Trump's Body Language, Hugging and Hugs Denied and the Meaning of the Man Hug

When does a hug become performative, or a power play? (i.e. the Comey handshake) There is a man hug ( see excerpt from my book SNAP Making the Most of First Impressions Body Language and Charisma below. That is a sign of affection. This is not a man hug. Trump patted him ever so briefly broke the handshake (the man hug extends it and the hand on the back or shoulder brings the person in close and it lingers) and whispered to him so Comey had to bend down to Trump. Trump broke the handshake with the pat making the he pat was an power play, a top down admonishment.

- Why would Trump go in for an unwanted hug even when the spotlight's not on him? Some huggers where raised to be huggers based on their culture and or their family. Some huggers are expression their personality by always hugging.  Some  people who are huggers don’t feel connected or that they have fully expressed themselves  until they hug. Their hug is part of their identity, and may even create for them a unique moment or marker in their interactions.  I study and teach body language and personality assessment. The extroverted huggers in my audiences over the years say, “I am a hugger!” “If someone doesn’t want to hug, I make them!” I think it may feel like a win to some huggers, while others feel like they are able to give their affection in hug and set the tone. Some report, she didn’t want that hug, but then she gave in!” It’s a very interesting mixture of power and warmth. Remember Trump refused to shake hands for years. Look at the old news stories on his anti handshake days. Back then he gained power by not shaking hands as a handshake is an agreement to start the interaction unarmed.

What's the meaning of a hug denied, from the rejected hugger's point of view? Thinking of the instance at NATO when Macron seems to deny Trump's open arms. This instance is interesting for several reasons. As you watch Macron is seen walking on the far left towards Trump, then he veers over to shake hands with her. Some have shared that it was women first etiquette, but he veered so far left it looks like purposeful game of “fake you out!”, meant to unsettle Trump the way he tried to unsettle Macron with that, “I am not letting go” handshake on Macron’s visit to the us.  It’s a snub and we see a mircrofacial cue of anger by Trump in response, his lips press together and his eyes narrow tightly and his check and chin muscles tighten

- In your opinion, do you think these hugs are purely about power, or might he genuinely crave physical connection.   It varies, from person to person and it can also serve both functions for some people. 

.” I first noticed the man hug being exchanged by the male athletes in my communication classes at Auburn University. The young men would see a fellow athlete in the hallway or on the campus green and want to give a hug of warmth and friendship, but they were out in public view. People were watching. So they would give a combination handshake-hug. In the handshake-hug, the men first stick out one hand for a handshake and then, with their right hands locked in the handshake (to keep the two participants from getting too close), each wraps his left arm around the other’s shoulder and hugs. The two men hug with only their upper bodies touching and their lower torsos held out and away. Finally, to insure that no one can misconstrue this partial hug as a sissy move, each takes the hand that he briefly held against the other’s back and pounds hard three or four times.

In fact, you could tell if the men were close buddies. They would strike each other harder, just to show how much they cared! Men showing affection through hitting says, “I love you, guy, but not that way.” Unlike the traditional hug, which symbolically and effectively brings people into the intimate zone of space, removes barriers, and unites the two persons embracing, this pounding hug brings only the upper torso into intimate proximity of less than 14 inches. The two extended right arms block any symbolic joining of the two bodies. The aggressive act of striking the back insures that each man knows the other is still a testosterone-rich, card-carrying member of the “man club.”

The man hug, or pound hug, is exclusively performed between two males. It also goes by other names, including “pound shake, dude hug, shug, or the bro hug. It’s a greeting or parting ritual that demonstrates a certain level of intimacy typically reserved for close friends and family.

While the different names for the man hug have entered the lexicon, the meaning of the hug has expanded to cover other things as well. Men can now “hug it out” in other circumstances. First heard by the masses in an episode of Friends on TV, the phrase hug it out means that one person gives another (usually a male) a pound hug to help the man get through a difficult or sad situation. Instead of being a spontaneous show of affection, this hug is preceded by a request for permission before it is given. So the exchange sounds something like this:

Person 1: “Man, my girlfriend just dumped me.”

Person 2: “Do you wanna hug it out?”

In an episode of Entourage, two of the guys were in a screaming argument on an elevator. Once the doors opened and they were in public view, one guy turned to the other and said, “Wanna hug it out?” In this use, the pound hug, preceded by the phrase “Wanna hug it out” means: “Hey, we were arguing, but now that we are in public, let’s show we are friends for now. Then we can continue this later in private.” The phrase “Lets hug it out, @#$#,” means “Let’s be friends again” after an argument, or when one man feels he has insulted another.

