Ten Behaviors That
Could Get You Fired
Nonverbal Behaviors that are "You're Fired!" worthy
8 Ways You’re Telling Your Boss, "I Don't Want to be Here"
8 Ways You’re Telling Your Boss, "I Don't Want to be Here"
By Speaker and Consultant Patti Wood, MA, CSP
Sometimes you are
unaware of how you look to others, or you don't think what you are doing or not
doing at work is noticed. But, your behavior is not invisible. What you
do says volumes about you. What you don't do can also lead to people thinking
your incompetent. When you try to keep your head down and not waste time
talking to others, your lack of interaction and face time invisibly tends to
make others guess at who you are and what your motivations are. Those guesses,
according to research, tend to be negative perceptions about you, as in, “He
never speaks up in meetings; he is just too lazy to care.” Or, “All I get from
him are one-line emails asking me for something; he is such a jerk.” What
behaviors do you do or not do that are dangerous to your job security? I was
inspired to write this article after being interviewed by US News and World
Report for the article, 8
Ways You're Telling Your Boss, "I Don't Want to be Here."
Following are people's
perceptions toward behaviors. These are perceptions that could result in a
less-than-stellar view of you in the workplace, and that could result in your
management taking actions based on their perceptions, even so far as to remove
you from your position.
1. Your posture is slumped down, informal and
relaxed.
Brian had been texting his team until 2:00
in the morning. He was tired and it was not his turn to talk so he slumped in
his chair to rest up.
Remember when your mom
would chastise you when you made a rude facial expression, saying, “Don’t make
a face like that or your face will freeze like that”? Have you noticed how your
body language suddenly changes when you get out of your sweatpants into a suit
and hard-soled shoes? Our bodies form in the way we hold and move them the
most. We now spend the majority of our waking hours on our couches or in our
cubicle and chair bent down and curled over our devices more than seven hours a
day, on average. We forget we are very visible and all that slumping over in
our muscle memory makes it harder to sit up straight! Have someone snap a photo
of you hunched over your computer or tape you talking on the phone or watching
TV. Now imagine your boss seeing you sit like that with him or her in a
meeting. (Another incentive for not constantly checking your phone is research
that shows that looking down at your phone can put a strain on your neck
equivalent to the weight of 60 pounds.)
2. You don’t give your full attention to your
boss, from the feet up.
Cam didn’t really like his boss and didn’t appreciate how he
would go on and on. Without realizing it, when he would meet his boss in the
hallway or sit in meetings with his boss, he would turn his lower body and feet
away from his boss and toward the nearest exit route, ready to run as soon as
his boss finished speaking.
Interacting
face-to-face or on the phone or via conference calls while doing something
else, like checking your emails and texts, may seem a good use of your time,
but your voice or body language might be sending messages to those you work
with that you don’t really care. One specific non-verbal behavior area to focus
on is your feet. Your feet are most frequently controlled by the limbic brain,
so they reveal where you really want to be. For example, if you are in a
meeting but really want to be back at your desk getting other work done, your
feet may point toward the door. You might think that is a subtle cue that
others couldn’t possibly notice, but where your feet point actually affects the
rest of your body’s alignment. To be more present and train yourself to be
fully attentive, point your feet and the rest of your body toward the speaker.
(There are gender-based differences regarding how we like to have close,
high-self-disclosure conversations but, generally, if you’re giving attention
to a speaker at a meeting or your boss when he is speaking, point your feet
toward him or her.)
3. You don’t get to the meeting a little early
to talk and stay after the meeting to visit and debrief.
Karl had a lot of irons in the fire and meeting with the team to
go over progress every week and make small talk seemed like a big waste and,
honestly, made him feel awkward because he didn’t know how to chit-chat. He was
not a time waster, so he worked every minute up until the meeting started and,
as soon as it was over, he grabbed his cell phone while still seated to check
his messages. He was polite about checking his phone because, as he grabbed it,
he would say, “I have to check my messages.”
Beginnings and endings
are critical. By spending time visiting with people BEFORE the formal meeting
begins and not getting up and leaving quickly or checking your phone while
there is still someone with you (and you haven’t visited and said good-bye),
you are saying non-verbally, “I am done with you and now I have more important
things to do.” The time you spend visiting and interacting face-to-face can be extremely
valuable. It helps you establish rapport and get an emotional read of each
person. This helps you make connections and alliances, and makes you look
better and helps you persuade others to see your viewpoint. On a very basic
level, it puts credits in the “relationship account” of each person with whom
you interact so he or she knows you care.
