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What Can Your Voice Reveal About Your Personality?

What if you could go in for your first appointment with a doctor and know whether or not he or she had been sued for malpractice merely by listening to the tone of his or her voice? Would that seem magical? Well you can. Recent research that removed the meaning of the words from real surgeons' messages and played merely the tone of their voices to subjects found that the subjects where able to distinguish the doctors who had actually been sued for malpractice from the ones who had not. OK, the ones that had been sued may have sounded a bit like the grouch TV doctor House who seems to hate his patients, but the real discovery is that the difference in someone's tone of voice reveals so much about them. I was working with a client this week who was upset with a coworker for, "..making him wrong". I asked him to use my conflict management tool, the ERASER method (check out the full How To article on my website www.PattiWood.net under articles), to write a script to the coworker about his behavior. It turns out that the coworker said nothing in the word message about my client being wrong. My client felt he was being made wrong by the tone of voice his coworker was using. Here is a link to the research study on the doctors tone of voice revealing a history of malpractice. While you're there check out the site. It is one of my personal favorites. http://www.medscape.com/medline/abstract/12110787

The Effect of Attractiveness on Job Success

I have been reading a ton of research on how nonverbal communication effects or is effected by technologically based interactions. This is for a client that will video tape my presentation this afternoon. I have a link to a great study. http://www.redorbit.com/news/science/167/the_effects_of_physical_attractiveness_on_jobrelated_outcomes/index.html

The effects of physical attractiveness on job-related outcomes is particularly interesting. I talk about the effect of attractiveness quite a bit. This article has a great review of the literature. I am interested in the research showing that, "What is beautiful is good."

"Substantial empirical evidence and three meta-analyses have firmly established the existence and validity of a "what-is- beautiful-is-good stereotype" (e.g., Dion, Berscheid, & Walster, 1972; Eagly et al, 1991; Feingold, 1992; Jackson et al., 1995). For example, meta-analyses by Eagly et al. (1991) and Feingold (1992) showed that attractiveness has (a) a strong effect on perceptions of social competence, social skills, and sexual warmth, (b) a moderate effect on perceptions of intellectual competence, potency, adjustment, dominance, and general mental health, and (c) a weak effect on perceptions of integrity and concern for others. In addition, sex-of-target differences were observed for the perceptions of sexual warmth and intellectual competence. More specifically, the effects of attractiveness on perceptions of sexual warmth were stronger for women than for men (Feingold, 1992). However, the effects of attractiveness on perceptions of intellectual competence were stronger for men than for women (Jackson et al., 1995).

Furthermore, more recent meta-analyses (Langlois et al., 2000) have shown that (a) following actual interaction with others, perceivers judge attractive individuals more positively (e.g., in terms of interpersonal competence, occupational competence, social appeal, adjustment) and treat them more favorably (e.g., visual/ social attention, positive interaction, reward, help/cooperation, acceptance) than less attractive individuals, and (b) attractive individuals experience more positive outcomes in life (e.g., occupational success, popularity, dating experience, sexual experience, physical health) than less attractive individuals."



http://www.redorbit.com/news/science/16753/the_effects_of_physical_attractiveness_on_jobrelated_outcomes/index.html
The effects of physical attractiveness on job-related outcomes
Posted on: Friday, 11 July 2003, 06:00 CDT


Discussion
Attractiveness can have a nontrivial, positive impact on individuals' job-related outcomes, even when job- relevant information about them is available to decision makers.

In spite of this study's failure to find a moderating effect of individuating information on the relationship between attractiveness and various job-related outcomes, we believe that this type of information can reduce the degree of reliance that decision makers place on attractiveness. Moreover, we suspect that our failure to find a moderating effect may have been attributable to two factors. First, our study may not have had enough statistical power to detect the effect. Second, the rather crude way in which the individuating information variable was operationalized in our study may have led to the failure to find such an effect.

Between- Versus Within-Subjects Designs

Our meta-analysis showed that the effect of attractiveness may be especially pronounced in research calling for evaluators to sequentially observe and evaluate several individuals who differ in terms of attractiveness (e.g., as is true of research using within- subjects designs). Under such conditions, differences in attractiveness among targets are likely to be more salient than when only one target is observed and evaluated (e.g., as is true of research using between-subjects designs). The same results are consistent with those of studies by Eagly et al. (1991) and Olian et al. (1988). However, similar to a note of caution advanced by Olian et al. (1988), we recognize that this study's findings may not generalize to actual employment situations. The reason for this is that the studies considered by our meta-analysis involved research in which participants made judgments about hypothetical, as opposed to actual, job applicants or incumbents. Nevertheless, it deserves noting that the strategy followed in research using within-subjects designs more closely reflects what occurs in "real world" selection contexts than that followed in research using between-subjects designs (e.g., Olian et al., 1988). That is, organizational decision makers typically evaluate two or more job applicants or job incumbents within a relatively short time interval. Thus, we believe that the closer in time two or more applicants or incumbents are evaluated by raters (e.g., personnel interviewers), the greater will be the bias in ratings attributable to differences in attractiveness among them.


Time Period of Attractiveness Research

As noted above, our meta-analysis showed differences in the magnitude of the attractiveness effect as a function of period during which studies were published: The strength of the same bias during the 1995-1999 period was smaller than the strength of the bias for the 1975-1979 and 1980-1984 periods (p < .01). These results suggest that the strength of attractiveness bias has decreased in recent years. However, at this point in time, the reasons for this decrease are not known.

Making Facial Expressions, Do Some of Us Have an Advantage?


