By Patti Wood Author of Snap Making the Most of First Impressions
Body language and Charisma
There is no greater
gift to give to someone than your interest. Here are Great Tips to Be a Better
Person.
Give a Compliment
Why it works. If a compliment is gently given and very specific it makes a person feel seen. They light up and open up to you, the person that has made them feel so good. Ideally find something very specific to compliment. Otherwise, the person may feel that you have a general compliment ready to give to any person you see coming down the street. You can say something about their appearance, “I like the leather on your shoes, or I like the design on your shirt, or “I like the way your smile lights up the room." Be specific for example instead of just saying, "Susan that was an excellent meal” after that say, “That was so good, I could eat the rest of the pot with a spoon." or “That brownie dessert you made was melt in your mouth tell your momma good,” “I loved how you made it so pretty on the plate, you’re a real artist.”
Ask a Question
Why it works. If a compliment is gently given and very specific it makes a person feel seen. They light up and open up to you, the person that has made them feel so good. Ideally find something very specific to compliment. Otherwise, the person may feel that you have a general compliment ready to give to any person you see coming down the street. You can say something about their appearance, “I like the leather on your shoes, or I like the design on your shirt, or “I like the way your smile lights up the room." Be specific for example instead of just saying, "Susan that was an excellent meal” after that say, “That was so good, I could eat the rest of the pot with a spoon." or “That brownie dessert you made was melt in your mouth tell your momma good,” “I loved how you made it so pretty on the plate, you’re a real artist.”
Ask a Question
You can start with a simple, “Hello my name is ….and what do you
do for fun?” Then listen, resisting the urge to jump in and talk about
yourself. The information they share about themselves and their problem can
help you determine how you can best serve them and thus help you craft what you
will say in your elevator conversation.
Lean in Close and Flirt with the World
My mom never meets a stranger. I remember when my mom and I would go into Walgreen’s soda fountain for a BLT after a day of shopping. My mom would sit down with a big smile, and the waitress would walk up and my mom would turn to her and lean in close as if she had known that waitress all her life and start talking. But most of all she would start listening. She would look that waitress in the eye, nod her head and keep saying say "uh-huh," and by the end of the meal she would leave the place knowing the waitress’s name and the names of her children. She did this everywhere she went and she still does it. She flirts with the world, and everybody loves it.
Ask more questions and listen some more
This back and forth flow gives you rapport with the other person.
Years ago I strained my voice singing in a community theater production of
Godspell. It hurt to talk so I began asking questions as I met people instead
of spouting off what I did. I am a communication consultant so I asked
questions like, “What’s going on in your organization? “How’s the communication
in your company?” “What are you doing to deal with your communication issues?”
It’s amazing what I learned and how much business I got from people I barely
said a word to. Because I listened to their problems, they believed (and
rightly so) I could solve their problems. You might be memorable to a stranger
because of what they said about themselves in your presence. Be memorable for
what you don’t say.
Turn off technology or Don’t Answer It or get off of it when
people are present
We have become so accustomed to answering the phone and looking at
our computers, leaving our hands on the keyboards when someone comes into our
offices to talk and leaving our cell phones in our hands and talking on them in
public that we forget how rude all those things are. When you are standing in
the checkout line, talk to the cashier and the people in line. Be present. If
you are out with someone, try turning off your cell phone and say out loud,
“Let me turn this off while we talk.” It’s amazing what a difference it will
make in the impression you give because so few people take the time to be that
polite. I suggest that when you are going into an important meeting, especially
one where you will be presenting, you remove any visible technology. Hide your
cell phone and PDA, rather than wearing them on your waist. When you have them
in view, you’re saying nonverbally that someone else is more important and
could interrupt you at any time.
