Taking off Shoes at the Door of Home Means More Than You Might Think

Leave your shoes at the door, may sound like the chorus of a country song, but giving up your shoes when you enter someones home communicates more than you might think.

Shoes are part of our “armor” that protects from harm and injury in the outside world
They are also  part of our “uniform’ to communicate status, and wealth as well as an “artifact” that communicated our style and personality.
When we take our shoes off we feel safe physically and psychology and can shed our need to communicate are artifices like status and style.
For years as a body language expert, I have noticed how most people become more comfortable and relaxed when they take off their shoes in a house and interact.
The shedding seems to help us become kids again, unpretentious and more vulnerable and playful.
Now shoe bottoms have been proven to carry germs, bacteria and other pathogens so taking them off as we enter our home actually has a new meaning.
I first noticed a shoe shelf at the door of my Physician nieces family house years ago and it made me realize how serious
And that is my home and or your home is sacred and I want to help you keep it safe so I shed the dangers I am carrying on my shoes when I enter your home.
So now the act of taking off shoes by friends and home service personal like plumbers and appliance personal seems an act of consideration and honoring of
of your home.
I encourage shedding shoes at my house by having a special pretty carpet and stand by the door where they see two pairs of shoes already there and place for theirs
I don’t even have to say anything the “shoe station” communicated the ritual for me. 




Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Will a Narcissist Come Back After No Contact?


I am a body language expert, I read the body language of suspects, criminals, celebrities, and politicians for the national media and speak and consult on Malignant Narcissism.
Will a Narcissist Come Back After No Contact?
The simple answer is yes, they will come back till they get nothing.
 Malignant Narcissists are empty, lacking a positive emotional connection to themselves that can fill them, they instead feel they are in a dark abyss. They need to constantly be fed narcissistic supply of other people’s emotions. To them, you are a possession, a source of supply that they can pick up and use anytime. Time for Malignant Narcissists is not linear, its never to late to hurt you and get fed by your pain, it never too late to reach for you to get the pleasure they once had. Because they still feel any pain that ever happened to them as if it is still happening. Think about how Trump still feels that Obama still got more people at his inauguration than Trump did and that humiliation still bothers Trump today as much as it did that day and he still feels the need to change it and seek revenge.

They feel they should be able to reach for you to get the pleasure they once had 
So if you use the technique of having  "no contact" they can feel just as angry at you years later as they did when it first happened, if you hurt them in the relationship they are still mad if you loved them and they liked that, they feel you should always give them that.  They may show this by continually calling to call you or drive by your house or try to come back months or years later with flowers.

Two factors that can help them stay away and not seek contact.
1. You must make sure they no longer get any "supply" from you.
2. You have to hope are fed by lots of other people, so they don’t have to cycle back to you as a formally reliable supply source. So, if your ex has a new gal, as much as you may fear for her future, her as a source of "supply" may keep him for hurting you. If a coworker is now getting his or her anger, that coworker is "supply' and not you.
3. You have to hope they won’t keep playing with you at a distance with actions like smear campaigns, name-calling, and damaging your other relationships as that can continue to feed them so they continue to feel connected and in contact and or you need to not care or give any energy to these actions they do to stay connected.
Consequences to the MN don’t typically work well, but Malignant Narcissists  greatest fear is public humiliation so if they look weak or stupid and their masks come down to others when they seek to recontact that can work. For example if you go no contact but your abuser is still driving by your house you can continue to ignore it and  make it clear to your friends that your abuser driving by your house to stalk to you makes you feel sorry for him, how small his life must be, and your friends agree that makes him look sad and small he may stop stalking.

Will a Narcissist Come Back After No Contact?

There are a few ways it can work, If their last contacts before no contact gave them no supply. You need to make sure you go “grey” giving them emotion, no anger not victim, not passive, not powerful and strong just boring, using a monotone voice and as little expression as possible not matter what they do to trigger you or those around you.
As you go “grey” before no contact if they call to talk about the boring aspects of your day, if they talk d Will a Narcissist Come Back After No Contact? don’t give any feedback. Be dull. If they get mad. Don’t be triggered just say you get it and say you need to go.
No contact has to be complete, no social media or any way for them to know about your life and feed off of it or see to insert themselves in it or destroy it.
If they are in contact with people you have in common you need to trust them not to talk about you to your MN abuser. For example, if something is going well or horribly in your life, your abuser may seek to know what’s going on in your life from a mutual friend and feed off it at a distance. They love gossip. If you can’t trust your friends to not share anything about here is a strong chance your abuser will come back, or harm you. For example, if they find out your dating someone new, they may find a way to falsely smear you with that new boyfriend or girlfriend. If you can’t trust your friends or family you may have to go "no contact" with him or her for at least awhile must either not talk to your friends at all about your abuser or go contact with them otherwise you may need to go no contact with your friends or be very careful what you share with them about your life.















Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Finding the Right Words and The Right Way to Comfort Someone


Finding the Right Words and The Right Way to Comfort Someone
By Body Language Expert Patti Wood
What to say when you can't find the "right" words to talk to someone who is experiencing tough times like health issues, job disruption or loss  Frequently, people don't show up during
tough times simply because they feel like they don't have the "right" words. 

