Patti Wood Body Language Expert Blog : 04/01/2014

Body Language Read of Johnny Depp and Amber Heard

Notice how pulled back her pelvis is. Her upper body is straight as a board and her legs are taunt and she is walking stiffly. Along with the distant gaze and pressed together lips she is showing lots of tension even notice how Johnny is bent over, head bowed and feet close together shuffling like an old man. He is weary, but he still makes an extreme effort to reach back and hold her hand. This is a difficult time for them. They are showing tension and wear. I give them a 2 because of the hand hold.

The red carpet photo shows how much fun they were having. Look at her proud posture and smile and how he holds her weight. I think I read another one like this for you a while ago. I love how they are overlapping bodies at upper chest. Great that she can lean on him and how her hand on her hip shows she can hold her own. Don't like that her head is tilted away but she looks so happy and her lean is so into him. I give this a 4

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

Body Language Read of LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian

I love them in the photo with him in the rose colored T-shirt where they are holding hands. The sideways entertained handhold shows their tenderness comes from each other equally. I also love how she is bending her knees and offering her pelvis, and arching up her chest and head into the kiss and his pelvis is forward to her. I give it a 5

The other photo, remembering how hard it is to read a photo of a couple walking shows him far ahead in body guard position. If you notice his uplifted head and subtle smile that plays up to his small yes true happiness you see he is content in that role. She is more guarded. See how she holds on to him like a child to her dad in the grocery story. She is pulling back a bit, see her straight arm. I want you to protect me, but on the other hand I am a big girl. I don't like that she has her cell phone as she holds him. It’s symbolic of how work comes first. They are still very much a new couple but she has to change how she interacts and uses her power. I give this a 3.

Body Language Read of Kaley & Ryan

Patti observes that although the above couple are confidently striding together, Ryan's furrowing his brow a bit while Kaley is looking upward to him for reassurance. They don't seem like blissful newlyweds during a Beverly Hills shopping trip. (January 2004 pic) This couple gets a 3 on Life & Style True Love Rating Scale.

However, during a March 22 playdate, they couldn't keep their hands off each other. Patti loves how their toes touch during the embrace and how Kaley grabs his butt! They are really connected!! (March 2014 pic) This couple gets a 5 on Life & Style True Love Rating Scale.

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

Why Mehrabain’s Research on Nonverbal Communication and the Meaning of the Message is as Quoted is Inaccurate

I believe that understanding and reading body language is a profoundly useful method for us to read the hearts of others. There is a world of meaning in our nonverbal communication from a glance, a gesture, a tone of voice and more. But, I am I would like to debunk the myth that 55% of communication is nonverbal. How many times have you seen the inaccurate statistics about nonverbal communication by Albert Mehrabian saying that the meaning of a message is communicated:

7% by your words
38% by you tone of voice
55%. by your body language

This interpretation of Mehrabian has been debunked many times, but still it persists. Let’s talk what is true about the experiments by Mehrabian. And what his research looked like.

The research subject heard one word said different ways and was able to detect different meanings. Yes, that’s right, the subjects heard only one word and were asked what meaning was communicated!

First, what is true about the meaning being communicated nonverbally? The meaning of the message can be changed by its nonverbal delivery. Take for example how someone says a particular word or words like “love”, “hate” or “my boss” in a sentence. What someone really intends to communicate can vary depending on their tone of voice, how their inflection rises and falls or how they stress certain words. That is their paralanguage changes. Writer Clella Jaffe gives an example "A movie character is accused of shooting a clerk in a convenience store. When the sheriff asks, "Why did you shoot the clerk?" the suspect responds, "I shot the clerk?"(pause)" I shot the clerk?" At the trial, the sheriff testifies that the accused confessed twice, clearly saying "I shot the clerk." The sheriff says the statement as if it were factual, whereas the suspect's rising voice inflection and stressed words indicates that he's asking a question-drastically changing the meaning of the literal words".

Mehrabian’s experiments

The Mehrabian formula comes from two studies in nonverbal communication carried out by Mehrabian and two colleagues in 1967. That’s correct people are quoting research from over 40 years ago. There is no current research that replicated this particular finding. Twenty years later in my Masters and Doctoral Program in nonverbal communication our textbooks still quoted this research and we talked about its inaccurate referencing. We are still quoting it and we are still using it and debating it today.

