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Why Do We Gossip and Allow Other's To Gossip and What Can We Do About It?


Gossip grows in unhealthy groups. Toxic groups, especially those with one or more narcissists or people on the dark triad, use gossip to triangulate, exclude and control others to fuel their narcissistic supply. Some group members gossip, showing their shared feelings and gossiping to bond. Others may fear if they don't allow others in the click to gossip or don't gossip themselves, they are excluded from the group and suffer from others gossiping about them.

 The danger is that the group may begin to normalize malicious gossip and escalate into abusive and dangerous behavior, accepting bad behavior of fellow gossipers and victimizing or even demonizing those outside the gossip click. In the presence of other toxic people who reflect "like" behaviors, they don't see their behaviors as unhealthy. In the group, they are whole and belong and feel superior to outsiders.

 HOW TO DEAL WITH GOSSIP

State the Specific Behavior

You said that Mary is a tramp because she is dating three different men

(Or you said the John is incompetent because he keeps asking for advice on data entry)

It doesn't seem very honest or kind when you talk about Mary to us and don't share how you feel about her directly.

State How Your Feel

I feel uncomfortable. I am being disrespectful. I am not honoring someone who is not here to defend herself.

State What You Want

If you have this serious problem with her, I think you need to speak to her about your concerns directly and honestly. Otherwise, you are all being dishonest any time you interact with her without telling her. That creates a lot of unhealthy Behavior and tension.

State What You Will Do

In any case, Mary is my coworker, and I don't want to hear you speak disrespectfully of her



Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.