Making New Friends Your First Week on Campus
17 Tips for Creating a
Great First Impression and Making
New Friends Your First Week on Campus
For many of you, the time for your teen to
head off to college for the first time is right around the corner. And while
we, as parents, may show more outwardly our nervousness, many of our
kids—whether they tell us or not—are nervous as well. It’s only natural for
them to be raising such questions as: Will I like my roommate? How will I find
my way around campus? Will it be hard to me to make friends? Patti Wood, an
expert in nonverbal communication and a human behavior expert, shares with us
some tips that might make the transition easier for your son or daughter. I
urge you to read her article (reprinted with permission) below and share the
information with your teen.
By Patti Wood MA, CSP
Be open: You have the rare
opportunity for a fresh start at your impression. Smile as you walk across
campus, walk down your dorm or class hallway or enter any room. Take the
initiative to make eye contact, say hello and introduce yourself. Keep your
body language open.
Keep your body language “up”: Up
body language means walking, standing, and sitting with your upper body relaxed
upward. Instead of hunching over, keep your shoulders back, your head up (not
bent over your electronic device), and open your hands and move them upward
when you gesture.
Gesture: Moving your hands
occasionally while you speak actually helps you think and speak more clearly.
The location of your hands also affects other nonverbal behavior. When you are
conversing with someone standing up, if you place your hands and arms at your
sides your energy goes down, your voice lowers and can become more monotone,
and you show fewer facial expressions. If you’re nervous, bring your hands to
the level of your waist, and you will become calm and centered. If you gesture
occasionally with your hands at the level of your upper chest or above, your
voice automatically goes up, increases in volume, and has more variations; you
actually become animated.
Start new habits: If
you always texted your friends in high school to see what they were doing, now
you can initiate face-to-face interactions. Knock on a dorm room door or catch
people at the student union and invite them to do something with you. You be
the one who says, “Hey you want to go get a coffee after class, hang together
to study tonight, or meet at the cafeteria to eat?” If you used to study in
your room with the door closed try studying in the college library or outside.
Don’t bring your TV with you to college or spend hours watching Hulu or Netflix
when you get to campus. People make lifelong friends in their first week of
college. Put yourself out there to meet as many people as possible as soon as
you step on campus.
Know a rebuff is seldom about you: If
not every single person says hi back or takes you up on your offers for plans remember
college is stressful. Most freshmen feel a bit insecure at times and, if they
seem distant, don’t take it personally. Most body language rebuffs such as
lack of eye contact and scowls are motivated by what is going on inside the
person and not really about you.
Be helpful and considerate: Having
roommates and being in a new living situation can be stressful at first, even
if you click as friends. Before settling into your new space, offer to help
your roommates carry in their belongings or bring snacks to share. Ask them
about their interests. Introduce yourself to their families. Invite them to
dinner with your family if they’ve arrived by themselves. Laying the groundwork
for a positive relationship with your roommates can go a long way to help things
go smoothly.
Help people form a positive impression of you
in class: Your professor and your fellow students will respond to
you and perhaps judge you by how you act in your classes. If you’re late all
the time or if you don’t go to class, they notice. They also notice if you come
prepared for class, slink to the back to sit, pay attention, ask thoughtful
questions, doze off, or spend the class texting. In high school slack behavior
might have been cool; in college it will get you ostracized. Each class has a
different set of “rules of engagement,” so be aware of the size, structure, and
instructor’s preferences for behavior. It is easier to set a positive
impression at the beginning of the semester than try to erase a bad one.
Learn your classmates’ names and use the
formal title to address your professor: For example, “Dr.
MacEnulty” or “Professor Camel.” People respond to their names, so learn them!
It’s a skill that will serve you well in most settings. Be aware of your last,
or exiting, impression: Last impressions are critical. Excuse yourself if you
briefly leave a conversation and or say goodbye if you are leaving a group of
any kind. It might seem easier to just walk away or leave, but it actually
feels better for everyone if you smile and say something to create a close.
Sometimes it pays to stick around and/or make yourself visible. Stay after
class occasionally and attend your instructor’s office hours to ask questions
and initiate discussions around the class topic.
