Should
you Power Pose to get a date? New research on power poses in photos for dating
sites says power poses in your online dating photo can make you attractive.
Here is the link to the article.
I have been doing back to back media interviews on power poses and dating, Here
are my body language expert insights:
There
are “poses” that make you powerful and “poses” that make you look attractive to
the opposite sex. In general, the “POWER” poses that Amy Cuddy talks about are
actually male power poses that make men feel larger and more powerful, full of
testosterone and looking like the ideal Alpha mate to with the genetic make up to make great babies.
Generally, men who take up more space, in such poses as hands on hips and
chest puffed out looked powerful, but that may work for them in the attraction and flirting phase of courtship. It may however be over the top cocky for a man to go full on power posing with standing or sitting with his legs spread far out and his elbows out and hands on his hips on a first date!
Women, of course, want to be powerful, but women who take on
power poses and take up more space in the flirting stage are harder for an
everyday guy to approach.
What
does work for men and women is to have upper body OPEN WINDOW body language. You Keep your WINDOWS by opening and or showing your eyes, neck, heart, and palms of the hands, toes. What also works for posing is what I call ‘up’ body language. It’s beautifully
symbolic – you go up when you’re feeling up. Your gestures move up, your head
comes up, your shoulders come up and back, your step is upwards. Your body language goes downward when you're sad, depressed or lack confidence so when you are flirting and dating focus on bringing your body language up.
Here are a few more tips on approachable signals for women who wish to lure a man:
Don't take up too much space - Taking
up a lot of space communicates that you are powerful and superior. Okay, we
want to show that we are strong women, but remember we are trying to get a man
to come over and talk to us. You have to show you have room for someone else in
your life.
Stand slightly pigeon-toed - Men
usually stand with the toes 6 to 10 inches apart. Toes pointed inward or
outward actually show your status in the hierarchy. Toes outward say “I'm
mighty.” Toes pointed inward say “I'm approachable.” Standing with your
feet far apart with the toes out makes you look strong and actually signals
that you could attack. Obviously, you don’t want to look like you’re about to
attack. Women usually stand with their feet 4 to 6 inches apart. To be very
approachable stand with your feet no further apart than six inches and point
your toes slightly inward. But don’t put them in so far that you look like a
dork.
Shrug - When turtles sense danger, they
tuck their heads all the way in to retreat. We pull our shoulders up towards our
ears to protect our heads when we are startled. We shrug to show, "Hey
it’s not my fault," to say, "I don't know," or to say,
"Whatever you want." The shrug tells others that you are submissive.
I have seen some women who are masters of the shoulder shrug. They make it look
like a sensual feline move. Right now slowly roll your shoulders up and throw
in a subtle head toss.
Head tilt - The head tilt is not a
uniquely feminine move, but it’s certainly done more by women perhaps because
it is a signal that the head tilter is listening intently. A head tilt
symbolically shows the baring of the neck to a superior. It mimics a head
movement done by wolves to the leader of the pack that says “I’m exposing my
most vulnerable spot to you to show you I know you can rip me to pieces. So
let’s not fight about it.” Men tend to talk in what is called "boasting”
fashion in the gender difference research when they are flirting. They will
talk a lot about what they have done and what they can do. In those initial
conversations (or monologues) tilt your head to show you are listening. And by
the way, boasting behavior is not an indication of whether a man will listen to
you. So don’t think, hey, if he doesn't listen now, forget about him. If
he’s not listening now, it’s only an indication that he wants your approval.
Unfold your arms
- This opens up your body windows. When I am introduced as an expert on
body language, people almost always respond by folding their arms in front of
their bodies. Body language is symbolic. It often physically represents what we
are feeling internally, but that doesn’t mean it’s always easy to read.
Although there are over 60 different interpretations of arm crossing, arms
usually form a protective wall around us. It’s pretty obvious that to get a man
to approach you, you have to let down the wall. You don't have to stand with
your arms stiffly at your sides the minute you walk into a party. Some people
feel more comfortable with a relaxed arm cross when they first get in any group
setting. Even if you do keep your arms crossed at first, eventually you need to
open up. You can have a beverage in your hand, and holding it will give you
some security if you need that to uncross or if you’re sitting at a
coffeehouse, you can put your hands out in front of you on the table as you
read a paper.
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at
www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at
www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at
http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
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