Silence is a nonverbal communication. When you reach out to a man to indicate your interest and they do not respond you are left with a black hole. Does silence mean dislike, indifference, withdrawal, passive-aggressive punishment, or some problem in their life that is engaging them that has nothing to do with you? Inside the agony of this ambiguity, the black hole, we project our expectations, emotions, and anxieties. The top four are What they think about you, what they feel about dating or having someone interested in them romantically, What’s going on in their life, Who they are, that is what kind of personality and social skills and issues they have.
Let’s look at those last two.
They could have something going on in their lives, illness, loss, depression, workload.
If that’s a possibility give them an option.
“I am interested in you, but it seems this a not a good time.” I am here if
you want to reach out, but I will give you the time you need and reach out
again in a month to see if it’s a better time.”
Let’s look at the other option
if there is still a chance they are interested. They could find it hard to
communicate for whatever reason.
“I know it's hard
to do small talk and date.” “I am interested in getting to know you and I want
to make it easier.” “If you are interested in me, just say, I am interested,
but not sure, and want to take it slow.” “If I don’t hear back and will know
you are not interested and that’s ok I just didn’t want to miss the chance to
get to know you better.”
If you can rule out
those reasons for their lack of response know that in In persuasion theory, it
takes on average three claims to persuade someone. So listen to the message of
three rejections. There is rather a magic number. Our brains seek patterns and
three is the smallest number we need to create a pattern.
The general social
rule is that three requests/emails, texts, or calls from you to them with no
responses in most circumstances are an indication they are “ghosting” you.
They have communicated
to you, just not with the message that you want.
You have three options. You get
the message and break contact with them. Send a message that you get their message
of disinterest and that you are sorry that you won’t get the chance to know
them better or three send them a message that you are interested and know they
are not currently at a place to connect and that will contact them in a month
to see if their interest has changed.