The other day I went to an estate sale. A few minutes after entering the house I asked the woman running the sale the price of a Christmas ornament and she smiled and said, "You walked into the house with the biggest smile I have ever seen then you actually smiled more as you started looking at things. You brought all this positive energy into the house. Can you come back tomorrow?" I know it sounds weird, but I have had these wierd kinds of comment made all my life. I seem to have a big ole' Bozo the clown smile. I mean it is really big. If you are not old enough to remember Bozo, picture the Joker in Bat Man only happy and not quite as much lipstick. Well maybe more lipstick in my case, but a more flattering color. I have always wondered about my unusually large and expressive smile. My mother swears I came out of the womb smiling. I certainly had the smile as a child. I remember there where ads for the secrets for building big arm muscles in the back of comic books when I was a kid. Aimed at scrawny boys, the ads promised you could build the muscles of a brawny body builder if you only sent them some money. What if only certain people had lots of muscles to build and others, the scrawnies, had fewer muscles in the first place? Perhaps we would not have a level playing field no matter how we worked on building the few muscles we had.

Well, as far as the muscles that control facial expressions, this lack of level playing field has been proven. New research by Dr Bridget Waller a scientist at the University of Portsmouth has found that not everyone has all the muscles that can control our facial expression. Some of us have more and some of us have less--in some cases as little as 60% of the muscles needed. Think of how having more or fewer facial expression forming muscles in your face could affect your ability to interact less or more effectively with others; to bond less or more with people.

In her study published in the American Psychological Association journal, Dr. Wallers discusses the first systematic study on cadavers to discover the variations of musculature structure in the face as they control facial expressions. It appears that the face is the only part of the body to have this unique set of differences. I have read the study and I am stunned. It seems that these variations in allotment of muscles cause some people to have a unique facial signature--in my case, a bozo like smile. People without certain muscles can compensate for their lack using other muscles, but it may involve extra effort. What if the phenomena of personality type differences such as introversion and extroversion was affected by having more or less of the facial muscles required to make facial expressions? I know research says that task-orientated individuals especially those in the "Get it Right" DISC personality type of my "techie" audiences can't understand while the "touchy feelies" in the "Get Along" "Get Appreciated" categories smile so much or show so much emotion. In the same vein the "touchie feelies" can't understand why the "techies" don't show any noticeable positive emotions. To which the techies reply, "I am not going to give a fake smile." Could it seem forced and fake to them because it takes more effort? Hummm, that could be interesting research. What do you think? Oh, one more interesting tid bit. The only other part of the body where they have seen differences in muscles between people: the forearm. I always knew Popeye wasn't really eating all the spinach.

Here is a link to the study. And below that some of the findings.
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/02/090211161852.htm
Dr Waller is from the Centre for the Study of Emotion in the Department of Psychology. She collaborated with anatomists at the University of Pittsburgh and Duquesne University in the USA.
They found that all humans have a core set of five facial muscles which they believe control our ability to produce a set of standard expressions which convey anger, happiness, surprise, fear, sadness and disgust. But there are up to nineteen muscles which may be present in the face and many people do not possess all of them. for example, The Risorius muscle, which experts believe controls our ability to create an expression of extreme fear, is found in only two thirds of the population.

Dr Waller said: “Everyone communicates using a set of common signals and so we would expect to find that the muscles do not vary among individuals. The results are surprising - in some individuals we found only 60 per cent of the available muscles.”
She said that everyone is able to produce the same basic facial expressions and movements but we also have individual variations.
“Some less common facial expressions may be unique to certain people,” she said. “The ability to produce subtly different variants of facial expressions may allow us to develop individual ‘signatures’ that are specific to certain individuals.”
She said that there are significant implications for the importance of facial expression in society.
“Facial expression serves an essential function in society and may be a form of social bonding,” Dr Waller said. “It allows us to synchronise our behaviour and understand each other better.”
Dr Waller has completed studies which examined facial expressions in apes. She said that primates who live within social groups have a more elaborate communication repertoire including more complex facial expressions.
“There is a theory that language evolved to help us bond us together in social groups and we may be able to apply the same theory to facial expressions,” she said.
The face is the only part of the human anatomy which has been found to display such a massive variation in muscle structure. In the only other example of muscular differences, the forearm has a muscle which approximately fifteen per cent of the population don’t have.
Dr Anne Burrows from Duquesne University was one of the anatomists on the study. She said: “The problems with quantifying facial musculature is that they're not like other muscles. They're fairly flat, difficult to separate from surrounding connective tissue and they all attach to one another. They are very unlike muscles of the limbs, for example.
“The variation we see in the face is absolutely unique,” said Dr Waller.
Dr Waller said that actors need not worry because people will compensate for a lack of one muscle by using another to develop a similar expression. And people can learn to develop a facial expression by practising in front of a mirror.
“As humans we are able to change the level of control we have over our facial expressions,” said Dr Waller. “There is a great deal of asymmetry in the face and the left side is generally more expressive than the right. But someone who is unable to raise one eyebrow without raising the other could in fact learn to raise just one.”
The implication for those actors who have had botox speaks for itself.
________________________________________
Adapted from materials provided by University of Portsmouth, via AlphaGalileo

History Channel Special, "The Secrets of Body Language"

I am so excited today. I am working on a project concerning face to face interaction and video conferencing. Do you do video conferences? Can you think of ways to make video conferencing more like face to face interaction? What technical innovations do you think would help video conferencing?

