- Falling in LUST at first sight. The notion of Lust at first sight seems obvious after the relationship is over, but can seem like true love each time you fall into it. The problem is, you are so physically attracted that it blinds you to what the person’s true personality, or even an accurate read of the two critical first impression factors credibly and likability. Hormones are powerful.
- DANGER at first sight. DANGER at first site is very interesting as it is a misread of our physiological responses to danger. When we see someone dangerous the limbic responds in a Freeze, Flight, Fall or Faint Response. We might misread the heart racing, breathless physical state and think this is so intense this must be love, when it may really be the central nervous system's response to someone very scary. So don’t date that guy or gal run for the hills. Look for Danger signals. From overly aggressive forward motions, unappreciated touch to ignoring your "discomfort" cues to seeing if someone has "closed heart window" and or "closed palm window". There are so many danger at first sight cues.
- Ideal projection- Falling for the” idea” of a person rather than the real person. Everybody does it to some extent and in a long term relationship research shows a little bit of idealizing helps you believe the best about your partner. But it can be dangerous if you are truly blind to a person faults, . You need to see what is there rather than what is being faked. There are so many cues given off in the first fifteen minutes of a conversation that are tell you truth, and give you insight into the real person. Oddly one simple cue, how much time they spend gently gazing is incredibly revealing, that is, not staring, but a look, smile, look away, look again. sequence of cues.
- Frozen with fear -Keeping you from getting in the fame. Being afraid to go out and meet people and date, because you are concerned about choosing incorrectly, not being accepted, or getting terribly hurt. Or if you are dating or in a relationship, frozen with fear so you don’t talk to your partner, fix problems or get out if the relationship is toxic. There are so many people frozen in bad relationships. Frozen might be a great animated film, but it is not how you want to spend your life. There are too many people frozen and in need of warmth in their lives.
- Faking it – It was fun to pretend as a kid, not so fun as a grown up. Beware of pretending you love someone. Pretending you are happy. Pretending you are someone you are not. First of all that is a heck of a lot of work and a lots of heartache for all involved.
I write more extensively on these issues on this blog as these are problems I have researched and written about since I taught body language at Florida State. You can find more on the blog by typing in the key mistake!
