How to Recover From A Bad First Impression

Patti was interviewed by the Toronto Sun on how to recover from a bad first impression.  Read her tips below!

You Blew It! Now What?
How to Recover From
A Bad First Impression
JOANNE RICHARD
Special to Postmedia Network


Your gut tells you that you messed up, but you don’t get
a second chance at making a good first impression right?

Well, possibly you do but you must go in prepared. A
recovery mission to alter an initial perception requires
persistence.

According to experts, if you’ve made a bad first
impression, people then search for behaviours that
backup their initial perception, and ignore information
that conflicts with what they already believe. Beliefs stick
and may limit opportunities in many areas of life.

Persistence
According to body language expert Patti Wood,
(pattiwood.net) first impressions are made within seconds
and it can take up to six months of continuous face-to-
face interaction to change an incorrect first impression.
First impressions are stubborn, social psychologist Heidi
Grant Halvorson tells Business Insider. “And they can
Sometimes be way, way off.” If you’ve stumbled, here’s how
 to recover and make a great impression — the second
time around! Set a new intention, recommends
Patti Wood, author of Snap: Making the Most of First
Impressions, Body Language and Charisma. Think of the
new impression you want to send. Anchor it with a specific
set of behaviours you will do at a specific time.
“Let’s say you are seen as overly critical in meetings so
at each meeting you set the intention: I will give one piece
of praise by midway in each meeting and smile and look
at the person or group as I say it,” says Wood.
Provide the perceiver with abundant evidence that they
are dead wrong about you, suggests Grant Halvorson in
Business Insider. Piling it on will need to go on for quite
some time. Adds Wood: “If you want to change your
impression you will have to give your better impression
over and over and again to build trust. Don’t be discouraged.
Keep trying. Your consistent positive behaviour
will nurture a more accurate healthy impression and long
lasting healthy relationships.” Show a different, better side
of your personality to help reshape perception, recommends
Wood. “If you come across as gruff, turn and show
your sense of humour. If you come across a cold, show your
warmth — perhaps by showing the way you are a good listener
by leaning forward, paying attention. “If you come across as critical,
show you are actually a positive person who notices
good things by making a comment about a great movie you
just saw or giving a concrete piece of praise,” says Wood.
Interact in a different place. “Research on first impressions
says they are more likely to change if the person sees you
in a different environment,” says Wood, so if the blunder
happened in a meeting room, stop and chat in the hall or
break room. “If you interact every day in the office, go out
with the office staff to lunch. Mix your environments.”
Watch and listen to yourself. Wood says to use your
phone to audio or video tape yourself to see what it is
you are doing that sets a bad impression. “Then watch the
tape and write out the behaviours or have someone else
listen to or look at the tapes and give you feedback.”
Check in at the start and end of interactions. The first
thing and last thing you do in an interaction has the greatest
impact on your impression, says Wood, so be sure to take
note of what you’re doing and make adjustments in your
behaviour at those times.

A do-over
Consider a do-over. If you really messed up and are
committed to reversing that bad first impression, then
apologize and start over. Be profuse and gracious with
your apology, recommends Vicky Oliver, author of 301
Smart Answers to Tough Interview Questions. This must be
done with integrity to work, adds Wood. You must sincerely
wish to improve how you are. “A very brave way to change
a bad first impression is to ask that very person to tell you the
one small behaviour you can change to begin to heal and
change their impression of you.,” says Wood.
joanne.richard@sunmedia.ca


“A very brave way to change a
bad first impression is to ask that very
person to tell you the one small
behaviour you can change to begin
to heal and change their
impression of you.”
Patti Wood


Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

Body Language of Leaders of China and Japan

Notice the body language, the sour downward looks in the leader of China (Xi Jinping) and leader of Japan (Shinzo Abe) Also notice how they pull away from each other in the photo below.


The leaders of China (Xi Jinping) and Japan (Shinzo Abe) held an ice-breaking summit this morning, after two years of dangerous animosity.

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

Verbal and Body Language Signs You're Neglecting Your Husband, Your Husband is Unhappy and or is Mad at You, and May Want to Leave You

Verbal and Body Language Signs You're Neglecting Your Husband, Your Husband is Unhappy and or is Mad at You, and May Want to Leave You
By Patti Wood MA, CSP
Author of
SNAP Making the Most of First Impressions Body Language and Charisma


He does not spend time with you
He does not want to be in the same room
He does not want to have meals with you
He is always tired
He picks silly fights and complains about small things
He makes you wait. Time is an important non-verbal communicator. If he keeps you waiting, it's a sign his interest is waning and a sign of disrespect. This is true for dates as well. If he starts waiting until the very last minute to make date plans with you, it's likely he's lost interest, or he's hoping something better will come along and he's using you as a back-up.
He declines sex and intimacy. There is a dramatic change in sexual behavior.  This can mean two things: (1) He wants to avoid any situation where he might have to express emotion or attachment to you, or (2) He's getting it somewhere else.