Also an update. I have some of the History Channel clips from the secrets of body language on my YouTube station. I would love for you to watch them and give them a rating.
http://www.youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert
These clips and others will be up on my website soon.

More on Video vs Face to Face meetings

I am blogging today about face to face communication and wanted to include part of an article from my book,"The Conflict Cure" about GENTLER listening. Make sure you see the Youtube video in my earlier post.

G-ive facial feedback
It is so easy to zone out as a listener, but when you do you can give a blank, open mouthed look that resembles the face of kid after five hours of cartoons you’re not winning friends and influencing people. Drool is not very appealing. You have to work your abs to have toned stomach muscles, and you have to work your face to have toned empathetic skills. Let your facial expressions show your emotional response to their message. They may show they are concerned or understand by furrowing your brow. If they are unhappy frown and lower your eyes. If they are mad close and flatten out your lip like a sealed envelope. Briefly matching their facial expressions not only shows your customers that you are listening, it creates the same chemicals in your brain that body language shifts are creating in theirs and you will actually feel what they are feeling and understand them more effectively

Body Language and Video Conferancing

I was asked today to consult with a company that does video conferencing and I sent a shout out to some colleagues that do them often. My friend Michael who lives in Paris sent me this short funny video that emphasizes the importance of handshakes.
FIRST WATCH THIS VIDEO!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aO5sD8Y69nU

Here is a recent article I wrote for my newsletter on the value of face to face communication.

Texting vs Face to Face Interaction
Since I opened my first bank account at the age of eleven, I have loved to go into my bank and make my deposits and withdrawals. I love the face-to-face interaction, I still do not use bank machines, I want a chance to share a smile not just my bank account number. For over 20 years, I knew all the cashiers’ at my bank by name and they knew mine. When I came in we would visit for a minute would ask me how my last trip was, and I would ask about their day and their family. Now that my bank has been bought and sold, a few times I know only know one teller by name and she always smiles and I smile back and we laugh about the fact that the two of us are always in a good mood. It makes my day.
I am a body language expert. Human interaction feeds us. It is sustenance. The smile, the eye contact of recognition, the light touch of hands across the counter, insures us we are seen, are known, that we exists. Each face-to-face interaction makes our lives rich. It also feeds the brain. If you have been reading my blogs or getting my newsletter, you know that I love neuroscience and often talk about the brain body connection. Recently I found a great article on the research on face-to-face interaction of Dr. Thomas Lewis at Headrush@typeface.com
Dr. Lewis discovered that the immediate response and clear facial feedback in interaction is crucial. In his still-face effect experiments he showed that if mothers maintain a still face and don’t show an immediate facial feedback response to their babies that the infants become immediately distressed. Even a small delay in the response in the feedback/interaction/responsiveness distressed the babies. The article went on to share that Dr. Lewis said that even as adults, we have the same neurochemistry. We need immediate facial feedback. So how does this affect our texting, twittering, face book world? Well the article went on to say that, “….no matter how much we practice communicating through text, the brain still finds it stressful… “It’s a problem because we do not get that immediate facial feedback. Of course, shy people find texting less stressful. (That would be introverts on the Myers Briggs personality inventory or Get it Rights and Get Alongs on the DiSC link here to my articles on that) Dr. Lewis said that in the brains of shy people a stranger’s face triggers a fear or anxiety response in the amygdale. As you have experienced reading 355 emails each day a strangers, text doesn’t cause fear. Maybe frustrations when you reach email 200 but not fear. Of course, you can always video chat where you get all those wonderful nonverbal cues, the facial expression and the voice/paralanguage, but he cautions it still can cause feedback/interaction AND you don’t get real time responsiveness. So what does that mean? Well something, you know I will always recommend. Get out of the care go into the bank and say Hi. It is a great way to feed your brain and not a bad way to feed your life.

Body Language and Feeling Shy

I was working with a client this afternoon that is extremely shy. She is working on becoming more confident. She was surprised to learn that I use to have extreme social anxiety around strangers. Today I shared with her body language tools to appear and feel calmer. I will be sharing some of those tools at the end of the day. In the meantime here are some great questions from an article on Selfgrowth.com Scroll down and answer the questions and let me know what you feel about your own fear. Links to the author of the article are below. www.PattiWood.net


"We will never be happy to feel fear -- it is fear after all. But fear is one of many signals that can help us on our path, when we do not allow it to manage our path. Where is fear managing your life today? Here are some questions to help you shine light on your fears. With each new awareness comes new power."

"* What fear reoccurs frequently in your life?
* How is this fear holding you back in your life right now? (The more specific you are, the more helpful it will be.)
* If you don't let this fear stop you this time, how will you benefit?
* Will you manage your life today, or will fear? (Hint: Choose you!)"


About the Author:

Arleen Hannich, MA, is a Spiritual Facilitator. She offers Divine Presence, Inspirational Messages from Spirit, and the Oneness Blessing to help individuals lead more authentic, joyful lives. For more information, visit her website at http://www.arleenhannich.com or contact her at AHannich@Bellsouth.net

Check out the Experts page for Arleen Hannich, the SelfGrowth.com Official Guide to Self Realization.

Meaning of the hands hidden under the legs

I just finished a coaching session with one of my body language coaching clients and he asked me about a particular gesture cluster. He sat with his legs crossed and put out both of his hands with the palms down and then wrapped the top of one hand under inside his leg on the right and the top of his other hand inside his leg on the left. I said, "If a woman suddenly went to that position I would read it as her feeling uncomfortable sexually. Perhaps a man is coming on to strong or is teasing with her sexually or she feels sexually threatened by the situation. It would be unusual for a man to do it, but if a man did it would indicate his "manhood" was threaten. He would be indicating that he feels threatened an vulnerable at a deep level. A similar gesture is made when someone stands with their hands in front of their private parts in what is commonly referred to as the fig leaf posture.

