Eye Contact is important, but don’t stare
If people find you overbearing, I can bet your eye contact is part of the problem. If you look too long and don’t break away enough,
it’s
intimidating. You want to gaze, not stare. If you gaze more than that 70 percent
of
the time, people are going to think
Starring is a prolonged gaze or fixed look. In staring, one object or person is the continual focus of visual interest, for an amount of time. Staring can be interpreted as being either hostile, or the result of intense concentration or affection. Staring behaviour can be considered a form of aggression, or an invasion of an individual's privacy. If eye contact is reciprocated, mutual staring can take the form of a battle of wills, or even a game where the loser is the person who blinks or looks away first – a staring contest.
To some extent, the meaning of a person’s staring behaviour depends upon the attributions made by the observer. Staring often occurs accidentally, when someone appears to be staring into space they may well be lost in thought, or stupefied, or simply unable to see.Staring conceptually also implies confronting the inevitable – ‘staring death in the face’, or ‘staring into the abyss’. Group staring evokes and emphasises paranoia; such as the archetypal stranger walking into a saloon in a Western to be greeted by the stares of all the regulars. The fear of being stared at is called Scopophobia.ou’r
e a bully, you’re weird or that they have spinach between their teeth.
A
participant in my first impressions workshop came up to me after the program.
He said, “I don’t understand. Women don’t seem to like me. I don’t have trouble
going up to women and starting a conversation, but they seem really
uncomfortable. Some even make a face or walk away. I have read all the stuff
online about flirting, but I can’t figure out what I am doing wrong.”
Interestingly,
I had noticed his SNAP issue moments after he entered the classroom. He held
eye contact with attractive women far too long. He was not glancing; he was
glaring. It felt like an assault rather than an invitation to “dance.”
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