Here are some specific nonverbal behaviors.

Feet Behavior

He points his feet away from you. The feet are the most honest portion of the body.  Look at your sweetie's feet when you are out with other people. If they are pointed at you, great. If they're pointed at someone else, your partner may be looking to walk.

Eye Behavior

1. Avoids making eye contact with you despite the fact that you are looking directly at him.

2. He knows that you are looking at him instead tries to make eye contact with someone else, look at the ceiling or to another point in the room.

3. Stares at you with dead eyes and the corners of his mouth turned downward with compressed lips.
4. Stares at you with a sneer - the corners of his mouth twisted and his nose wrinkled.

5. Turns his head and looks away while you are speaking.

6. Shakes his head, rolls eyes or yawns.

Body Behavior

1. Thrusts one or both hands into the pockets of his pants when talking to you.

2. Places his arms and hands against the chest and inserted the hands through the gaps made near the armpits.

3. Whether he’s sitting or standing, he keeps his legs closed tightly together or very far apart.

4. Leans back in his chair positioning himself at a distance from you.

5. He does not mirror you and or you notice you’re mirroring his negative body language. People mirror each other's body language when they are in love with similar gestures, voice volume, etc. If you're noticing the two of you are out of sync, you probably are. That's not all.

6. He closes his body windows. When a sweetie is unhappy they will display a lack of open "windows" towards you. "Windows" being his heart, eyes, neck and palms. If your man turns his heart (the center of his chest) away from you as you are talking to each other.




Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

10 Relaxation Tips for Kids

Wouldn’t it be great if you had learned effective ways to relax and calm your anger when you were a kid? Here are 10 relaxation tips for kids that I just read on a babysitting website. Read them, post them, and have them on your phone so you can teach your children techniques they can really use!
10 Relaxation Techniques for Kids

While it may seem unnatural for children to experience stress, many children actually do have high levels of stress.  Children are worried about doing well in school, winning sports games, pleasing their parents and fitting in with their friends.  As most adults know, living up to others expectations can be very stressful.
If you find your child is experiencing stress, here are some relaxation techniques that you can try with him.

  1. Deep breathing.  The convenient thing about this technique is that it can be done at anytime, anywhere.  Have your child close his eyes and take a deep breath in through his nose and fill his tummy with air.  Do this step slowly and then blow the air out of his mouth all at once.  Sometimes having him think about breathing in the good and blowing out the bad will also help to relax him. 
  2. Visualization.  Visualization can provide a vacation from the mind. The first couple of times you can help your child do this technique, and then after some practice she should be able to do it herself.  Have her sit or lie down in a comfortable position and close her eyes.  Ask her to picture herself in her favorite vacation spot.  Is it on a boat or at the beach?  Wherever it is help her intensify her visualization by asking her if she can feel the wind on her skin or the spray of the waves hitting her face.  Then move on to her sense of smell and ask her if she can smell the sea water or the flowers nearby.  Move on to her sense of hearing and ask her to listen for the sea gulls or the laughter of other children.  Once you’ve made it through all of the senses let her stay in that visualization for a few minutes as she releases stress.    
  3. Exercising.  The freedom of running causes your body to release endorphins that flood your brain and make you feel better.  Sometimes exercise can help clear his mind and reduce his stress levels.  Making a habit of regularly exercising will help him learn to cope better with stress. 
  4. Listening to calming music.  Music can be naturally relaxing. The human body is an amazing thing, and often our moods will adapt to the type of music we’re listening to.  If she listens to loud angry music she may begin to feel angry and stressed. If she listens to soft calming music it will lower her heart rate and drop her blood pressure.  These things will help relax her overall and can even be used to help her fall asleep at night.  If she’s using music as a sleep aid try to avoid music with lyrics or use the same one over and over so that she doesn’t listen to the words.   
  5. Laughter. Laughter is one of the biggest stress relievers for both adults and kids alike.  Read a joke book with him or take him to a really funny movie.  Watch a comedy on TV.  Tickle him.  Anything to get him to laugh.  The longer he laughs the more tension he will release.
  6. Meditation or prayer. Meditation or prayer is very relaxingBy removing herself from distractions and sitting or lying in a comfortable spot she can begin to meditate or pray.  Meditation requires that she closes her eyes, clears her mind, and focuses on her breathing.  Prayer can be done with her eyes closed, and as she is talking to God she can unload her burdens.  Either method she chooses will have a relaxing effect on her.
  7. Massage. Massages will help kids relax.  While this isn’t the time for a deep tissue rub down, a relaxing massage is done with soft hands and a tender touch.  Gently squeeze the shoulders to release the tension that sits there.  Rub his scalp and as it becomes looser any tension headache should ease.  If no one is available to give him a massage have him rub his own feet.  This self-massage will encourage blood flow and help manage stress.
  8. Release muscles. A muscle relaxation technique will help loosen tight muscles.  Have her lay down on her back on the floor or bed.  No pillow should be used during this exercise.  Tell her to close her eyes and scrunch her toes as tight as she can and have her hold that for 20 seconds if she can and then relax her feet.  Continue having her tense her calves and hold it for 20 seconds and then relax her calves.  Moving muscle group by muscle group continue up the body to the head.  Once she has scrunched her face and then relaxed tell her to imagine that she is a sponge and just let her lie like that for a while.
  9. Mindful walking. The mindful walking technique is an easy one to teach to kids.  Start this technique by sitting down on the floor with your child.  Have him close his eyes and concentrate on his breathing for a few minutes.  As soon as he is calm have him stand up and start walking around the room.  Have him concentrate on his feet.  How they bend and how they touch the floor and roll off the floor.  First one foot and then the other foot.  Continue to walk mindfully for 10 minutes.
  10. Cuddling. Cuddling with a parent or pet will reduce stress.  Just petting a pet can relieve stress and improve a person’s mood.  It’s hard to be upset when a pet is cuddling with you, believes Richard Timmons DVM (Doctor of Veterinary Medicine).  If you don’t have a pet then cuddling with a parent or caregiver can be just as soothing. 

