Every evening when my father came through the door from work, he would give a high two-note whistle to signal he was home and my mother, my sisters and I would run to him. It did not matter what we were doing. My mother’s cake batter could be stirred later, my sister’s music or homework could be tended to later and my Barbie could wait to go out in the convertible with Ken. Daddy was our priority, we loved him, and we would run to him, sharing hugs and kisses. He would grab me in his arms and throw me in the air. We would all share love and laughter. This is what love looked like to me and I thought everyone shared it.
Years later I learned how special and valuable that ritual is. I was about four years into a relationship with my love, my fiancé Bud. And every day no matter what I was doing, on a deadline for a proposal, deep into writing a speech, or on the phone with an important client in my upstairs office, when I heard Bud come home, I would stop whatever I was doing and run to him, leap to his arms and kiss him. It was wonderful.
One day Bud came home and ran to him and while I was in his arms, my head resting on his chest, he started crying, I led him to the sofa and asked him what was wrong. Bud had been married and divorced two times when I met him, and he had a life-limiting health issue. He had been through a lot. He said, "Patti, you know I was married twice before I met you and you know my family, my parents were never affectionate. And some days at work it is so hard, and I must go out to my car in the parking lot and do my breathing exercises and it can get so bad. But I just hold on, because I know with absolute certainty that when I come home you will run to me. I have never been loved like this before, I didn’t even know what it looked like, but now I have it and love you so much for always running to me."
I share with my audience around the country the importance of greeting your loved ones in my Body Language and First Impressions speech, but I do not share this story in every speech, because when I do share it, I start to tear up. He should have had that kind of love his whole life. I wrote a song about it that is at the bottom of the article. Also when I share it I get phone calls and emails from audience members sharing how profoundly changing their greeting behavior impacted their relationships.
Here is the science behind it that shows how important it is in all our relationships.
In Persuasion Theory, the Primacy
Effect profoundly affects our viewpoint. The Primacy effect says people
remember the first thing you say or do. In my book, "SNAP Making the Most
of First Impressions Body Language and Charisma" I share insights into how
first impressions impact our relationships. The first thing you say or do when
you come through the door or when someone you love comes through the door is
what they will most easily remember about you for the rest of the evening, or
longer. Your first behavior also creates an “Anchoring Bias." That is that
we rely heavily, sometimes too heavily, on the first behavior, that first piece
of information we get about someone. Greeting loved ones at the door is a
first-behavior opportunity. It is the first set of behaviors we have about how
the person or people in the house feel about us.
I highly recommend that no matter
where you are in the house, drop whatever you are doing, and greet your sweetie
and other family members with a kiss or a hug hello. Go to them
immediately, even if you are on the phone, working, cooking, online, watching
TV, whatever. It communicates that they are the most important thing to you.
In business, the Primacy Effect and Anchoring Bias affect
how customers see your business and how employees feel about their fellow team
members, managers, and executives. For example, if you come into the workplace or
a meeting while on your phone and do not greet people in the room you are
communicating to them that they are not important.
Here is a related article for you about your business greeting impression. https://www.pattiwood.net/article.asp?PageID=13306
In
addition to being an author and keynote speaker, I am a songwriter. Here is the
song I wrote about the feeling someone gets from having you run to them written
from my Fiancé’s Perspective.
You Run to Me
by Patti Wood
Mornings, I kiss you, grab my coffee and I drive.
I turn
on the radio, the traffic hell on 285.
At work
I’m invisible, no one even knows what I do.
Break my
back, gets no thanks, but I grind through.
Life is
hard, takes me low,
but one
thing is guaranteed,
I can
get through bad days ‘cause I know.
When I
get home, you run to me.
When I
get home, you run to me.
Today
everybody’s tense. They let 2 guys go.
Have to
stay late. I’m tired, but I don’t let it show.
I hold
on to thought of you in my arms all day.
Roll up
my sleeves, buckle down, earn my pay.
Life is
hard, takes me low,
but one
thing’s guaranteed.
I can
get through bad days ‘cause I know.
When I
get home, you run to me.
When I
get home, you run to me.
Bridge
I’ve
never told you this before.
How you
make me feel when I open the door
That
there’s one thing I am certain of
I can
always count on your love.
Life is
hard, takes me low,
but one
thing’s guaranteed.
I can
get through the bad days ‘cause I know.
When I
get home, you run to me.
When I
get home, you run to me.
When I
get home, you run to me.