To summarize, Mehrabian’s studies asked participants to judge the feelings of a speaker by listening to a recording of a single word spoken in different tones of voice.

In the first study, the participants had to rate the feelings of the speaker after listening to each of nine different words. Each word spoken separately rather than in a sentence with context. The words spoken were often inconsistent with the tone of voice used. For example, the word “brute” spoken in a positive tone. Each time they had to make a rating just on the single word they had listened to.

In the second study, only one word was used. It was chosen to be as neutral as possible: the word was “maybe.” They listened to a recording of the word “maybe” said in different tones and at the same time were shown photos of different facial expressions.

It’s from these experiments that Mehrabian suggested – but did not prove – the formula.

The limitations of Mehrabian’s formula

Mehrabian has himself attempted to limit the application of this formula:

Please note that this and other equations regarding relative importance of verbal and nonverbal messages were derived from experiments dealing with communications of feelings and attitudes (i.e., like-dislike). Unless a communicator is talking about their feelings or attitudes, these equations are not applicable.

So if we limit the formula to the specific conditions of the experiments, it is only applicable if:

a speaker is using only one word,
their tone of voice is inconsistent with the meaning of the word, and
the judgment being made is about the feelings of the speaker.

What do other researchers say?

Mehrabian’s findings were frequently discussed in the psychological literature on nonverbal communication through the 1970s and 1980s. Researchers have made the following critiques of the methodology of his studies:

They only used two or three people to do the speaking for the experiments.
They take no account of the extent to which the speakers could produce the required tone of voice.
They were artificial situations with no context.
The communication model on which they were based, has now been shown to be too simple.
They take no account of the characteristics of the observers making the judgments.
The purpose of the experiments was not hidden from the participants.

For more detail on these critiques go to Mehrabian’s studies in nonverbal communication and once you are there scroll down to the findings.

Patti's Recent Book was Mentioned in the Wall Street Journal as a Resource to Help Improve the Growing Need to Improve Likability in the Workplace

The Wall Street Journal columnist, Sue Shellenbarger, when asked for additional resources to help improve the growing need to improve likability in the workplace she suggested Patti's recent book, SNAP - Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma.

Pistorius body language and paralanguage, crying and stonefaced nonverbal cues durring his trial for possibly murdering his girlfriend:

What I find interesting in Pistorius body language and paralanguage is the shift from his normally very charismatic body language with a very mobile expressive face and lots of movement to the following nonverbal cues in this trial for murdering his girlfriend:

· Stone faced when most people would be showing sadness, loss. (remember he is normally very expressive, his face moves! When listening the testimony before his questioning he seems focused cool and calm till his "breakdown."

· Frozen in place body language, posture ridged when most people would show grief or stress– an indication does not feel the appropriate emotions or feels the need to hide his true emotion. To be clear the timing of his stiff frozen body language is not the not freeze in place body language from fear. In fact he expresses freely when he is defending himself, but when he should be showing grief he freezes.

· Steely long gazes of hate at the prosecuting attorney, that allows you to see how his anger could have caused a murderous rage.

· Paralanguage strong and faced paced (vocal cues) as his argues with the prosecuting attorney that rarely shows any grief or distress but ,instead is fast paced within each sentence and at times strong and argumentative responses and explanations to the prosecuting attorney. If you just LISTEN to him being questioned by the prosecuting attorney and pay no attention to the words you would think that a teenager was having an argument with his father. When he is questioned at one point he says with his words, "didn't have time to think." but his explanations for his behavior before and after he makes that statement seem specific and concrete, details coming from his rational neocortex. He remembers so many tiny actions and does not miss sharing any of them as he responds to tough questions. He is fighting in this trail, and he fights with details.

· At times fake overly dramatic crying. Sadly, I am experienced, because of my work as a body language expert to distinguish how people cry in true grief in a multitude of circumstances. People tend to move and shift as they cry publicly (often in the primitive emotional brains attempt to get the horror out and away from the body) You may seem to see the waves of grief wash through them again and again. Sometimes they curl up in a protective snail like posture. They may shake when they cry. If they put their hand to their face it is typically a hand trying to wipe the tears, symbolically whipping away the grief. Or to holding both hands over the face and pressing in to hold in the grief or letting the grief escape out and overwhelm them. What they don’ typically do is what Pistorius does when he cry’s. They don’t make themselves bigger that is what we do when we feel confident. They would be more likely in this setting to make their grief intimate and private as they connect with their lost loved one as their grieve. You may see dramatic movements in someone grieving a loved one in the moments right after the bad news or when surrounded by family more likely in parents and female spouses . Pistorius tears are acted they are not motivated from true grief or lost.