4. You don’t turn off technology or put it
away before talking, or you focus on technology when people are with you in
person.
Jim carries his phone with him everywhere. It’s in his right
hand where he can glance at it often, and you see him walking down the halls on
the phone.
Your computer,
electronic pad or smartphone is just one place you should be working. Just a
few years ago, you looked like an important, busy and hardworking employee if
you brought your phone with you everywhere and were checking it constantly. But
that image has since changed. Now, you just look like you’re rude, and that you
believe your time and your needs are more important than the person(s) you are
with. Yes, even you. I know you are an extremely busy person getting hundreds
of texts and/or emails that you must respond to, but think of your device as
you would your 3-year-old child. Ask yourself when you are with a work contact,
“Would I have my 3-year-old with me during this conversation at work?” If the
answer is no, put the device away or don’t even bring it. Challenge yourself to
change your behavior in four important ways:
a.
Remember the person in
front of you is always more important than anything on your device. He or she
is the real, live person.
b.
If you can, don’t take
your technology with you, or keep it turned off and completely out of sight.
Don’t put it on the desk between you and the other person.
c.
When you get to the
meeting, if you have a device that is visible make it a ritual to pick it up,
set it on silent, and put it out of your line of sight. I would even recommend
that if you are meeting with one to three people and you want to let them know
why you are doing that and/or want them to do the same, say out loud something
like, “I am putting this away so I can focus on you.” Or, “Let me turn this off
and put this away while we talk.” Or, “I want to focus on our conversation (or,
this important meeting).”
d.
Don’t pull out the
phone to check your messages at the end of the meeting if the people with whom
you are meeting are still in the room. Say good-bye, get out of their visual
and auditory field, and then check your messages.
5. You only email or text; you don’t give
face-to-face time to create trust.
Nicole doesn’t really like one of her co-workers, Jess, and
finds it easier if she insists that all their communication be by text. That
way, she doesn’t have to hear Jess’s unwanted advice or demands, and she has a
record of everything she has done for Jess or her reasons why it’s not her
responsibility.
Recent research by
Gregory Northcraft, a professor in executive leadership at the University of
Illinois, shows when projects are managed by way of detached, high-tech means
rather than face-to-face, people will have less confidence that others will do
what they say they’ll do. He says if your communication is mainly through
email, coworkers will trust you less. Face-to-face contact yields the most
trust and cooperation while e-mail nets the least, with videoconference
interaction ranking somewhere in between. Your boss and coworkers need to be
face-to- face to read the thousands of non-verbal cues that give them a read of
you and help them decide the best way to interact with you. Nicole is not
building a positive relationship with Jess. This, like our other examples here,
is a real-life example. Guess what? Jess had the email trail as well, and
Nicole’s boss was upset to learn that Nicole wasn’t taking the time to work
with Jess but was, instead, making excuses and abdicating responsibility rather
than doing her work and interacting positively with everyone on her team.
6. You are invisible; you keep your head down,
don’t socialize and think your work speaks for itself.
Karl was very good at his job. He came in early and left late,
tried not to bother people during the day, and ate at his desk as he worked to
be more productive.
You need to say hello
or good-bye as you arrive or leave work. You also need to visit or socialize,
speak up and contribute in meetings, ask for time to discuss projects
face-to-face, go to lunch with your boss and team, and compliment others’
success or work effort. Again, face-to-face contact builds trust. A heavy
workload can be lightened when you feel you’re working with others rather than
avoiding others. Your boss is looking and listening for what you contribute to
the group, so you need to participate and collaborate. If you don’t know what
to say or are anxious about being correct in what you say, use a magic phrase
to voice your thoughts such as, “Have we thought about…”, “Did anyone
mention…,” or, “Another option we might want to consider is... .”
7. You are "Uber" brief and direct
and focus on your needs first instead of considering the other person before
you focus on yourself.
Mark is a busy guy with a lot on his plate and feels he respects
others’ time as well. He keeps his requests of others short and to-the-point.
There’s no hello or talk about the weekend; just, “I need this by this
time.”
