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How to Answer When Asks, "How Are You Doing?" How to Greet People by Body Language Expert Patti Wood, Small Talk., Greeting Behavior,


How to Answer When Asks, "How Are You Doing?"

(From Patti's books SNAP Making the Most of First Impressions Body Language and Charisma and People Savvy)

The first consideration in responding to someone asking How you are doing is the source of the question. For example, if the person is not someone who will see again and or that you don't want to grow and maintain a professional relationship, then a simple "Fine." is appropriate and significant.  

A more personalized, more detailed, and specific response helps build rich long-term relationships.

When I taught Nonverbal Communication at Florida State, I would tell the story of the Warm Fuzzes, the Plastic Fuzzies, and the Cold Prickles. (There was a village where children were given at birth a bag of warm fuzzes (Soft cuddly puffs that when you gave them made people feel warm and fuzzy inside). The village was a warm and loving place. One day a wizard visited and said to all the villagers, "You are going to run out of warm fuzzies!" So he gave the villagers bags, plastic fuzzies, a fake plastic kind of communication that wasn't real and cold pricklies that made people feel all cold and sharp and hard inside. So the villagers hoarded their now seemingly precious warm fuzzies and gave plastic fuzzies and cold pricklies, and in times the village grew tense and unhappy, lonely and mean. Then a good witch entered the village and handed out warm fuzzies to everyone. The villagers felt bad about feeling so good when she gave them warm fuzzies that they went home and got out their bags of warm fuzzies and started giving them again. They realized as they did that their bag of warm fuzzies filled up as they gave them freely, and everyone lived happily ever after.

The moral of the story? When you give a warm, genuine communication, you give something warm and accurate to the other person, and you, in return, have your bag of warmth replenished.

 

The second consideration in responding is whether you tell them anything bad. If you feel bad and bad things are happening in your life, a sincere response may include that truth. But, if you don't need other people's comfort, you don't have to share that. If you do, you may wish to soften it with a positive truth or hope for the future statement such as, "I have a family member going through a hard time, and that hard, but we have a good strong family, and we are grateful for that." "Business is not at the top of our projections right now, but we are working with a new prospect the next quarter looks much better. "I am having a hard day today, but I have plans for the weekend with my family, and I am grateful."

The third thing to consider is how to respond after you have completed answering their "How are you question."
You can continue the more standard response interaction with, "And How are you?" with the expectation you will get a standard, "Fine." Response or you can create a more authentic deeper interaction by asking a different question such as, "And what is the best thing going on in your life? "or "What are you looking forward to today?" "Tell me something that lifted your spirits today." "What's the best thing that happened to you today?" Some people may respond that nothing good is happening, and if so, that gives you an opportunity to have unique, tangible interaction and comfort them. But many times, you get back an incredible honest positive response that feels terrific for both of you


Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.