G2 summit

A few weekes ago the BBC sent me photos of the G2 summit I will be reading them at a later date.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/business/7978171.stm

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/in_depth/business/2009/g20/7978258.stm

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/7977867

Good Monday Morning

I was speaking in Chicago over the weekend. I will be checkin in latter with my blog.

Body Langauge Advice Tips for Looking Younger

Best Body Language Tips For Looking Younger

Tips for men and women so you can look younger

1. Think "lift" and "up". Move upwards. Lift your head and shoulders upwards. Gesture upwards. Smile so the corners of your mouth go up. Look in the mirror at your normal face when it is a rest and see if your eyes or corners of your mouth go down and see what happens when you lift them up. If you wear anything shirt with a collar make sure they are crisp and seem to lift up creating a lift around your face. If a shirt collar is old or not pressed it will lay to flat and give a down impression to your face and even your shoulder line. Make sure your shirt arms fall crisp and tight at the shoulders. Choose not to wear any shirt or sweater style with off the shoulder arm holes as they only look good on teenagers and bring the visual silhouette down. Making you look stoop shouldered and dowdy.
2. If you need to wear glasses get your glasses tightened regularly. Glasses that come down on your nose, even a little bit make you look much older. Keep your glasses tightened and high on your face. Again think up.
3. When you walk into a room, be it for a social gathering, interview or a meeting hold your shoulders back and head up and sit up.
4. Make sure you make eye contact right away smile and put out your hand for a hand shake with extra energy. (I have done several years of research on handshakes. Link to my handshake article on my website)
5. As you share your ideas and information make sure your voice shows your energy and enthusiasm and hold the strength and volume of your voice all the way to the end of a sentence. As we age our vocal chords show their wear and our voices change and tend to sound rougher and we tend to lose volume at the end or sentences forcing people to not feel with are speaking with conviction and sometimes even saying, “excuse me I didn’t hear you.”
6. Get your hearing and eyesight checked professionally. Do it now.
7. For men and woman make sure everything you wear is crisply pressed, no wrinkles no "wear" on your shoes or belts. You have to make sure your clothes and accessories don’t symbolically say you are old, used or tired.
8. Make sure you are fashion current in colors style and jewelry including, if you wear one, your watch. Now even wearing a watch can age you as many younger people just use their cell phone instead of wearing what they perceive as an old antique device we call a watch.If you’re not sure what’s current in professional clothing read a style magazine and go to a high end store like Nordstrom’s you don't have to purchase it there simply look to see what is current in style then go buy the brand item at TJMAX, or Marshalls or DSW Shoes.
9. It seems basic, but be careful how you sit in a chair. Research says that women perch, sitting on the edge of their seats, arching their backs, while men tend to slouch, relying more on the backrest. So as woman, too look more confident and powerful, don’t perch the entire time.. Sit back in the chair and use lots of space and put you arms on the arm rest. Men don’t slouch the whole time; you may look lazy rather than vital and energetic. Sit forward slowly as you share certain information about which you are confident.

For Women

1. If you can avoid using one, don’t carry a purse. It not only sends a strong female signal it gives you one more thing to worry about and fuss over. When woman sit down they usually have over 16 separate movements. Men have three and look much more together and organized. If you must carry something carry a folder or hip briefcase.
2. Make up for Woman. Make sure you do wear make-up, but make it light. I love Laura Mercier tinted moisturizer. If you wear eye shadow take your finger and lay it on the outside of eye and sweep any shadow up and out. If you wear eyeliner make sure it goes up slightly and the corner of your eye. When you put on blush make sure to use it sparingly and make it go up around your eyes never down. I suggest a cream blush as the new makeup style is dewy not dry and powdered. Be very careful of lipstick I draw around the edge with a very soft Estee Lauder lipstick pencil press my lips together and blend very well so it covers my entire lip and then I put on a light clear pink gloss. If I need all day coverage for my lipstick I use Max Factor Color Stay in a rose shade and put gloss on throughout the day. Don’t wear eyeliner on your bottom lip and don’t use mascara there it pulls the eye down and makes it look tired and older.
3. Wear the best underwear and support garments that you can afford. Nordstrom's has a wonderfully educated staff. I love Yummy Tummy (may be branded as Yummy Life) Camisoles. They are extremely comfortable and get you down at least one if not two sizes. They are so easy to wear you forget you have them on. Spanx work too, and thank goodness they are improving their garments comfort.
4. I know beige and gray and cream are rich looking colors, but they can wash you out and age you. Put nice flattering color around your face hot pink, pink peach, salmon, cobalt blue whatever makes your skin glow and you makes you feel good.

Who is most accurate at detecting lies?

In a previous post I shared with you that to increase your ability to detect deceit you needed to be accurate in detecting honesty. Another way to increase your lie detection ability is to receive adequate feedback on your reads. So who gets the most feedback? One of the groups who gets the most feedback about their reads are prisoners. They must read their fellow inmates communications accurately in order to survive and thrive. Research comparing
prisoners, police detectives, patrol police officers, prison guards, customs officers, and college students showed that prisoners where the most accurate at detecting deceit. Previous studies, mainly conducted with college students as subjects, showed that people have some incorrect beliefs about behavioral clues to deception. In this research study it was hypothesized that prisoners would have the best notion about clues of deception, due to the fact that they receive the most adequate feedback about successful deception strategies. The results supported this hypothesis.