· Pistorius bent over crying. First he moves first in a big and dramatic ways in his crying jag but, he cannot sustain it in its natural wave flow or real grief. Instead he bend over and holds still hidden as he cry. The sound of grief crying tends to come in waves that fade and build not just build then stop. I hate that I know that, but yes there is a difference. I don't like seeing someone fake cry and not say he is sorry over and over again.

No so sorry. People who are truly sorry often repeat the sorry two or three times in a row each apology with emotion often in waves of emotion. So it may sound like this. I am so story. I am so, (breaking voice) so sorry. (gulp in) so sorry (sorry fades out)

Anyone may change how they feel and act when under trial for murdering their girlfriend. But typically the baseline personality and aspects of movement even when even considering grief and fear have similarities to their true self. And there is a second baseline I use when reading people under stress. That is the baseline of what is normal for anyone under this particular stress

The Unspoken Language of Complaint Management

“We want someone else to feel our pain,” says Wood, who trains call center agents on “mirroring and matching” techniques that let a customer know the agent empathizes with them.

http://www.customerexpressions.com/blog/customer-service/unspoken-language-complaint-management/

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

Closer Than Ever

Patti observed that Anne Hathaway turned completely away from Adam Shulman during a May 2009 outing in NYC. This couple seemed to be disconnected. Patti also noticed that Anne seemed to be giving herself a protective hug. After marriage during a blissful Miami Beach outing this couple was more in sync and they were very playful and sexual. They were both leaning into each other. This couple gets a 4 1/2 on the Life & Style True Love Rating scale.

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

Is Rosie and Jason Headed for a Split?

It looked like Jason Statham, 46,. was no longer ready for action with Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, 26, at Vanity Fair's Oscar party in West Hollywood. Patti observed that Jason's hip, pelvis and leg were all pulled away from Rosie's body. Rosie is arched away from him as well. Just last June Jason was pulling her in so tight that even her dress wrinkled at the waist and Rosie couldn't be more joyous noted Patti. In 2013 this couple was head over heels for each other but in 2014 this couple was rated as a ice cold couple on Life & Style True Love Rating scale.

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

Brad and Angie Tone It Down

Brad Pitt, 50, and Angelina Jolie, 38, couldn't keep their hands off each other at the Cannes International Film Festival in 2009. According to Patti, Angie is pressing her pelvis into him. It is a very sexually charged moment. However their appearance at this year's Academy Awards was decidedly low-key. Patti noted that their stance wasn't sexy but there was still warmth. Brad is slightly leaning into her, showing he is dependent on her, and Angie is showing her power, angling her chest upward toward him. In the 2009 pic Patti gives them a 5 on the True Love Rating scale and in the 2014 pic Brad and Angelina only scores a 2 1/2 on the True Love Rating scale for Life & Style.

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

Garage Sale Tips from a Body Language Expert and Garage Sale Maven. How to Sell Stuff at Your Garage Sale.

Patti Wood, MA, CSP

I remember my first garage sale. The cool heft of a nickel in my hand as I went up the garage sale lades to ask her how much the troll doll cost. I can still feel the thrill of trading the nickel for the yellow haired doll. I was hooked. I helped my mom with our family garage sale when we moved and twenty years of Saturdays, getting up at the crack of dawn for the treasure hunt. As an expert in nonverbal communication I have my list of tips of the trade to help you get more sales at your garage sale.

Create Curb Appeal

· Garage sales have curb appeal. People will drive by a sale that does not look appealing. Mow the lawn, trim the hedges make sure the house and garage are clean. Put some flowers in pots by the door. Do all that the week before your sale and you can get more buyers. If you have stuff in your garage you are not selling get it out of the garage or use lots of sheets and duct tape to cover the items completely. You will get people who want to peek no matter what but it looks better than too much extra stuff.

· Signage is key, Use one color for ALL your signs so people can see the signs and know they lead to your house. USE BIG ARROWS pointing them to your house at ALL the intersections and they will love you and not be stressed and give up getting to you. You want your garage sale buyer to be calm and happy when they pull up to your house. People take less than 1/300^th of a second to form a first impression of your house, your sale and you, as the seller, smile and say welcome!