Everybody is
different. Some bosses and coworkers want you to think about them and be a
person before you make a request. Texts and emails make direct requests seem
cold and demanding, and make you look like an egotistical jerk. Whether in a
phone call, an email, or a text, ask about the recipient or make a statement
about them before you talk about yourself or make a request. You don’t have to
do this every time with people you contact every day, and you don’t have to be
verbose. Just one or two sentences are fine; this creates rapport and puts
credits in the relationship account. Those extra salutations and sentences
show, non-verbally, that the person you are sending a message to matters and
that you have thought about them as an individual. It also helps others
recognize you, gives you a personality, and makes you stand out. Remember – you
don’t want to be invisible!
8. You’re purposefully late when you could be
on time.
Reese was busy and thought the Friday morning meetings were
ridiculous and a waste of her valuable time. She would come in when she was
through with her important work, and would be very sociable, greeting people by
the coffee pot as she grabbed a coffee from the back of the room and caught up
with people sitting next to her. She loved how everyone looked up and noticed
when she came in; it showed they knew she was an important, busy person.
There are people who
are late because they are adrenaline junkies or time-challenged or are having
problems in their personal lives, but there are also people who are late as a
form of passive-aggressive control over those they make late. This person is
saying by arriving late, “I am more important than you” and, “You must wait for
me.” There are no good reasons to constantly be late for work or work
meetings.
9. You don’t respond to emails.
Jim had way too much work to do and far too many people pestered
him with unimportant things. He really didn’t have time for all those emails
and sometimes he really didn’t know how to respond correctly. He paid attention
to the important emails from clients, and thought if his coworker's issues were
really important they would come and talk to him.
If you don’t respond in any way to an email, people will make
assumptions as to why. Remember: when you don’t give a reasonable behavior,
people will guess why and those assumptions tend to be negative. If you put off
answering or don’t respond, you could get yourself in trouble. At least say, “I
will get back soon.” Or, “I read your email and I will be responding soon.”
Otherwise, people think you just don’t care.
10. You don’t think about others when you get
dressed for work.
Chris was planning to lose weight and didn’t want to waste money
on clothes. He saw his coworkers wearing khakis and casual shirts and that’s
what he wore; he just didn’t need them to fit perfectly, or be so expensive, or
fresh-pressed, or non-faded. He made an extra hole in his belt with a
screwdriver so it still worked, and his shoes were old but his pants covered
them, for the most part. No customers ever saw him, so all in all, really, his
clothes didn’t matter.
News flash! You don’t
dress just for you. How you dress shows your respect – or lack of respect – for
others. It is actually discourteous to dress inappropriately for work. Other
studies show that 75% of Americans think a well-dressed man is more successful
than his causal coworkers and more than one-fifth of men think they would make
more money if they dressed better than they do.
If you’re a woman, not wearing makeup might not get you fired,
but it could still hurt you. Here’s more about this bonus 11th point:
11. You’re a woman who does not wear
makeup.
Samantha had been promoted to manager of her team. She had never
worn makeup; she preferred to look natural and, after all, who has that kind of
time in the morning?
Research shows people
judge the beauty of a woman based on how much makeup she is wearing. Research
quoted in the London Times said that, "64 percent of
directors said that women who wore makeup looked more professional.” Women who
wear makeup also rank higher in competence and trustworthiness, according to a
study funded by Procter & Gamble, Massachusetts General Hospital, Harvard
Medical School, Boston University, and the Dana-Farber Cancer Institute. A
study in the American Economic Review said women who wear
makeup can earn more than 30 percent more in pay than female employees who
don’t wear makeup. Warning: don’t overdo it. Too much makeup can make it appear
you are interested in dating and mating rather than your career.
Research says, Your Facebook-checking,
constant-texting lifestyle may be taking a toll on your neck. Looking down at
your phone can put a strain on your neck equivalent to the weight of 60 pounds,
a study finds. To put
that in perspective, 60 pounds is the weight of an 8-year-old or four bowling
balls, the Atlantic reports. That's if you're leaning forward at a 60-degree
angle; at 45 degrees, it's 49 pounds, while at 30 degrees, it's 40 pounds. Even
at a 15-degree angle, you might as well be carrying 27 pounds of weight. That's because a human
head weighs 10 to 12 pounds, and tilting it forward increases gravity's pull on
it. All that tilting is, unsurprisingly, not good for your spine, researchers
say after making their findings using a computer model of a spine. "These
[cervical spine] stresses," they write, "may lead to early wear,
tear, degeneration, and possibly surgeries." Their advice, per CBS News:
"While it is nearly impossible to avoid the technologies that cause these
issues, individuals should make an effort to look at their phones with a
neutral spine and to avoid spending hours each day hunched over."