Here are suggestions about how to respond to friends when they are grieving or going through a hard time and need some extra support.
I suggest that you listen to the voice and watch the body language of the person who you wish to speak to and see and note where they are emotionally. Be fully present with them, and focus on their discomfort instead of your own. You may not say the perfect thing, but that's a small hiccup, don't perform an act of help, with an old script platitude, be helpful, People often avoid those going through loss and struggle. Being present and connected is a gift.

To be helpful you will want to know if they wish to go deep or if they need to pull back. Make full complete eye contact, breath with them. If can be authentic match their posture so you can chemically for a moment feel what they are feeling.
You know that when you match and mirror body language with someone authentically you can create the same chemicals they are. This is what creates empathy. Don't be afraid to feel a small bit of sadness or pain briefly with them. That' a gift you can give them.

It's important to know that when someone is laid bare in grief, they can read you your nonverbal cues more acutely. They know if you are open and willing to be with them and listen to them and if they can share their truth. They will shut down or pull back or have to work to make you feel comfortable if you a plastic, and only go to the surface or you show more discomfort than they do. So be careful not to give them pat statements like, "I am sorry for your loss." You can say that but use different unscripted words.
What can you say when someone is going through a hard time?
You can ask how the loss is affecting you. Be prepared they may go deep "I have lost my partner and my best friend, and it hurts so much."
You can say you can share your deep pain with me, it's safe to tell me how you are really feeling. You can say, "I have the time and want to spend the time with you to sit with you, to be with you, to talk on the phone with you. You can say, "I know the pain is big." Or "I know it's a deep aching pain. They may say, "Thank you for asking and standing in my grief with me for a moment." "My pain is so big, thank you for being in sorrow with me."
You can just ask to sit in silence with them and or give them a long hug.
You can share memories of their situation and how hard you know it is and memories of they lost. You can say, "I remember how you and Roy loved to sing in the car together when we went to the beach. I will miss hearing his voice joining with yours." 
Rather than say, "Call me anytime if you want to talk. "You can share three things you want to do for them and ask them of those three what would be the most beneficial now. "I can call you every day this week at 4:00 to check-in, or I can stop by Thursday for a short 10-minute visit." Or I can drop off dinner one night you chose this week." Which of those would be the best for you?




Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

What do you say to someone going through a tough time, loss or grieving?


Instead of "I'm Sorry For Your Loss"

What to say when you can't find the "right" words to talk to someone who is experiencing tough times like health issues, job disruption or loss  Oftentimes, people don't show up during
tough times simply because they feel like they don't have the
"right" words.  

Here are suggestions about how to respond to friends when they are grieving or going through a hard time and need some extra support.
I suggest that you listen to the voice and watch the body language of the person who you wish to speak to and see and note where they are emotional. Be fully present with them focusing on their discomfort instead of your own. Take the focus off you. Take the focus off your discomfort or prospect of embarrassment if you say the wrong thing. Being present and connected is a gift since people often avoid those going through loss and struggle.
You want to know whether they want to go deep or if they pull back.

Make full complete eye contact, breath with them. If can be authentic match their posture so you can chemically for a moment feel what they are feeling.

You know that when you match and mirror body language with someone authentically you can create the same chemicals they are. This is what creates empathy. Don’t be afraid to feel a small bit of sadness or pain briefly with them. That’ a gift you can give them.

It's important to know that when someone is laid bare in grief, they can read you your nonverbal cues more acutely. They know if you are open and willing to be with them and listen to them and if they can share their truth. They will shut down or pull back or have to work to make you feel comfortable if you a plastic, and only go to the surface or you show more discomfort than they do. So be careful not to give them pat statements like, “I am sorry for your loss.” You can say that but use different unscripted words.
You can ask how the loss is affecting you. Be prepared they may go deep “I have lost my partner and my best friend, and it hurts so much.”
You can say you can share your deep pain with me, it's safe to tell me how you are really feeling. You can say, “I have the time and want to spend the time with you to sit with you, to be with you, to talk on the phone with you. You can say, “I know the pain is big.” Or “I know it’s a deep aching pain. They may say, “Thank you for asking and standing in my grief with me for a moment.” “My pain is so big, thank you for being in sorrow with me.”
You can just ask to sit in silence with them and or give them a long hug.
You can share memories of their situation and how hard you know it is and memories of they lost. You can say, “I remember how you and Roy loved to sing in the car together when we went to the beach. I will miss hearing his voice joining with yours.” 
Rather than say, “Call me anytime if you want to talk. “You can share three things you want to do for them and ask them of those three what would be the most beneficial now. “I can call you every day this week at 4:00 to check-in, or I can stop by Thursday for a short 10-minute visit.” Or I can drop off dinner one night you chose this week.” "Which of those would be the best for you?'
























Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Body Language Expert Patti Wood Analyzes 13 Iconic Photos of Prince Charles and Princess Diana


Find out what signals the doomed royal couple were secretly sending for years.

