat Wendy’s chicken sandwich again, and not live to turn 30.
2. When I was taking care of my boyfriend who was shot in a hunting accident I felt such guilt that I was not hurt and in pain, I only had fun when visiting with him and felt depressed and isolated myself from fun. I was only 21 and didn’t know how to process my caregiver guilt.
3. We also feel guilty that we may not be good enough caretakers and that we are not doing everything we can do. That we might make a mistake. When I was taking care of my best friend I read everything about his illness and the medications and talked with the doctors and nurses and was hyper-vigilant with every medication and every dosage through his drip and felt guilty if I was in his hospital room when the doctor came because I was at work.  When later I was engaged to a man who had cystic fibrosis I again became hyper-vigilant, and again felt guilty that I was not critically ill and at risk of death, but I grew to realize that that was a toxic bond to have with a loved one.
4. Sometimes we learn from our caretaker experience. Many years later I had a boyfriend and I broke up with him. The next day he showed up at my house, wearing his piolet uniform as he was about to go pick up a private plane for a client. He wanted to get back together, I said no but we went to breakfast and when he dropped me back at my house he had a stroke, long story, but he and his doctors said I saved his life. Once I got him brain trauma ICU and his family was there and his other girlfriends were there. (Oh yeah a lot of discoveries.) I realized I didn’t need to take care of him, and I felt no guilt about abdicating that responsibility. That came from my other experiences.

5)      Sometimes we feel guilty because we are not perfect, we are not saints. I have a friend who still feels guilty that while taking care of her ex after he had a debilitating stroke, she was sometimes mean and yelled at him. Even though she gave up most of her wonderful healthy single life and moved in with them for 24-hour care, fed him changed his diapers, and lived again with his toxic manipulation and had to take care of his financial mistakes as well, and all the results of his irresponsible self-care, lack of financial responsibility, lack of healthy relationships with his family and friends that left him with no one else to take care of him.

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.