Detecting Deception is More Than Lies

Those of you that follow my blog know that I have been researching nonverbal cues of deception and training people on deception detection for many years. You may not know that my programs are actually teach people to distinguish truth tellers from someone who is lying. I also teach people how to build their personal credibility. Why do I train people to detect honesty in a deception detection course? Because the research deception detection indicates that you can train people to detect deception but unless you also train them to detect the truth they will end up with a deception bias . That bias acts in conjunction with other errors in detecting deception such as suspecting people of lying when they are merely nervous or reading normally introverted people as liars to increase the simply introverted that increase false deception detection judgments. Though some research shows the a deception bias increases ones ability to detect deception I believe that a balanced approach creates a higher degree of accuracy

How to Transcend the ‘Economy’ by Creating Your OWN Shatter-The-Myth Marketing

I have a huge recommendation for you...

I wanted to be sure to share with you an amazing entrepreneur and master coach – Heather Dominick – that has developed a radically effective process. It’s a step-by-step approach that’s propelling business owners to exceptional selling success.

At one point Heather was struggling with how to move prospects into profitable clients. Then from her own mistakes and pain she found how to combine her energy with practicality and her conversations went through the roof.

Now she teaches others this effective method so you enjoy every single time you connect with a prospect and easily move them into high-paying clients – no matter what (including the economy or any other sabotaging story).

I know you’ve heard the saying “teach a man to fish”. Heather’s approach is to teach you AND to GIVE you the fish.

In fact, I recently had the chance to hear one of Heather’s teleclasses and the material she covers in this class seemed like such a fit for you, my own clients, the she has agreed to do another teleconference call on the subject – just for you. The timing is perfect. And it’s FREE!

So click this link and sign-up for the free teleseminar she’ll be doing on this subject on Thursday, April 16th. It’s that easy.

Register for this call and tune in to what Heather has to say... I know you’ll agree her message is significant – especially now.

Your registration simply allows her to set up the right number of phone lines for the call so that all who are interested are actually able to get in. Thanks!

Couples and Sleep Positions

How do sleep positions offer a view into what's going on in the relationship?
What is so fascinating is that it can reveal things about the couple that people may not see if they watch the couple upright in the daytime. We are at our most vulnerable position in sleep. Woman you can fake a lot with a man but you can’t fake your sleep position. So how your body moves and joins shows your trust and connection. When looking at sleep positions you always want to take into consideration health issues like snoring that may not only make you want to move away from your partner in bed, they may make you want to leave the room! Also, realize there are no right ways or wrong ways to sleep with your sweetie. You are not being graded on your sleep positions and unless you are on a reality television show, we are not watching you sleep.
When an individual sleeps in the fetal position on your side curled up it shows an innocence and trust. British research says that 51 percent of women and sleep in this position. If they hug the pillow, they need a lot of love and what does it say about a couple if they spoon so both are in the curled up position? In the two spoons in a drawer position, couples sleep side-by-side with one partner's full front around the full back of the other partner. If the man is around the woman it shows that, he is comfortable being the protector in the relationship. If the woman is around the man, loosely it shows she is the protector but if she is wrapped around him tightly in a way that constricts his movements and he is arching or pulling away, she is showing in sleep that she is fearful of losing him. In the cradled spoon both partners are on their sides and one partner will be cradled to the chest of the other. Typically, the woman’s head is cradled into the man’s chest with the man’s arms wrapped around the woman. Again showing protectiveness but with more emphasis on the women letting go of a need to be dominant. Some woman may start in this position but move up in sleep to show their need to be on an equal level with their partner. On the other hand, they just might need air! (Smile)
Comfortable spooning is his is the most common position adopted by couples during the first few years of their relationship/marriage. If the spooning is comfortably given and equal, it shows sexuality and security in the relationship. One partner is saying with their body, I can turn my back on you and know I am safe, you have my back and the other partner is saying I want to surround you and take you in. Since the full torso is making contact, it also shows a secure sexual relationship. This position has been shown to increase intimacy in couples and reduce the stress of both partners. Everybody Spoon!

Loose spooning where there is a little gap between the bodies, tends to come later in the relationship after a few years typically 5 to 6 but if the couple is still close they will touch hands, feet, or knees to stay connected.