· Have fun interesting sale items close to the road so people driving by are intrigued. Furniture, colorful nice items to draw the eye and attention.

· If you have big items like furniture or rugs you want to move, make sure they are clean and accessible. Photos of furniture that you have inside your house don’t draw people to your sale.

· Don’t have a lemonade stand as some people feel pressured to buy and will keep driving. And helping your kids sell lemonade distracts you from selling. Sell lemonade on the Friday before the sale and have your signs at the stand advertising your sale the next day.

Tips for Setting Up

· Print the price or buy the price printed on the tag so it is easy to see and buy. I can’t emphasize it enough, make your price tags readable.

· Pricing is generally not the same as retail. For smalls it is typically 1/10 of what you could pay for it at a store. Having old dusty stuff doesn’t mean you’re pricing valuable antiques and Antique Road Show and Storage Wars are not the sources of what people will pay for something at a garage sale. It is worth looking on EBAY to see what it sells for there if you have something you think has value. You need to price it for less. It typically will not sell for the eBay price at most garage sales. People don’t want to hear how much you paid for an item or what it sells for on EBAY. They want a bargain.

· If you have a lot of “smalls” like kitchen gadgets, office supplies, or jewelry you can group them. Put like small items in a basket or nice box and have a good price to purchase everything together in the basket. Or you can tie items together with a ribbon or bow.

· Put items on table at waist level. Only people under 20 will bend down to get something on a blanket or box on the ground. See if any of your friends have a folding table or buy one or two cheaply at a discount store like Big Lots. You may also be able to borrow some from your church and see if they need what you don’t sell for any of their charities.

· Put the very valuable items on the table you use as the purchase table and have a family or friend stay at that table. You can buy a shadow box with a glass door top for jewelry at Marshals for 10 dollars. Tape it shut so people can see the jewelry but you have to open it for them to touch it. Or keep the jewelry pined to you on an apron with a name tag that says this jewelry is for sale.

How to be the Best Salesperson

· Wear a fanny/waist pack. It keeps your money close to your body and it acts as an easy way for shoppers to identify who they need to pay.

· If you really want to aid shoppers, wear a big ole name tag. You can have it read, “Hi I am _____ ASK ME QUESTIONS or “BUY IT FROM ME” This makes the shopping experience more personal as well. People can use your name!

· Have the purchase spot in the middle of the sale don’t make them have to search for you or walk to buy.

· Price everything. Many people are too shy or uncomfortable asking what something costs. They will walk away from something they want rather than have to ask you. Price it.

· Notice the body language of a buyer and say you would be happy to bargain or give them 10% off if they look indecisive.

· Sales begat sales. Have a friend buy something from you when you have a few people there (g. I Isopraxism is creates a pull to the same energy. It explains why fish swim together in schools, birds fly together in formation, why we do the wave at a football game.)

· Thank them when they purchase and ask them to call and tell others about the sale.

· Have little books or safe toys available to give to small children. Hand them to the children with a smile and say that it is a free gift. It is fun for them, for you and is a kind thing to do for all the parents who are teaching their kids the joys of garage sales.

· Be willing to give price breaks and discounts. You may want to say to anyone asking for a big discount at 7:30 in the morning that you will start discounting after 11:00. If you give discount early you may get a rush of everyone expecting discounts. Isopraxism creates a pull to the same energy. If you just want to get rid of your stuff that pull is great, but if you are trying to make a higher profit wait to discount.

Patti Wood is an expert in First Impressions and Nonverbal Communication

Her most recent book is called SNAP –Making the Most of First Impressions Body Language and Charisma

Healthy State of Optimism - What do you call a happy person?

I got these healthy states of optimism from

http://www.freewillastrology.com/beauty/beauty.main503.shtml They are so funny and so positive. I am imagining the body language now

Psychiatry and psychotherapy obsess on what's wrong with people and give short shrift to what's right. The manual of these professions is a 991-page textbook called the DSM-V. It identifies scores of pathological states but no healthy ones.

Some time back, I began to complain about this fact, and asked readers to help me compile material for a proposed antidote, the Anti-DSM -- a compendium of healthy, exalted, positive states of being. As their entries came in, we at the Beauty and Truth Laboratory were inspired to dream up some of our own. Below is part one of our initial attempt at creating an Anti-DSM-V, or as we also like to call it, The Outlaw Catalog of Cagey Optimism.

