How can your space negatively impact your relationship? Decoration, Clutter, and Paint Color, Interior Design and Your Relationships

How can your space negatively impact your relationship?

Your space/territory is not only a reflection of you, your personality, your mood, and your energy it affects you profoundly.

If you have for example the clutter of too much stuff or merely make design and purchasing or decorating items that may mean something to you and give you pleasure, but have no meaning and nor give pleasure to you partner you may be sending the message I have all the power over this space and or my stuff is more important than you and your needs and pleasure.

How do things like clutter, not compromising over the interior
decor, etc. affect your relationship? In addition to what I shared above clutter may create a barrier between you and your partner. Sometimes that barrier is obvious such as pillows that keep your partner from sitting next to you on a sofa or getting near you in a bed. Or more subtle such as a collection of salt and pepper shakers Dolls or Star Trek or Sports memorabilia that take over the house and create clutter and dust and space for the other partner to mark his or her territory and or that take up the attention and time of a partner.

Sometimes it can be a color choice that significantly bothers a partner. For example, When my fiancé and I were getting ready to marry we talked about and redid my house to his comfort level. I had a turquoise guest bath that my fiancé hated as he thought it was too girly. I loved it but it was painful for him to even look at it so we went on home tours and he fell in love with this moss grey-green color and we went that day to get it and paint the bathroom and he was so extremely happy. I also had a collection of fiesta ware on display in the kitchen and he was a bit overwhelmed by it. It was not his favorite thing, but he knew I loved it so we compromised and we went through a scaled it back. I also had terracotta bunnies in the front yard and he again thought they were a bit too feminine and they were not that important to me so we moved them to the side yard.

What are some solutions to overcome these negative effects?

What are some other surprising home-related factors that could
have a negative impact? Lighting temperature and sound and size Some people like dark cool small quiet spaces that they can retreat to like a cave and recharge and relax.
So people like bright light airing large spaces filled with happy music. So creating spaces that give both partners their own happy space or that compromise on those needs is important for the overall mood of the members of the relationship. Again in my relationship, we had a cool lower lighting space to watch TV and the kitchen brighter. As a side note, when we were dating I painted my kitchen floor with bright colors like the partridge family bus. My sweetie was not overly fond of that floor, but to show me how much he loved me, he got down on one knee and proposed on that very floor!!! It was very symbolic of him embracing my happy bright personality!

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at

Safety Tips for Concert and Festival Attendees, How to Deal With Crowds, Recommendations for Crowd Safety From Body Language Expert, Patti Wood


These are tips that I not only recommend as a body language expert but also as 5 foot one petite blonde concert, and music festival attendee use. 


  1. Know territory. That may involve getting a map and studying carefully before the event begins so you know where the stage or stages, exits are. If you can rather than just knowing that there’s a map somewhere on your phone if you can print out the map too. 
  2. Get there early. That way you can see the space and again study your territory the stages in the exits. 
  3. Introduced yourself and your friends to security. Make sure you feel safe and comfortable with them and ask them how things are going how they’re reading the crowd. I use to train law enforcement officers so I go a bit above and beyond and ask if they need a soft drink or a snack. 
  4. Make plans with your friends for what you would do and where would you meet should someone get lost or some emergency happen. Have a backup to that plan. 
  5. When you get to your seat or to the stage look around again. Note the different exits from your oil or from your standing position. Note any barriers that may be in your way. Always look for exits to your side in front of you and behind you. 
  6. Read the crowd. Your central nervous system is your best friend in potentially dangerous situations. Check-in with how you were feeling in your body to note whether there is danger. If you see agitated or angry people move away from the space as quickly and calmly as possible to somewhere safe, knowing that may be the exit. Aggressive behavior usually involves people not only raising their energy level but forming nonverbal cue gesture cues that are sharp-edged elbows out weapon-like hands in our motions and fast unpredictable motions. Your primitive limbic brain picks up on these cues before your neocortex. You may not be able to formulate words as to why you’re feeling uncomfortable but your body knows. Move away from danger. Every crowd has energy and crowds that are dangerous or recognizable if you’re paying attention. There’s a difference between excitement and being pulled into that wonderful uplifting excited dancing singing together crowd energy and dangerous energy. If you feel it flip and you feel scared move away and out of the crowd. 
  7. Know that the response to danger is not just fought or flight it’s also freezing in place faint or fall. If you find your body wanting to freeze in place that’s a sign you’re in danger move away from the danger. Override whatever social norms there are about having to be “cool” or not look afraid or be nice to dangerous aggressive or rude people. Move away from them. 
  8. If you are small or if you stumble in a loving mob, tell those around you I need help shout, "Lift me up" "I need help lift me up." 
  9. In preparation, if you can bring a clear plastic case for your phone in some sort of lanyard that she can wear around your neck it can be helpful. In a dangerous crowd,      situation trying to hold your phone as you move through the crowd can be dangerous you may need both hands. 