The secret language

It’s not just hindsight that’s 20/20—so too is body language, at least if you know what to look for. No one can read non-verbal cues quite so adeptly as our body language expert, Patti Wood, MA who helps us review the evolution of the doomed relationship between Prince Charles and his first wife, Diana, Princess of Wales. Wood also gave us a glimpse into what Queen Elizabeth is secretly saying with her body language.

A subtle warning sign

Theirs was to have been a storybook romance, or so it seemed. When Prince Charles met Lady Diana Spencer for the first time in 1977, he was the 29-year-old heir apparent to the British throne, and she was the teenaged kid sister of the woman on whom the young prince had set his sights. Although Charles was the “most eligible bachelor in the world,” Lady Sarah Spencer was indifferent to the young prince.
It wasn’t until two years after that relationship fizzled that Prince Charles finally took an interest in Lady Diana. A brief courtship began, and six months later, the prince proposed. Here in late February 1981, right after announcing their engagement, the two pose informally outside Buckingham Palace, with Diana gently and passively resting her hand palm down on the crook of the Prince’s arm while the prince hides one hand inside his jacket. “It’s an early and subtle warning sign of Charles’ lack of commitment,” Wood notes. “He’s attempting to make the connection less intimate.” 

Destined for doom

“During the engagement so many years ago, I could already see something wasn’t quite right between Prince Charles and Lady Diana,” Wood tells Reader’s Digest, pointing out how in this photo taken during the engagement, Diana is gazing away from Charles, her eyes hooded and looking so sad it appears tears are mere seconds away. Wood also notes how Diana’s shoulders are stiff and up near her ears while her arms are tense and still. It’s as if a “fear” response has been triggered, and she’s frozen in place. “She may be fearful of the cameras,” Wood points out, “but notice how Prince Charles [who arguably has been getting comfortable with cameras all his life], is also holding his arms stiffly by his side. It’s as if these two already know their impending nuptials are a mistake, but they’re powerless to do anything about it.

And so they lived happily ever after…?

It was to have been the wedding of the century, nay, a wedding for the ages. And, in a sense, it was. Nearly 1 billion television viewers in 74 countries watched the two exchange vows at St. Paul’s Cathedral in the presence of 2,650 guests as they wed on July 29, 1981. But that was just the first day of the rest of their lives, and judging by the dynamics at work in this photo of the newlyweds kissing on the balcony of Buckingham Palace, things were about to slide downhill, fast. “See how she’s doing all the work?” Wood points out to Reader’s Digest. She’s clearly passionate about her new husband, but he does not share her ardor. It’s as if she’s literally “bending over backward” to hold his attention, while he responds with a nearly chaste peck on the lips, his eyes closed, his passion either in-check or non-existent.

The honeymoon’s over

In the case of Prince Charles and Princess Diana, it would appear the honeymoon never really began. As Diana later recalled, she knew, even before the wedding that Charles didn’t love her the way she wanted to be loved— because of these four words Charles said offhandedly to a reporter. Then it only got worse. Throughout the honeymoon, Charles found reason after reason to call his former girlfriend (and future second wife), Camilla Parker Bowles. He also wore cufflinks monogrammed with the initials “C” and “C,” intertwined. But for those of us who were not there, the evidence can now be easily found in this photograph from the tail end of their honeymoon, when they were visiting Scotland. To Wood, it appears Diana is experiencing a cold chill, her shoulders up at her ears as Prince Charles awkwardly encircles her with his arm. While it could be that Diana was bristling at the presence of cameras, it seems, in hindsight, more that she senses his suppressed anger and feels a sense of foreboding. 

This wasn’t the “three of us” Diana was referring to

“There were three of us in this marriage,” Diana  “so it was a bit crowded.” The third she was referring to was not Prince William, who was born less than a year after the wedding, but to Parker Bowles, with whom Charles was involved in an extra-marital affair throughout most of his marriage to Diana. “What’s stunning about this photo taken on April 23, 1983, is how far Charles is sitting away from his wife and child,” Wood notes. “He sits cross-legged like a child, himself, his arms out of reach for comfort or play, his hands in his lap instead of reaching out to his new family.” As for Princess Diana, she is clearly engaged deeply with her new baby. Her focus is on William, not on the cameras, and not on her husband.

The marriage grows more crowded

In this photograph taken at a polo event in June 1984, the Princess of Wales, pregnant with Prince Harry, who will be born in September, has her back to Prince Charles, who is chatting with Barry Mannakee, a bodyguard for Diana, with whom Diana later admitted to having a long-term affair. Clues to the affair lay in Diana’s posture: her arms are folded tightly and her feet planted far apart as if in fight-mode. Charles aggressively leans into Mannakee, invading his space, perhaps to assert dominance, or perhaps in an attempt to extricate himself from the scene altogether. Mannakee, for his part, simply looks away. A year later, he would be transferred from his post because of his “inappropriate” relationship with Diana. Two years after that, he would be dead in a motorcycle crash that Diana believed, until her own death, may have been a royal-related murder.

https://www.rd.com/list/body-language-charles-and-diana/?trkid=soc-rd-facebook&fbclid=IwAR35KJS005op2-zL1jNEnW2DSlmqSZyRWWHEjl4V6n5uto-hbdUwTvBOLTw


Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.