* ACUTE FLUENCY. Happily immersed in artistic creation or scientific exploration; lost in a trance-like state of inventiveness that's both blissful and taxing; surrendered to a state of grace in which you're fully engaged in a productive, compelling, and delightful activity. The joy of this demanding, rewarding state is intensified by a sense that time has been suspended, and is rounder and deeper than usual. (Suggested by H. H. Holiday, who reports that extensive studies in this state have been done by Mihaly Cziscenmihaliy in his book,Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience.)

* AESTHETIC BLISS. Vividly experiencing the colors, textures, tones, scents, and rhythms of the world around you, creating a symbiotic intimacy that dissolves the psychological barriers between you and what you observe. (Suggested by Jeanne Grossetti.)

* AGGRESSIVE SENSITIVITY. Animated by a strong determination to be receptive and empathetic.

* ALIGNMENT WITH THE INFINITY OF THE MOMENT. Reveling in the liberating realization that we are all exactly where we need to be at all times, even if some of us are temporarily in the midst of trial or tribulation, and that human evolution is proceeding exactly as it should, even if we can't see the big picture of the puzzle that would clarify how all the pieces fit together perfectly. (Suggested by Meredith Jones.)

* AUTONOMOUS NURTURING. Not waiting for someone to give you what you can give yourself. (Suggested by Shannen Davis.)

* BASKING IN ELDER WISDOM. A state of expansive ripeness achieved through listening to the stories of elders. (Suggested by Annabelle Aavard.)

* BIBLIOBLISS. Transported into states of transcendent pleasure while immersed in reading a favorite book. (Suggested by Catherine Kaikowska.)

* BLASPHEMOUS REVERENCE. Acting on the knowledge that the most efficacious form of devotion to the Divine Wow is tinctured with playful or mischievous behavior that prevents the buildup of fanaticism.

* BOO-DUH NATURE. Dwelling in the blithe understanding of the fact that worry is useless because most of what we worry about never happens. (Suggested by Timothy S. Wallace.)

* COMIC INTROSPECTION. Being fully aware of your own foibles while still loving yourself tenderly and maintaining confidence in your ability to give your specific genius to the world. To paraphrase Alan Jones, Dean of Grace Cathedral: following the Byzantine ploys of your ego with compassion and humor as it tries to make itself the center of everything, even of its own suffering and struggle.

* COMPASSIONATE DISCRIMINATION. Having astute judgment without being scornfully judgmental; seeing difficult truths about a situation or person without closing your heart or feeling superior. In the words of Alan Jones: having the ability "to smell a rat without allowing your ability to discern deception sour your vision of the glory and joy that is everyone's birthright."

* CRAZED KINDNESS. Having frequent, overpowering urges to bestow gifts, disseminate inspiration, and perpetrate random acts of benevolence.

* ECSTATIC GRATITUDE. Feeling genuine thankfulness with such resplendent intensity that you generate a surge of endorphins in your body and slip into a full-scale outbreak of euphoria.

* EMANCIPATED SURRENDER. Letting go of an attachment without harboring resentment toward the stimuli that led to the necessity of letting go. (Suggested by Timothy S. Wallace.)

* FRIENDLY SHOCK. Welcoming a surprise that will ultimately have benevolent effects.

* HIGHWAY EQUANIMITY. Feeling serene, polite, and benevolent while driving in heavy traffic. (Suggested by Shannen Davis.)

* HOLY LISTENING. Hearing the words of another human being as if they were a direct communication from the Divine Wow to you.

* IMAGINATIVE TRUTH-TELLING. Conveying the truth of any specific situation from multiple angles, thereby mitigating the distortions that result from assuming the truth can be told from a single viewpoint.

* IMPULSIVE LOVE SPREADING. Characterized by a fierce determination to never withhold well-deserved praise, inspirational encouragement, positive feedback, or loving thoughts; often includes a tendency to write love letters on the spur of the moment and on any medium, including napkins, grocery bags, and skin. (Suggested by Laurie Burton.)

* INADVERTENT NATURE WORSHIP. Experiencing the rapture that comes from being outside for extended periods of time. (Suggested by Sue Carol Robinson.)

