I am a body language expert, I read the body language of
suspects, criminals, celebrities, and politicians for the national media and
speak and consult on Malignant Narcissism.
Will a Narcissist Come Back After using the technique of "No Contact?"
The simple answer is yes, they will come back till they get
nothing.
Malignant Narcissists
are empty, lacking a positive emotional connection to themselves that can fill
them, they instead feel they are in a dark abyss. They need to constantly be
fed a narcissistic supply of other people’s emotions. To them, you are a
possession, a source of supply that they can pick up and use anytime. Time for Malignant
Narcissists is not linear, it's never too late to hurt you and get fed by your
pain, it is never too late to reach for you to get the pleasure they once had.
Because they still feel any pain that ever happened to them as if it is still
happening. Think about how Trump still feels that Obama still got more people at his
inauguration than Trump did and that humiliation still bothers Trump today as
much as it did that day and he still feels the need to change it and seek
revenge.
They feel they should be able to reach for you to get the pleasure they once had
So if you use the technique of having "no contact" they can feel just as angry at you
years later as they did when it first happened, if you hurt them in the relationship they are still mad if you loved them and they liked that, they
feel you should always give them that.
They may show this by continually calling to call you or driving by your
house or trying to come back months or years later with flowers.
The Five Ways to Cut Narcissistic Supply to help Narsistic abusers stay away and not stay no contact.
1. You must make sure they no longer get any "supply" from you. That means no communication from you and blocking not accepting or responding in any way to communication from them. No contact has to be complete, no social media or any way for them to know about your life and feed off of it or see to insert themselves in it or destroy it.
2. You may need to reduce or cut contact with any mutual friends or business associates or family members who still see your abuser. Especially if they condone, or ignore the fact that they are an abuser and or if you feel or know they may share information about you, your routines, your other relationships, and or emotional state with your abuser. Your abuser gets supply from information about you especially any information about any trouble or difficulties in your life. Your vulnerability is supply. If you can trust those you know who are in contact with your abuser to never under any circumstances share any information about you you may be safe from direct abuse but knowing the fact that your abuser still has contact with them is a supply win for your abuser's ego. Ask for a promise from your circle not to share information and reveal information to them cautiously.
3. If people in contact with your abuser mention your abuser go "Grey Rock." So for example if they say, "I saw Richard (your abuser) the other day." say nothing, or give the mention of their name no energy or say something so dull or uninteresting so the person is unlikely to mention anything you say to your abuser. And the practice of going "Grey Rock." will eventually help you feel nothing about them as well. Your abuser will break down from rock to dust to nothing.
If they are in contact with people you have in common you need to trust them not to talk about you to your MN abuser. For example, if something is going well or horribly in your life, your abuser may seek to know what’s going on in your life from a mutual friend and feed off your pain at a distance. MN loves to gossip. If you can’t trust your friends to not share anything about there is a strong chance your abuser will come back, or harm you. For example, if they find out you dating someone new, they may find a way to falsely smear you with that new boyfriend or girlfriend. If they know anyone in your work/profession the MN may try to bad you behind your back.
My abuser threatened to destroy my professional reputation. I did nothing. I contacted no one. I trusted my behavior with others and professional reputation to speak for itself. He told me that he had destroyed past wives and girlfriends by labeling them as "Crazy." I knew his pathology would be revealed by any attempt to hurt me. He called and emailed people in his profession that he knew where my clients were and tried to convince them I was the abuser and stalking him.
Blessedly, I had a sterling reputation and several of them contacted me and said it was obvious he was, "Crazy" and or obvious he was an abuser with dark intentions and that was what the people he contacted were saying to each other. A few said they already saw him as crazy and or odd and his calling them and or emailing him just confirmed their impression of him.
If you can’t trust your friends or family to not talk about you and not respect you and your boundaries you may have to go "no contact" with him or her for at least a while must either not talk to your friends at all about your abuser or go contact with them otherwise you may need to go no contact with your friends or be very careful what you share with them about your life.
4. You have to hope are fed by lots of other people, so they
don’t have to cycle back to you as a formally reliable supply source. This is heartbreaking and seems unethical because most of us want to warn others and protect them from abuse. So, if
your ex has a new gal, or your abuser has a new job as much as you may fear for that new girlfriend's future, or those new coworkers or employees they provide your abuser with a source
of "supply" may keep him from hurting you. If a coworker is now getting his or her
anger, that coworker is "supply' and not you.
5. You have to hope they won’t keep playing with you at a
distance with actions like smear campaigns, name-calling, and damaging your
other relationships as that can continue to feed them so they continue to feel
connected and in contact and or you need to not care or give any energy to
these actions. Just let any feeling about their actions go.
Consequences to the MN don’t typically work well, but Malignant Narcissist's greatest fear is public humiliation so if they look weak or stupid and their
masks come down to others when they seek to recontact that can work. For
example, if you go no contact but your abuser is still driving by your house you
can continue to ignore it and make it
clear to your friends that your abuser driving by your house to stalk to you
makes you feel sorry for him, how small his life must be, and your friends
agree that makes him look sad and small he may stop stalking.
If their last contacts
before no contact gave them no supply if you went Grey Rock it can help.
You need to make sure you go “grey”
giving the abuser no emotion, no anger, not victim, not passive, not powerful and strong
just boring, using a monotone voice and as little expression as possible no
matter what they do to trigger you or those around you.
As you go “grey” before no contact if they call to talk about
the boring aspects of your day, if they talk d Will a Narcissist Come Back
After No Contact? don’t give any feedback. Be dull. If they get mad. Don’t be
triggered just say you get it and say you need to go.
Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