V Hug occurs when couples may be back-to-back to create more independence, the upper bodies, legs, and feet are apart but the rear ends touch. So each partner forms a V. As long as their buttocks touch, they are staying connected and showing that their sexual interest is still present. They are already a confident couple just need space. This is a sleep position that can form when a couple has small children that cling to them during the day so in sleep they want to touch their partner intimately way but not model a child’s need to hold on.
The Honeymoon Hug occurs when couples just cannot get enough of each other they want to gaze into each other’s eyes even in sleep. They face each other and touch the front of their bodies their feet their legs their knees torso chests even one partner may even cradle the others face in their hands. This is a common position after couples first make love. In addition, is also seen in couples who are not married. If your partner hasn’t been facing you as they go to sleep and they start facing you, it indicates their need to connect, and be more intimate.
The Royal Hug- In the position the man lies on his back facing up. If anyone takes this position it indicates confidence and self-assurance symbolically the person is facing life. When you sleep like that with your partner, you’re showing your power and dominance in the relationship. If the female partner rests her head on, his shoulder and faces him in a fetal position she is showing she depends on and lets him be in charge. If she is rests her head but stretches out her body she depends on him but she wants to make decisions herself as well. If a woman head rests further down on the man’s chest rather than shoulder it shows she feels more comfortable with the man in charge. This is a common position for women to take when their husbands are much older. If the man has his hands on top of his head like a crown and/or the elbows out to the side in a cape, they are showing they think they are in charge. They are take charge enthusiastic and perhaps like to tell their partner The Leg or Feet Hug- This is a position where just the legs or feet of the couple touch. This position can be taken after years of marriage when the couple wants space but still wants to connect. Alternatively, can be a position couples take after a fight when they would normally have slept closer but their angry so they don’t go to the old position but they signal they will still love each other in the morning by touching the feet or legs. The feet are the most honest portion of the body, under the least conscious control, the furthest from the brain. I love that your mind is mad but your body says I still love you and I won’t kick you out of the bed.
Sleeping on your stomach temporarily typically shows you are anxious and need to protect the vulnerable front of your body. So watch if your partner suddenly changes to that position. A partner who turns away from their mate to sleep on their stomach can be communicating a lack of trust in their partner. Watch to see if your children switch to that position as well. Research shows that when someone who always sleeps on their stomach with their arms bent and hands up around the head in a crown in the crab position it shows they persistent goal oriented compulsive and stubborn.

The Cliffhanger is when both couples are opposite sides of the bed facing away from one another with no physical contact. This could be because each person needs a good night’s sleep and some external factor like snoring or menopausal night sweats make your partner an inferno or if it is a change from hug like sleep it can indicate a desire to be more independent or separate from or a desire to have a king size bed.
Always notice changes in sleep positions. If a partner is close for years and suddenly separate and there is not physical reason like you, started snoring you can reach out a hand or foot across the bed and see if they respond in kind or brings it up in conversation. “I loved it when you slept with your arms around me and I noticed you haven’t been what can we do to feel closer during the day so we feel comfortable being close at night?”

There are couples that our so interconnected that they go beyond spooning to a position I call, melding, where the couples wrap themselves around each other completely with legs and arms around each other. My sister and brother-in-law have always slept that way and they married a week after they graduated from college and have been married for40 years.

What does it say to your partner or about the relationship if the couples sleep away from one another, at the opposite sides of the bed? The body positions in sleep reflect the true relationship. Unless one partner snores or is in menopause or has some other physical issue (in which case would prevent them from getting into bed and cuddling and then separating in sleep.), sleep separation shows a desire to have a stronger sense of self and less dependence or interdependence on your partner.

What does it mean when couples don't sleep in the same room? Again, unless there is a physical reason it shows the need to be separate. I advise couples to go to bed together in one room at the same time and cuddle. If there are physical issues I recommend that they go to bed together for a little bit, cuddle and then go to separate rooms. Try to share the same bed a few mornings together too. Time spent side-by-side in an intimate space with one another is important. That situation creates a perfect place for self-disclosure and bonding that couples don’t want to miss. Men are more likely to self disclose when positioned side by side with someone. They can be defensive or closed when they sit across a table from you but get them lying side by side and they open up. Women choose the booth at the restaurant and want to talk over the dinner table they want to face a man to speak with him and watch his body language men want the front of their bodies their heart windows protected when they share their intimate thoughts and feelings. Think about how women who are driving look at the passenger to speak and men who are driving always look forward. So too get a man to share get in on a long car trip or in bed.

Research indicates, couples who fall asleep and wake up at the same time, the longevity of the marriage is enhanced. Studies also show - couples who got up and went to sleep at the same time are content in their relationship, while 30% of those with dissimilar sleep times complained of an unhappy union. This is not surprising, unless there is a health issue sleep patterns can be a passive aggressive way of communicating to your spouse. It can say, "I cannot depend on you." or "I don’t trust you." or "I want to leave space to be unfaithful to you." "I don't feel that close to you."
Here are my rough notes to a journalist from NEST magazine doing an article on sleep positions.

How do sleep positions of couples offer a view into what's going on in the relationship?

What does it say about a couple if they spoon? In the two spoons in a drawer position, couples sleep side-by-side with one partner's full front around the full back of the other partner. If the man is around the woman it shows that he is comfortable being the protector in the relationship. If the woman is around the man loosely it shows she is the protector but if she is wrapped around him tightly she is fearful of losing him. This is the most common position adopted by couples during the first few years of their relationship/marriage. If the spooning is comfortably given and equal, it shows security in the relationship. Since full torso is making contact it also shows a secure sexual relationship. This position has been shown to increase intimacy in couples and reduce the stress of both partners. Everybody Spoon!

Loose spooning where there is a little gap between the bodies, tends to come later in the relationship after a few years.

Later couples may be back-to-back to create more independence, but as long as their buttocks touch they are staying connected and showing their sexual interest is still present.
Their our couples that go beyond spooning to a position I call, melding, where the couples wrap themselves around each other completely with legs and arms around each other. My sister and brother-in-law have always slept that way and they married a week after they graduated from college and have been married for40 years.

What does it say to your partner or about the relationship if the couples sleeps away from one another, at the opposite sides of the bed? The body positions in sleep reflect the true relationship. Unless one partner snores or is in menopause or has some other physical issue (in which case would prevent them from getting into bed and cuddling and then separating in sleep.) sleep separation shows a desire to have a stronger sense of self and less dependence or interdependence on your partner.