* INGENIOUS INTIMACY. Having an ability to consistently create deep connections with other human beings, and to use the lush, reverential excitement stimulated by such exchanges to further deepen the connections. A well-crafted talent for dissolving your sense of separateness and enjoying the innocent exultation that erupts in the wake of the dissolution. (Suggested by Sue Carol Robinson.)

* JOYFUL POIGNANCE. Feeling buoyantly joyful about the beauty and mystery of life while remaining aware of the sadness, injustices, wounds, and future fears that form the challenges in an examined life. (Suggested by Alka Bhargava.)

* LATE LATE-BLOOMING. Having a capacity for growth spurts well into old age, long past the time that conventional wisdom says they're possible.

* LEARNING DELIGHT. Experiencing the brain-reeling pleasure that comes from learning something new. (Suggested by Sue Carol Robinson.)

* LUCID DREAM PATRIOTISM. A love of country rooted in the fact that it provides the ideal conditions for learning lucid dreaming. (Suggested by Kenneth Kelzer, aithor of The Sun and the Shadow: My Experiment With Lucid Dreaming.)

* LYRICAL CONSONANCE. Experiencing the visceral yet also cerebral excitement that comes from listening to live music played impeccably by skilled musicians. (Suggested by Susan E. Nace.)

* MODULATED RAPTURISM. Welcoming miracles and peak experiences in full awareness that the growth they initiate will require sober commitment and disciplined work to complete. (Suggested by Timothy S. Wallace.)

* NONRESENTMENT SYNDROME. Having an ability to be friendly, open, and helpful to people with whom you disagree.

* NOT HAVING TO BE RIGHT. Fostering an ability, even a willingness, to be proven wrong about one of your initial perceptions or pet theories; having an eagerness to gather information that may change your mind about something you have fervently believed; cultivating a tendency to enjoy being corrected, especially about ideas that are negative or hostile. (Suggested by Sheila Kollasch.)

* ORGIASTIC LUCIDITY. Experiencing an expansive and intricate state of clarity while in the midst of extreme sensual pleasure.

* PERMANENT DIVINE INFATUATION. Having not the abstract understanding but rather a direction perception that the Divine Intelligence, who recreates the universe fresh every moment, is deeply in love with you, even as you are in love with the Divine Intelligence.

* RADICAL CURIOSITY. Characterized by the following traits: an enthusiasm for the mystery embedded in the mundane; a preference for questions over answers; an aversion to stereotyping, generalizations, and jumping to conclusions; a belief that people are unsolvable puzzles; an inclination to be unafraid of both change and absence of change; a strong drive to avoid boredom; a lack of interest in possessing or dominating what you are curious about. (Suggested by Laurie Burton.)

* RELENTLESS UNPRETENTIOUSNESS. Possessing a strong determination to not take yourself too seriously, not take your cherished beliefs too literally, and not take other people's ideas about you too personally.

* RIPE INTELLECTION. The understanding that a predilection to notice and analyze pathology is itself pathological. (Suggested by Timothy S. Wallace.)

* ROOTED IN ETERNITY. The state of knowing that your true identity is deeper than the constant chatter of thoughts, images, and feelings that swirls through your mind. (Suggested by Crispin R.)

* SACRED PERCEPTIVENESS. Seeing others for who they really are, in both their immaturity and genius, and articulating your insights to them with care.

* SCARY-THUNDER-IN-THE-DARK HAPPINESS. Feeling deliciously safe in a well-protected sanctuary during a severe storm. (Suggested by Sue Carol Robinson.)

* SCHIZOFRIENDIA. Hearing voices in your head that are constantly supportive, encouraging, and keen to offer advice that helps you make the most of every experience. (Suggested by Lewis.)

* SELF-ACCEPTANCE UNDER PRESSURE. The state achieved upon leaving a room filled with people who know you, and not worrying about what anyone will say about you. (Suggested by Shannen Davis.)

* SELF-HONORING. Having an unwillingness to disparage, belittle, or hurt yourself; includes a taboo against speaking phrases like, "I'm such an idiot!" and "What's wrong with me?" (Suggested by Julie Levin.)

* SLY TRUST. Having a discerning faith that the integrity of your efforts will inevitably lead to a result that's exactly what you need; being skillful in the art of never trying too hard. (Suggested by Rhonda Christmas.)