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at

Alec Baldwin's Body Language in Interview about the On Set Shooting With Real Bullet by body language expert Patti Wood

They are my rough notes.

I would say overall that Baldwin feels real grief, and he is truly sad, and he does not feel he is responsible for the death of Haylna and the injury to the other victim.

 As part of a body language read, you consider what would be normal for anyone in the circumstances and what would be normal for that particular person. What is that person's normal?

Alec Baldwin is a strong, confident man with a big ego. Power and confidence are communicated in three ways, the amount of space you take up, whether your body windows are opened or closed, and with you are relaxed or tense. He takes up space, opens his body windows, and he is fairly relaxed. I know his baseline body language is expansive. He takes up space. He often sits with his legs apart. At the beginning of this interview, he's sitting in an alpha posture, legs apart, arms slightly out from his side. He shows his Baseline normal body language of confidence, perhaps in an effort to feel confident in this stressful interview.

In preparation for and response to the question, how could this have happened? You see Baldwin again, legs apart with his hands between his leg in a downward steeple. A steeple is a hand gesture that indicates a desire to gain control over the situation. This downward steeple is a symbolic representation of powerful masculinity.  All of this communicated nonverbally he wants to be a strong alpha man in his response.

I also do content analysis as part of my reads for interviews like this (I teach how to analyze interrogation videos and detect deceit ). Some phrasing that I found odd is his emphasis on why he's doing this is about because he doesn't want to be the victim. He keeps saying that this is not about him being a victim. I call this "He does protest too much" verbiage. The very act of saying this is not about me snd repeating that statement several times in different ways makes it about him being the victim.

As Baldwin begins to describe Haylana and says, she was "….loved liked and admired." On the word admired, he starts to cry. We see his Squeezed brow, the bowed head, and his hand over his face. Everyone, of course, wants to know if they are real tears if he's truly crying. He's an actor. I can say that this was the moment that if he was going to cry, he would begin to cry because he has to recall, to go back into his memory about the way she was as a human being.

And the aspects of real crying or there. You see his face crunch, That is, the eyes, nose and mouth and forehead pres down and towards the center of his face. You hear the sound of his sobbing. The intake of breath as he tries to stop the touch to his nose that the crying is distasteful to him (symbolically indicating that this crying doesn't smell good) and yet he comes back and continues speaking.

This again, it's him "manning up" He is showing his strength. He wants to be seen as a powerfully strong man.

This is his normal. The viewer may compare his behavior to what they think would be normal for someone who shot and killed someone and injured another and think he should be nonverbally smaller, hold his limbs closer to his body, his legs together.

Baldwin is asked, "Do you think she (The armorer) was up to the job?" Baldwin shakes his head no as he says he assumed she continued to shake his head no as he finishes his response to the question. Clearly, he didn't think that she was up for the job.

Later in the Interview------

When asked if safety and security were at risk because of the budget, Baldwin stutters and looks down and away as he says no and continues to deny that with a facial expression at one point that's full of tears. I believe he feels conflicted and perhaps will always feel conflicted about that. However, he recovers quickly and goes to what we call a media interview to speak a talking point. They planned a statement. He says something to the effective didn't see any security issues. But though his voice is strong, it's a prepared statement, but he is looking down and away and not at the interviewer.

The next part of the interview is all about him. The focus is on him and not the victims. If I were his media coach, I would have said, stick to a tight fifteen-minute interview with the emphasis where it should be, on the victims and their family and the ideally with a call to action to change the way guns and other amory are taken Care of on sets.