What does it mean when couples don't sleep in the same room? Again, unless there is a physical reason it shows the need to be separate. I advise couples to go to bed together in one room at the same time and cuddle. If there are physical issues I recommend that they go to bed together for a little bit, cuddle and then go to separate rooms. Try to share the same bed a few mornings together too. Time spent side-by-side in an intimate space with one another is important. That situation creates a perfect place for self disclosure and bonding that couples don’t want to miss.

Research indicates, couples who fall asleep and wake up at the same time, the longevity of the marriage is enhanced. Studies also show - couples who got up and went to sleep at the same time are content in their relationship, while 30% of those with dissimilar sleep times complained of an unhappy union. This is not surprising, unless there is a health issue sleep patterns can be a passive aggressive way of communicating to your spouse. It can say, "I cannot depend on you." or "I don’t trust you." or "I want to leave space to be unfaithful to you." "I don't feel that close to you."

What your favorite snack food reveals about your personality

I am getting ready for a presentation in Chicago on DISC personalty type. I have researching and speaking on personality type for almost 30 years. GASP!
I did research on sneezing, smiling, and chewing and the DISC personality type as the National spokesperson for Benadryl, The Natural Dentist and Wrigley's gum respectively. ( my tests are on my website at PattiWood.net. Today, as I prepped for my speech, I went out to look for any new research on DISC and found a fun test that shows how your favorite snack food reveals your personality. The research for the test was done on 800 people a reasonable sample size but there where no details on how the research was done. In any case, check your very favorite snack food from the list of 10 snacks below then go to the link to find your results. Just pick one!

My favorite snack food it ....
___ Tortilla chips ___ Pretzels ___ Cheese curls ____Popcorn,

___Nuts ____Potato chips _____ Crackers ____Meat snacks (like beef jerky)

Excerpted from Alternative Medicine (May 2007), a trusted voice in the field of natural health; http://www.alternativemedicine.com/.
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September/October 2007 By Lisa Turner, from Alternative Medicine
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Dying for a doughnut? Pining for a pretzel? What you snack on reveals more than your food preferences, says Alan Hirsch, neurological director of the Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation in Chicago and author of What's Your Food Sign? (Stewart, Tabori, and Chang, 2006). Hirsch had 800 volunteers take personality tests and then asked them which of eight snacks they preferred. The results were astounding: Those who shared a particular personality type chose the same snack 95 percent of the time.
Yes, if we learn to view healthy food as a human right...
While linking personality type with a passion for popcorn might seem like a stretch, Hirsch says it makes sense biologically. "Food preferences reside in the olfactory lobe, the same part of the brain where the personality resides," he explains.
Here's the message in some popular munchies:
Tortilla chips. You're a perfectionist. You're successful and ambitious, and you like to plan ahead. You have a strong sense of social responsibility and abhor injustice.
Pretzels. You're the life of the party. You love novelty and can quickly become bored with routine. You tend to start new projects before completing existing ones.
Cheese curls. You have a high sense of morals and ethics and insist upon treating everyone fairly. You might seem uptight, but you're highly organized and methodical.
Popcorn. You're a take-charge type, but with a modest, low-key demeanor. Confident but reserved, you would make a large charitable donation without telling anyone.
Nuts. You're even-tempered, easy to get along with, and highly empathetic. Your easygoing, cooperative nature contributes to success at home and at work.
Potato chips. You're achievement-oriented, successful, and competitive. You're a natural leader but can be easily irritated with inconveniences like long lines and traffic jams.
Crackers. You're contemplative, thoughtful, and often a loner. You prefer private time and shy away from confrontation and arguments; you can't stand to hurt another person's feelings.
Meat snacks (like beef jerky). You're gregarious and generous, and you tend to be loyal to a fault. Says Hirsch, "If you want a true friend, pick a meat-snack lover."
Excerpted from Alternative Medicine (May 2007), a trusted voice in the field of natural health; http://www.alternativemedicine.com/.

I can see by your face you would be unfaithful.

Yes, you are actually able to tell if someone is likely to be unfaithful to you by looking at their faces. The study below shows that Men with Masculine faces and women with highly attractiveness are not only perceived as being more likely to be unfaithful but are more unfaithful. In addition, it shows that woman prefer more androgynous looking men because they are more likely to be faithful. That explains my teen age crushes on Davey Jone and David Cassidy.
Original Article
Facial correlates of sociosexuality
Lynda G. Boothroyda,b,⁎, Benedict C. Jonesa,c, D. Michael Burta,b,
Lisa M. DeBruinec, David I. Perretta
aSchool of Psychology, University of St Andrews, Fife, Scotland, UK
bDepartment of Psychology, University of Durham, Durham, England, UK
cSchool of Psychology, University of Aberdeen, Aberdeen, Scotland, UK
Initial receipt 14 August 2007; final revision received 28 December 2007
Abstract
Previous studies have documented variation in sexual behaviour between individuals leading to the notion of ‘restricted’ individuals
(i.e., people who prefer long-term relationships) and ‘unrestricted’ individuals (i.e., people who are open to short-term relationships). This
distinction is often referred to as sociosexual orientation. Observers have been previously found to distinguish sociosexuality from video
footage of individuals, although the specific cues used have not been identified. Here we assessed the ability of observers to judge sexual
strategy based specifically on cues in both facial composites and real faces. We also assessed how observers' perceptions of the
masculinity/femininity and attractiveness of faces relate to the sociosexual orientation of the pictured individuals. Observers were
generally able to identify restricted vs. unrestricted individuals from cues in both composites and real faces. Unrestricted sociosexuality
was generally associated with greater attractiveness in female composites and real female faces and greater masculinity in male
composites. Although male observers did not generally associate sociosexuality with male attractiveness, female observers generally
preferred more restricted males' faces (i.e., those with relatively strong preferences for long-term relationships). Collectively, our results
support previous findings that androgenisation in men is related to less restricted sexual behaviour and suggest that women are averse to
unrestricted men.
© 2008 Published by Elsevier Inc.
Keywords: Sexual strategy; Sociosexuality; Masculinity; Attraction; Faces