* SONGBIRD-IN-A-TREE. The cultivated awareness that daily life presents countless opportunities to be buoyed by moments of ordinary extraordinary beauty, and that these moments are most available if you perceive with your senses and not with your internal turmoil. (Suggested by Lisa Chabot.)

* TENDER RAGE. Maintaining a strong sense of love and protectiveness towards a person or creature or institution you're angry at.

* TRANSCONSUMERISM. An absence of tendencies to predicate
happiness on acquiring material possessions. (Suggested by Timothy S. Wallace.)

* TRIUMPHANT NURTURING. Feeling contented expansiveness while nursing a baby. (Suggested by Susan E. Nace.)

* UNSELFCONSCIOUSNESS. Doing what you're doing and being who you're being without thinking about it at all. Being happy by virtue of not worrying about whether or not you're happy; enjoying a unified state in which you are not split between the you who acts and the you who observes. (Suggested by Valerie Keller.)

* UNTWEAKABILITY. Having a composed, blame-free readiness to correct false impressions when your actions have been misunderstood and have led to awkward consequences.

* VIRTUOSO INTEGRATION. Consistently walking your talk; effectively translating your ideals into the specific actions; creating results that are congruous with your intentions; being free of hypocrisy.

* VISIONS OF THRILLING EXPLOITS. Experiencing an eruption of intuition that clearly reveals you will attempt a certain adventure in the future, as when you spy a particular mountain for the first time and know you'll climb it one day. (Suggested by Sue Carol Robinson.)

* WEATHER SENSITIVITY. Having a high degree of awareness about your sensitivity to changes in the weather, and having a skill for managing your responses to those shifts so as to consistently bring out the best in yourself. (Suggested by Julie Caves.)

* WHOLEHEARTEDNESS. Having the capacity to give, on a moment's notice, your complete attention, empathy, and playful intelligence to any person or circumstance you choose. (Suggested by Susan Coleman.)

* WILD DISCIPLINE. Possessing a talent for creating a kind of organization that's liberating; knowing how to introduce limitations into a situation in such a way that everyone involved is empowered to express his or her unique genius; having an ability to discern hidden order within a seemingly chaotic mess.

* WHEEEE. A serenely boisterous intensely focused chaos of communion with streaming fountains of liquid light hurtling softly through the giggly upbeat tender assurance that all is well and a mysterious unimaginable intelligence is magnetizing us forward into ever-more wonderful throbs of naked truth that bestow the humble happy sight of life as a river of fantastically lucky artful change flowing through us forever. (Suggested by Sarah Alexander and Jon Kohl Drucker.)

Skype or Video Job Interview Tips from a Body Language Expert

When I coach my clients on how to prepare for Skype or video job interviews or a Skype media interview from their homes I give them this check sheet.

· Prepare your room. Turn on the camera and see what shows up on the screen. If there is a trashcan or a messy bookshelf clean it up. Simplify your background.

· Try different backgrounds. If you have a laptop with a camera you can try different locations for the lighting and setting to make you look your best.

· A lighting trick is to use only ONE lighting source if front of you that is set up behind the camera that offers diffused light that means a good shade.

· Check your seating, and your camera angle. You don’t want look too far up or down it will age you and or make your face look distorted rather than symmetrical.

· Make up is very important for women on Skype or recording. It’s not a very forgiving medium. Even men may want to use a little translucent powder brushed lightly over the face so they don't look sweaty on camera.

· Make sure if you wear glasses that they don't have a glare bouncing off of them. Lens Crafters has no glare lenses for an extra 40 dollars.

· Check your wardrobe. Check your wardrobe sitting down, pull your clothes down in front and in back so nothing rides up and make you look funny.

For women jewel tones like royal blue look good next to the face. Sleeveless dresses or with no more than three quarter sleeve look better than bulky jackets. For men make sure your shirt is crisp and the collar lays down flat.

· Get your hair out of your face. If it normally falls into your face put it behind you ears or get it cut. When you’re nervous it is far too easy to touch your hair and push it back to calm yourself and it is very distracting.

· We give ourselves little touches on our face, neck, hands and such when we are nervous. They calm us by alerting the brain to send calming chemicals. These are normal stress cues, we do them all the time but they increase during on camera interviews. Gesturing normally can reduce comfort cues. Don’t try to be still. If you have to have some place to rest your hands, you can also try practicing with your hands resting off camera on the keyboard if you are using a desktop screen camera or open on your lap off camera.

