How to Recognize and Deal with Passive Aggressive People and Malignant Narcissist's at Work

Definition of Passive-Aggressiveness

In my book, THE CONFLICT CURE, I define them as people that don't deal with conflict directly and honestly. Instead, they may pretend that everything is great, but they may hit you, the team, or the project with a dagger later.

Signs of Passive-Aggressiveness

Complain to other people                

They leave the room without saying anything about how they feel but then don't do the work, sabotage it, or delay doing it.

Give a "Cover Smile" over their true feeling, so you think everything is great but then do something behind the scenes.

Say, "I'm sorry," then repeat the offending behavior.

Use sarcastic humor or teasing to put down you or other team members and then say they are "Just joking," but the message in their humor is caustic.

Give an excuse for late or poor work on bad behavior, then repeat it. 

Seem fine to the person's face then bad mouth them behind their back

Gossip about people they don't like

Counterattack,

Sabotage the next project if they don't like what they have to do for someone.

 

Passive-Aggressiveness increases in toxic work environments, especially in groups with bullies and malignant narcissists and in situations where people at the top don't know and or don't care how employees feel.

 

What to Do

 

It's essential to find out how they are genuinely feeling as soon as possible, have them reveal it, and then deal with it directly, openly, and honestly.

 

So if you ask someone, "Can you get it for me Friday?" and they say "Yes." but give a brief grimace, pull their lips into their mouths, and pull their upper body back, their nonverbal cues are telling you they don't want to do it. Those cues tell you what the person truly feels. Please don't call them out on their behaviors; instead, investigate the problem and seek a comfortable, honest conversation.

Here is a further explanation of how to get usually passive-aggressive people to be more open, honest, and upfront.

"How do you feel about the contract?" or  "Can you get that for me by Friday?" you look for "Comfort Cues" someone gives off like shuttering their eyes, rubbing their nose or pushing up their sleeves, or freezing in place, and not matching or mirroring body language

 

From now on, you can find the truth and gain trust with phrases such as:

"What would make it easier to get it done by Friday?"

"What would make it challenging for you to get it done by Friday?"

"What changes should we make in our systems to make it easier?

"Do you want to share what's on your plate so we can re-prioritize?"

 Malignant Narcissist

1.    Lack of empathy,

2.    Need to look down on others with scorn

3.    Find Pleasure in Depriving or hurting others

4.    Play Victim Lay Blame of Don't Change.

5.    Break Boundaries

6.    Use flattery and compliments excessively

7.    Talk behind your back about you.

8.    Pit people against each other.

To deal with them

Some research suggests that their brains don't show the normal neural pathways to the brain's pleasure centers. So instead of feeling happy when someone they love is happy, they feel good when they CONTROL the happiness of others. They become addicted to the sense of power they have over someone's happiness

TO DEAL WITH THEM

Malignant Narcissists crave Narcissistic Supply. They seek and create drama. So if you have to interact with them, you can Go "grey" or what is called grey rock, giving them emotion, no anger,  not a victim like not passive, not powerful, just boring, using a monotone voice and as little expression as possible, no matter what they do to trigger you or those around you. If they want to talk, talk about the boring aspects of your day, if they talk d Will a Narcissist Come Back After No Contact? Don't give any feedback. Be dull if they get mad. Don't be triggered. You can simply listen say you get it. You can also tell them you need to go and leave any attempt by them to create drams.

The other option is NO CONTACT which means no contact, which is not always possible.

I have heard stories from my clients who did business with some of the most famous MN, such as Jeffery Epstein and Steve Bannon, and most of those stories end with them quitting their jobs or ending business relationships.

 

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Does Familiarity Make Someone More Attractive? How Can You Become More Attractive to Someone?

I am a body language expert, with degrees with an emphasis in Body Language and Nonverbal Communication. Just as the research on song shows that repetitive lyrics increase the liability of a song and the repeated playing of a song increases our liking of a song there is “Familiarity Breeds Liking and Attractiveness. Effect” I use to teach this to my students in my Body Language Class at Florida State and now I teach in my corporate training on first impressions and sales.  I told my college students “If you like someone and don’t know how to ask them out find a way to casually cross their path on campus even if just to wave or smile Don’t stalk them just pass by them once a day or once a week and overtime the familiarity breeds liking and attractiveness effect” has the potential to make the person find you attractive. This familiarity opens the possibility of a connection. Nonverbal Communication Research and Research on Attractiveness sometimes called this the “Exposure Principal.” The Exposure principle has also been shown to increase our perception of someone’s intelligence. 

Here is a research study on the topic. 

A group of 22 single people was shown pictures of 112 faces that had rated reasonably highly on a 9-point scale of attractiveness and were then asked to give their own rating out of nine.

The photos kept scrolling so faces were shown multiple times and the scores out of nine increased when faces were shown multiple times.

Rather than love at first sight, it seemed that participants experienced love at fourth sight, which was when the repetition effect was strongest. 

At the same time, the brains of the participants were scanned for electrical activity and the pattern was backed up — the more times people saw faces, the more brain wave activity associated with excitement took place.

“Much to their surprise, people often find themselves drawn to individuals after multiple encounters, even when there was no initial attraction. Cupid’s arrow is often slow to strike. An important part of the phenomenon may be attributable to the gradual change in attractiveness from repetition,” Psychologist Dr Ravi Thiruchselvam told the Daily Mail.

Not sure whether this study is encouraging for those of us who don’t have Ryan Gosling wow-factor, or a little creepy that we can effectively be brainwashed into finding people attractive if we see them enough. But it seems that when it comes to flirting if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.