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Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Albert Pujols' Hug with Jim Hendry: What Does It Mean?

I recently was interview by the Chicago Tribune on what was behind the hug that took place near home plate between Albert Pujols, baseball superstar, and Jim Hendry. general manager for the Cubs at the Cubs-Cardinals game at Wrigley Field. Check the link below to find out what the hug meant!

http://bit.ly/l7BdUp

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://pattiwood.net/. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

What Does His Hug Reveal, The Meaning of Hugs

Secrets His Hug Reveals The way your guy holds you close is tightly tied to his feelings for you. Use our tips to unlock the meaning behind his embrace. By Molly Triffin
Emmet Malmström


The Sneak Attack
He comes up behind you and puts his arms around your chest.

Even if he hasn't said the words yet, a guy who grabs you like this is in love. He's blanketing your body with his, your feet are intertwined, you're leaning into him.… There's a real sense of oneness here. "By covering your back, he's conveying that he wants to shelter you," says body-language expert Patti Wood, author of Success Signals. "He's also flexing his masculinity — this displays his strength and dominance."

The one exception is if your man almost always hugs you from the back. "That might mean he craves a closer connection but thinks you're unavailable," says Christopher Blazina, PhD, author of The Secret Lives of Men. "He avoids hugging face-to-face because he's worried you're not into him."

The Rub
He gently strokes your back while holding you.

This affectionate gesture signifies that your guy cares deeply about you. "The back is a very vulnerable part of the body," Wood says. "You can't see your back, so being touched there can be startling." Softly rubbing you on such an exposed zone shows that he wants to nurture and protect you. But don't be surprised if his tender caresses soon turn into heavy petting. "Because rubbing has a sexual rhythm, this type of touch can turn him on," Blazina notes.

It's also possible that your man is upset and needs comforting (even if he doesn't verbally fess up to feeling sad). "Having one's back caressed is a soothing touch that people often instinctively crave when they're down," says Janine Driver, president of the Body Language Institute. "A man might rub your back because, unconsciously, that's what he's desiring." If you think he seems a bit off, give him plenty of TLC and ask him if everything's okay.

The Pat
He thumps your upper back during an embrace.

Okay, this hug is loaded. Let's start with the worst-case scenario: He's not into you. "This is how men hug their buddies; it's not romantic at all," Blazina says. "When a guy frequently embraces you like this, it means the relationship's not growing." For example, say your man or crush gives you this half-assed hug when you're out at a bar. He might be doing it to show other people that he is not fully committed to you and is still on the market. Should he dole out The Pat when you're alone, he is probably not feeling a spark anymore or is mad at you.

Wait — don't freak out yet! According to Blazina, if The Pat only happens once in a while, rather than on a regular basis, it's not a red flag. And there are a few other reasons behind it: (1) If he thumps you when you're about to do something scary, such as give a wedding speech, that's a gesture of encouragement (like the way coaches pat players on the back). (2) If you're in public, it could simply mean he isn't into PDA and wants to keep things casual. (3) If your man is preoccupied — on his iPhone, watching TV — don't take it personally. His mind is temporarily elsewhere.

The Waist Wrap
He encircles your lower back with his hands and pulls you tightly toward him.

Hubba hubba! The dude wants you. "A pelvis-to-pelvis embrace shows he'd like to merge with you sexually," Wood says. The farther down your body his hands travel, the more fired up he is.

There's one last thing to take note of: Does he touch his head to yours? "Then he wants to merge his thoughts with yours as well," Wood adds. Translation: If it's a new relationship, you're more than a fling to him. If you've been together for a while, he's ready to get more emotionally and mentally intimate… after you hit the sack, that is.


http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/dating-advice/what-his-hug-body-language-reveals


Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://PattiWood.net. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

Not Everyone is a Hugger

Here is a link to a story I was interviewed for on hugging,
http://www.herald-mail.com/?module=displaystory&story_id=141485&format=html

Not Everyone's a Hugger
By: Julie E. Greene
June 30, 2006
julieg@herald-mail.com

Candace Culbreath, 17, of Mont Alto, Pa., saw an older friend she hadn't seen for years at the Mummers' Parade last year and got an unexpected, uncomfortable hug.
"The hug was kind of extended and he was a little too close," Candace recalled.
So she pushed him away a little - drawing a funny look from him, but message received.
Sometimes hugging just isn't appropriate, but huggers might not be aware or just might not care. On Wednesday Candace averted an oncoming, unwanted hug from a friend's boyfriend by sticking her hand out for a handshake as he approached. That's exactly what she should have done to avoid an unwanted or creepy hug, experts said. "Put the arm out first to establish the greeting and that will eliminate a lot of the unwanted hugging and kissing. Not all of it, but some of it," said Barbara Pachter, an author and expert on business and international etiquette.