· If you normally gesture don’t try to stop yourself for the interview. Gestures actually help us create and go down neural pathways in the brain. Gestures free up space in the brain and at times effectively “pull out file draws to memories” and can animate the voice giving it more variation, interest and emotion.

· Tape yourself doing a dry run of your interview to check the sound, lighting and how you look.

· Practice with someone greeting you and asking you questions while you look at the camera and answer to practice making eye contact with the camera. Preferably someone who isn't hyper critical.

· The day of the interview do another dry run fifteen minutes before to check your connection, and sound.

· Take a short relaxing walk before your. Walking syncs your right and left hemisphere so you can think logically and speak with emotion and dynamism.

· You want your body to feel and look energetic. So move and stretch in a relaxing, smooth way before your interview. The brain creates chemicals to match how your body is moving or posed.

· Breathe deeply once you sit down. Slow, deep belly breaths center you and supply lots of good oxygenated blood to the brain. Try putting a hand on your belly and breathing in slowly on three, holding for three counts and breathing out slowly on a count of three. Imagine the breath coming in and out through your hand into and out of your tummy.

· Make sure you are entirely off camera and everything is turned off before you make a sigh, make a face or make a comment. You would be surprised at how many times that last look of someone saying, darn or some cuss word when they think they are “done.”

These tips for preparing for Skype job and media interviews are from my book SNAP Making the Most of First Impressions Body Language and Charisma and my media interview books.

How NOT to dress for a job interview and tips for how TO dress from SNAP book on First Impressions

How to dress to NOT get the job.

1. Dress casually so you will be comfortable rather than show respect for the company and the interviewer in fact, look rumpled, like you just got out of bed.

2. Wear something out of style so it looks like you are unaware of what is new in the business world. Big lapels and polyester and shoes with worn down heels.

3. Dress up, go way over the top, make your interviewer feel like your underling. For guys, that means a three pieced Armani suit and Rolex if you’re being interviewed for a low level position and for women that means a Channel or Amani four hundred dollar pair of shoes and lots of expensive jewelry for a low level job.

4. Show off your toes by wearing sandals, flip flops are a future boss favorite, they love hearing the smack, smack, smack they make in the hallways.

5. If you’re a man make sure your shoes need polishing so it looks like you really need the job.

6. If you’re a woman were lots of makeup, heavy on the eye shadow and liner and jingling jewelry especially bracelets and rings that make shaking hands with your interviewer a challenge and a sound carnival.

If you know me, you know that sarcasm is not my typical way of speaking or writing, but it boggles the mind to see and hear from my corporate and small business owner clients the tales of how people dress for job interviews. You want to get the job, here are dressing tips from my book SNAP Making the Most of First Impressions Body Language and Charisma.

Excerpt from SNAP

In an interview, you are dressing to show respect for the

company and the interviewer. The culture of the company you

are interviewing with matters. The general guideline is to dress

one or two levels up from whatever would be appropriate for

the day-to-day work environment in that particular office,

and no more than two levels down or up from the interviewer’s

status.

If you are older and you overdress for an

interview, your employer may interpret that as your being

out of touch with the current culture in other ways. Keep in

mind that it is perfectly okay to ask in advance what the appropriate

attire would be for the interview. You can incorporate

this question into initial conversations or emails with the

interviewer, along with other inquiries such as a request for

directions to the office. Strive to be fashion current in colors, style,

and jewelry, including your watch. If you aren’t sure what is current

in professional clothing, read an appropriate men or women’s style

magazine or go to a high-end clothing or department store and

look around to see what is in style.

To prepare for a big interview, Madeline picked out a conservative

pinstriped jacket and skirt that she had recently purchased

on sale. She carefully clipped off all the tags and checked out the

fit in front of her mirror. On her interview day, she shook hands

with her interviewer, a man in his forties with gray sideburns.

During their conversation, Madeline noticed that “Mr. Gray”

frequently tilted his head and body to her right side. Though

she thought it was odd, she didn’t mention it, assuming he had

a bad back and was trying to make himself comfortable. When

she got into her car, she realized that the side seam in her new

skirt had come apart — revealing more of her in her interview

than she had intended! Lesson: Don’t just try on your interview

outfit. Move around in it, sit and stand in it, even consider having

a friend take a picture of you wearing it. And by all means,

check the seams.

Patti Wood Body Language Expert Blog

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