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

How to Yell at Your Child Less

Yell at Your Child Less
Last week I spoke at the Parent Teachers Association of the International School and when I ran across this article today I thought parents would find it interesting if they need ways to deal with difficult children. 

How to Talk More, Yell Less
April 11th, 2013 by admin
Caring for children, whether you’re a parent or a professional, requires an indefatigable well of patience. While losing that patience from time to time is both normal and natural, it can still leave you plagued with guilt and doubts about your ability to nurture the little ones under your care. Learning how to talk to your children more and to yell at them less may not eliminate those moments of lost control altogether, but they can make a difference in the way you communicate as a whole.
Take Care of Yourself
Managing the busy schedules of everyone in your household, staying on top of the chores required to run that household properly and making sure that everyone is fed on a regular basis doesn’t leave much time for parental pampering, but caring for yourself is an essential part of caring for your children. When you’re struggling with your own fatigue and are feeling hungry, stressed or overwhelmed, your patience is the first thing to go. Make sure that you carve out a bit of time for yourself over the course of the day, even if it’s just a few minutes. You’ll find that you’re better equipped to handle situations as they arise, and less likely to resort to raised voices when you reach the end of your proverbial rope.
Be Prepared
Embarking on a journey that hasn’t been properly planned or running with no real plan of action in place for how to handle your seemingly-endless to-do list is just asking for trouble. When you’re trying to get reluctant kids to get in the car or to stop dawdling and you’re attempting to keep to your hasty, ill-formed schedule or running at full tilt to get to the store before it closes, you’re naturally going to be running on empty. Just a bit of preparation in advance can help you create a structured schedule that still has a bit of wiggle room, leaving you under less stress and far less likely to scream at everyone around you when the pressure becomes too much to handle.
Learn Deep Breathing Techniques
Before you lose your temper and start shouting to get your point across, take a moment to stop and breathe deeply for a few seconds. When you hold your breath, you become even tenser and exhaust what little patience you have left. Take deep, slow breaths that you hold for a few seconds before exhaling, or even walk out of the room for a few seconds to regain your composure. As an added bonus, practicing deep breathing in front of your children models effective and productive ways of managing frustration. Remember that your kids will mimic almost everything you do, especially when they’re small. Seeing you take deep breaths and a short time out to keep your temper in check may rub off on them, and it will certainly help you to keep your emotions in check.
Set Clear Consequences, and Adhere to Them
Shouting happens when you’ve threatened your child with dire consequences if he doesn’t cease his misbehavior or follow directions, but continue to issue those empty threats rather than delivering on real consequences. Setting actual boundaries for your children and letting them know the consequences of choosing not to heed your warning is one thing, but you’ll have to follow through. Don’t allow yourself to be dissuaded from allowing those consequences to manifest, or your kids will just start to believe that your threats are empty.
Be Firm, Not Mean
There’s a difference between being firm and being downright mean, and you’ll have to learn to strike that balance if you’re looking to facilitate real and productive conversations with your children. No one wants to talk with someone they think is just going to be mean, even if that person is Mom or Dad. Make sure that you’re never crossing the line from stern into cruel territory, and make sure that you’re truly listening when your kids share their opinions.
It’s important to remember that yelling only breeds more yelling, which leads to major confrontations and hurt feelings. Trying to keep your temper under some semblance of control is a very real challenge, but it’s one that will make all of the difference in your household.


Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.