Mix it up when choosing who to talk to: Whether
you’re at college in your home country or an international student beginning
school in a brand new one, make friends with people from other countries,
cultures, and backgrounds.International students who came from another country
to attend college will especially appreciate your friendliness and that you
include them in activities. Ask others about their home countries and try out
their favorite foods. Volunteer, go to activities, and be a joiner: If there is
a movie night on campus, a student union game night, or dorm room function, go!
The first week of my freshman year I joined the fencing club, went to a
freshman dance though I had been the girl no one ever asked to dance, went to
the dorm watermelon eating contest, and volunteered to referee the impromptu
volley ball game on the campus green. I met great new friends with each
activity.
Go early rather than late: Research
shows that arriving early actually reduces your nervousness in new situations.
It’s easier to get acclimated. You can stand or sit near the door when you
arrive and greet people as they come in. More anxiety reducing tips are in the
book.
Ask to help: At parties you can
ask for an anxiety-distracting task like taking coats from new arrivals or
offering them drinks or food. Nervousness comes out of your body in many ways.
One way is through your hands. When your hands are confidently occupied with
useful tasks, that confidence message goes to your brain and affects your
entire body. It also gives you an easy, repeatable script, questions such as
“Would you like me to take your coat?” or “What can I get you to drink?” These
types of questions open up the conversation.
Look for an “open” person: Search
for people who are already speaking in a small cluster or someone who is
standing or sitting with their feet apart a few inches, rather than crossed,
pressed together, or in a “cowboy” defensive stance (for guys that is fourteen
inches apart). Research shows that someone who is gesturing with open palms and
smiling and occasionally moving their heads is more open to approach. If you
are super shy, look for someone who looks happy and confident and do what they
are doing.
Trust your radar: Steer
clear of people who are negative or give off bad vibes. Look for people who
have the top two first impression factors from SNAP. That usually means people
who are warm, likeable, and make you feel comfortable. Go first and initiate
conversation: I know, I know, you’re thinking, “Patti, you are insane. I hate
to talk to people and you want me to initiate? I’d rather stick a fork in my
eye.” Put down the fork. Research shows that when you initiate and move
forward, you appear more confident and other people immediately feel more at
ease. In addition, when they feel at ease, the comfort transfers back to you. A
quick tip for when you feel anxious: take one small step forward; motion tricks
your limbic brain into feeling more confident.
Introduce yourself: You
can breakthrough any awkward silence that occurs when strangers meet by simply
sharing your name as in, “Hello my name is Patti Wood.” Giving your name to
someone is a form of self-disclosure that shows you’re willing to be open and
be vulnerable. It gives the impression that you are nice. Purse snatchers don’t
typically say, “Hey, my name is Max Brewer and I’ll be taking your wallet
today.” Breaking through the silence by sharing your name may be a pretty basic
suggestion, but it works. We are sometimes afraid to break the silence because
we fear we will be met with silence or rejection. If you don’t get an immediate
response after sharing your name with someone, ask, “And your name is..?”
Introduce people to each other: This
gives you something practical to do. Making introductions is appreciated by
others, and it takes the pressure off you. As you stand and move to bring
people together, you are creating a visual connection between yourself and
other people in the room that makes you look powerful and popular. They see you
move toward people and act as a connection, and they think, “Boy, she [or he] knows
everyone.”
Ask a question, then simply relax and listen: So
much anxiety comes from not knowing what to do or how to do it well. One of the
smartest things you can do to meet people is to make a positive statement like
“Great T-shirt” or asking a gentle question such as “Did you see the concert on
the student green last night?” or, “What did you think about class today?” This
completely takes the talking pressure off you. You don’t have to be super funny
or super hip to be a good listener. It’s amazing how cool people will think you
are because everybody loves someone who really listens to them. More
conversation starting questions are in my book.
Nod your head: I
love teaching men this simple body language cue. Men generally only nod their
heads when they agree, while women nod to show they are listening. So guys, if
you’re interested, nod as you listen. Women love it and nodding your head
actually releases “feel good” chemicals into your blood stream. About
the Author Patti Wood is an internationally recognized
nonverbal communication and human behavior expert. She has conducted years
of research in the field of human behavior. The media seek her insights on
celebrities, politicians and people in the news. Please check out her website for
great information and tips on nonverbal communication.
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