If an extended arm doesn't stop the oncoming hug, turn to present the side of your body and wrap an arm around the person's shoulder so it's a side-to-side hug rather than a frontal hug, said Patti Wood, a body-language expert and author of "Success Signals: A Guide to Reading Body Language." About 3 percent of the American population finds touch repugnant, Wood said. Whether a hug is appropriate often depends on a person's perception of what's good and bad, she said. People have become more aware of sexual harassment since the 1980s, Wood said. Now, people often find a hug or kiss uncomfortable because they perceive some sexual intent. A guy might press his chest against a woman's breasts too closely, or put his pelvis up against a woman's body, or the hug might linger too long, she said. Wood said men rarely see a woman hugging a man as uncomfortable and if they do, it's because he doesn't know her that well.

However, Pachter said even some men don't want to be hugged. Wood said it tends to be female salespeople who have the biggest problem with inappropriate hugs - from clients. In sales, sometimes people like to hug and kiss because it shows you have a special relationship, Pachter said. "But - and it's a huge but - you need to understand that it sends messages and people might not like the message," she said. For instance, a saleswoman who goes to hug and kiss a long-standing client in front of the client's new co-worker might be giving the new co-worker the wrong idea, Pachter said. He might now think it's OK for him to hug and kiss her.

Pachter knows of one instance in which a saleswoman who regularly hugged and kissed a certain client, saw the client out at dinner one night and gave him a big hug and kiss - in front of his wife.
That was not OK, Pachter said. "You need to know where you are when you're doing these things," she said. Awkward kisses can be more difficult to combat than hugs because sometimes it's cultural and a person could lose out on business, Wood said. For instance, the French like to do the "triple kiss." Yolonda Pikemuccini, of Waynesboro, Pa., said how she reacts to an unwanted hug depends on the setting.

Overseas, a hug could be a cultural gesture so she'd be less uncomfortable with that. If someone she'd just met or didn't know well - in the states - tried to hug her, Pikemuccini said she'd hold her purse and make sure everything stayed in her wallet. Staci Gigeous, 25, of Hagerstown, said sometimes she's allowed the hug but then stepped back nonchalantly afterward so there's more personal space between them to send a message for the future. Or, in some instances, she'll say something to the person so there isn't another occurrence.

The moves people make to avoid hugs are the same ones that people who want to hug others should keep an eye out for so they don't share an unwanted embrace, Wood said. This includes eye contact dropping down.

"If you're a hugger, be conscious of those," she said.

What hugs mean a nonverbal interpretation

I got an email today from past interpersonal skills training class participant asking me the following question about hugging
At least two times in the last month I have observed (in my close presence) two sets of two co-workers one male, and one female who had not seen each other in some time who hugged emphatically. In each case, the individuals were very glad to see each other -- it took me by surprise.

Since this is something I would never do, I was wondering if I could read any thing into it.

I responded. I did research on hugging in my doctoral program and as you might guess so much depends on how the hug was given and received, what parts of the body made contact with other parts and how long the hug lasted. It is even important to watch the facial expressions of the people as they are hugged and how their fingers grip or rest on the other person. In general, upper body hugs are typically friends ship hugs and full body with the lower torso pushed forward can indicate sexual intimacy.

'Hugging while briefly touching cheek-to-cheek hug is the typical celebrity socialite hug when someone does not want to add a more intimate kiss on the lips. that says "I Love You" even more with an added kiss on the lips.
Hugging while Resting gently and lingering cheek to cheek is much more intimate.

Tepee hug. Hugging with just the upper body with the torso actually pulled away and the rear end pushed back is a hug that emphasizes friendship rather than sexuality.

A Big Bear hug is defined by the arms being wrapped fully around the person and being pulled in tight with a quick but tight secure squeeze. This shows enthusiasm for seeing someone and can also show someones need to show power over or protection of the huggee.
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Spoon Hug-While not normally thought of as a hug, when you spoon one partners arms are often wrapped around the other as you lie in bed on your side with the huggers front pressed up against the full back and torso on the hugge. .
Feel better hug- I just gave this hug to a friend yesterday who was laid off last week. I didn't even think about it I just wanted to pull him in close and with my arms wrapped around his shoulders and let my full palms rest there and linger a bit longer with a almost rubbing motion as I pulled away. I didn't pat, because guys don't typically like patting it makes them feel mothersmothered.