Also, because of this next moment, the emphasis on him and his feelings and his victimhood shows. As he continues and he talks about how he loves moviemaking, and he discusses what it was like when they called him to work with "Tony" Hopkins and Merrill Street, he begins to cry again, but this time the crying is more expressive; it's louder he doesn't cover his face. We see the furrowed brow, the lines of focus at the bridge over the nose, we see the quiver of his chin, and we hear the tears, The clearing of the throat is verbalized whispered sorry, it's quite traumatic yet feels and shows as utterly real. The nonverbal delivery for his feeling of loss for those special unique moviemaking experiences is stronger and longer and more specific the ones that he grief. He showed earlier in the interview when he spoke of the victim, Haylana, The person that died.

In response to the statement/question from the interview about pulling the trigger, Baldwins responds, The trigger was not pulled did not pull the trigger. His statement "The trigger was not pulled." does not contain a pronoun. There is no I or me. That is a way for someone to distance themselves from the act.

Usually, that's all we hear from the person speaking that they are distancing themselves from the act. It can be an indication of guilt about the action,

He recovers fairly quickly from that lack of pronoun statement and says I did not pull the trigger. But we have another odd word usage. Baldwin says I did not pull the striker trigger rather than I didn't pull the trigger. Typically when somebody is innocent, they usually speak and naturally use contractions, and guilty people Think of their words more carefully with a vocal emphasis on the word not.,

Then we hear Him say when I ask again, "say no no no no no-no."

Here are the rough notes I sent out to my media contact for a story on Baldwins Body Language in the interview about the Shooting on the set of his movie.

They are my rough notes. He emphasizes the first three no's, and if it had just been those three no's I would've found him to be honest as people when they're in a highly charged emotional state like a missing child or a missing spouse will often say things in triplicate. "My daughter, my daughter, my daughter or my Sara, my SARAH my SARAH."

Here the repetition seems more admonishing as if he is saying, "how could think that that's incorrect." Get admonishing of the interviewer no no no no no . not just a no I didn't do it.

When Baldwin begins to describe what happens after Haylana and the other victim are shot, his normal behavior becomes unemotional and detached. This can happen in someone that's experienced a trauma who needs to emotionally detach, or he could be just re-experiencing how he experienced it at the time that he didn't think that there was a real bullet in the gun and didn't think that she'd been shot. But even with those two justifications for his detachment, it seems odd. If I was his media coach, I would've coached him to be sensitive to what was really happening. Haylana, the victim, was dying.

His apology statement. I have written extensively and even have a chapter in one of my books on the proper way to apologize. Here he makes a common mistake and says to Haylana's husband, " I don't know what to say, I don't know how to say. I don't know how to convey to you how sorry I am."

 This is a distancing tactic. It distances him from the act. A more direct and proper apology would be to say simply, "I am sorry. " I know that there are legal issues in that statement, and some lawyers advise not to use the words "I'm sorry," and people in Baldwin's position in preparation for court cases and legal action are advised in this manner.

However, But emotionally for the husband, in this case, a true, sincere proper apology even for an accident has a greater impact a greater Comforting factor for the person the apology is offered to. It seems much more true, much more heartfelt, much more real."




Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at

How Can You Tell Someone Your Are Interviewing is Honest and Credible, Hiring Tip From A Body Language Expert

Your True North


How do upi whether the person your are interviewing is credible? How can we know they are credible within seconds of meeting them?


Think about a person in your life who you think is the most credible person you know. What is it about them that makes you feel absolutely safe in their presence. You can believe them. What is it about them that makes you feel that way? What kind of behavior do they demonstrate? What do they say? Are there things they do with their hands, their body that makes you tell yourself ‘This person has integrity”?


 I call this person your “True North.”

Someone you trust to be honest, who is authentic and true think how you feel in their presence.  If you have someone like this in your life, you can recognize what it’s like to be in the presence of someone who truly demonstrates credibility when you interview them.  If you have a “True North,” You can compare each person you interview against this person and see if it feels as comfortable and trusting.


“True North” is a benchmark. Once you know it, you should be able to calibrate within split seconds that “this feels good” or “something is just not right there.” When somebody has that credibility factor in first impressions, it typically feels very safe and comfortable to be with them. There’s authenticity you don’t get with most people.


Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at

Is Alex Baldwin Lying? Is Alex Baldwin Telling the Truth about the on set shooting? Deception Detection by Body Language Expert Patti Wood.

Tonight, the Alec Baldwin ABC interview is being aired as he opens up about what happened on the Rust movie set. I am doing body language analysis of the interview for the media and I have already done one of the clips below. I will post my notes after the interview.


Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at