The secreat body language tell of contempt

I just had one on my coaching clients here at the office. (Yes I do one on one coaching on body language.) I gave him the facial expression test to identify emotions. We ended up having a really great discussion about the different facial expressions. My client was particularly fascinated by the "tell" for contempt. If you follow this blog you know I talk a lot about the lack of facial symmetry. Well when someone feels contemptuous they often pull up the their lip on one side of the face. The face looks twisted. Remember it this way. Contempt is a twisted emotion so it twists the face.

Dancing with the Stars Body Language

BODY LANGUAGE OF CELEBRITIES
On Dancing with the Stars
Here are my rough notes (translation unedited notes) on Dancing with the Stars body language.

Steve Wozniak always projects happiness and optimism verbally, but he seems to stand rigid with his hands steadfastly down beside his body. He also tilts his head many times when listening to the judge’s scores all while maintaining a billion dollar smile. His face seems to be reacting differently to his body. Why?
What is so wonderful about reading body language of celebrities in dancing with the stars is you know what their body language is normally are on TV you what called in their baseline is and then you see how being exciting and challenging show changes them and shows you things you have never seen before. In Steve's case, he always holds his body very stiff in what I call the Nutcracker posture big smile arms down at his sides. That his normal behaviour. He has so much fun on the dance floor chest out during judging only one talked put out his hand arm to get attention and speak he actually able to talk.


The body is always more honest than the face because it under less conscious control you are less aware of it so when you are reading body language you want to read from the feet to the top of the head. The face can be for show the body can be for real. A head tilt can mean intent listening or show I am less powerful than you are.
Lawrence spends a lot of time on his own behind the scenes and in the red room before his performance. Why do you think he does this? This is so fascinating, his he has this image of being very aggressive on the football field, but on the need to spend, a lot of time reveals that he is really an introvert. Introverts need time alone to recharge their batteries. (Nervousness biting his nails in first practices self-beating himself up. During judging on first show. Tongue thrust, hands fully behind his back, tight stiff mouth grin
Ty constantly licks his lips and bites his lower lip when listening to the judges. What does that mean? Nervousness? King of the rodeo smiling most cheek up against her tongue wiping away nervousness Bruno tough judge downward smile and tongue thrust out at end of judging and before scores on first episode
Ty also holds on to Chelsea very tightly with his hand right around the back of her shoulder blades grasping the other side of her arm. Is he perhaps protecting her or holding on to her for moral support?
Denise licks her lips and tilts her head and to one side and puts her hand on her hip on this same side when listening to the judges. Almost like a little kid does in the playground when they are being defiant or strong. Any particular reason why Denise might do this?
For someone so noisy and chatty, you nailed Steve big grin and rubbing his hands together during judges scoring, Steve O is very quiet and closed mouth breathing through his nose. I love that his smiles and gulps down and breaths through his nose. He gulping for air after dancing but we breathe negative feeling out and his breathing his nervousness out through his nose. (First show little smile during waltz as he completed step the funny ta da move and grin at the end of the waltz,) During first judging started with big smile and then nodded his head
Shawn holds her hands and arms in front when listening to the judge. What does that tell us?
Holly shrugs her shoulders and grins a sheepish smile lot when listening to the judges. What does this mean? That shrugging shoulder turtle posture is a protective response when someone is under attack.


David puffs his chest out and looks down over his nose with his chin tilted up – looking down over the judges when listening to them. He is tight lipped and keeps his hands behind his back. What does this tell us? Chin up edges of mouth down

Melissa clasps her hands together in front as if she was about to start washing them. What does this mean? Let us get down to business. Tongue out like a bad taste left side of face twisted down to hold he

Helping Children Deal with Stranger Danger,

The website and publication "Root and Sprout" wanted parents to know how to teach their children about Stranger Danger.

As body language expert I can speak to corporate audiences about the accuracy of your immediate gut impressions. My audiences have shared funny and sometimes embarrassing stories about their toddlers accurate first impressions of "Aunt Martha" or That scary guy at the car place." Teach them to feel comfortable going with gut impressions of people. In that fraction of a second the child is reading the nonverbal cues in the primal brain before he or she can process the information in his or her conscious brain and know what to say or do. They are often accurate in their assessments. You need them to be comfortable and confident in making these first impressions. Sometimes telling them to, "Shush and be quite." or "Be polite." will make them doubt their ability to access safe people from dangerous people. Teach them about strangers and what to do if they feel uncomfortable. One way to do this is to teach them how their body may go into Freeze Flight Flight. Most adults know about the flight, fight response, but they don’t know that the third fear response is freeze and that is often what children do in a scary situation such as a stranger approaching them. You can have fun with it and make it game so they not what to do. Kids typically freeze first. They need to learn to take action before the fear overwhelms them and they go into or stay in the freeze response.
The practice of training children shout “stranger” and running is great one, because if they practice that routine enough it will be stored in their “muscle” memory (the brains strongest link to memory) and that is what they will do under stress.

Patti Wood, MA, CSP
The Body Language Expert
Phone-404-315-7397
Web- http://www.PattiWood.net
Blog- http://www.http://www.bodylanguagelady.com .com